A New Look for Marriage

"Where did he cum?"

I didn't say anything. If he were bordering on rage this was sure to tip the scales. I had no idea how he would react and I didn't want to find out. I dropped my head and tried to bite the mattress.

He grabbed the back of my head with a handful of hair and twisted my head so I could see him out of the corner of my eye. His shoulders were flexing and his veins on his neck were like a carved statue. "Where did he cum?...Tell me you fucking whore!" He continued in his guttural drawl.

"Please honey...I'm sorry I'm a whore." Tears welled in my eyes.

"Where?!" He demanded more forcefully while pulling on my hair with authority.

We were both breathing hard with uneven gasps. I could feel his eyes burning into me but I didn't want to look. I closed my eyes, braced myself, and told him the truth, "Honey, he came inside of me."

He grasped my hips firmly, his cock twitched violently, he let out an agonizing groan and his body spasmed for a third time before collapsing on top of me.

With my insides covered in sperm, I started to laugh uncontrollably in a nervous laugh. I had no more expectations. I felt like anything could happen. "Honey...honey! You came soooo much! Three times!" I continued to laugh in deranged amazement under his weight. He exhaled noisily and his body turned to mush with relaxation; all the tension was gone.

He wasted no time in any sort of reflection. He turned me to face him and said in a deep emotionally affected tone, "You are so beautiful." He still thought I was beautiful. He eyes gazed at me as if to tell me that I could never be anything but to him. "I love you." He told me sincerely touching me on my face and wiping where my eyeliner had run with tears. I took his finger into my mouth and sucked the length of it. The noise in my head seemed to subside. All the competing emotions fell by the wayside and replaced by the feeling of complete safety.

"Michelle, why are you crying?"

"Cause, you love me so much?"

"You know that?"

"But I don't deserve it. What about what I did? And you just love me?"

"Yes."

"But why? If you ever did that I would have..."

He cut me off, "I'd never, never, even think about cheating on you, never."

"I don't get it, why?"

"Well partly because you would kill me. No questions I'd make my own funeral arrangements before telling you."

I couldn't help but to laugh, "Well I'd make sure it was quick, but yeah, I'd probably kill you." I gave him a serious look and continued, "That's not it, I know that's not it. Why don't you kill me?...I want to know..."

We squirmed around in the bed until he took a hold of me in a tighter grip. His arm wrapped around mine and pulled me closer around my chest and his leg draped over me, holding me as securely as possible.

He spoke softly with words which seemed conjured from deep reflection. "It's part of who you are Michelle and I've known it for years, it scared me, I never wanted to lose you I've always loved you, from the first time we met and always will. I was always wrong to try to control you, it just made me scared. I know you've fucked other men since we've been married, and I know it's been more than two, but it doesn't change anything, you always come home and I know you always will. I know the sex between us hasn't been great for you and it's been that way for a while..."

"Honey, no... " I attempted soften his words.

He wanted to finish and continued to talk over me. "Michelle, don't, you don't have to say that, I know it and it is what it is."

"I don't want you blaming yourself for what I did." I insisted.

"I'm not blaming anyone. And I don't want to control you. I just want you to promise to always come home. That's all."

"But you were so mad the other time. I thought you would hit me."

"At first, yeah at first I was mad. I was angry with you, but mostly I was angry with myself; that I should have been able to control you. But worst of all, I was scared that you would leave me."

"Oh honey, I would never! How can you think that?" I wanted to cry at the thought. No matter how reasonable the fear, I never felt like I wanted to leave.

"How could you think that I would hit you?"

"I'm sorry, I know you wouldn't. And I wouldn't leave you."

"I know, but that's what worried me the most. I resorted to threats to keep you. I thought if I made you feel small then you would be scared and that would control you, but I don't want that. I just want you and I want the real you. I kept thinking about your affair and the more I thought about it, the more I would visualize it. I started thinking about him taking down your panties and the anger would mix with lust until only the lust remained. After a while, I thought about him fucking you. Fucking you in all sorts of places, in your car, in hotel rooms and even on our bed. I thought I was crazy and tried not to have them but they kept coming back." He spoke softly and soberly as he spilled his personal confession avoiding my eyes the entire time. I remained silent inviting him to continue. "They would come back stronger and stronger every single time. I wanted you to get fucked. I wanted to tell you. I wanted to but I just couldn't." He trailed off still looking down.

"Honey, you know I love you, right?" I reminded him softly.

"Yeah? I was ashamed to tell you." He returned my gaze.

"I always love you, it's just me, I can't control myself. I think I need to see a doctor or something."

"No. Michelle, not another doctor. You're perfect."

He took my hand in his and we sat silently for a few moments, each taking in what had been a very disorienting and eventful evening.

"You fucked me really good." I said to reassure him.

"Michelle..."

"Yeah?"

"...It's just that..." I could tell he was nervous again.

"Want is it?"

"You would never leave me?"

"Never."

"Say it." He repeated.

"Honey, I would never leave you, never."

As I drifted off to sleep uneasy thoughts swept through my mind like wandering ghosts leaving glimpses of their true form. Was he completely serious? Was it a trap? Would he feel the same when we woke? Was it just frustrated pillow talk? Throughout I had a nagging feeling that I had gotten away with it. I didn't deserve to get away with it, but I was not only getting away with it, I was being praised for it. That night I clung to him very tightly.

End Part 1