All Comments on 'A Night with Rachel Ch. 01'

I'll give it 50% for effort, but you could really benefit from an editor. Your punctuation is spotty, grammar is clumsy, and sentence structure could be tightened up a lot.

The problems distracted from what was otherwise a fairly decent (if contrived) setup.

Damn good... whoever the idiot is that wrote a comment about punctuation is just that -- an idiot. This story is so much better than most of the half-assed crap that is posted here. It was written very well and if there were any punctuation errors I didn't notice because it was so hot. Keep up the good work and thanks for sharing.

This story is so hot... brought to a boil!! I can't wait to see what follows!!! How could Rachel continue with marriage to a clod once she has had a night of real love?

Does Andrea recognize something different about Rachel?

Does Rachel confide to Andrea that she just can't marry Derek without spilling the details of her night with Brad? Does Andrea herself hit on the idea of a menage a trois?

You don't have to go to a university,

To learn how to practice perversity.

And you don't have to really be a Mormon,

To have a few girls instead of just one.

You have to marry first to commit an adultery,

Otherwise love whom you want and be sin free.

A girl can screw all the guys of a fraternity,

While DNA tests establish paternity.

A guy can bring a dozen girls to maternity,

But still wind up in heaven for eternity.

So there's reason enough to not disparage,

Those lovers who opt to avoid any marriage.

Bon Chance!!

Well done and with lots of sexual tension. I am anxious to see what happens when D'rea returns and if she didn't have "some" planning in what happpened with Rachel.

I suppose thery are going to Rachel's weddding?

Keep this going!!!!