by ao1701e
Great story so far! You just need to do some editing at the beginning of the shower scene with Beth when you switch Beth' and Karen's names
Really well done. I love that you’ve kept the protagonist a nice guy. Please keep this going.
I'm still absolutely loving the story. Only suggestion I have is instead of getting the next story out quickly give it another day and have and editor look over for some of the mistakes in it. Nothing major but will save from others comments and complaing that may come creeping.
This has been a seriously fun read and very well thought out. I love how Ben is going to have Shortie sell his cabin and make a ton of coin from doing it. I am fine with long or short chapters as long as you continue to build this rollercoaster since the ride has been so great. I look forward to your next chapters. Thanks for putting in the time and effort required to build this incredibly fun tale.
J.D.
Probably one the best if not the best I have read on here, great stuff.
This story is SO much better without the parent incest nonsense. I'm not sure why so many mind control stories insist on adding incest, but the best parts of this story have all been the aspects without the parents.
Too many name slips/swops that stop the flow and confuse in this part that made it feel rush and not proof read.
What about cleaning the dick after butt sex? I've never seen stories with anal sex and no cleaning of the dick. Just the idea is kind of sickening.