All Comments on 'A Sixville Bedtime'

I don't know, but this was hot as hell.

But it also showed skill as a writer, and a deep knowledge of the craft.

While The Princess Bride is entertaining storytelling at its finest, and you borrowed liberally from its premise, you did so in a way that paid homage to it (even including the author's name, William Goldman, which I appreciated), rather than plagiarized, and added your own gifted interpretation to many of the events.

From substituting the mother in law for the father/grandfather, orgasms for pain on the torture machine, sexual prowess for sword fighting skills, I thought it all was well done. I loved making the chief villian a bisexual Duchess betrothing the beloved bride.

You added your own humor throughout. I not only found myself chuckling at your references sprinkled liberally throughout, but your own use of sarcasm and playing on our expectations were cleverly done.

There's also the deftly handled 'story within a story within a story' nesting, a technique which has enthralled audiences since Scheherezade, but is difficult to accomplish without seeming forced. I thought you handled it admirably.

And hotness? Oh my goodness, let me count the ways.

The seduction of the son in law was extremely well played. Switching back and forth between the telling of the story to events playing out in real time never seemed forced or awkward to me. Because of your setup, I found myself identifying with Will. As your story had an impact on me, it allowed me to imagine myself in Will's position, and how my imagination would make me easy prey as well.

But easily where you excel is you never go for the easy payoff. The main character, Barnaby, remains true to his love for so long and in such deliciously sexually tense ways that makes his succumbing both unexpected and completely and utterly fulfilling. I love the fact that you led up to an obvious 'happy' storybook ending, only to have Barnaby choose sexual bliss and leave Applepip in the dungeon. Not that I wanted her to be there necessarily, but it showed how completely Barnaby had given over to his physical urges. Awesome!

And you do similarly with poor Will back in the hospital. Again, a terrific payoff, with the mother in law urging him on with confessions that she's going to tell her daughter everything, ending their marriage in divorce, with Will so far gone he willingly gives it all up for immediate gratification.

I know this had to be a lot of fun to write. I, too, have a special place in my heart for The Princess Bride. However, it's our shared interest in the seduction of reluctant men that is what I most enjoy about your stories. This one was by far your best work, but I feel like you continue to progress with each submission. It's obvious you enjoy the surprise ending, from your first series submission with the guy sending a woman back in time to save himself from his cheating wife, to this one. However, your handling of characters, and particularly your willingness to delay the men in your stories from succumbing to their temptresses, continues to improve.

I've said this many times on these critiques, but it's worth saying again. I really appreciate you sharing your stories with the rest of us, specifically me. You not only enrich my fantasy life, but your storytelling technique in this one particularly entertained me thoroughly as well. I look forward to your every submission. Good luck with your next one. Take care.

I'm totally bowled over. Thank you for such a glowing comment; I'm like totally embarrassed.

I actually had a hard time writing this one, so I'm glad that it didn't turn out too bad.

I'm not as eloquent as the previous poster so you'll have to settle for WOW, I LOVED it!

I did like this story but i didn't as well. I don't think Barnsley is as faithful as he thinks, and for him to give in right at the end when he has his love right infront of him is abit anticlimatic. I do love your description and pace though. Well done.