All Comments on 'A Small Indiscretion Ch. 02'

Good continuance of ch.1. Gave us a few more details of their life and how everyone feels about them. However, it's stilling missing important details which might throw more light on everything. So where is chapter three?

Hurry

Only way to level the playing field.

...and I hope you will not let us wait too long for the nexct part. Easy to read, nicely developed and capturing. You´ve really got something going for this story. 5* so far.

for the fucked up way you are releasing this. the only thing of note that happened in this chapter is that you introduced *the possibility of* a sub-plot. is the story even finished?

The part about forgiveness is almost word for word from another story, After the Fact.

"Bryan gave me a withering look but he didn't change his tone as he continued. "I never suggested you shouldn't be upset and I never suggested you shouldn't divorce her. You are well within your rights to do both. I said you needed to find out about the reasons for her betrayal and you need to ask for forgiveness." His looked changed to something resembling the way I look at Danielle when she's not behaving.

"People have such a wrong-headed view of forgiveness. It's not the act of alleviating someone's wrongdoing; it's allowing the burden to be taken from you. Right now you are acting as judge, jury and executioner. You are doing it to a person who you still love and the guilt is ruining your life." When he was sure I was actually listening and trying to make sense out of what he was saying, he continued.

"There is a true story of a mother whose son was murdered. She lived in grief for several years until she went to see the man convicted of killing him. After meeting him in jail, she forgave him. The simple act of giving up her hatred allowed her to go on with her life. It didn't make her like him or understand what he had done. It didn't change his punishment or the way society treated him. She just needed to get rid of the pain to do something constructive with her life."

Think about all the good things you've told me about your wife. How much you loved her and what a positive impact she has had on your life. You tell me if I'm wrong, has this punishment made your life or Danielle's any better?" When he saw I wasn't going to defend myself, he continued.

Without having to get all Biblical on you, any mental health professional will tell you that holding on to your anger is a negative. This vendetta you're on can only keep you mired in the misery you've been feeling. I like you and want to see you get better. I don't believe that's going to happen unless you confront your fears. I don't want to sit hear and see you in pain when you have the power to improve things, maybe even get past it"

Sherry seems to be a true loving wife. The type anyone wishes they had for themselves. Susan was a fallen angel but it appears she may be less than we perceive. I prefer to think it was a mistake and not a plot, but that would be out of character for Dave. Unless there are some surprises from the past that may appear, we shall have to go by the facts presented; it was a small indiscretion! The happy couple is going to weather it out. *****

The story is going slowly...And being so, we get lost if this is a story about LW or more a crime story about ways some construction firms use all means to bankrupt their competitors...This mixture can turn a good story in an olio...3* for the good writing...

The whole family gets involved and drops everything to fly/call/get their two cents in? In the end it comes down to the simple fact that if he was that drunk that he didn't know what hecwasxfoing, then he wouldn't have been able to perform. Like the great Bard said: "drink gives the desire but takes away the ability."

Also, if I was at the bar with my buddies/coworkers and one of da was getting too cozy with a stranger, we would say something. It's too unbelievable that no one noticed, that no one intervened.

Finally, divorce or don't divorce but for fucks sake stop moping!

Haven't rated yet. Needed to go back and reread chap 1 as the flow was not the easiest follow. Subplot is a nice idea ...

Recommend you fix the tags.

Whatever you copied and pasted did not hurt nor help the story. This is unduly drug out for the little substance being presented.

For what its worth, the Forgive Your Offender premise is total bullshit. I suspect there are a whole lot of people who never forgave Hitler, about 6 million families and relatives? You think forgiving Hitler will make all their grief and anger go away?

Sherry should not forgive Dave until she understands why he failed. If the conclusion is drunkenness, then Dave needs counseling and treatment. That she might understand and forgive. I realize that the setup with Susanne will come out eventually, and that she might also forgive.

But so far the story is way too slow with too much time being spent on insignificant events and details. Rating withheld until I see what it is I'm rating. So far it would be a 2 or a 3.

I can see the whole drama playing out. My question is was he set up after reading about the sabotage of his business, did he really seduce her since he remembered nothing of the event. Was he drugged? That's the way this story is progressing.

too dragged out, like the soap operas, takes 1/2 hour to play 10 minutes of 50% worth

meaningless dialog.

3&1/2 stars for 1st 2 chapters.

And as others have pointed out, parts of this have been seen before. Why did his Mother go to Sherry and he go to see his In-laws? The simple answer of proximity doesn't make much sense. And the parents don't seem to be offering much in the way of help. Just generalized, formulaic platitudes. It is now obvious that someone is trying to derail the Project by any means necessary. But you definitely have your facts wrong. No Doctor clears Luke for work after a week if his shoulder was, indeed, separated. And nobody would have to complain to the City Council about the accident. Dave and his Company are required by Law to report any and all mishaps on the work site. Minor but irritating errors to be sure. You need to pick up the pace with this story. Too many unnecessary sections that add nothing to the story's interest or progression. And another point. He can see DJ anytime he likes. Just go home. She can't, legally, prevent him from seeing his son or even living in his house. If he doesn't want to do that, just file for divorce before the Irish hothead gets out in front and starts dictating terms. In fact, I want them to divorce. He can concentrate on his work and still see his son often. And he doesn't need Sherry as a wife. Better women out there. Move on.

take your time in flushing it out. Ignore the anonymous.

Thanks for sharing on Lit.

x

The story is getting good. Will be disappointed if no drugs found in the report

Getting good, rated a 4 but debated giving a 5, like the dramatic tension being preserved but really wanted to see what was on that medical report.

Have a feeling this is gonna be a long series, given the presence of saboteurs on the jobsite and the trailing Ford pu, so I hope you posted all the parts so they come up consecutively or this could be a real slog thru the mud.

"Also, if I was at the bar with my buddies/coworkers and one of da was getting too cozy with a stranger, we would say something."

Unless it was a setup and you were part of it.

It would appear Dave and his "project" are being set up for failure. Good story, thus far. Good writing as well. Cheers!

The statistics of the 1 extramarital affair for lifetime could mean only 1 extramarital mistake in lifetime truly. The problem is when the only once becomes more and more...and much more........

I don't like the "forgive and you'll feel better" lines - that's maybe a 5-10% solution in the real world. Pure psychobabble. And if lines were plagiarized, then shame on you. So it's a long slow build-up...no problem. The writing is well done. Seems like everyone wants a one page flash story. You are the author, so tell it in your own way. Pretty good so far IMHO.

Easy to see the set up. All the details aren't there because you're writing in the present tense, and events occur over time. I still see lots of ways this can evolve and I'm looking forward to future installments. Good job.

Follow the money, Who stands to make money from the debacle, crash and burn of Dave. Dave never had sex with anyone, His drink was doctored, The rest will soon fall into to place I hope soon because all the supeflous stuff will soon drag the story down

Gave you 3*s . You steal part of another story. Your combination of English and American is making me dizzy. Favorite mexican dish. Which one you lazy writer !

As I said in the comments of part one .alex_lover you are falling shorter the more you write.

Why did I give you 3*s ? A moment of weakness I suppose.

AMerryMan

good story, holds my interest and can,t wait for more.

how mountains are made. TK U MLJ LV NV

Three pages and nothing happens. The first chapter was much better.

Good writing.

It appears that American English is not your primary language. Very evident.

No! No! It is not the same! Vanessa had a four plus year “fling” with her boss, for which she received ample compensation. Victor was seduced by a professional woman who knew what to say and what to do. Even with that, she failed in her first attempt. It was not the same. Not even in the same universe

Decent story, with lots of details. It is progressing very slowly. Hope it can find its way home in chap 3.

Her behaviour is not to be questioned, she has apologies to ask whatsoever