All Comments on 'A Snowball Running Ch. 02'

I'm just gonna toddle back to bed for a bit and will post coherent feedback... Well, umm, later.

What a delight! The two successive parts of your story are beautifully crafted and paced. You tell a magnificent story with a breathtaking economy of words. You make every word count!

Some will no doubt criticize how you prolong Alicia's courtship of Rian; some will see it as gratuitous teasing. It is anything but teasing. Alicia is sensitive to the emotional wounds from which Rian is recovering. She focuses on building a real/genuine relationship with Rian based on emotional intimacy. The payoff is magnificent. What a brilliant insight, one so woefully lost in this "hook up" culture.

You have a poet's power of wordsmithing. I am thrilled with your description of Rian's face as "flushed with excitement, smudged with dirt, and lit with delight."

You're not done with their story yet. Please don't make us wait another 6 months!

One tiny little technical quibble: you would do well to learn the difference between the intransitive very "lie" (past tense: lay, past participle: lain) and the transitive verb "lay" (laid/laid). I bring it to your attention only because you deserve to rise head and shoulders above the usual run of writers we get on this site.

Congratulations, LCL, on a delightful submission. I'll be keeping an eye on you.

Super HOT, and yeah, "zowie" was the exact word I was looking for while reading it :) I loved how the ultra cool Alicia finally fell into the abyss of want, you never know what little thing can unbalance you. I would never have guessed shiny football pants, to me that was the cutest thing! I love how you have developed both Rian and Alicia, these are girls we can all relate to.

On another note... You sure no one has been slipping you Ritalin? 3 submissions in two weeks, WOOt :). All 3 as unique and different from each other as possible, and all 3 with classic LCL sexiness, sweetness and style. Whatever you're doing keep at it!

Please don't make us wait so long for chapter 3...really that was truly unfair! What an amazing storyline. I'm so glad that you had them build a relationship first, only letting Rian get to certain "bases"...that is how real relationships are built to last! Amazing!

Ok, maybe that didn't come out exactly like I meant it, but DAMN GIRL, you're juggling a lot of wonderful balls, eh, stories there, and we're all the better for it! Pretty soon I'm going to need a "Team LesbianChickLit" scorecard to keep all the players straight.

This slow burn of a story has lead up to an explosion of romantic lust, ZOWIE! Not enough stars here for you. I always appreciate the romance in your stories.

Your amazing writing has always been high quality and very fun to read, and I look forward to the next chapter of whichever story you bestow upon us.

Thanks for all your hard work and very entertaining writing.

Doc

Sweet, hot, sexy as all that...need I really say more....I don't think so...

Thanks for sharing.

IDB.

** SEXYLICIOUS! **

Your muse must be a helluva inspiration!..... all these stories coming after each other?

**** WOW ****

Alicia and Rian are soooo cute, ...especially Rian... wink.... 2 hotties indeed!

ZOWIE !.... I LOVE IT!

Your writing ability is amazing. The two girls Rian and Alicia are written realistic enough, that your readers can identify with one or the other of them or at least know someone that they remind them of. Working at a fitness center, I know three girls that Rian reminds me of and Alicia is a drop dead ringer for one of the trainers. In chapter 1, Alicia ask the bartender, "Tell me the sexy brunette's gay. Or at least bi?" Every so often this one trainer will come into my area. Hey hey hey Pag! you had better be telling me, that hot sexy little chunk of ass is gay, and assigned to me.

Being attracted to athletic girls myself, where Rian said "I'm all sweaty and gross" Got me to thinking about how much I love to lick my girlfriend when she's all hot and sweaty, after her workout or a good run.

"A Snowball Running" Is the first of your stories I have read, and I'm looking forward to reading chapters 3_4_5?

This has truly been a pleasure to read . Thank You.

Gay Paige.

=} I'm pretty set w/my bowflex and treadmill, but -back when I was single - I'd take advantage of gym promotional trial memberships to meet trainers. No one bats an eye when a woman requests a female trainer and the profession seems to draw a disproportionally high percentage of gay women and they're all fit. Like fishing in a stocked pool.

If this story was real life, I'd think it pretty shitty of Rian to ruin Shauna's life just because hers was ruined (Chapter 1). Two wrongs etc... Still, as Congreve said: "...Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorned..." Okay, pompous bit over. These two chapters made up a very enjoyable story (a Chapter 3 forthcoming?). The slow build-up with Rian and Alicia getting to know each other was far more realistic than, as one reader seemed to want, "Hi, I'm Rian/Alicia---let's screw!" In the long term, your kind of story is far more enjoyable and will stay in the mind far longer than the wham-bam type. Keep up the good work.

"The aforementioned goddess felt Rian's hips start to jump wildly with the aforementioned youthful intemperance." - Awesome!

Yummy! I loved it because I too loooove to be slowly seduced. Can hardly wait to read all of the other stories.

I loved the build-up on this one. Thanks for sharing it.

I don’t like how Alicia waited so long to fuck Rian. I liked the fact that she was building a relationship with Rian instead of a one night stand, but it kind of seemed like Alicia was intentionally denying sex because it got on Rian’s nerves. I feel like it should take only a couple weeks for a true relationship to start having sex after confessing love, but this felt like a couple months. Also, When Alicia was finally ready for sex, it went to quick. I was hoping for a little foreplay or Something. Kinda turned me off.

Great writing, like a game. Dribbling the ball, two players slowly.... very well played. Awesome. We can feel it in our skin. Thank you

Beautifully written with a wonderful build up. I also appreciate the time invested in details of their lives. Thank you!