A Step Too Far

I took a deep breath as I entered Jason's room, knowing that it was not going to be pretty. Surprisingly it was relatively calm as I looked around the room. Beth was still sitting on one side holding Jason's hand, Karen on the other, while a very tense looking Patrick stood behind his sister, gently stroking her hair. This was confusing me to be honest. John was standing at the back wall and motioned me over.

"He's a smart kid Brad. He knew if Beth and Karen found out Sara was here, they'd just get more upset, so he's keeping it to himself. I'm just here for moral support" he whispered. I nodded and looked over at Patrick with admiration. He certainly was his Fathers son.

Looking around the room, it suddenly struck me, this is similar to what Beth and Jason had been through. One parent having an affair and devastating the other one. The kids having to shoulder the pain and burden of the family collapsing around them. A tear crept down my cheek as I looked at my wife and wondered how she coped, how will these kids cope if Jason follows the path of his Mother. No. No, Jason was better than that, this is just a small aberration, a desperate attempt to escape the pain of betrayal. We will not let this be his end.

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Jason

"Jason? Jason honey. Can you hear me?" I heard a voice trying to break through a foggy and painful brain. Who was it, and where am I? My eyes struggled to open, and the light caused pain as I did, before I felt, rather than saw, them be turned off. My head was aching and my mouth felt like a desert, I was so dry. And what was the story with my throat? It was killing me. As my eyes opened again, I slowly managed to focus on my surroundings.

"Daddy! Daddy! You're awake. Oh Daddy you scared me. I'm so happy you've woken up" I could hear Karen sobbing and squeezing my hand.

"Oh Jason, you're such an idiot" Beth was beside me crying and squeezing my other hand.

"I'll go get the Doctor" I recognised Johns voice as the door opened and closed again.

"Man, my head hurts." I croaked. Then a straw was in my mouth.

"Serves you right big brother. I should slap you sideways for scaring us like that". I smiled, ah Beth, always the gentle one when angry.

"Don't you dare smile at me. I can't lose you" she said as she enveloped me in a crushing hug. This was followed by Karen and then Patrick as my kids also professed there joy and anger at me all at once.

"Sorry" I said forlornly. Ashamed of myself for what I had obviously put my family through. Just then the Doctor arrived and after checking me over announced I would be ok to go home later that day, once the current saline drip finished and I was adequately hydrated again. Once he left, we all remained silent, the massive elephant in the room obviously being the cause of it.

I looked around and seeing my children's faces made me shed a couple of tears. I looked at Beth and she was almost pouting at me, half angry, half happy, like she couldn't make up her mind. Brad was being himself, solid, quiet and maybe a little apprehensive, wondering where my head was at now I guess.

We all sat and chatted quietly for a while, but I did notice that Patrick was very quiet and looked particularly angered. I spent a lot of time apologising for scaring them all, and assuring them that I was not going to do something this stupid again, till a few chuckles were produced as my stomach rumbled pretty loudly.

"Looks like I might be ready for some food" I announced with a smirk. Brad volunteered to go get something light from the cafeteria for me as well as some snacks for everyone else, which we all thought was probably a good idea. Not sure I could handle something too heavy right now, and given that my Sister and children had no intention of leaving me right then, it seemed like the only way I was going to get fed.

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Brad

I ducked out of Jason's room to grab him a sandwich or something light that he might be able keep down. I've had enough hangovers in my time to know food is wanted, but if it's the wrong food, well. I also wanted to check on Sara's whereabouts. If she was still here I needed to move her on before Jason was released. I couldn't imagine what seeing her would do to Jason and the kids, let alone Beth. She'd want to rip her heart out right where she stands.

"Well, I suppose this is the place to do it if she did" I chuckled to myself.

I noticed that John was still at the reception desk, and of course it had nothing to do with the rather lovely receptionist sitting there. I rolled my eyes and wandered up to him.

"Having fun buddy?" I heard the young lady giggle as John jumped in surprise.

"Geez Sarge, don't do that. I'm just making sure we don't have any more issues like earlier".

"Uhuh." I smirked as I looked from him to the lovely brown eyes behind the desk and back again. "Speaking of which, where is the issue now?" I said losing the mirth in my tone.

"She's in a ward down that away" John gestured to our right with his head, "Seems she's suffering from stress and anxiety, the poor thing" he finished, laced heavily with sarcasm and contempt.

"Ok, well Jason's going to be getting released in a couple of hours, so I'm going to need you to keep an eye on her. I DO NOT want any of them to cross paths with her when he's leaving. I'll let you know when we're about to head out, and I'll get you to head down that way and make sure she's still there and doesn't move, ok."

"Not a problem Brad. I've got my cuffs if I need them" he smirked.

"Yeah well, don't do anything stupid alright?" I pressed. He nodded and I left him to his flirting as I headed off for a snack for Jase.

***********************************************************

Jason

"Mmmm, amazing how a simple cheese sandwich and some cold water can taste so good" I almost moaned.

"Feeling better Daddy?" my sweet little girl asked.

"Yes baby, much." I could still see the sadness and fear in her eyes as I looked at her.

"I'm really sorry for scaring you baby" I whispered at her.

Her eyebrows furrowed and her lips pouted, "Don't ever do that again Daddy. I can't lose you" she said, tears slowly trickling down her face. I wiped them away and made to stand.

"Where are you going?" Karen almost shrieked.

"Umm, baby, Daddy needs to go potty" I said looking embarrassed, but not really.

"Oh. Well let me help you" she squeaked. I raised an eyebrow and looked at her. It took only a few seconds for her to realise, "NO DADDY, NOT LIKE THAT!!!" she squealed in embarrassment as she covered her face with her hands.

Everyone had a good chuckle at her expense as she tried to explain what we all knew she meant.

"I meant let me help you out of bed" she said, now muffled with her head buried in my chest.

"I know baby. It's alright. We are all being meanies aren't we" I said as I stroked her hair.

"Yes, and you're being the meanest of all" she said as she leant back and slapped my arm with a big smile on her face.

Finally it was time to go. The Doctor signed my papers and I got myself dressed in shirt and shorts that were not the one's I was dressed in yesterday. I'd been asleep most of the night, so Beth and Brad had taken the kids home to clean up, sleep and come back again today.

Apparently I made a bit of a mess of myself. More guilt to carry for a while I guess. At this stage I hadn't really been able to talk openly since my kids never left my side, and it struck me that they never once asked why their Mother wasn't there or seemed surprised that I was. They never questioned what I did or why, and this was starting to make me a bit nervous. I wondered how much they knew and how all this would really affect them.

I had been feeling pretty hazy for most of the day, but everything was clearing in my mind now. I stood by the bed, the privacy curtain around me, and I could feel my emotional strength start to waver. I had been forcing down the emotions of my lost life for the sake of my children, but it was getting a lot harder now. I was so tired and, well, lonely I guess. I felt....alone.

I had this perfect life, or so I thought, and now it was gone. Tears started to trickle down my face as I stared at the nothingness that now stood in front of me. My eyes closed briefly, but that only allowed the images of my wife and her lovers to become clear, and I sobbed, my head falling to my chest.

"Oh Jason. I'm here honey. I'm here" I heard Elizabeth sigh as she wrapped her arms around my waist and held me tightly.

These were followed by a smaller and gentler set of arms from my side, "It's going to be ok Daddy. Let's go home, ok?" I opened my reddened eyes and looked into the faces of the two beautiful ladies now wrapped around me.

I smiled sadly at the thought of home. What sort of home was it now without Sara? I'm devastated by what she has done, but I've loved her for 16 wondrous years, her and no other. We had what I thought was a perfect relationship, a perfect life, but now where am I. Approaching 39 years old and looking at divorce, and maybe selling the house, and shared custody and what, starting all over with someone new. Fuck! Why would she do this? Why was I not good enough for her?

"Come on Dad. Time to go" Patricks firm voice pulled me from my thoughts. God, how lucky am I with these kids, I smiled to myself.

We all walked into our house and the first thing I noticed was how quiet and empty it felt. There was a smell of pine in the air and it confused me at first.

"I had to clean a bit of vomit up in your study" Beth said quietly as she squeezed my hand.

"Oh, right. Sorry about that" I moaned sadly. It was after lunchtime now so we walked through to the kitchen where we all grabbed something to eat and a drink.

As we all sat around the table, I looked at the kids, and had to ask, "So Patrick, Karen, how much do you know?" I saw them tense up a bit, look at each other, then down at the table, avoiding my eyes and wanting to avoid the topic I'm sure.

"Is this the right time Jason?" Beth said softly.

"I think it's as good a time as any Beth. I need to know what direction to take and I can't do that without knowing what you all know. Plus having you and Brad here for support is very important right now" I saw Brad nod and squeeze Beth's hand as I said this. I looked back at the kids and Patrick looked at me with a mix of emotions on his face.

"We know Mum cheated on you Dad. We saw the computer screen when we found you after school".

My head dropped to my hands as tears started falling once again.

"Oh god. I am SO, SO SORRY that you saw that. I never meant you to see any of that. So you've seen what your Mother was doing and found your Father, a drunken mess in a pool of his own vomit. God, could this get any worse right now?" I looked up at my children and saw the sadness in their eyes.

"It's ok Daddy, we understand why you did it." Karen whispered as tears dropped from her eyes.

"Yeah, 'cause Mum's a cheating slut and is trying to kill you just like Grandpa did to Grandma! I hate her. I hope she dies. I never want to see her ever again!!" Patrick railed as he stood and stormed upstairs to his room.

A slam of a door signalled he had made it. The rest of us just sat there in shock I think. Karen's crying as she jumped into my lap brought me out of my haze. Beth and Brad just looked from me, to each other, to the stairs and back again, not knowing what to do or say.

I sat quietly and held my daughter to me, gently trying to sooth her fears and her pain as I worked to get my head around all this. It was hard enough to deal with Sara's betrayal of me, but I was unprepared for how much my kids knew and how badly they felt as well. Fuck Sara, did you ever think of anyone but yourself when you did this?

I knocked twice on the door. "Son, can we talk?" I waited and then heard a grunt that I'm sure sounded like "Sure Dad, please come in and let's have a mature talk about this". Well that's the way I interpreted it, so I entered his room and saw him face down on the bed, his head under a pillow.

I sat and put my hand on his shoulder, "Come on mate, I know you don't want to right now, but we need to talk about this. Sadly, it's not going to go away any time soon" I waited a few moments and then he slowly rolled over and stared at the ceiling. I could see that he had been crying, but was now trying to put on the teenage boy front of invincibility.

"How could she do this to us Dad? How could she be such a slut?" he seethed.

"Stop Patrick. I know you may not think so, but she is still your Mother, and she loves you and Karen with all her heart".

"How can you say that Dad? How can you defend her, after what she did? With two other people, in your bed? Don't you hate her Dad, 'cause I do. I never want to see her again. She disgusts me. She didn't just cheat on you, she cheated on all of us. We all have to suffer for it now. Karen and I will never be able to get that image out of our heads of her with those two people" he strained out as he roughly rubbed his hands across his face.

"I wish you never saw that son. You both didn't deserve to see your Mother that way, it wasn't fair on either of you. That was all my fault, and I will regret that till the day I die. And you shouldn't be having to deal with all this now. But, sadly, this is the situation we're in and we need to deal with it the best we can. I'm sure you're old enough to understand that things will probably get messy from now on. We'll be getting a divorce and may have to sell the house and split things up. You and Karen will probably end up splitting your time between your Mother and me".

"No way Dad, I'm never talking to her again, let alone spending time with her. I fucking hate her!" he spat.

"Son, she is still your Mother and you need to remember that." I stated firmly. Patrick just rolled over and put the pillow over his head. This conversation was closed. I patted his shoulder before giving it a squeeze and then left with a heavy heart. "I love you son". He grunted a reply.

This was out of my realm of knowledge to deal with. I haven't even dealt with my own feelings yet, let alone know how to deal with the kids. Man I really fucked up. So stupid to lose it and get drunk like that. Now look what I've exposed the kids to. I guess Sara's not the only selfish one here after all.

The next few days were spent trying to get the kids settled and back to school. I had some work to take care of that kept my mind occupied. I made a vow to myself that I would not let my kids down again. I was the adult, and this was adult shit to deal with and I would do my best to remedy the damage done to my kids.

I spent time removing my name from bank accounts and transferring money around to separate accounts in my name. I split the money evenly and did what I could to protect my business as best as possible for now. Joint credit cards were cancelled and paid off, Sara can deal with her own money now, I didn't care, well, that was a lie.

It hurt me to be dismantling my life like this, you just don't throw away all that love for someone, well I couldn't anyway. I'll admit that during this time I broke down more than once and cried like a baby while sitting in my car in the odd carpark here and there during my travels. I had a meeting with my Divorce Lawyer and we set about starting the divorce procedures.

Infidelity was the listed cause and we had Sara served eventually at her parents as I hadn't heard where she was staying. Brad told me about the hospital incident and I had a twinge of sadness that she had been so distraught over it. But I was also glad that she realised what she had done and the pain that she had caused to us all.

It had only been a few days but I felt like I had righted my own personal ship. Sadly, I'd had a few weeks of preparing myself for this inevitability, but what I saw on that video was surprising and more painful than I had anticipated. I now know at least, that it didn't seem like it was planned, nor wanted by Sara. I guess she only wanted to cheat with one person at a time. How considerate of her.

The hardest times were the nights, when I lay in bed, on the new one that I had bought, along with the new sets of sheets. I made the mistake of buying a King to replace the Queen. We'd always wanted one, but now that I had it, it was just so damned big for me alone, and that's when I missed my wife beside me. I know, I'm an idiot, but I still loved her and felt the hole in my life, now that she was gone.

Two weeks had passed when I got a call from my Lawyer. Sara's Lawyer had pressed for and gotten access to the children, which we accepted would happen. The agreement we made was for Sara to come and pick them up at 10am the coming Saturday and return them on Sunday afternoon at 4pm. When I told the kids, Karen was quiet, while Patrick, well, he was the opposite.

I had been talking to them both about the need to try and forgive their Mother and move forward with life and to have a relationship with her. That she loves them and misses them etc, but Patrick was not interested.

On the day, I was really nervous, my heart was racing, I was sweating slightly and my stomach was in knots. I haven't laid eyes on Sara for two weeks and I didn't know how I would react to seeing her. When she arrived, she looked nervous as well as she stepped out of her car, and took a deep breath before she approached the door. She rang the bell and I waited, for what I don't know, I just did.

I looked around and saw a very tentative Karen standing at the stairs with an overnight bag. She looked so forlorn and frail as she stood there that it just about broke my heart. I had no idea where Patrick was, but I assumed he was in his room. The bell rang again, and with sweaty palms and a twist in my chest, I opened the door and took my first look at my wife since I saw her through very drunken and tear strained eyes two weeks ago.

I heard her gasp as the door opened and we stood there just staring at each other, unable to summon any words that would make sense. My heart stopped and my mind was in turmoil. I realised then that I still loved my wife, and I hated every fibre of my being for acknowledging that. I didn't even realise that a tear was slowly making its way down my cheek as I looked at her.

Her eyes, bloodshot and red from crying, stared back at me as I saw the pain she knew she caused, register in them. Her head dropped and she sobbed, her breathing ragged and faltering as she did.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, "I'm so sorry. Please forgive me. Please!!" she looked at me pleadingly. I blinked excessively for a few moments and steadied myself as I felt the stabbing pain in my chest intensify.

"Karen! Patrick! You're Mother's here. Time to go," I yelled as I turned away and walked back into the house, Sara sobbing pitifully behind me.

I took a couple of deep breaths and sighed heavily as I ran my fingers through my hair. Karen haltingly stepped towards me and I hugged her tightly.

"Have a good time with your Mum baby. I'll see you tomorrow. Love you".

"I love you too Daddy. You aren't angry that I'm going are you?"

"Angry? Why would I be angry sweetie?" I asked in confusion.

"I don't want you to think that I'm betraying you by going with her" she sobbed.

"Oh sweetie, no. I would never think that. You love your Mum and your Mum loves you very much. That can never be wrong or bad, ok? Now you go have fun and not too many chocolates ok" I said as I squeezed her tight.

She smiled and hugged me back, "I love you Daddy".

"I love you too munchkin" I smiled.

"Daddy, you know I'm too big to be called that!"

"Never!!!" I responded tickling her sides. I turned to shoo Karen out the door and saw Sara standing just inside the doorway, tears flowing freely down her face.