A Tale of Two Cousins

"Nothing was happening!" I protested.

"Then why was your cock hard?"

"It was hard when I left the house," I admitted. "Look Rog, I am so fucking confused right now that I feel sick. I don't know why I do anything. Christ, I am so fucked up!"

"Billy, I know things are really hard for you and I am sorry if I made them worse. I don't think there is anything wrong with what we did today. I am a little confused too though. Kissing felt weird and good at the same time and our plan for later scars me a little. Don't get me wrong, I am not backing out cuz I am still really curious about it. But if you want to cool it and put it off or just forget it, I don't want to do anything to make things tougher on you. I can't say the same for Mary. So if you don't; want to fuck my sister again, you better avoid being alone with her."

"Damn, how can you be so comfortable with all this shit?"

"I am probably not as comfortable as I seem to you, but I do have some experience with touching another guy's dick and I don't have the shit you have to deal with on top of it."

"It's more than that though. I fucked my cousin and well after that I all but sucked your cock. I am a fucking pervert! How can you be so calm about me being an incestuous bastard?"

"Billy, I don't know about that pervert or incestuous bastard stuff. What I know is a hot chick seduced you; you didn't force her or even encourage her. My guess is you fought her right up to the point she had her mouth on your cock. You aren't a bad guy, I'm not a bad guy, fuck I can't even say she is a bad girl even though around here fucking any guy behind your boyfriend's back makes you a slut. We are just three horny people who found a way to have some fun. What the hell difference does it make that our mothers happen to be sisters?"

I didn't have a good answer to that question. With Mary, I was pretty sure I knew what difference it made, but that was about love and marriage and having kids. She and I were never going to have kids. So what did it really matter if we had some sexual fun on the way to a long adulthood? Since there was no question of pregnancy, marriage or even love between Roger and me in my mind there was even less reason to think it was wrong. Well not any more wrong then having sex with a guy I wasn't closely related to anyway.

"I don't know Rog. When we were in the field doing what we were doing, everything seemed simple. I was pretty sure of what I wanted. But back at your house, I just felt like I it was all so wrong. Please don't hate me for backing off what I said I would do with you."

"Fuck, you can't even say the words how the hell could I expect you to suck my cock now? Don't worry, I would never hate you, we will always be friends. Oh and if you change your mind I will still be interested in having sex with you."

"Damn, you are a good guy. Thank you."

"One thing, Billy, I am never going to bring up the idea again us fooling around or anything. So if you change you mind, you gotta tell me and I mean tell me specifically, ok?"

I agreed to his condition, thinking it really didn't matter because I sure that I wouldn't change my mind. I didn't want to be queer, even though achieving that meant giving up the opportunity to try something I really wanted to do. We hugged and walked back to the house silently. I told his family that I was feeling blue and wanted to be alone. Then I went up to bed.

Fearing that I couldn't control myself I kept my underwear on in lieu of going to bed nude. Since I wasn't really tired, I lay there thinking which was probably a mistake. Unable to reconcile a lifetime of thoughts on incest and queer behavior with my recent desires and actions, I instead focused on the past. Those thoughts led to thinking of my parents and soon I was softly sobbing as grief over losing them set in. Somehow I got it together enough to at least stop the tears flowing when I heard Roger and his parents saying goodnight in the hall. My first thought was to pretend that I was asleep, but instead I lay there staring transfixed watching the doorknob turn.

"Hey, Bill, not sleeping yet?" He asked casually after shutting the door behind him.

"I tried, but I got too much on my mind, I guess," I replied honestly.

"Yeah, sorry about adding shit to your plate," He said as he began to undress.

I found watching him strip off his clothes exciting. I was glad that he still felt comfortable around me even after everything. He paused when he got down to just his underwear. He had a quizzical expression on his face as if some very important question needed to be solved.

"Um, look, I don't want to make you uncomfortable," He told me hesitantly, "But I also don't want to go backwards. Unless, you can't stand the idea, I want to continue our previous agreement on sleeping arrangements."

I didn't catch his meaning at first, having not considered that there would be any alternative to us continuing to share a bed, so I simply nodded my agreement. I realized my mistake when he stuck his thumbs in the waistband of his undershorts and quickly pulled them down and off. Though I tried not to, I was staring at his naked body as he put his underwear in the hamper and then walked over to turn off the light switch. I was amazed that he was so comfortable parading around naked in front me after our day. When he reached the wall switch he turned facing me, giving me a clear view of his flaccid cock.

"Do you want the light on, anymore?"

"Oh no, I doubt I will be going to sleep soon but, I don't need the light."

Even once he turned the switch there was still enough light coming through the window from the back porch light that burned all night to see his naked body. As he walked toward the bed I followed his darkened silhouette with my eyes. I was lying on my back so I was able to watch him as he went to the other side of the bed. Since I was under the sheet and he didn't bother to cover himself, I didn't know if he knew that I was not nude. It didn't seem to be an issue for him either way. We talked for a few minutes during which he wanted to be sure I was okay. I lied and told him that I was fine about the stuff with him and me. He said good night and turned on his side with his back toward me. The light coming through the window and his averted gaze gave me freedom to ogle his bare ass.

I forced aside the thoughts I was having about how sexy his body was and the things I wanted to do with him. But that once again left the shame of having sex with Mary or the loss of my parents to occupy my mind. I felt very alone as tears began to flow anew.

"Billy, can I do anything?" He asked softly without making any overt moves. "I don't know what can be done," I lamented as I instinctively rolled toward him.

The next thing I knew I was pressed against his bare backside enjoying the warm feel of his body.

"Is this ok?" I asked in a frightened voice as I slipped my arm under his arm and over his chest.

"Anything that helps is ok," He said as he pressed his ass into my clothed crotch.

I thanked him, kissed his shoulder and closed my eyes.

The next thing I remember was waking up still pressed against his body, holding tight to his chest. We didn't say anything. I rolled away and lay on my back watching him walk around the room with his morning boner, while he gathered his stuff and got his robe. When he headed to the bathroom, I shoved my shorts and down and quickly jerked off. Since I hadn't done any planning, I had to use my shorts to clean up the large puddle of cum I shot onto my belly. I remember hoping that my aunt wouldn't realize what was stuck in the shorts when she did my laundry. I got dressed before he returned and went to brush my teeth without saying anything. I would have waited and watched him dress but I couldn't think of an excuse.

Over the next couple of weeks I fell into a pattern. The cornerstone of that pattern was avoiding giving Mary any opportunity to get me alone. I couldn't stop her surreptitious flirting so my only defense was to remain with other family members as much as possible. I spent most of my waking time fairly sad. Though they tried the family wasn't able to find a way to comfort me. I think they just began to accept that I would be blue and weepy for a time. I came to the conclusion that staying sad about my parents was the best way to suppress my growing desires toward Roger. Pretty much the only time I wasn't painfully sad was when I got to see him naked and when I was jerking off privately imagining that I was with him. A few days after our play time in the field I went back to sleeping nude alongside him.

About the best part of those weeks were the nights spent in bed snuggled up with him. Some nights I would be up against his back, others he would be against mine. It was amazingly comforting to feel his bare skin against my skin. I told myself that it wasn't sexual and for the most part it wasn't. But there were times when I awoke in the middle of the night while he was sound asleep to find his hard cock nestled in my ass crack. There was no denying the sexual nature at those times, especially considering my cock was also rock hard. The third or fourth time I awoke like that I impulsively began to rub my ass against him. I don't know how he didn't wake when I jerked off while reverse humping him. Of course it is possible he did since I never asked him about that night.

The most important thing for me was that in retrospect I saw that was the time when I finally began to accept that I was gay. Nothing had ever felt as good as having his cock sliding up and down my ass crack. It made me begin to analyze our nearly nightly nude cuddling in a whole new way. There was no doubt that a big part of it was simply the emotional comfort I got from feeling close to someone. But there was no denying the thrill of being naked and feeling another person's naked flesh against my body. There also was no question that the maleness of that flesh was the most exciting thing of all. It took almost another week before I finally made the decision to put aside my fears and tell Roger that I wanted to try having sex again. It had been almost a month since the day in the field and I wasn't even sure he was still interested.

But through some odd logical process I had determined that he was the perfect one to explore my sexuality with. Since he was my cousin there were no romantic issues to deal with; it was simply a matter of testing the waters with a safe partner. I just assumed in my naïve way that if I was homosexual, I would someday just find myself in love with a man and live happily ever after. The only problem I had in my mind was needing to know whether I was truly queer, which I was no longer convinced was a bad thing, or if I was just experiencing some normal curiosity about forbidden sexual practices. I just wanted to know for sure. Too much had been taken from me and I wasn't going to let a part of me die that summer too. Of course I had oversimplified things. I thought it would be just a matter of me telling Roger that I wanted to try cock sucking and then we would blow each other. I thought after that I would know without a doubt what my sexual origin was, even though I didn't know that term at the time.

My opportunity to talk to Roger about my decision came on a beautiful spring day. He and I had spent the morning planting a corn field and Uncle Jim gave us the afternoon off because the farm work was ahead of schedule due to having me as an extra hand. I felt good that the work I was doing was actually helping ease the load on their family. When his dad said that he needed to get some supplies in town, Roger quickly offered that we would go instead. He said that would give us a chance to hang out in town for a couple of hours. Uncle Jim agreed and Roger and I quickly got cleaned up. As we headed off in the family pickup my heart was racing. I wasn't sure what I was more excited about. I remember thinking that it was odd I had been there six weeks and hadn't left the farm. I hadn't seen the little town where my cousins had gone to school and hung out with friends in years. We were kids, maybe twelve the last time I was there. There was also the excitement of having a long drive alone with Roger. I knew there would be plenty of time to talk.

"So what do you want to do in town?" Roger asked after we were a few miles down the road.

I have no idea where I got the courage for the reply I gave.

"I don't know about in town, but there is something I really want to do, soon."

"What's that cuz?"

"I want to suck your cock," I blurted out.

Roger hit the brakes and pulled off the side of the road.

"What?" "You told me if I changed my mind I would have to be specific. So, I been thinking and I really want to do it."

"Wow, I thought that idea was history."

"Does that mean you don't what to, anymore?"

"Not exactly, I just wasn't expecting this and to be honest, I don't want to get up for it to have you change your mind again."

"I'm sorry about that and I won't change my mind again," I said softly, as I reached over and squeezed his soft cock through his jeans.

His cock started to grow as I fondled him through the rough fabric.

"Billy, we can't do it here on the side of road."

"Isn't there anywhere you know where we can go?" I asked feeling more desire for sex than I had ever felt before.

"Um, yeah," He said as he put the old truck in gear.

I continued to fondle his growing bulge as he headed down the road. About a mile later he turned on a dirt road that was so small I wasn't sure the truck would fit between the trees on either side. After two more turns he came to a stop in a small clearing in the middle of a stand of pine trees.

"How did you know about this place?" I asked puzzled that anyone ever had a reason to go back there.

"A couple of summers ago I helped do some logging back here. But they aren't cutting here this year so no one but us and the deer will be around."

I started to unzip his fly, determined to get my mouth on his cock as soon as possible.

"Wait, there are a couple old blankets in the back. We can get in the bed. It won't be the best place, but it will be better than you trying to get your head under the steering wheel."

I hadn't thought much about logistics, but I had to concede that his plan made sense. He grabbed the blankets from behind the seat and we climbed out of the truck and into the truck bed. He put the blankets down and we both stripped off our clothes. We sat beside each other on the blankets and began to fondle one another's balls and cocks. Soon our hands were roaming, touching each other everywhere. I loved every minute of it and was becoming more and more anxious to get his cock in my mouth. "God, Roger, I really want to suck your cock!" I sighed at some point.

"I got an idea," He said and stood up.

He told me to slide back so that my back was against the window of the cab and then he stood over me with one foot on either side of my body.

"You can go as slow as you need to go," He said smiling at me as he inched forward.

His cock was within a foot of my face when I reached out and took hold of it. I already knew what it felt like in my hand and wanted to taste him so I leaned forward, slipped my tongue out and pressed it to his cockhead. He moved a little closer and I slid one hand around to his ass as I ran my lips down his twitching shaft.

"That is fucking amazing," He yelped gleefully.

"Mmmmmmmmmm," I mumbled as I ran the tip of my tongue along a thick vein.

I loved the feel of the silky skin covering his hard shaft against my lips and tongue. I moved up and down his cock, licking and kissing while enjoying the sounds of his happy moaning. I also liked the feel of his spongy cock head and the surprising slightly sweet taste of the thick clear fluid that oozed from his pee hole. Each time I went to the base of his shaft I felt his balls against my chin. Eventually, curiosity won out and I carefully lifted his ball sack to my lips with my fingers. As I kissed and licked his sperm laden nuts he squirmed above me. He jumped a bit when I gently sucked his right nut into my mouth.

"Oh my god, Billy!" He gasped between pants and moans, "I can't fucking believe how good you are making me feel.

I felt a sense of pride that I was able to give so much pleasure doing something I had never done before. As I kissed my way back up his shaft, I wondered if it was possible to have a natural talent for something like cock sucking. After licking off another large drop of precum, I took a cock into my mouth for the first time. Without hesitation, I slid my lips down his throbbing meat in an attempt to swallow all of my cousin's cock. I quickly found out how big a mistake that was. When his cock hit the back of my throat, I gagged and felt like I was about to expel my lunch all over his belly. Fortunately, I was able to pull back and regain control before that happened.

I found out that if I put my hand around the base of his dick I could easily suck several inches of his cock without causing myself to gag. As I sucked on his cock I experimented with doing different things to see what gave him the most pleasure. He liked everything I did except when I accidently scraped his cock with my teeth which caused him to curse and yelp. I soon figured out that keeping my tongue pressed to the underside of his dick as I slid my lips up and down while making sure to keep his cock well coated in spit seemed to be his favorite. By that point he had one face on my head caressing cheek and one gripping the cab of the truck to support himself.

After awhile he suddenly cried out, "Oh fuck, Billy, I am going to...."

Suddenly his cock was jerking and spewing his thick musky semen into my mouth. I did my best to keep sucking while swallowing the salty goo. After depositing a surprisingly large quantity of cum in my belly, he pulled his shrinking dick from my mouth and stood over me holding onto the truck for support. I could feel how shaky he was as I fondled his ass while letting him enjoy the after effects of his first blow job. In another minute he crouched down bringing his face inches from mine.

"Damn, Billy, that was ... oh fuck, I don't know how to describe how fucking good that felt," He gushed while practically sitting on my belly.

I smiled and told him it was fun for me too. He reached back and felt my hard cock and suggested that it was time to switch positions. I moved out of the way so that he could take my place sitting in the truck bed. Then I stood over him and moved as far up as I could without actually shoving my hard cock into his face. I balanced myself with one hand on the truck cab and my knees under his arms. I put my other hand on his head and gently encouraged him to bring his face closer to my needy cock. As he moved forward I somehow slipped a little and my cock into his cheek. Impulsively, I held his face to my crotch and began slowly rubbing my cock all over his face. I was surprised when he let me keep rubbing his face against my genitals. I was even more surprised when he stuck his tongue out and began to lick whatever he could get to as I essential fucked his face.

Soon I backed off and let him regain control of the action. He tried to do everything for me that I had done for him. He licked my balls and thoroughly bathed my cock with his tongue. Then he began to suck on the top couple inches of my dick like it was the nipple on a bottle. He was even less successful at taking me deeper than I had been. I was so excited that it didn't much matter. In a few minutes I was ready to blow. Even though I managed a better warning than the one he gave me, he still took the first spurt on his tongue. I guess the taste or the feeling shocked him because he quickly let my twitching cock slip form his mouth. The next three shots landed on his nose, lips and chin in that order. The last of my load just ran down my dick as I stood there gripping his shoulders to keep from collapsing on top of him.