All Comments on 'Abducted'

Great Story! I Enjoyed the hell out of it! Had me fooled, I thought Larry set it up too! A fun and suspenseful ripping good read. Unfortunately you were right about the lack of sex, but it did have a happy ending and some very innovative revenge.

even zed0 the ped0 liked it, high praise indeed

thanks for sharing on lit

No heroes in this one,I knew narrator did the deed but read carefully to discover ' the how ' of it. Usually Mr. Hear spins a interesting yarn about good hearted people whose lives are on the rocks because of betrayal by people whose hearts are less so.

In previously named genre, I can usually skip paragraphs , even a page and be on target with where story, circumstances and characters will be. With this story, bloodhound mode was in effect with nose to ground ; following each line , searching for clues.

I've always enjoyed D.G.'s work. He's dabbled with crime stories in past . This one was the tightest to my eye , stem to stern. but this was in a completely new vein reminiscent of K.K.'s best whodunits . Thx 2 author & 5 shiny new stars to light his new path.

Very nice. Don't think I have much more to say on that, other than that I enjoyed the story.

and he's back.... good story....

Great story. Pittsburgh has an "h" at the end. I live east of Youngstown and know all the areas you referred. It is nice to have familiarity with the locations and other than the spelling error you got it right.

It's a good tale, told well. We could use some more of that around here. The only suggestion I would have is about Abby. I would have liked to see/hear more of her realization of just how badly she messed up. Am I vindictive? Maybe, but I think I can live with that. There is a reason that the innermost circle of Dante's Inferno was reserved for those who committed treachery (betrayal).

Hear, hear, Mr. Hear. You did it. This story was fun.

No alibi from me. I missed that one. DG Hear, MFG, is a master storyteller. It's an honor to copy edit for him.

nice story-lots of twists. thanks for the fine tale

I like hard revenge stories better than soft. At least DGH did not affect a reconciliation.

Seriously, how are the rest of us supposed to compete when you just keep throwing out stories like this one. Another great read from the the master of great stories. You keep writing them and we'll keep reading them. SS06

DGHear always writes a great story. I like it because this is between a hard and a soft revenge stories, nobody died or got suicide.

You are getting better and better with every story. And at present i don't think anyone is near you in this genre. What else to say, just continue writing.

Pittsburgh. With an h. H. H. H. I have mentioned this before, so I am knocking off 1 star. You still get 4.

brains and street smarts, nice combo......

Like all your stories, it was well-written, but kind of dry, lacking in dramatic tension. Still, compared to many writers on this site, you are a literary genius.

That covers the praise, now I'll get to the critique. No less than three cheating wives are mentioned in this story, with the potential of four, but only one cheating man. Statistically, this is about as bogus as you can get. Men are more than two times as likely to cheat as women. Second, very few carparks would have manholes in them, since a manhole is meant for utility workers to access underground service areas and putting an egress in a carpark is fairly inefficient, given that utility trucks often have to park by the access. Third, undreground sewers are filthy and often wet, being sluices for fecal matter and other detritus. Exiting a manhole cover down the road would still have the thieves leaving a sloppy, wet, noxious trail. A couple of measurable foot prints in the crap at the very least. Plus, since three characters in the story are convicted felons, with possible motive and opportunity, the police would have been far more diligent in tracking their whereabouts and movements in relation to the timeline of the crime. Finally and most importantly, the use of the debit card doesn't ring true. To access the account for deposit or withdrawal would require knowing the PIN, which had he given it to the abductors, I'm certain Larry would have mentioned it to the police. Also, ATM's are all equiped with cameras that focus on the person using it, just in case of theft or a coerced withdrawal. The protagonist made no effort to hide his identity when making the deposit, so running over the banks' security tapes would have revealed the protagonist as the culprit. This wasn't even close to the perfect crime.

The story was well-written, but in the end the story craft fails because of a multitude of story craft errors. I'll give the fantasy 3 stars for structure, spelling and grammar.

No dramatic tension at all - the plot line is exactly the same as always: good husband, cheating wife, bad guy and bad guy's angelic wife, whom good husband beds and weds in the final act.

Why do I read them? I guess the one I don't will be the one which has something original.

the ATM tripped me up but suspension of disbelief pretty easy for the rest, great imagination, looking forward to your next yarn.

boil and bubble. Fool my blood and now you have rubble. TK U MLJ LV NV

That said, I enjoyed it.

Oh, the plural of Jack of All Trade, is Jacks of All Trade, not Jack of All Trades.

wife - cheater,

brother - habitual cheater and a thief,

husband - kidnapper,

brother's wife - accomplice after the fact.

so no one to cheer for. then the story you but little effort in - btw, FBI does kidnapping, not local yokels - and so it was very predictable. it felt like you dialed it in.

so that is why i scored you a 1. first time.

Nice

Too many mistakes and an overly simple plot.

This is different than your usual fare, but no less grand. In fact, it is a great story. I thoroughly enjoyed the read. I liked the mix and the mystery. Hope you have more like this up your sleeve.

Nice job, the story read well, and the plot was intriguing. Very nice, thank you!

Thanks for sharing it. I am not certain that the hero of the story was worth a damn in his own right but at least he got away from his useless brother and his cheating slut of a wife.

MissouriUSA

I found it fascinating that the kidnapper said he would kill her husband if she went to the police and she immediately called the police. I wonder why she felt that he had mistreated his brother.. It would have been fun if she had explained! Nice to have something to read....

He's right. Pittsburg is in Northern California.

A great read thank you so much!!!!!!!!

Interesting premise and good story development. I enjoyed it. Keep on writing,I await your next submission.

Thank you author.

Utter shit reads like a 7 year old is writing it in there school diary

Not the best you've written..but if you're going to write about the local area, make sure you spell Pittsburgh with the freaking "h" at the end of it...

@Dear verbicide

The cheating statistic: according to http://www.menstuff.org/issues/byissue/infidelitystats.html

45-55% of the wives and 50-60% of husbands were extramarital affairs on lifetime (2002). I read somewhere 60% of wives and 70% husbands had had minimum 1 affair lifetime.

16% of the spouses have an affair now.

The different is only 10% between female and male. The twice more husbands to the wives were 50 years ago!

This section (LW) talks about the love life of wives (to her lover, husband, etc) and the cheating is part of the love of the wives (but it is not the best part...).

1. Yes the ATM-s have video system, but somebody can use guise and plastic gloves. Not dead people and the police will not use DNA test at a ATM. If the brothers are 1 egg twins the DNA will not help the police, only the finger prints are different.

2 The sewege system: at an abandoned (closed strip mall) area the sewege system contains little amount wastewater. A rubber boots and face gasmask is enough.

Somebody may be only 1 affair on lifetime and she or he will be faithful on following part of the time. She or he are not serial cheaters. I read some excellent stories about only 1 affair on lifetime here.

The serial cheaters and the sluts are other category. For them the cheating gives extra pleasure or the affairs are simple sport for them . They will stop after 15-25 years with 3 divorces or before their death.

Ditto: Zedo, Stang and Duna.

Great writing DG, exceptional story, thank you for sharing on Lit.

x

Good story, as always.

btw.... would have voted, but the voting seems to be turned off, or something?? meh

I certainly did send people into the defense of storytelling mode didn't I? However, given the props necessary (and unmentioned in the tale), I'll stick with my intial critique, except for the ratios of cheating spouses, which I'll accept as statistically correct. Statistics are easily manipulated, but it really isn't worth the drama to start a debate.

Again, I'm not disparaging anyone else's opinion of the story or veracity of the presentation, but I also am not backing away from the majority of my initial critique. After all, I'm as welcome to my opinion as the rest of you.

I like how he got back at his brother and wife for messing up his life after his time in prison.

i my only concern was that his brother didnt really lose anything. all he ever really wanted was money and he came out in the end with $175,000! i liked the revenge part but wished there could have been an added part where he lost the money before he jumped ship.

How do we compete with him lol, Congrats DG, another great story.

excellent story DG!!!!!! i wish all were as good as this.

Sometimes a good guy makes it work and finds the good ending -

Even after a rough road.

Nicely done -

but it's a toss up whether his heroes or Winterfrog's move from marital disaster to new love more smoothly and rapidly.

I didn't like the bloke at all.

Good tale and great revenge against the cheaters.

Should be made for a movie.

Nice job - Thanks!

I was always taught that two wrongs do not make a good. And whatever goes around comes around. And the 'good' brother is no better than the 'bad' brother. And Cora watch your six.

In general, I agree with most of Verbicide's comments about the quality of DGH's story. But, I must disagree with V's assumption of facts from the story.

Yes Terry, Joe and Al had been convicted felons, though Terry's was for accepting stolen property, Joe and Al's for assault & battery against the men who had were in adulterous relationships with Joe & Al's wives. Yes they would be suspects but due to their otherwise clean records, it would be difficult for investigators to make a case for them attempting a crime as serious as kidnapping and conspiracy. That is in general a whole different breed of career criminals!

I admit I am not current with rules {for the date this story was posted} for involving the FBI in a local kidnapping & extortion. There just may not have been time for the local office to get involved. Some times there are politically motivated jurisdictional disputes that have to be resolved.

The manifold access under the car, in a parking garage, would not have been for sewers but most probable specifically for building utilities. Transformers, alarm & telephone cables and switch boxes, etc;.

When Terry used Larry's credit card, he must have used a gas station that did not have security cameras.

When Terry deposited the cash at the Bank, he used a Night Depository, not an ATM machine that requires a magcard. Obviously, for whatever reason, this bank did not have security camera covering the Night Depository. Unless you have done old-fashioned, end-of-business-day deposits for a small business, you would not have the experience to know how few procedures there are.

Just swing open the door, toss in the package of cash, checks & receipts and slam it shut. And that's all there is to it. It is suppose to be quick and easy, so you are not standing around waiting to be robbed.

I can remember when this was the norm for most local banks. Of course they have all been taken over by the baking cartels forcing modernization and booting most experienced {higher paid} employees.

Larry will have to explain in detail where the earlier deposit of $75 G's came from, it should be easily traced as the money he had embezzled from Cora. Whoops, felony there! The $100 G's deposit should have some marked bills and some serial numbers from what Abby had paid for the ransom. Each woman would have eventually had their money returned to them.

Larry on the other hand would have no way to explain how he had received a share of the ransom money. Felony extortion, conspiracy to commit, and a whole list of other charges would have been dumped on him. And then there will be the Infernal Revenue Service sending him a tax bill for the total of the ransom and what he had embezzled from his wife. Talk about adding injury to insult!

His only chance to plead for reduced charges would be if he could fink on his partner's in crime. But they do not exist! Especially as the police and Coat Guard 'proved' that Joe and Al had Terry and others as alibis.

Another diabolical plotting by DGH, Take a bow Maestro! Encore! Encore!

the comment by fanfare should have been his own story rather that take up space for good comments that don't cut the story into little pieces and point all the insignificant errors that may or may not be accurate. really fanfare it's called a manhole cover, not a manifold access cover and who gives a fuck if it is sewer or wires. what is it like to be perfect?

Dear lonelyrider

Some readers enjoy the dueling debates in the commentaries, some people just enjoy exchanging insults, some get off on suggesting alternate endings. I enjoy all three.

As for the important difference between working in a sewer pipe versus working in a utility pipe, well I've been in both and I can attest that not even Jean Valjean is going to get through an American sewer pipe without major diving equipment.

Most people never really comprehend the complexity of our usually not-so-modern infrastructure underfoot. Unfortunately the result is most people are foolish enough to resent paying for maintenance and modernization of the very technology that maintains and expedites their chosen lifestyle.

Writing in THEIR diary, not "there".

You might want to be more careful in editing your criticisms.

Many Americans mistakenly call storm drains sewers.

There is no sewage in storm drains and normally not even any water.

Storm drains in Ohio cities are large enough to walk upright in and completely cross a medium to large city.

Kind of predictable, ok, COMPLETELY predictable as soon as the twin was mentioned, but who cares. It was enjoyable, and there was no wimpy reconciliation at the end, which is a first for DG. Well done.

...of people with money. Makes me glad I've never had any.

A fun story. I liked it.

You, in essence, rewarded Larry with $100,000.00 and let him go scott free. Now tell me, what the hell was the sense of that. He would have left the whore eventually, anyway. I peraonally would have made certain Larry suffered a much more dire fate. Your story though. Holes and all.

... Still I had two problems with it. One that Terry and Cora got together so quickly. Two that he gave his asshole brother hundred thousand dollars. I would preferred that He and Cora become friends then eventually fuck buddies and that he puts only 25,000 in Larry's bank account. That way Cora can sue Larry for fraud and get all her money back and Larry might actually spend some time in jail. Still I like the story it was a good read. Panther fan.

His revenge had too many variables and took too much work. These people are simply not worth the effort. Just get the evidence, enforce the pre-nup and move on. If you want to use legal means to embarrass and humiliate them - so be it.

Any good revenge needs too much work...This one almost was perfect!! What failed was to be prooved that the brother was behind the kidnapping...So he got money out of cheating...The wife was the only one to suffer...This little detail didn't allowed this story to be 5*...So just 4*...HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL THE READERS AND WRITERS OF LW!!

You mention $75,000 in the "credit card". I assume you actually meant "debit card"?

let's start from fresh with new partners. TK U MLJ LV NV

Enjoyed your story, thanks. tom anon

Another great story DG, thanx.

BDEarth

Good story. All my cards are bank cards and both debit and credit so you can call it either one.

Ed Grocott

edgrocott@gmail.com

interesting tale.

Not bad. I expected a better revenge.

Why would a man who has 2 kids volunteer himself as the guilty party, and why in the hell would his father let a man with 2 kids go to jail for him. That's just silly and no father would let his son take a prison wrap for him. Plus what happened to his 2 kids at the end. I mean somehow he doesn't give a shit about his own kids. He doesn't even mention them if he is so rich why would he not care about them? I have never posted before, but I just think the author here really made father's look like losers in this story.

Several stories I have read on Literotica refer to a person, usually a man, who refers to himself as a third wheel. While he may be the other point on a triangle, there is no third wheel. The correct expression is fifth wheel. Look it up.

"I mentioned to her that me and my friends, Joe and Al were going fishing for a few days. There would be no way to get hold of us seeing none of us were taking cell phones."

That has got to be one of the stupidest things I have read.

That is the type of morons that think hillary is not a murderer (bengazi anyone?) and a crook and will vote for the skank

JUST WHY DID YOU BOTHER PUBLISHING THIS GARBAGE...YOU LET YOURSELF DOWN WITH THIS ONE AS YOUR OTHER STORIES ARE SO GOOD

Unlike some of the anonymous crowd I don't have much to object about in this fanciful tale. It is rather far fetched, but then again it is a story, a product of the authors imagination.

to throw stones from behind a curtain

If you cannot sign your name then your comment is pointless

you are just what the bull leaves in the pasture

didn't want to insult jerks and assholes

I will hand it to you. Your profile includes photo, brief description so you are unlike most who set up profiles. However, I have read thousands of comments both named and anon and have been unable to discern where either is more valid.

When you ratchet up the emotion your writing sings. This story was a little flat. I couldn't get involved with any of the characters except Cora. The plot might have felt imaginative when you cooked it up, but it was confusing enough to take away the impact. You can do better.

It was really predictable, seems like most of your stories are so far, but that's not bad. I enjoyed the story. Looking forward to more.

I liked the premise, a lot. However it was not as engaging as many of your other stories. A lot of telling us what was going on but not enough dialog or interaction between characters.

Once the 'twin' brother line hit - the story became predictable. I am surprised that 'dad' did not clear his son on his death bead. He could not have gotten the jail time back but it would have cleared Terry's felony record.

The only burn is that the honor-less twin Larry was $175K richer. He never really paid for his gigolo nature, he needs a tap-dance on his testicles with a Bobbit to insure his genes went extinct.

... to become a generic "salesman". And if it was a salesman of a very specific sort it would have been mentioned as such.

Good retelling of an old story. I liked your take on the mistaken twin kidnapping. Cheaters did not suffer nearly enough for my taste. I read everything with your name on it, so not disappointed.

Entertaining, solid 5*... I even see shades of John Wayne's 'Brannigan' here. Maybe a follow up in what happen to Abby & Twin over the $175K. And Dick Able sure would now be all over the Twin with this money, if nothing else tip off the IRS on the Twin's ill gotten gains.

BUT big story hole, I'm sure the $300K ransom was photographed and S/N's recorded (further tying the Twin into this caper) but making it real hard to launder the remaining $200K for 100% return. Those S/N's will show up and get traced.

Romance for cheated on

So happy ending

But

Cheaters punished more

...entertaining enough, but lots of grammar sloppies. does an author not read before publishing? could have been a four star - barely.

I had a good time, yeah, a little predictable but there are only so many ways a LW story can be told. Just like very large apartment complexes, condo's or resorts, if they still use keys there is likely more than one lock they fit, there are only so many combinations. My only little fault is every ATM or bank system I've ever worked on and certainly every large bank corporation has video cameras. I use Chase Bank and they absolutely do, hell you can't even make a deposit to an account if you aren't on it . It would be very simple to pull the file and see who made the deposit. Now it may have be difficult to tell which brother it was but the vehicle would probably be visible coming or going too. I doesn't matter, if I had the ability I'd be writing these stories as well as reading them. Signed: BTW

One of my favorite DG Hear stories. Cheaters punished, good guys all win. Perfect story.

Great read DG. I am new to this type of literature but really enjoy the time spent. I just wonder why the anonymous reviews are seldom positive? If you cannot own up to a negative opinion, than have none at all. Keep up the good work.

Good plan, good revenge, really good story. I do hate a piece of shit family member. Add them to a cheating wife an they really need to burn. This was a good one.

Though the narration of the story would leave one to believe that Terry didn't capitalize on any of the ransom money, it seems that he had. The one hundred thousand that he spent buying stock of his own company, and then gifting it to the other two coconspirators must have gone in his pocket for the four per cent of the business, that he gave to each of them... And as far as the case being closed, that probably wouldn't happen until Larry was either convicted or acquitted of fraud... Other than that, as a whole, I enjoyed the premise of the story...

Larry had a couple of days of physical discomfort.

Larry had sex with the wife of the brother he seemed to despise.

Larry did not pay back the $100,000 of Cora's money that he stole. He apparently spent $25,000 of it. (Cora was repaid in full with money stolen from Abby)

Larry recieved $100,000 of the money stolen from Abby. We don't assume that he gave it to her to partially repay the ransom she had put up.

He shared a bed with Abby until he tired of her. I suppose he's now out trolling for his next sugar mama.

Seems to me that Abby suffered 100% of the revenge. Revenge on Larry though....??

How come he owns the yacht,but not the cabin?.

Clever story with interesting closure. He used her money to burn them both. I like that!

Still one of my favorite DG Hear stories. This one has everything that I enjoy in a story. Let the cheaters burn them selves.

Different and good.

Let the brother rot in the vault and dump in a bunch sewer rats. for his entertainment

but very predictable. Fun to read.

That was perhaps the most maladroit kidnapping surveillance operation and subsequent investigation in history. Maybe that's why the FBI is always involved, usually as the lead agency.

Thank you all for taking the time to read my stories.

It's much appreciated. I've been hanging around reading stories and even reading a few of my own.

DG Hear

You have a way I love with the weaving of your intrigues. Very pleasant to read ... several times. 5 stars.

BJ

Great story, I didn't that coming (Terry as behind the kidnapping.) Well done 5 stars

Decent story. Plot a little convoluted. (Note: A 35ft boat is not a yacht. Not even close).