All Comments on 'Acquisition'

Well done!

But I couldn't help but feel extreme pity for Kaitlin towards the end. Not sympathy just pity for how she realized how totally she had ruined her own life. Even if she's fictional a small bit of me hopes that her prospects will improve, if she ever resolves to better herself.

Anyway the story was decent but a bit haphazard. Also why do you keep using the same dang setting for every story? Also I could swear your reusing names from the former stories but with different characters. 4/5

But I find your style uncomfortable, like overhearing conversations in a busy bus station with the speaker periodically blaring departures. It's a style choice, just saying I don't find it pleasant, I find it discomfiting. That's fine, it's your choice, just saying that you might find a larger audience if the style was less frenetic, less harried. You could tell the same story in a smoother way and reserve the desultory patches for the cases where it suits the plot or mood instead of papering the whole story that way.

Enjoyed the tale very much thanks.

Hello!

I just finished reading your story and had to take the time to tell you that I thought it was not just good, it was damn good!

Yes, I need an editor.(There were a few things that could have used correcting but all in all it was still a very good read.)

Yes, it's too long. (No it was not. In fact I enjoyed it more so than a story that would have been broken up into other chapters that I had to wait for you to post.)

Yes, it jumps around too much.

Yes, there's too many people to keep track of. (Not at all. Everyone in the story was a very important part of tell it and making it seem more plausible. Great Job!)

Yes, it's in the wrong category.

Yes, this is stupid shit. Not at all! And anyone that feels they need to comment in the negative has not taken that time to sit and put their thoughts to screen and try it on their own, I have, Not easy to do.

And, yes, I suck. LOL. Only if you want to.

A very good story...And you are right in the end: It's a multiple category story!!!! But as it is a very good one it can be put in any, or all categories...4*

and great fun

no it's not a RAAC story. And it's not a WACC story. Gave it what it was worthy of. (25)

It's not too long, you don't need an editor, forget the disclaimers, really a very good story, thank you

as this was quite good. Yes, quite a few characters, really too many to keep track of, but the story line was clean and well done.

Just disable comments if you are sensitive, but I think that would be a mistake as you learn quite a bit from them.

Sounds like a setting for a whole crop of stories. Good luck and thx for y our efforts.

I really enjoyed your little story. I did see a few spelling or grammar problems but, hey, we all miss those. Very well done story that I enjoyed very much. Looking for more. Little over the top but by the end, everything fit perfectly.

Thank you for the excellent story; finally, something very well written and enjoyable to read. The realism of the debauchee wife was 10 stars...and the stench of their apartment was so well written that I had to look to see if any of the cockroaches had traveled through the parameters of my iPhone.

The only thing that I found a bit messy was the amount of characters and their names I had to learn at the start--it was a bit over-whelming but well worth the trouble; your writing skills carried me through, however. Splendid behavior.

Finally, I am curious, most successful LW authors follow a story outline that reads like Zane Grey western: The handsome and strong man rides the biggest and fastest horse and ends up with the beautiful cowgirl. Pushing the envelope further, failures are also a reality in the 21st century paradigm--just food for thought.

I have placed you on my 'Favorite Authors' list.

That is a really, really nice story!

But when you put in all those disclaimers what fun is it to comment when you've pointed out all the good stuff? Too damn funny. Well played story that has a number of story lines that would make for excellent sequels. Keep up the good work. I look forward to your next posting.

Life is excessive and rife with dysfunctional people who lack a scintilla of self awareness. The author took a lot of chances (along with a few shortcuts ). How did Kaitlin disguise her true nature until after the wedding? Great suspense building and payoff scenes were found in attempted robbery and lawyers' office. When Kaitlin looks in the mirror towards the close of story - whoa. Full marks .*****

Enjoyed it a lot. Ok, you admit you need an editor. I can do that for you in the future if you wish. I'm on the Volunteer Editors List.

whats worse is neither can they control how they end up. TK U MLJ LV NV

Thanks for sharing a fun read!

Good work. Now that I have noticed you I will back for more from you.

Loved it and can't wait to read more from you.

Editor - Yes

Length - Maybe

Jumps - Yes (see Editor)

Characters - No

Category - No

Stupid - No

Suck - That's strictly your business

Fun read. Interesting group.

Hey this was a cute feel good story that tied in many of the requirements of this genre. You understand like retribution and going forward afterward.

Plus he's good to his mother.

It's plenty good enough for me to give it *****stars! Well done, I look forward to reading and enjoying your next story. BTW, it's in the right category imho...

And I mostly agree with BuzzCzar and his ratings in a previous comment.

Personally, I was confused with the introductions of different characters (the story does jump around a bit) but soon got them sorted out.

A solid 4****. Can we read more chapters with the main characters?

keep writing. well developed. jumped a bit but not excessively. good character development. 'not bad' enough that I thought 5 stars was called for. (I write too and appreciate a story that isn't just a narrative of 'what happened' and is developed enough so the sex makes sense).

robertgrylion@gmail.com

Solid effort. I was actually hoping it would go a little longer and we would get more Kizzy and Tommy. Still, good story.

5*****

Nice job. I wasn't sure at first and just kept reading couldn't put it down. Keep up the good work.

Very enjoyable. I wouldn't have minded another chapter on what happens now but that's just me. Thank you for sharing a good tale.

and

Stupendous

The way I was reading it got all the right parts , so I`m gonna give a 4+ because the fatlady didnt get hers in the end. but still good reading

I liked it. It was a good reading experience. I am glad you write for your pleasure JimBob44 and I do read for my enjoyment. I Thank you for posting and sharing your effort. I don't agree with your disclaimers but I will do my best to have a

"most splendiferous day". Please do keep writing and I will keep reading.

OK, the tag line put me off right away. I was going to bail, but decided to see how long it was...6 pages...no way. For a story about a fat drunken slut? Never happen. I sampled the first couple of paragraphs. All that sagging drunken fat and it snores and slobbers like Hooch of Turner & Hooch. Geez, can you make it any more unappealing, JimBob? Maybe I'll finish the page, then that's it. Next time I looked up, I'd finished 6 pages including an epilog and a disclaimer.

I haven't enjoyed a story like that in awhile. 5*

good read nuff said

4/5

I like the dialog. People often drop words and don't speak in complete sentences, and you do it well. On the negative, Katlen was too too bad, and Tommy too toogood. More nuance si vous plait.

Chilley

Please say that this is not the end of this story

had potential, but was awkward and tedious. Thanks for the offering.

Yes, I need an editor. - I have seen many worse edited stories. At least you didn't randomly switch the names of your characters.

Yes, it's too long. -No, it was not too long. I get frustrated with one page stories because they of feel rushed

Yes, it jumps around too much. - Not from my perspective. I have happily read much worse than this

Yes, there's too many people to keep track of. - No, I managed to follow all the key players. The divorce consultation was a little stretching but no real sweat.

Yes, it's in the wrong category. - Well, you could say that. Kaitlin was clearly not a loving wife.

Yes, this is stupid shit. - Yes, stupid shit I have just enjoyed reading

And, yes, I suck. - Yes, you suck in the confidence stakes.

Couldn't stop reading it once I started, until it was over.

Several writers here need an editor far worse than you do. And the story is not too long - it's not even in the wrong category. The only issue I see, is that the mother in law from hell should have been dealt with more firmly (making the story even longer).

I enjoyed reading your story. Love your style of writing. Keep it up and to hell with the negative feedback. Looking forward to reading more! 👍

I couldn't stop until finished. Please keep up the great work!

I have read 4 of your stories now and given all '5' ratings. You have a special gift sir. Your longer 'novella ' type storeies, i.e., "Acquisition " is compelling. I had to read it through without stopping.

You have the talent to be one of the best on the site. Ignore the numbskulls who delight in blackening an author's name. They are fools and everyone here has to suffer them .

Jay Cox

Thank you author.

Reread and still great.

splendiferous - word up :-)

who the hell cares if ur story is too long, too many characters, jumps around too much, etc, it is still one of my favorite stories, I just love this an the other one too that I have commented on, just wish there was more chapters, with way more sex, an don't forget the nasty sex talk too, so please write more chapters don't leave us or me the reader hanging on, I always want stories to have happy endings.

Made me feel good. I can only use little finger now so short.

> Yes, I need an editor.

uhm, well if you say so, I thought it was fairly good as it was.

> Yes, it's too long.

not really.

> Yes, it jumps around too much.

again, not really.

> Yes, there's too many people to keep track of.

I can't say this gave me trouble with that, honestly.

> Yes, it's in the wrong category.

Nope - LW is right on target to me.

> Yes, this is stupid shit.

Well, it's not Hamlet, but it's not that bad, actually.

> And, yes, I suck.

Well, I don't know anything at all about your personal life or tastes, so I can't comment at all no the veracity of that as far a your personal life goes. However, as a writer, you do ok, and definitely better than sucking-level quality there.

> And you have yourself a most splendiferous day.

Why thanks! you too.

Lmfao. To Jimbob44 nah your only true issue is you need to read through it before publishing. The only that is wrong is wrong word usage things that spell check miss. Things like there instead of their. Also you miss the S on she turning into he. Not big issues. Other than that no you don't suck you actually rock. This is from one Jimbob to another ( and damn do I hate that my name can be shortened that way). You have a terrific day as well.

It has a plot and requires reader to be engaged, perfect!

VERY well done.

And like everyone else has said, your disclaimers, while some were accurate, there are others far worse.

Your story was very easily readable and I usually notice if it is too long.

This one, I just kept reading without even looking at the page numbers

With a bit of work (and this is a compliment), this could easily be a professional story.

Again, well done!

were old fashioned and passé,,,,,still are, TK U MLJ LV NV

it was pretty clear that Kaitlin refused to take responsibility for the fuck up her life became.

I mean, fucking your brothers because they're as close as you could come to fucking your dead father...?

Fucking OVER your husband because it's all about you...?

Fucking turning into a drunken fat slob because absolutely nothing matters to you beyond doing whatever you want...?

Hell, she couldn't even string together some rationale as to why he was at fault - though, clearly, she knew it wasn't HER fault.

No way a recording like that exists that it doesn't eventually become part of gossip... And make its way back to her mom... Be interesting to find out if it really DOES kill her mom....

well i just say it's good one so hiki piki but good one

Is that snub nose safe revolvers and revolvers don't have safeties

Ya, a revolver with a safety, safety cocked hammer maybe???

Getting her money was 'just good enough' for a Burn??? Sparing her mommy from knowing - why wasn't there an anonymous CD sent to her mother so the BURN could be complete? Did one of her brothers knock her up - she thought she was PG? She was an unremorseful arrogant dumpy bitch - the one lil phone msg sure would not have humbled her but mommy's discovery of her family's incest!?!

So Louisiana, 'Adultery' is not a justification for a divorce but isn't 'incest' illegal or only if a child is born or it's not 'inset' if it's between consulting adults?

I can see this as a movie that would make me laugh 😂 until I had snot dripping from my mustache!!

Great story, great characters! I really enjoyed the story. Lots of characters and it took a little while for me to keep everyone straight, but honestly I'm a little slow sometimes.

Thanks,

hillcountrycowboy

LOL! Fantastic! 5*

Read for 3rd time. Nice

I like how characters from other stories make cameos.

It is nice to see the person that was wronged to bounce back.

I enjoyed this little R rated fairy tales along with some great laughs, thanks for sharing

Not something I'd read when looking for erotica, but your story was compelling and every paragraph kept me wanting to read more.

The only problem I have is with the abrupt endings. Other than that I find your writing entertaining. There are few writers that can cause me to get only four hours sleep a night because I have to finish the series. Keep them coming!

It's called FireWire not fire wire, and you probably mean USB anyway, I've never heard of a phone using FireWire.

The formatting could use a bit of editing, there are a lot of sentences cut short, continuing on the next line.

Where they should be in the same paragraph.

Also, no video lasting less than a minute would fill 'nine point two gigabytes' on a cellphone.

Even at highest quality it would not fill more than a few dozen megabytes.

I read this story earlier but didn't comment. It was every bit as good the second time through it. You are the master of "over the top" and "down to the bone" and a half-dozen more mixed metaphors in between.

Your characters are written vividly and they're shining examples of human stupidity and frailty -- and the possibilities of joy. I've noted this before, but you deserve to get paid for what you write!

A lot of names kept popping up, scenes flashing back and forth. I had to slow down and look back to see who was who for a while. But once I got beyond that, this was a terrific story. Bravo!

5-stars.

Bit unbelievable, though. A principled, competent lawyer? C'mon! 5 stars. Thanks for writing.

This one was enjoyable... I must admit that there are many of your stories that i don't care for... I was particularly repsed by your adamant refusal to change the repugnant ending and aspects of "breaking tbe family"... Its not much of a ahthor that can't take and learn from criticism... I thought that it was a horrible read and a character flaw that insisted on not making it better... But hey... It's your story... Anyway... This one and "2nd choice" i enjoyed...

-jaye-

Even on re-read.

or a favorite shirt. Never seem to tire of it. Thanks for sharing.

The bold man jumps in the action where the timid only talk about it. Apparently, you've had some bad reactions to your writing. Don't pay any attention! You spin a very enjoyable, gripping tale with plenty of heart and good characterization. You have my gratitude for my time well spent.

Fuck the naysayers!

Yes, you need a copy editor to keep track of formatting and such, including toning down the unneeded capitalization, and hard line breaks.

Story is good, flow is good, dialog is fine

Why do you care if you have a comment that shits on you? You write good stuff.

This is the internet. Sometimes you'll get trolled just because someone can SEE it bugs you. Hell, I'd argue that the worst critiques would come from people that love your stuff and and picking at it with a fine tooth comb because they think it'd help.

Also I saw in another story you were particularly hard on 'Anons" But here's the secret: We are ALL anonymous on this site. Your username on here doesn't actually give you any accountability. It's not linked to your facebook bio. The only feature a username gives you is messaging. I understand why you need a user-tag to write story, but that's it. A user-name is anonymous with extra steps on this site. I don't wanna get into a rant here, but to add salt the very idea that people need accountability on the internet is fake and gay. If you can't say what you really think, feel, or just feel like pretending than the internet is just as sad and pathetic as irl. We literally ALREADY have irl. Like, close your eyes if mean or clever shit on a screen offends your sensibilities. You have an entire world of authoritarian 'might makes right' wrapped up in flowery words. This is the ONLY place you can be whoever/say whatever, but do so without any actual harm done to anyone/anything. Unless you're a faggot that like to doxx, but the only people that seem to want that are people that shit on the idea of being ANON.

Another fun story. And I do enjoy when you tie in characters from other stories.

Loved the story!

Okay, so there's some typos that could be corrected*, but in the end it's a lovely story with a hopeful ending.

* If you don't have an editor, try printing it out to proof read, you'll pick up a lot.

....is as amusing as a lot of your dialogue! Excellent story, very well told. So what if there are punctuation or formatting errors; it does not detract from the story or the humour. Thank you for a good read. 5*s.

Still a 5*

It has the structure, humor, and story to be a really good tale. A little more polish will see this one into 5* territory. Right now it hovers at about 4.1.

Misspelling and wrong word useage just show your grasp of everyday life.

I loved it. And, of course, we all know that Tommy and the cute Kizzy (cool name) lived happily ever after. Awww

Thanks for brightening an otherwise lackluster day.

Enjoyed the story and the humour. Agree with anonymous 09/23/'18. A 5* tale.

Was entranced the whole story. The ending was perfect. I had a big smile on my face and a cute laugh. Loved it.

I like Jimbob's stories more and more. Really enjoyed this one.

This was masterfully done. Once you caught on to the dialect and the story style of switching from scene to scene it was pretty easy to follow. It almost read like a movie script. It was humorous and still personal and serious. Loved it.

And I don’t know how many smiles, grins, giggles, laughs, and crinnges and ughs I have over each read through. Especially love Monkey.

Thanks

And now, for the Disclaimers.

Yes, you need an editor.

No, it's not too long.

No, it doesn't jump around "too" much.

No, there's not too many people to keep track of.

Yes, it's in the wrong category.

No, this isn't stupid shit.

And, no, you don't suck.

Fixed it for y'all. Or edited for you.... Whichever!

Very enjoyable read. My only suggestion would be finding some way to highlight when the scene was changing. Perhaps a bold font, caps or some other method. The changes were a little jarring.

Other than that, a great story.

Love the parade of hilarious asides on the way through a minefield of absurdity, obnoxity, and hilarity.

So far I'm just reading the LW stories and having a blast. Good simple revenge, nothing crazy or over the top with a lot of humor in the asides. Like the man said "Ya can't please everyone, so ya got to please yourself". Me, I'm very pleased too. Signed: BTW

Feel good story... When good things happen to good people i don't care about the rest... Feel good stories make me feel good... And thats enough for me...

-jaye-

To every line in your author's note.

More please.

And I enjoyed the hell out of it. I would like to see more of these two characters, Tommy and Kizzy.

This most be the third or fourth time I've read this story and still enjoy it just wish I could change my rating did it on my phone and it registered 4 not 5, oh well still worth the read.

I read this story and it was splendid.

That was probably both the funniest and heartbreaking thing I have read all the is year. It was truly amazing and interesting from cover to cover. I love longer stories that I can really get into. Please do more!