by Harddaysknight
Aside from 1-2 typos a perfect story, great fun; thanks for a good read.
I did not she any humor in this story, it was just stupid.
First it must be said it's twice nice to see HDK returning from sabbatical . Now that the weather is getting a chill , perhaps more stories will be forthcoming as spending leisure days at golf course will be less & less of an option as winter settles in.
In terms of the actual story, this was not the easiest of reads to settle into . Yet I persisted because of intellectual curiosity as to how the narrator was going to resolve his multiple famial dilemmas, the farce humor that kept enticing me through chapters until I finally half understood & gathered empathy for all the principals involved . Everyone in fact was redeemed by story's conclusion except that marriage -interloping & alas fisticuff proficient Steve bastard.
The biggest reason of course to be patient with the story is because of it's esteemed author who almost never totally whiffs as can be determined by the numerous red H fireballs that pockmark the plot descriptions of his story page.
In the end analysis , I'm glad I stuck with the story. It's message was uplifting and worthy. Any preachiness was greatly alleviated by humor of the self effacing genre which is a lesson I would do very well to remember.
Thanks to HDK for daring to take on a problem that sends chills down the spines of all family men. Whatever to do with a feisty green haired daughter who seems to have her blackberry / Iphone welded to the palm of her hand?
Welcome back, we've missed you. I enjoyed the story as I do most of your work. I've read everything on your author's page more than once.
Funny and a little sad slice of life. The only thing that would make it better is Steve getting his ass kicked.
Thanks for your hard work and please continue.
Woodmanone
Glad to see that HDK is back.
I like a good twist in a story, and this one was outstanding. Enjoyed the read and the moral.
story... thanks! Sometimes we have to step back to see who we really are.
Then I found it difficult to get up enthusiasm for it. Perhaps the fact that I never watched a reality show made me insensitive to the humour. In fact I found it a bit painful!
After he got pounded it was depressing except for the improvement in Kate. Finally though when we got BB's viewpoint things started clicking in place and the explanation became obvious. I suffered but in the end it was well worth it. But I admit that if I did not have faith in HDK, I would have quit...
I just read through your catalog a few months back, and I'm pretty sure this is the longest single-chapter story. I found it a bit predictable, but could not see a way around it considering the premise for the story. I dug the premise, so could forgive the predictability. Makes one wonder if one's life would improve by always acting as though others are watching.
Always looking forward to a new HDK yarn.
Wulf
Like most HDK stories, this one put a big smile on my face. The plot was quite transparent at the beginning, but reading the story is so much fun that doesn't matter. Great to have HDK back!
As Lord commented, being patient with the story development makes it more enjoyable. A good read this morning.
I was wondering how you were going to explain the reality show aspect and the further it went the more I anticipated something like hypnosis, especially when a Doctor was introduced. A nice and unique plot line. Thanks for writing a compelling story.
Brilliantly executed, and wonderfully written. It was also very original. A great job overall!
Without question, THAT was one of the most uncommon, and thoroughly entertaining stories ever presented in this venue. I did smell the ending coming, but still, this is excellent storytelling.
Straight out of the twilight zone. In one strange way, it was a bit creepy. The premise, I mean.
Nice tale.
Just as we are all fawning over a few of the newer authors you come to us with this. You are still showing us how great your talent truly is. Thank you so much for the time and effort you put into this. I greatly appreciate it. Fan for years, fan forever. Thanx again....
Great story. Original and fun, as always. Great to re-affirm you as one of this site's favourite authors. Thank you.
It was fun to read a romance story with a positive ending:)Plus I like your writing style and flow.
Your combination of humor and surprise, as always, is brilliant. Hope you never run out of beatles' titles!
At first I thought that he had a stroke or mental breakdown,and I kept looking for the real reason that was causing his confussing, but the Reality TV show, didn't quite work for me.
It was more like he woke up from a bad dream, like the one Scrooge had,that was caused by some sort of brain fart, and found himself in a parallel world.
I might have over think-ed the story, and read too much into it, but sill enjoyed the story very much.
A well done storyline and very original, along with being nicely written and edited.
And a happy ending!!!!
Thanks for the good read.
I found it to have twists and turns that surprised me. The way the kids turned back and forth was funny as was his wife's changes too. Particularly enjoyed the 'reality tv' twist too.
Totally unlike anything you've previously posted here, and all that much better for it.
The first 3 pages were like a cross between The Twilight Zone and The Truman Show.
The last page was just a wonderful way to wrap it up.
Well done, and get your ass cracking. We'll be expecting more from you soon!
HDK's has a great mixture of humor and originality that makes his writing special. No one else has his style. I hope you are well and in the mood to crank out more of your stuff. Thanks for your work!
Well written and edited. It kept me wanting to read just to see what would happen. I had a hard time with the reality TV angle, and I thought it was too easy to turn the kids.
I'm not sure where I feel about this story. I wouldn't rate it as "Hot" because it isn't much of a stroke story, but at the same time, it was a "page Turner." Thanks.
This is why I like your stories. They are generally different from the other stories. A bit of humor, good plot and not typical cheating wives story. For those who didn't like this, you should rather read stories of JPB or Matt Maureau.
I just didn't care too much for this story. I know that it is better than I could have done and I appreciate the effort of one of my favorite author's here, but the scenario was just too convoluted to make much sense. On top of that, if I read it right, Fargo kicks his ass after going after his wife and pretty much walks away for free. Just nothing funny or redeeming about that.
I will look forward to the next HDK submission though.
MissouriUSA
Stangstar is a romantic
ohio deals with difficult issues and deals with incredibly realistic human situations in relationships
Rhenquist has is a very good story spinner
You do redemptions and you do them well. You give the protagonists hope for a future, even if that hope is just leaving a poor wife behind.
I'm glad you're writing again.
It's tough coming up with new plots but I liked this one.
(Yes, there are a lot of other great authors here. I'm just going by the styles I see)
My favoritest author is active again! I am an avid Beatles fan and the story titles are what attracted me first. I liked the style, humor and almost everything about HDK's stories!
Looking forward to LUCY IN THE SKY WITH DIAMONDS
Such an interesting take on "reality TV". HDK, you are truly a unique talent and I hope you keep submitting here on Lit for a long long time. Thanks!!
Very good story with your great theme that people can improve themselves and thier lives have an effect on others. I look forward to reading some more I Was Bored; which was my favorite series in this whole site. I'm really glad that you're writing again.
Excellent story, really well told and with a nice twist at the end. Thanks.
Glad to see you are back. I enjoyed this immensely. And thank you for showing a truly loving parent has to use tough love sometimes. It actually provides security for our kids to have well defined guidelines in life. We cannot always be their friend. But nothing takes the place of just being involved in their lives. Rules without a safe and warm home will only bread contempt.
A good story, well told and interesting. The medical stuff and the hypnotism were very believal.
Nope but a really, really good one -
Wonderfully done - keep it - glad to see a new one too -
During your slow period I quit checking your stories very often as I have read them all, some more than once.
When I found this new one I was surprised and think it is a very good story.
Keep them coming.
It was predictable yet entertaining. Even though I saw the ending coming all the way back to page 1 I still enjoyed the story. Great job!
It is only a story but I still would have liked to read of more physical revenge on the Frago character!
Wonderfully done - keep it up - glad to see a new one too
...but it's clear that this story belongs on Revolver, because HDK has entered his psychedelic phase!
Wow, what a well-developed and strange fantasy! Riding along inside Chuck's mind was a treat, as he struggled to make sense of a situation that simply made no sense. I loved it!
Hats off as always to a funny, original storyteller who never stops finding new ways to entertain and amuse us!
Thanks, ohio
A great read of magic and reality. Well done story!
I just need to say thank you for the entertainment! You have not lost your twisted and wonderfully original mind set.
Greatly appreciated
PT
It pretty much ended like I thought it would. Not much sex but the great story more than makes up for it, very well told. Keep writing.
this is fullblown. i think we all want a chance to right things up in our lives that we did to ourselves. since we know that there is no such thing as a time travel, this will work.
Hadn't checked your sight lately so missed these gems. Making old story plots for cheating come out differently...Great!
Ronald R Wood
Couldn't even get halfway through the first page. The protagonist was such an absolute, complete asshole.
Well done. Great story, well thought out and everything flowed. Excellent
I read this story some time ago and then forgot the name and author's name, just came on to it by chance and I'm glad I did, it's a great story.
Wonderful plotting - superb telling. Totally engrossing.
HDK, I truly wish you would write more. This was and still is a fine story with just the right touch.
great concept and execution. I just read a comment disregarding the story. you need to be treated for ADHD so you could finish reading it instead of stopping in the middle and see how good it is.
But I'm still not sure what happened. You have the number of the hypno doctor?
its always good to have A...B....C or even more if needed, TK U MLJ LV NV
The moral of the story is....treat your family as if someone is always watching? Sounds good to me. Of course, as fast as we are losing our civil rights it won't be long before the government has camera's in all our homes, anyway. They'll just say it's for our own protection and safety. Plus we'll get a break on our health and home insurance. I've read all your stories and loved them all. Then I wait a few years and read them again and still get a chuckle out of them. A true testament of an excellent author and all his works. Thank you
my favorite of yours. Very original. Well written. Happy ending. What more could you ask for? Five stars.
Really creative hook and plot.
Needs a sequel highlighting Mr. Fargo. :o)
...my two favorite stories this author has written. Thanks for the great reads!
Very good story and a refreshing reading...4*...Thank you
Congrats. Well done. Four out of five. A marvelous work of imagination. I a really haven't read anything like this on this site before. I took a long time before I realized not everything was as it seems. That means either I am an idiot or you are a good writer. I chose to believe the second. Cheers. Steve
Didn't see this ending coming.
Lovely story and I thought there had to be twist coming somewhere.
Everything made sense right at the end, just as it should.
Well done ...... a really good read.
WOW! Amazing and satisfying story!!
At first I was not into it but started figuring it out about a third through.
Enjoyed it thoroughly. Only improvement would be if he was able to handle Steve a little better later but still very satisfying and loved how he stood up to Steve even if he couldn't beat him in a fight!
Truly good story!!!
I had part of it figured out about halfway through, but the shrink was a surprise of course. I laughed at many parts, the insults and sarcasm were clever, even hilarious. It didn't bother me too much that he got knocked down by butthead Fargo; his job, as the husband, was to fight for his wife. He did. Maybe not very well, but he did fight for her.
It didn't surprise me to see that winning the fight was NOT what she valued most - she loved the fact that he fought for her. Also remember that the fight achieved what he wanted; Fargo stormed off unsatisfied and without his wife. I think Fargo also realized that, if he still wanted Bonnie, he would have to fight Chuck again.
There's nothing wrong with getting knocked down - what's important is that when she needed him - he stood up.
Loved the story, very refreshing to see a different kind of story that ends happily. Thanks!
Wow, you got me. Totally didn't see the ending coming like it did. Totally loved the entire story concept idea and how you told it. Thanks for sharing it. BK
Great story. It never pissed me off and left me feeling great . Thank you
This story had me wondering just what was happening! Of course, it was apparent that someone was under a spell. The neighborhood parties were really strange with everyone acting normal! This has been one of the finest stories I have read here, so thank you very much! Wonderful!
I enjoyed this story much more than the other things of yours that I read. You did a very good job on it. Thanks.
jtaylor
A terrific story! A '5', only because that's their limit, not mine. Engrossing. The best on site.
Though the end was a little too “easy” or perhaps “simple” is a better word. Wake up. Watch DVD. Everything fine. Boom. Boom. Boom. Still, the plotline, though obviously (and I assume intentionally) borrowed from “The Truman Show” is original (I thnk) for this genre.
Not sure it belongs in LW. Might be better fit in “Mind Control”.
You took a story that is not often done and did it well. You held my attention, gave it suspense and humor. Thanks for the smiles.
This should give us hope that we can make positive changes in our lives at anytime.
Totally unbelievable but what a fun read!
The name, as a Beatles song (well, Buck Owens really)
works, in a funny kind of way.
Interesting and positive.
Top ratings from me.
but very well developed. 5stars. It would have been nice to see Chuck physically give it to Steve Fargo. A pleasure to see the development of the kids.
It’s been many years since you posted this story HDK, but I read it for the first time yesterday. After reading another story, it came up as a suggestion as a similar story. Quite entertaining, enough twists and turns to keep it interesting (especially the one at the end that explained what had been going on). Still quite relevant to what many of us go through every day. We get so involved in our “day to day” that we miss out on the rest of our life around us. Good work HDK, thanks for sharing your thoughts with us.
This is a Excellent and Fantastic story you have written. No it wasn’t loaded with lots of Erotic Sex but it had the Drama of what a male would be feeling in an “Altered State of Mind”. The turn around the he made was very interesting. Also the feelings and emotions that he felt in not wanting to take advantage of “The Other Wife” shows his love and strength for his marriage. Thank You!
Pretty awesome story, I enjoyed it thoroughly.
Too bad Fargo never got his butt kicked, I feel sorry for his wife.
Another fine story from your fertile brain. Requires a little "suspension of disbelief," but makes for a great story.
Wish I'd given it another star that I did first time thru! (I was a tougher scorer back then.)