Adventure Pt. 01

I continued staring at her. "Well, I have thought about this. It may need some finessing but here goes. I will not be a cuck or wittol, so if you want to go screwing around, we're going to have to get a divorce." 

Her eyes went big and wide as she looked at me, "I don't want that." 

"Then don't go fucking other men. The choice is yours, it's that simple. And I will do my level best to make your life an adventure." 

There was a pause and I could see things going round in her pretty head. 

"Sweetheart it'll only be for a couple of months, six at the most." She paused for a bit. "And after I come back, I will never do anything like this again, I promise. And you can go and have adventures too." She looked at me with her serious face, so I knew what she said next, she really meant It. "When I come back you can do anything to me tie me up, spank me, and you can fuck me in the arse, anything except swapping." Apart from the bum stuff, I do most of that now so it was no big deal. 

I'd calmed down a bit, so I thought I'd use the time to bring some more realities into play. "What if I find somebody else that will let me do that to them without running off to fuck somebody else when they get bored. Don't you think I might want to stay with them? And what's to guarantee that you've done it once so that you won't go back on your word and do it again?" 

I took a breath and carried on in full flow. "And what's to say that you won't find someone else and not come back to me, just run off with your new young lover." 

Still she didn't get it, so I leaned on the kitchen table and stared at her right in the face and said in a low growling voice. "I don't want you fucking other men at all. But if it is going to happen it won't be whilst you're married to me, this is non-negotiable. And whilst you're off screwing other men, I will be off having my own adventures, having sex with other women. So, if you still want to have an adventure screwing other men, we'll get divorced." 

I was on a roll. "And another thing, if one of us runs off with someone else the house gets sold and we split everything." I could tell by the look on her face she hadn't seen that outcome. She loves this house.  

A small smile crept across her face as if to say, 'who would want boring old you?' 

"Did you read the text on the bottom of the last clip?" 

She got her phone out and read it out to me. "I wouldn't do this to you if you were mine." 

I had to point out to her that the message must have come from one of the girls sat around her table with her. From one of her friends. They were all beauty technicians; they were all gorgeous. That wiped the smile off her face. 

I carried on. "Right, here's the deal, we can be divorced in five months, let's call it six in case things go wrong. Six months after the date of the divorce you can come to me and ask me to marry you again and I will say 'yes'. We should both have got our 'adventurousness' out of our system by then." 

"You'd take me back?" 

"There is something I haven't said to you for a while, and I should have done. I love you; I always have, and I always will, it's not something I can turn off like a light bulb. So yes, I probably would." 

She came round and gave me a big hug. "You'd do this for me?" 

"Yes, but there are problems." 

She was intrigued, she couldn't see any, all she could see was her off having fun for six months and then coming back to me as if nothing had happened. I could see a lot. It was just the practical things for now. "You're going to have to move out, I will not have you bringing another man in this house, and I will not bring another woman in this house, that would taint it if we got back together." 

"I thought I'd be staying here?" She really hadn't thought it all through. It was also simple in her ditzy mind. 

"Can you afford the mortgage?" I knew the answer to that, beauty technicians don't get paid a great deal. However, area transport managers looking after heavy machinery do quite well, that's why she drives a nice little red Mazda. 

"You can stay in the house with me until the divorce is final, but you'll have to sleep in a different bedroom, we will have to live different lives. We will divide all of our savings. But you will have to pay for your car, food and drink in the house. Although we're living under the same roof, we must live separate lives. I won't charge you rent. But for the six months we are divorced you will have to find somewhere else to live. Perhaps Gary's got a spare room, but you might have to ask his wife. Or you could go to your parents?" That made her face frown, she didn't like either of those suggestions, but it didn't last long, she was very quickly looking on the sunny side of life again. 

She couldn't see any problems, I could. I was on a roll now, "and if we get back together, we will continue to have separate accounts, not the one like we do now just in case you want to run off again. So, if we go on holiday; you'll pay your half and I'll pay mine, happy with that?" She nodded her head. I didn't mention the car insurance, tax, fuel or the servicing. All the things that I paid for out of our joint account, which was fine, up until she wanted a separate life. Even if it was only for six months. 

"One final thing for now but I'm sure there will be others. If you sleep with another man, no, let's start again. If any part of another man, or woman enters your body before the divorce is final the whole deal is off." She looked confused. 

"That means if you give a man a blowjob, he takes your cunt or arse, sticks his fingers in you or even French kissing. If he puts his tongue in your mouth, the whole thing is off and the same goes for women in case you get inclined that way. Oh, and the same rules apply to me. I'm not allowed to put any part of my body into somebody else's until the divorce is final.

When the divorce is final you can do what you like. But up until then we stick by the rules 'forsaking all others' like we both promised at our wedding." 

"So kissing is OK but French kissing isn't?" 

Sometimes she can be a bit thick, OK not just sometimes. "French kissing is just a prelude. Tongue mouth cock cunt. It's quite simple really." She got it, well what my interpretation was. 

But after that set back I could see she was still getting excited, it looked so rosy from her point of view. 

"Oh, and another thing, monthly STD checks after the divorce." 

"What!" 

"I don't know who you're going to be sleeping with once we're divorced and what protection they are taking or who they've been with. If you come back to me, I want you to be completely clean. oh, and the same goes for me. And another thing whilst I'm thinking about it. Make sure you're on the pill; I will not have another man's baby in this house. In fact, if you get pregnant, even if you get rid of it, I will not remarry you." 

She didn't notice that the 'Yes, I will marry you was now dotted with the words 'if' and 'probably'. 

I think the harsh realities of life were just starting to strike home on her, there will be plenty more in the next couple of weeks. I could see her thinking a bit. 

"I have a question, when can we start dating?" 

Bollocks. She had obviously swept everything I'd said under the carpet, she was so keen to get started. 

"I think as soon as the separation paperwork is issued it would be a good time. That should take about 10 days. I can't stop you going out with someone now. But I tell you right now, I will take a really dim view of you if you start going out with other men before the separation, and that might affect how I treat you when all this is over." She smiled and things were looking very rosy for her. Couldn't she wait just 10 days? 

"When does all this start?" She asked me. 

"I'll see the solicitor as soon as I can tomorrow and get it all started. You'd better take the day off as well. You'll have things to do." 

"Like what?" 

"Open a bank account so I can pay half of our savings into it, arrange for your credit cards to be paid from your new account, you may want to take out more credit cards because I'm going to cancel our joint ones, there's nothing on those at the moment. I'm going to buy a fridge to keep my food in, you can use the one in the kitchen till you move out, you may want to do some food shopping as well because when what's in the freezer and the fridge is gone, you'll have to get your own. We can share pots and pans and stuff like that, but I'm not doing your washing up. I think that's about it for now but I'm sure some other stuff will come up." 

Again there's a few things there she hadn't thought about. 

I looked at her. "I do have one suggestion before I see the solicitor. I do love you so very much, this is going to hurt both of us an awful lot." I could see from her face she didn't believe that. "As neither of us is going to get any sex for the next six months, can I suggest we go to bed and make love." We did, I got my day in bed, but not how I wanted. 

The following morning was very busy, I was quite tired, she'd worn me out. I was lucky to get an appointment with a solicitor for 1:00 o'clock. It was all fairly straight forward for a no contest divorce. I managed to pick up a second-hand fridge which when she'd moved out would become my beer fridge. I went to the bank and cancelled the joint credit cards and paid all of mine off. Whilst I was there, I opened a separate account for myself and transferred about 3/4 of our savings into it. OK so I'm a shit.  

I made time to visit a private investigator and had a chat with her. I didn't beat around the bush and told her exactly what was happening and that I might call on her to check that Jayde was sticking to the rules. We set up a method of communication where I would inform her if I had any concerns and any information I had that she might find worth investigating. I gave her £2000 from what was left in our joint savings account as a retainer. 

When I got home Jayde was there still brimming with enthusiasm for her new life. I didn't think she realised how hard the next six months were going to be for her whilst we waited for the final divorce. She gave me her bank account details. I went online and put half of the remaining quarter into her account and showed it to her. She commented that she thought we had more savings than that. I told her we'd had some heavy expenses recently, council tax, electricity bill, heating bill and my car servicing, it all adds up, I told her. OK so I'm still a shit but she needed to learn the facts of life and all the money in the savings had come from my work. 

She went upstairs and I heard her moving stuff around, so I went upstairs to her. "What are you doing?" I asked. 

"I'm moving your stuff into the spare room." 

Right, first reality check. "Oh no, I'm paying the mortgage, I stay in the main bedroom, you go into the spare room. And you may have to buy some more wardrobes for all your clothes, because when we live separate lives, you won't be allowed in my bedroom, nor me in yours." 

That shook her up, but she just smiled and started moving her stuff. As she hadn't got enough room for all her clothes, she asked me if she could leave some of her clothes in my bedroom, I told her she could. After she'd moved all she could I made sure my door lock worked. Yes, I really am a shit. 

As we were using up all the food in the fridge and the freezer, I made dinner. Over dinner I told her that I had engaged a private investigator to check that she was sticking to the rules, and she wouldn't know when or where he was checking up on her. I also told her that she could do the same to me as that would be only fair. I even gave her the name and address of different private investigators, well, there was only one in our town, so if she wanted one it would have to be the next town over. I'd never seen her face look so stunned. I think she had the idea that she might be able to break the rules and get away with it, who would be checking?  Now it became plainly obvious that she couldn't cheat the system. I also had an idea that whoever sent me that text worked in her beauty salon and they would be on my side. I would have to find out who that was, I had an idea who it may be. That would probably be very easy as Jayde wouldn't be able to keep this quiet, and it would soon be all around the salon. 

After we finished dinner and I was washing the pots, it was her turn to dry. I wasn't going to use the dishwasher, I wanted her to do her share; she sidled up to me and said. "Can I ask you a favour please?" 

"You can ask." 

"Can I go on a date with Gary, just the one without you taking it the wrong way? He's been phoning me constantly, but I need to tell him what the rules are. Anyway, he's very clingy and I haven't even been out with him yet. I think he needs putting in his place." 

"The man obviously has no morals because he knows he's chasing a married woman. Are you sure that's the sort of man you want to be hanging around with?" 

"Oddly enough I'd thought of that, well Marcie mentioned it last Friday whilst we were out, and I think you're both right about him so it will just be dinner nothing else. So, can I?" 

My brain worked double overtime at double speed, and I came up with a cunning plan. "Yes, but only if I know where you're going. We're still married and not separated. That's what you'd normally do if you were going out with someone else. Being a wife and married to me you would tell me where, when you're going and with whom, so until we get the separation paperwork that's what you should do." 

"Okay that seems fair, I'll let you know where and when." She smiled at me, she tilted her head to one side in that oh so cute fashion that I like and said. "Well as a thank you, I think we should have an early night." 

I put on my angry voice "Oh, so now you're trying to bribe me with a guilty fuck because you're going out on a date with Gary. I don't think so. Today is basically day one, we split everything from here on in." I got up and stormed out. Again, not quite true, the separation paperwork hadn't been issued, but it felt like a mercy fuck. Ok, the anger wasn't fake. 

That shook her. 

She told me where and when she was going with Gary. I had a chat with one of the blokes from work, I told him most of the truth, that my wife was going out with a bloke, and I wanted to make sure there was no hanky panky going on, and I would pay for his dinner if he followed them. I bet that was going to cost me, it wasn't a cheap place they were going to. It was a bit naughty of me, because Harry wasn't the most subtle of blokes, he was over six foot and built like a brick shit house. 

She came in after her date with Gary. She was not happy. "Well, that was a fucking bust."  

"What went wrong?" 

"He was an arrogant asshole, oh by the way he isn't married, he was, she divorced him. He only wears the wedding ring to stop women chasing him. The arrogant fucking bastard. And he made me pay for my dinner, what gives?" 

"How much was it?" 

"£75, and he drank most of the wine." 

"37 quid, that's not bad for that place." 

"£75 fucking each." I hadn't heard her swear this much since she crashed her car a couple of years ago. 

"Things have changed, why should he pay for your food, it's not like he was going to get anything for his money was he?" 

"Well, he's certainly fucking not now, Oh and l spotted your PI as well, not very discreet. 

"Yes, tall chap, well-built, looked a bit familiar." She paused. "I've just had a thought; how did he find me? Did you tell them where I was going, that's not fair if you did?" 

"No, I didn't, but I've told them where you work, where you live and your car registration. They must've followed you either from here or from work." That had her worried, what she didn't know is that I had given the real PI's her phone number and tracking details. 

I carried on. "So, going back to paying for the food, why should he pay for your food?" 

"That's what gentlemen do." Oh dear, she hadn't realised how much the world had changed since we were courting. 

"Well, he's obviously not a gentleman then. But look at it this way. If you had gone to bed with him and I'm not saying you did, and he'd paid for dinner wouldn't that have made you a £75 whore. Sex for money just with food in the middle." She didn't see it; I was wasting my time on that track. 

"But you always pay." 

"Ah, but that's different, you see we both pay into the same account, sorry paid into the same account, so when I paid for dinner, it came out of our joint account, so we shared the bill. It doesn't matter that I put the vast majority of the money into that account, you still paid your bit. So even though I paid the bill, you did your bit. You're going to have to pay your way on a date now." That confused her. She was shaking her pretty little head and I watched those lovely blonde tresses bounce as she went upstairs to bed into her room. 

When she came down in the morning, I had the tea and toast on the kitchen table and my phone to my ear. As she came into the kitchen, I went into the sitting room but didn't close the door. It sounded like I was talking to somebody on the phone. 

"What the bloody hell am I paying you for, your bloke was so obvious she spotted him, it's no good bloody telling me nothing happened, of course it didn't, your man stood out like a sore thumb."

I paused, "OK you're not going to charge me for that one, but don't use him again she knows what he looks like." 

I walked back into the kitchen looking like I was fuming. She had a slight smile on her face, "problems?" 

"Nothing that I can't put right." 

We hovered around each other the weekend, I did the usual house stuff. And she went shopping. We were sitting watching telly enjoying one of our last bottles of wine and I think she was having some second thoughts, good. "We're going to be alright when this is finished, aren't we?" She asked, there was doubt in her voice. 

"Probably, I hope so. But what if you find you don't want to come back? Or I find I like the single life and don't want you back?" I don't think these possibilities had crossed her mind until she was out shopping for wardrobes on her own today. 

"Are you happy with this?" She asked timidly. 

I turned to face her. My voice was not timid in my reply. "No, I'm fucking not. I don't want this. You do and because I love you, I will do it for you. But I will not be humiliated by you sleeping around whilst married to me." Then I got really upset. "You want excitement, but instead of coming to me so we can do something together, you want to find your excitement with somebody else. You want to go off shagging other men. So probably we won't be all right." I got up, took the bottle of wine, went upstairs to my bedroom and slammed the door. The anger was not faked this time either. I was hoping that outburst might change her mind. 

We spent some time over that weekend going through the house splitting stuff up we had to share in the sitting room and the kitchen. I moved all my pictures across to my side of the room, she to hers, I put all my books and my personal belongings on my side of the room, she put all of hers on her side. All a bit petty really, but I was trying to make a point. There was some discussion about things like batteries, staplers, stationery and stuff like that. Stuff that she wasn't interested in, so I had all those. 

I took a couple of the flower vases, and she asked what I wanted those for? I told her I like flowers, and to make a point next time I was out I bought a bunch and put them on my side of the room. It sort of made her side look bare and empty. We worked out some sort of rota for the household jobs, emptying the bins, cutting the grass, cleaning, that sort of thing. I would make sure she emptied the bins and did her turn at cutting the grass, she wouldn't like that. She was more interested in a rota for watching the television. We decided to record most things and allocated time for each of us to use the system to watch our programmes. We agreed we would watch the programmes we both like together. But anything on the video that was over a month old would get wiped.