All Comments on 'After the Ball'

You have the potiential for a good story but it is hidden amongst glaring time period faults and poor character development. Do some research on one time period and base everything from that. What clothes did they wear, what were the norms of the time? When exactly were girls allowed to learn chemistry? (Make your own character, don't copy Snape) If you get the setting right, the characters are the focus, not the inconsistancies. The word Fuck is totally inappropriate for this story, and Sofia, who doesn't know anything about the subject certainly wouldn't have said it. Character development is more tricky, however you need to work on revealing who Sofia and Caleum they are and why they do what they do more incitefully.

Keep writing

@ anon I thought about Snape too =)

I loved your story. Prof elwyn is damn sexy as the forbidden fruit for Sofia. Love it.

(a) I understand from your comment that you may have felt the setting was a bit jarring, and that's a valid concern. However, nowhere (I think) did I indicate any specific time period or even a real place. I did this on purpose knowing that I wanted to use artistic license to combine things that would seem a bit anachronistic to our traditional historical picture. In actuality I envisioned it more like a modern society that has chosen to keep to "traditional" norms in most ways.

(b) I never said Sofia doesn't know anything about sex, just that she doesn't have any experience with it. I specifically pointed out that other girls often had a bit more experience, and therefore I took it as a given that she would have learned the word "fuck" from them. The entire point was that it was so unexpected for her to use it in that scenario, but again I see where it could have been jarring.

(c) It's true that you nailed precisely where I said my inspiration came from, but if you'll look at the single long series work I've written I think it's pretty clear that I'm inspired by the idea of a dark and remote male figure. It's not uncommon and I don't really think most of the characters I've written are all that original. Most characters written period in today's literature and even yesterday's literature aren't really original.

I have enjoyed this tremendously and I hope there is another part to it.

I do hope that you continue this story as it has potential to reach the top.

I loved this story, hot, exciting, and erotic. I really hope you write another chapter, SOON. Keep it up.

I was hoping there would be a continuation! I loved this and it totally ended on a cliffhanger :( Love your stories!

More, more, we need more,