All Comments on 'Algebra'

It dragged a bit in the middle, but Great Job!

5

Got tired of the political cheap shots, gave up. That’s not why I come to literotica. Save it for breitbart.

What political cheap shots?

Nitpicking I know but I think you meant ensure instead of insure. Thanks for a great story. BTW, for those who think there are political statements in the story stop complaining and write your own.

I got to the 2nd page and the second "bleeding heart liberal" comment. I stopped reading at that point and gave it 1 star. My advice, keep politics out of your stories.

I skimmed through how he packed his clothes, the unneeded back story of how they met and so many other needless details. Then we have the neat bow at the end. He found a bigger titted better woman, his daughter did well and the ex realized what a great guy he was. You write well, but the minutia you added made it painful to read at times. Unlike many readers here, I find the fairytale epilogue geared for grade school level readers that detracts from the story.

Shows how poor decisions early on can lead to worse problems down the line.

I did find the short explanation she gave to be unsatisfying. There were more questions raised by her behavior than we answered. Still, four stars.

Seriously, it was long, boring, idiotic.

it was good but could have been shorter.

is it a type of winners remorse and not for all that might have been, TK U MLJ LV NV

I have to admit to a lot of skimming, but while it was wrong, I can at least understand her having her tubes tied. But how does that explain cutting him off from sex, cheating and wanting to give him cream pies?

This way a great read . Been weeks with out some good reads . You got moxy kid.

True a females body is her own to do what she will.

But for a young married woman to insist on that procedure without informing her husband is a betrayal of the lowest order. Knowing he wanted a large family she denied him the chance to find that fulfillment with another woman while he was still a young man.

At no place in the story did author delineate her reasons so that anyone could understand why she chose procedure.

Signed,

sbrooks103y

Or

luedon2

I enjoyed reading the story though I found it a little bit too long...anyway I rated it a good 5....

Agree with other comments that the story spun its wheels a little in the middle. Maybe readers were meant to feel the limbo experienced by the main character - "I have to keep going through this in order to get to the deadline to execute the plan."

Melanie only explained her tubal ligation in her letter, saying she was influenced by Zero Population Growth beliefs to make an impulsive decision.

The STD infection gambit always carries unintended consequences. Few marriages are totally nonsexual, so there's always a risk than an unsuspecting (and almost always innocent) spouse can be infected. Not to mention other third parties, like - OUCH! - daughters!

Happily ever after does happen, though not often. Most of the time, things work out - not well, not poorly - they just work out in a mixed bag. Not every story has to be relentlessly "real," so I'm very OK with happily ever after sometimes just as I'm OK with truly tragic endings sometimes.

Anonny the reason for the ligation was given in the end. She read that stupid ZPG book and thinks she is saving the world by limiting their family to one child. Of course their original plan of two fit the book's premise. She went against what they had already agreed to. She was one of these obnoxious social justice warriors. She thinks she is saving the world by working with those charities. ASPCA is noble. Planned Parenthood is an extension of the ZPG nonsense. I guess she felt that killing millions of babies will save the planet. I'm sure she felt very superior. A very ignorant woman.

I’ll give her one more chance, and then another, and then I really mean it this time last chance. I thought that was unrealistic, especially bringing home another dudes cum. Fuck that! And if I knew that guy was molesting his daughter. Cops immediately! Even if it was anonymous tip. How could you sleep with that on your conscious.

I have always wondered how long it would take to for us justice system to find you in the Uk and could they do anything to your wages?

Everyone thinks differently. I still thought it was good and worth my time.

🤘

Eight pages is just too long, then you finish in a half page. And REALLY, what man would have waited 5 months to leave. I did love the way you played it out, but you could have moved it along faster and had a better ending. Good thing this is fiction, because not much is believable. Will give you a 4 though. The twist and turns you thought up were incredible.

Beyond liberal.... She was a leftist.

great story hope to see more in the future give you a ten

Not bad writing, but way too long. Could have been done in about 1/3 the time. Also, it would as just too prettily wrapped up to even be remotely realistic. It’s amazing how all of these BTB stories seem to have a husband who is utterly clueless when it comes to knowing what their wives are up to, only to turn int some sort of McGyver when it comes to plotting revenge. Sorry, I have known way too many husband who have gone through divorce and not one of them could think clearly enough to handle things anywhere close to pulling off something like this. Sadly, that fact alone tends to put these type of stories into the fantasy realm instead of reality. It would be nice if an author who can write this well would spend time actually writing erotica, what this site is supposed to be about.

This was an interestingly engineered plan by Kurt and worked out in his favor but the author needs some help in learning how to write a story. It was way too long, some parts really dragged on uselessly and needs good editing.

Get some help in writing and try again.l

T.T.

He went thru to much trouble to bury this cheater. Next that charity mentioned the wounded warrior project is a sham. They spend most of the money on salary and administration. A total fraud . Now take other charities that give back 93% of the money they take in. Look it up or google it.

loved all the way you built the plot with all the details. A thing here or there I would have done differently, but it's your story, not mine.

as for those who whine and moan about 'too many details'....it's called building a plot. They're the ones who really only want to see the words fuck, dick and pussy (or cunt). they're really just pretty satisified with a story that's along the lines of

Fun With Dick and Jane

Dick fucked Jane. He slid his dick in her pussy.

THE END...

so there ya go

A bit long in parts, making the wait for "D" day painful, but it was nice to see it working out for him.

I just found it to be a really tragic story. The wife utterly destroyed what had been a great sex life and marriage with one incredibly selfish decision.

How did he live with a woman for seventeen years and NOT NOTICE a cesarean scar?

I don't think it was ever stated that he didn't know that she had a Cesarean, just that he didn't know about he having her tubes tied. In fact, in her letter she states explicitly, "As you now know I had already made the plans with my doctor to have a Caesarean,"

So he was well aware of the Cesarean!

The guy was an obsessive ass.

BTW Planned Parenthood's main preoccupation-giving less well-informed women control over their fertility-effectively prevents Democrats being born-and saves the US taxpayer a vast amount of money.

This was painfully over-written; I was barely skimming by about page 6.

Since the political jabs contributed nothing to the story line, perhaps cutting them down and removing much of the, “...and then I did this...,” stuff would solve the problem.

long winded

You dropped a comment or two about political things. My only complaint about that is I don't really think that Northern California is noticeably more conservative than LA.

OK, the story ran a little long but it kept my interest. Unlike some, I read Melanie's letter at the end, which did explain some things.

Please write more.

Does no one writing these stories understand the need for and value of communication in a relationship, especially a marriage. He should have confronted her at Hollween. She might have even been able to admit to the ligation. If you think that would not make as good a story, you're wrong. So much more character development. The heart break and struggles of making an effort to build on the good. Still can have Jack committing incest, Mary's discovery of betrayal by her friend with her husband, the hard emotional , mental work to rebuild something so important after so thoughtlessly and selfishly taken for granted.

For this work of art. Great job!

He was such boring fart

Anonymous comment: "Does no one writing these stories understand the need for and value of communication in a relationship, especially a marriage."

They probably do, Anonymous, but wouldn't they be boring stories if they had everybody communicating effectively and resolving all their problems?

However, 'lack of communication' is such a catch-all diagnosis that it is close to meaningless. It's what is different about a particular communication difficulty, and why the husband and wife can't communicate effectively, that makes a story interesting.

Lue

Fantastic story. Once I started reading I couldn't stop.Such a devious mind you have.

I found it funny as fuck.

"My kind of revenge is HOT and NOW" so here you have eight pages of cold and calculated planning.

The story lacks punch, emotion and character development.

You can't write a good LW story without a good confrontation

It was a bore, with a wrong "camara/PI" angle.

Once you have confirmation, why do you need more proof?

A good story...It has some issues, but it's a good read...Her letter showed him he had done the right thing, because after fifteen years she still was a selfish woman...4*

I stand or genuflect corrected. I admittedly skimmed her confession, so even though her explanation came in last few paragraphs of story, and should have been fresh in my mind, I missed it.

Thank you for providing me with that insight.

What a way to go. You know her daughter has to have told her about her Father Remarrying and helping to Raise 3 boy's. and with her and her daughter living so far away from each other. There would be a lot of missed time with her Daughter and Grand Kids.

I would have appreciated it had you used a good editor and cut it down to about 4 pages. SO much extraneous stuff that bogged the story down. But it was entertaining. I really can't see him saddling himself with a really young wife and three young kids. But that's writer's choice.

Why do authors insist on writing about things they are completely ignorant about? This author, in the first page, describes Southern California as more "liberal" than NoCal. This is demonstrably false. Orange County, in Southern California, is the home of Nixon, John Birch Society style Republicanism. This author is an ignorant deplorable.

The story is shallow, and the political comments illustrative of the closed-minded world the author is so fond of.

I'm from metro Detroit and I loved reading a story set there, particularly one that had all the references correct. The Lark is a great (and yes, expensive!) restaurant - probably one of the best I've ever frequented.

Forensic fossil is a tool. ' Author is wrong cuz three republicans live in south cal'. Whaaat? Do you know how averages work? Cali....as a whole....is unilaterally a blue state. Cuz it votes that way. Currently. If you weren't such an old fossil you'd know that.

His addition of politics wasn't preachy at all. Didn't condemn nor praise any party.

his wife was a cunt though. her short shitty letter is more self serving garbage. she belittled him constantly. didn't say sorry for that. overall great read

Major issues: 1. WAY too long; should have been no more than 4 pages.

2. No emotional clash or drame at the time of the denouement. A letter clinically explaining things four years later is not good enough. And in any case, this doesn't explain the lack of sex aftr KJ's birth.

Other issues: Canada doesn't have any Capitols Canada has a capital, but there is no Capitol in it..

He put a personal USB in a company computer? That should have triggered a security alert and led to his immediate dismissal.

Mixing Jasmine into the frazy was unnecessary and did not add anything to the story.

I’ve grown so tired of all the cuckold/swinging shit on here, it about time wronged partner gets ahead of the game. You and JimBob44 are carrying LW right now. Thank you.

Watching certain 'incels' or closet cuckies contort themselves in paroxysms of hypocrisy excusing the addition of politics in this story after deriding it in others.

By involving his company in his plan to dispose of assets, he exposed the company to a major lawsuit. No manager with any sense would have gone along with that.

The same is true with his scheduled firing and rehiring in Ontario. He set it up to defraud his wife in the divorce action, and his company went along with it, knowing his reason. The company gets sued, the ex collects a few million (a third of which goes to her Democrat lawyer), and both our hero and his former boss wind up really unemployed.

His taking a job in Canada would be seen as an attempt to get around the judges alimony order; that’s contempt of court, and the judge can impose it arbitrarily, no jury or trial required.

And yes, this was about 3 pages too long.

but nothing to distinguish it either. Read in parts like an engineer wrote it, a list of tasks being planned, then completed. Not much emotional impact for the reader.

I really enjoyed this as the plot rolled along. A great ending as well. As a vet I know what something like the dying vet asks means and the honor that it vests to the recipient.

Not really. Wife checked out of the marriage when she had her tubes tied and lied all about it. Then stopped having sex. Just, what, two years into that relationship...

Yep - liberals and conservatives really shouldn't marry one another. In fact, NO one should marry a liberal woman. They are just too stupid. ;-)

(But many ARE smart enough to marry a good old faithful if boring conservative man - knowing a liberal man would just be screwing around on them anyway.)

But he shares the blame for a lot of his own misery by putting up with it. He should have had it out with her a long time ago. Either communicate and fix the problem or just leave her way back when.

Anyway I enjoyed it and you get 5 stars from me.

@ReedRichards, have you read your own writing? it is boring, long winded and could be done in half the pages, so look at yourself before critiquing others the way you did here.

The woman was a selfish, self-centered bitch, and then he tolerated and spoiled her. That's not a liberal or conservative character trait, that's just a shameless taker and a clueless giver. It was really hard to feel sorry for a person who has so little connection with their spouse. If she was that selfish and self righteous about getting herself sterilized, she would have carried that character trait into other decisions and choices during their marriage. He put up with her shit for so long that it makes sense she thought she could be fucking some other guy right under his nose and get away with it. Why not? She even thought she could fuck over her best friend and get away with it, and did. Your Epilogue omitted how Mary reacted to learning her best friend was fucking her husband.

So it was a good compelling story, but the pointless detail and repetition of dithering meandering thoughts became tiring, then obnoxious. Did we really need to be told how often they ate steak, or all the details about how his company operated, etc.? I started to sympathize with the whore wife having to put up with this droning clueless emotionless robot. No sex for four months and he doesn't even complain, and the wife doesn't even notice. Just more of the same from the dumb ass who pays the bills.

So, not bad, just too long with distracting detail. Thanks for the effort. Do more, and better. Thank you for what you have done.

Demanding multiple children when his wife doesn't want to pollute the planet with more assholes. Yes she made a difficult decision only because her husband would have demanded more kids. She should have never married a conservative from Iowa since he is just too ignorant to understand life.

Thanks for the great story and I enjoyed the political jabs as well.

Thanks for sharing

5

(I hope) This was a good parody meant to satire some conservative writing and perhaps partially to call out and chide conservatives. I have to believe there was intent on misleading material. Some examples . . . While in actuality, conservative judges may be slightly more likely to favor the woman (following the traditional approach) it's very close. One known bias factor is whether or not the judge has a daughter. Those with daughters were more likely to favor women or women's issues, regardless of their political biases. (It may actually be inadvertent on the part of the judge . . . that's tougher to determine.) Notice the main character only had a daughter, bringing him closer to such judges in bias (albeit possibly inadvertent). Nice little bit of writing!

Notice he also knowingly 'spoiled' his daughter, making her MORE likely to feel entitlement in the future (and perhaps act like his ex-wife had) . . . at least, if some writers here are to be believed.

And his wife mentions she read 'Zero Population Growth" and 'believed it. . . . Another obvious contradiction. ZPG entails 2.1 children per family in developed countries, and 3 per family in underdeveloped countries, (and they were from the Detroit area, so they probably needed to have 5 or 6). Anyway, if his wife 'believed it', she would almost certainly NOT have stopped at 1, but would have had 2 or 3 (only kidding about the Detroit numbers). I'll bet the author did that to see if we were paying attention.

These obvious little contradictions and non-realities are (again - hopefully) winks at the informed reader (or the less informed of us who try to use Bayeseian probability . . . or who will at the very least will look things up on occasion).

If that annoys anyone, forgive me, just try and get 'passed' it, okay? (But if you really can't, then just getting past it would be alright too . . . )

Fun writing!

If you vote for a candidate who promises to vote and then votes for abortion, are you guilty of conspiracy to commit mass murder?

There too many twists and turns, lies and getting other people involved in the lies, and the end result was the main character was as bad as the wife and her boyfriend, especially since he involved the daughter in his lies and twists and turns.

jtaylor

Good grief, what drivel. Pathetic!

A note of jail time for the sleaze bag "Jack"; that incestuous, pedophile should've been put under a prison. Or, at least in prison and let all the other in mates know; I hear they hold a special place for pedophiles...

The Wayne County judge would have taken this guy to the cleaners, giving all the money from the house to the wife simply from the obvious money shuffle and leaving the house beforehand.

In regards to the negative comments,

erotikos, I notice that you complained and called it drivel and yet you read all 8 pages. I thought it was well written with very few errors in syntax, plot progression or spelling. However; I am certain that you will do so much better when you get around to publishing something of your own.

As to Jack, I would have to agree that he got off way too lightly, but I will not fault the author for leaving a few loose ends. After all, this isn't a Dickens story where all the characters get their just desserts and everything is neatly wrapped up with a pretty bow on top.

To the anon that complained about the judge's ruling. She could only award the existing assets and that would have been an additional 32k. BF deal. That complaint is barely worth a response. No judge will fault him for fully-funding their daughter's education. As to the donations, they were written from a joint account in which any lawyer could argue he had every right to do, especially since two of the charities were his wife's faves. I did notice the artistic license that the author took by having the wife admit she approved 100, but meant dollars rather than thousands. He could still have proven her agreement by playing the voice-activated audio which he had recording in the home.

The one glaring error, in my mind, is that he had written those checks after he had removed the bulk of the cash to another account. It would make more sense to have the author edit the story so that he never moves a cent. This is something the judge would notice as he transferred all but 10k shortly after learning she was unfaithful. He would have shown himself to be much more clever if he had left all the funds in their joint account.

I gave it 5 stars at it certainly held my interest and had some nice plot devices.

A little to long. The part I don't understand is why he got all upset about his wife cheating. Don't all conservative red state bible thumpers support extra marital affairs? It's become the current conservative Republican standard of behavior, it's like they all want to out fuck Bill. And Cameron Diaz? Really? She very well may be an illegal, has any one seen her real birth certificate?

You developed a workable (and different) plot line and the characters to go with it. You've described how the human heart can be ever-so-slowly corrupted to do evil things whose consequences last a lifetime. Everyone can profitably ruminate on THAT lesson! You also presented another interesting departure from "conventional wisdom" in that you had "Kurt" disclose "Melanie's" treachery to "KJ" almost right away, rather than withholding the info out of some oft-misguided notion that there is a need to not contaminate the parental relationship with the guilty parent. I like your approach.

A bit long? Yeah, it could use some tightening up along the way. E.g., the last two weeks could be condensed. But so what? Better longer than a story that pole vaults to a one paragraph wrap-up that seems to come out of nowhere.

Thanks for your evident work to make a thoughtful story.

Any man who ever screwed a woman twice in one session is going to know what sloppy seconds feels like. The wife bringing home seconds and giving them to her husband has automatically confessed. Maybe she had her husband eat up Jack’s cream pie so thoroughly he couldn’t tell the difference?

And how many teenaged children are going to side so completely with their father against their mother? I’ve seen that plot device used several times, and it always seems too strained for believability to me.

A good story .. well thought out and entertaining to read .. and best of all , it was all there in one installment .. not having to wait weeks/months for the next bit is so great.

Other authers please take note.

Incest in Michigan is a felony. Once an officer of the court came upon this knowledge, Jack would have to be charged. Because of the STD, It would be an easy conviction. Kurt, on the other hand, probably wouldn’t have a problem. What is did is not as uncommon as one would think.

Maybe this author is REALLY this goddamn conservatives and therefore like all of them just plain fucking stupid.

David Vitter Rudy Giuliani Larry craig Mark Sanford John Ensign ..

the scary thing is that mist conservatives after reading this list either have no idea who half of these people are OR dont see what all these men have in common

Well thought out, very entertaining, and the good guys won in the end.

... it adds up even with multiplier.

Thanks for sharing your hard work on Lit.

x

Good story, so please keep writing.

To HarryinVA… You can always tell a liberal. You just can't tell them much. And, you, sir, are a moron.

I wish more words had been spent on his life after, and that it had been shown, not told.

I've never been much of a fan of epilogues that are written as summaries.

Also, he's 40, it's not that old, he could easily have found a woman and made a baby or three, rather than having to be a stepfather.

Taking over a dead man's family felt pretty ridiculous, especially when no romance at all is shown to make it convincing.

This is one of the best stories I have read in a long time. Will hold its weight even outside literotica. Very intricate plotline, great character development and good attention to detail.

Thank you and please keep writing.

The story was complete. He did not go nucular on anybody. Giving the 300k away was hard to feel justified. The ending is your choice tho I like the ones that the husband walks into the sunset with a new love of his life, and the wife lives in section 8 housing trying to survive life

By "they" I mean the authors who post stories in Loving Wives who are of the BTB persuasion.

What they might learn is that the guy who gets audio/video proof of his wife doing the dirty is committing a felony in the process - such electronic eavesdropping requires the consent of at least one participant. In Michigan the consent of both is required.

So all it will take is a little bad luck or carelessness and the recording/videotaping is discovered, and the shit will hit the fan. That revenge he is so set on obtaining will be served cold indeed as he does a year in the slammer.

I am sure that someone will point out that there was nothing erotic in the story which will some to give it lower score than it deserves. Personally I really enjoyed it and gave it a 5!

I am convinced that it was written by a robot, running a scan on all the non-cuckolding LW stories ever written, then including every possible element from those stories, except tension, drama or human emotion. I suppose as long as the desired outcome is reached, all the chest-beaters and knuckle-draggers are happy.

I appreciate that you didn't write something disgusting, no sexual humiliation, no racist drivel, no sexual torture, no murders that I noticed while skimming, but it was singularly uninspired and droned on interminably. I will give you a three for not being gag-inducing. Try again, without all the words and with a little emotion.

Pretty good story. Too drawn out.

Bad guy doing his daughter was a bit too much. We already disliked him enough when he tried to force anal sex on the STD carrying bar "pick up", so no need to pile on with that evil doing his daughter twist.

Four Stars.

Have you never heard of literary license? We have stories with husbands who are ex-Navy Seals/Special Forces, who are computer/security/surveillance experts, who can eat pussy better than a lesbian, and your questioning the legality of a video?

I personally question the accuracy of the divorce settlements that we see here, but accept them as written for the sake of the story.

Really enjoyed your story ragnarok1 !

It was very well laid out, nicely paced, with an appropriate level of detail and just fun!

I thought you developed your characters well, though your protagonist was a bit too good (his only real fault was being blindingly in love with his wife and far too forgiving of her treachery).

Please keep writing and annoying the so called "open" minded liberals!

Please, I will add you to my definitely read list if you do. Obviously 5 stars and I loved it.

This knuckle dragger enjoyed the story, although the algebra gave me a migraine. You surely pissed off HarryinVagina, and for that I wish I could give you another *5. People who like SBrooks said, readily accept 38 DDD tits, and that every negro has a 14 inch cock, will whine endlessly over curt procedure, or video in the bedroom. My wife knows we have security cameras, so I guess she's careful. At least I haven't caught her yet. Anyway, great effort. Please give us more.

11B40

I really enjoyed this story. It was long, but I didn't get bored. By Kimmi's ,who I respect greatly, definition, I guess I am a conservative knuckle dragger. Proud of it too. Please grace us with another story soon. MAGA.

1.) The cescarean - I can imagine the tubal ligation being a "surprise", but not the cescarean. Though it's not mentioned absolutely, it did seem unexpected when he read the medical records. One - she goes in a month earlier than expected birth, Two - he's not going to notice sutures and a scar?

2.) Irregardless if she's a cheating slut, she didn't seem outraged at Jack for sleeping with his own daughter, Jasmine. It seems as if she knew about it, or figured it out by the time of the phone confrontation. Maybe she's just such a selfish person it was more important that Jack gave her an STD, if that's so then I can understand. But she was a good mother. You can't be THAT selfish to be that. She should have been outraged. And if he could sleep with his own daughter, she should have wondered what he might have tried with her daughter, KJ.

3.) In court Melanie brought up getting an STD. AFTER Jack responded the judge kindly admonished him for "bringing it up". The lawyer should have countered that the wife had brought it up and his client was just responding. There is a possibility his lawyer figured that with a biased judge it was better to just let it go, if it didn't cause a problem. But he couldn't be sure of that at that instant.

4.) Southern Californka is NOT the liberal part of California. You have LA City/County, which is mixed, though admittedly more liberal than not. But then 50 miles east you have all of San Bernadino County, which is definitely middlin' to right leaning. And then south of LA you have Orange County, a very conservative area, and further south you have all of San Diego County, heavily populated by retired Navy and Marine vets, with a substantial active military presence. That is a very conservative place.

Central California is mostly agricultural. Another relatively conservative area. Now, the whole entire SF Bay Area, and north to the Oregon border (except for Sacramento, but that too is within the Central Valley, so is more middlin' than anything) is about as liberal as it gets within the USA.

So author is way off about that. If he had just said the parents were from liberal LA I could let it pass (though it's not true). But people really don't seem to understand California, and seem to lump a "liberal" Hollywood (probably not even 50 sq mi) with 50,000 sq mi of "not liberal", even very conservative, most of Southern California.

5.) And I guess this is an aside, i.e. OK not something wrong per se, but an observation about this writer and many others who write here on Litererotica. When describing the judge (or anyone else "liberal") they always feel the need to show they are anti-military or anti-vets (she didn't like Wounded Warriors). Why is that? I know a judge, who is fairly liberal (in California he'd be middlin'), but his brother went through Annapolis. I know his father and uncle were Korean War Vets. His "politics" may be more liberal than conservative, but it doesn't make him anti-veteran. Haven't asked, but he's probably anti-war and maybe anti-military (his brother got out after 10 or so years because of politics among officer corp. In fact I'd bet the brother is more anti-military because he knows intimately the amount of bullshit that goes on), but he doesn't hate vets. I know a lot of people like this. Hate the missions, maybe hate the institution, but not hate the people.

The liberals described by the authors I am referring to within literotica, are invariably liberal idiots. I find that disturbing and disheartening. I admit, they do exist, but I often find the ultra rightwing to be even bigger idiots. And there seems to be a lot more of them nowadays then when I was growing up.

Just to be clear, in todays political climate I am a left leaning centrist. I haven’t changed that much from when I was younger and was considered a moderate “Rockerfeller” Republican (a little less government, moderately social liberal, fair strong on business). I haven’t changed much, but the country sure has.

I fimd the story a little wordy. He also has Kurt go over things several times. An example is he descibes the planning of revenge, then describes actually going through with the revenge, then after wards we go over the results of the revenge (even though we were “there” when revenge was executed). If this happened just once I’d let it pass, but it was at least 2 or 3 times (I dont feel like going back to reread the story to get the exact samples... sorry).

Generally a good story. Good BTB. Just needs to be written, or edited better. Too wordy, yeah, i can understand it. Probably written, and once written, every word is necessary. I have this problem too. It takes practiced skill to be able to do it yourself, edit/delete sentences or even whole paragraphs. It’s something from within you, and (you thought) carefully crafted. It’s easier for a second set of eyes see the problems, and do the cutting. I think you need an editor.

Oh yeah, and the end is a bit of a cop out.

Well in this story the protagonist well deserved his anger and wish to get a divorce. In my work as a therapist and my personal life I have dealt with couple who overcame infidelity to have a warm, loving marriage. Romantic and companionate love both. But this 18 years of a lie never have I seen a couple be able to overcome that. I liked that part of the plot by the writer.

I really dislike the need for revenge so he spread the damage far and wide. A STD and they all got it. He was playing with peoples health and bodies. That action is as bad as the infidelity.

Then to make the money decisions to take away what they did build as a family in spite of her lies. Why is not enough that he has the capacity to make more money and find happiness. As she said in the end his revenge was complete because of that.

Finally I wonder where in the hell people get the idea of what a liberal is. Alex Jones?? I am not a liberal since the first campaign I worked on was for a Republican and the last the same with one of the two most honest worthwhile politicians ever. Bill Milliken. The other Phil Hart. I gave to both Planned Parenthood because they provide lots of care for mothers to have healthy babies. And gave to Wounded Warriors. As a Marine I believe in it. As a Marine sniper I could have used the help long ago. And a part of my life I continue to see my fellow Marines back from the pit, male and female for $5 to treat their PTSD. There is an actual change in the physicality of the brain so you need the kind of therapy that has a chance to change it back. I am trained in both EMDR and EFT they are acknowledge to do so. I have even been asked by FEMA to work with workers after some of the disasters we have had.

Since I was 12 I have been a hunter. A single shot 16 gauge till you could hit a bird with your second shot if you missed the first. Dad could buy you a pump then. Now I have a 9 mm since a Trumpster showed me his when I shook my head at his poster. I have a Kel Tec KSG tactical shotgun. My answer to the AR 15 profiles. Now center grid up to 150 yards. And since my grand daughter wants to learn to shoot and know self defense (she is 12) we have a S&W -M&P .22

As far as conservative Iowa values I visit there twice a year. Nevada which is near Ames. Pure farm country. I talk to many of the farmers in the area even about their windmills and why they support them. One of the most interesting topics is how some demand the farm bill supports while others are ashamed they get so much given to them like welfare. And conservatives continue to let the banks do their thing likes Wells Fargo when it fined account holders on other accounts. Still took a 14 billion dollar hit. Today congress dropped those regs so they can now get by with no fine.

Finally, I hope when you went to visit the Canadian capitol I hope you went to Ottawa not Toronto. It appeared you were not intending to travel that far. Up near QUebec you know.

I hope it's just the vocal ones who speak with obvious contradiction (and/or never fact check) . . . but this story made it almost too obvious. I'm hoping it was an intentional parody . . . otherwise, the main character would be too far into himself and too removed from reality to care about. The judge thing was so obviously wrong - with the main character, himself being in the position of judges who seem to have a bias towards women - I figured it had to be a joke.

I really enjoyed this story. Being from Detroit help a lot. Thanks for sharing.

... and it was definitely long enough, if not just a little repetitive. Maybe excessively detailed would be more accurate.

He described himself as a left-leaning centrist, but it was his comment, specifically, that got me to write an epilogue to “It was just one time,” in which I gave into his suggestion for carnage and mayhem.

Great job ragnarok1!

First story in LW catagory

and we get a gem!

Please continue to entertain us

with your wonderful work.

As for those negative comment:

What is your problem?

Did somebody piss in your coffee?

Hand over your cups, I'll be glad to...

We've had some very good new writers

in LW recently.

Our job is to encourage them,

not make them stop writing!

As for the complaints about the story being too long:

Are you to busy to read a long story?

Too many things to be negative about

and not enough time to do it?

I sorry fellow commenters for my ramblings.

I'm sure many others also get pissed off

by people who talk (here write) before they think.

Anyway, back to the story.

This story is long, that is right.

But not repetitive.

It has a slow deliberate build up

with wonderful details.

I liked reading about Kurt packing up his belongings.

Maybe because I've done so many times myself

or maybe just because it showed care to details.

It was (to me) a perfect way to to let Kurt

find the hospital bill.

The proof of the serious betrayal.

This story isn't perfect.

What story is?

Most flaws have been mentioned by others.

I'd like to mention a tiny one.

Surprisingly many writers have stumbled

over that one.

I'm talking about parents telling their kids

about their sex life.

VERY few parents do that.

Not just because it's uncomfortable for a parent.

Mostly because the kids DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT.

We want our parents to have a sex live,

but spare us the details, lol.

I loved reading this story.

It has everything that our kind of LW story should have.

Top ratings from me.

The hero say 'a two faced hose monster is in the house...and I am going to beat it THIS way. Then he tells everyone about the two faced hose beast. Then he does what he already told us 5 times. At no time he is in peril. At no time was he forced to change his plan.

How much drama would that story have? Yeah.

I like a lived in story. I liked the guy. Don't telegraph so much.

You had two 'gottchas', the tubal ligation and the Jasmine thing.

That wasn't enough.

Use more descriptive text. Instead of telling what he says or thinks, use dialogue.

Ex: "Do you think...dad...do you think you and mom might...Wow!" She shuddered. 'I guess not! Dad...Jeez...don't hurt her too bad... please. I don't want to lose either of you."

What image did you get from her reaction to his expression?

That is where you want your reader to live: in his imagination.

I loved the story. Told from the husbands perspective it was great. The only let down was the wife's letter. Let's face it he's not a great person. I mean she clearly didn't want more kids but he wouldn't accept that so she had no choice but to get her tubes tied. It feels like they would have separated much earlier if she had put her foot down and said no. I think it would have made for a more realistic letter if she had given him both barrels over his demands for children and that she could not say no.

I think this story intentionally parodied the beliefs and actions of a particular group.

Still a very good story. You received a lot of comments from some very thoughtful, and intelligent people. Most were positive, and quite a few gave helpful advice. Read all of the comments, good and bad. Take the constructive criticism and use it to get better. You're pretty damn good already. Keep writing, you have a lot of readers.

The man is an engineer did Melanie really think he did not have the faculty to realize how he has been taken for a ride - advantage of. How much he only discovers later and it is devastating news. At one stage I felt very sorry for her and I thought that Kurt was a bit too over the top with his revenge. This should have been under BTB but of course loving wives is as good a category - even if the love was one-sided! Cheaters never learn - all the classic signs was there only a stupid cheater thought that they getting away with it. This is an evil woman and she gets it like in a Shakespearian production. She initiates sex because she know he's getting sloppy seconds! Evil and vindictive- she deserves everything coming to her! 5-StarS! Keep on writing for you are BRILLIANT!!!

You stupid old man , screw you and the carpet bagging horse you rode into my State on !

Let me give you some names that your Syphilitic addled Libitard brain can slowly digest !

Bill & Hillary Clinton ,Rod Blagojevich , George Ryan ,Eliot Spitzer ,David Patterson ,Teddy Kennedy , Dan Rostenkowski , Nick Mavroules , Austin Murphy , Mike Espy , Jim Traficant , Robert Torricelli , William Jefferson , Cynthia McKinney , Jack Abramoff , Frank Ballance , Charlie Rangel , Jesse Jackson Jr. , Anthony Weiner , Chaka Fattah , Bob Menendez , Corrine Brown , Eric Holder , Lois Lerner , Al Franken et al !

Its both parties you Asshole ! Human nature and greed know no single ideology nor political code . But that would entail having to get ones head out of their Asses to see the way the world actually works , so obviously , that's going to preclude you !