All Comments on 'Alistaire Ch. 05: Carla and Beth'

This boy did good

Excellent, as usual, Pub. I let many notifications slide, but not ones about your new postings. *****

It's people like you who spoil things for all the other writers here. I've admired your work, but today I came to this after reading a story that had half a page of largely irrelevant background followed by a paragraph for them to see and meet each other. She grabs him and we get a short paragraph for each of the three holes, they say goodbye and he thinks he really ought to come back sometime. An above average story, since it was reasonably grammatical and noone screamed slut, but the language was so flat and boring that I stopped reading after hole #1.

Then you come along, take a classic erotica trope and twist it, make high school students interesting! with funny and plausible dialogue, and throw in some sex scenes that are anything but perfunctory or flat, are believable, and are not mean.

Thank you for choosing to share your work with us.

When did "Bridget" become "Britney"?

Sorry,bud!

This shit is getting so crass! No emotions, no humanity into it whatsoever.

This is like a script for Pornhub recording

Just reread. Even better the second time round. The dialogue between Carla and Beth was wonderful. It cracked me up in fact. Those girls are feint.

Completely implausible, but a fun read because the dialogue is so good and the sex is so hot. Told in the past tense but present tense verbs keep cropping up.