- NonHuman
- Alpha Killer
- Page 4
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"Then we give the position to Todd after he chooses a female to mate with, or we find a mated pair of Alpha blood who are not the direct heirs to their own Pack and ask them to take over permanently. You would be moved to the LaCrosse Pack under the guardianship of your Uncle."
"What about my right to lead the Pack?"
Ricardo leaned forward. "The only way you lead this Pack is by agreeing to mate Beta Todd," he said. "It's not the worst outcome; you are still Luna, your bloodline remains in this Pack, and Todd is a strong wolf and will be a good mate to you."
I just shook my head no, I couldn't believe it. "I don't..."
"We don't need an answer immediately," the Chairman said. "At the end of the three-day mourning period, the new Alphas will be announced. You just need to tell us your choice."
- COMMENTS
AngelRiderover 1 year agoI wish I knew this was a likely 200k plus story or was given a heads up that this was one of many chapters. I won't read anything that long on here. Hell I wouldn't buy a book that long unless it was weeks on the best seller. It stinks of organic writing which is always hit or miss. Shorter stories tend to be far more successful because the likelihood of meandering and including meaningless bullshit is less. It's why I call it literary dysentery.
Maybe I'll try a chapter here and there but honestly, if I had known. I wouldn't have bothered
DrLycheeover 1 year agoBeautifully written with an excellent command of English. Your wording paints pictures in an easy-flowing manner that grips my imagination and piques my interest. Keep up the excellent work and best wishes to you.
Forestgodlingover 2 years agoThis is very promising. You've a good narrative style and great story seeds here. Could be developed into something publishable if you wish. Announcing POV is jarring, taking one out of the story, though it's better than leaving readers confused about whose narrative voice they're experiencing. There are other techniques that are more seamless. I disagree with the comment I see below about flashbacks. I think you gave the reader a nice taste of what the story is really capable of, and a reason to get through the necessary exposition by starting with the current day rescue. Not certain I'd have put the FBI agent's scenes in yet. But I haven't yet read the following chapters, which may make that choice the best one. I think you might have gotten your names a bit confused between Tania/Talia in the lake scene. Something to look at when you're in editing mode.
You really have a skill here, and I hope you continue to develop it. I'm quite impatient to get back to the current day and see what's happening with the two women and the FBI agent.
