All Comments on 'Amore Torn Pleasures'

This story needs to be finished...It started off good, but needed way to fast..

I'm not a grammar nazi, but there are quite a few sentences that I couldn't even discern the author's intent. Go back and read it slowly. Read each sentence by itself, and make sure there is a coherent thought. I know when you're writing something hot and steamy, there can be a tendancy to rush; but a careful review is in order. I really like the concept and think you have a great start.

Basic details killed the story for me. Date was given as "twenty ten"; that's '2010', and is now in the past. Yet the story takes place on a future colony on Mars. Adding further insult, Mars is described as 'hot'. Unfortunately, given the minimal atmosphere and greater orbital distance, Mars is uninhabitably COLD.

Style was stiff and stilted. Many gramatical problems, and the lack of dialog kept the reader isolated from the characters and made the writing boring.

This is meant as constructive criticism, keep writing!