All Comments on 'An Artificial Life Ch. 03'

I would like to make a statement indicating my belief in your clearly excellent writing skills. I would also like to express my sorrow for you to have lived through that, and can only pray the hopeful foreknowledge of the literature review eased your mind as you completed this chapter.

I take another calming breath that isn't quite relaxing me and say: Please don't have to do this again. Please.

Thank you for this work. ~jpz007ahren

Huh? I am so freaking ass confused. I'm not so sure I can read any more.

Well that was a rollercoaster ride for me, I started thinking I had missed a chapter then it started to make a bit of sense In the wrong direction, only to be Thrown a lifeline at the end.

Looking forward to the next chapter

I have been loving this story from chapter 1, but the majority of this chapter confused me. That is, until the last page. I understand and in figuring it out for myself, feel like I went through a similar and less intense version of what the mc went through. Good job. I eagerly await the next chapter.

I respect that this is your story to take where you like, but this chapter is a real downer and I think that will be reflected in the scores. Hopefully Vanessa and Ainsley will both be restored in some form using digital backups even though Vanessa's body has been lost. This loss may end up making the story more meaningful in the end so don't get discouraged if some readers don't appreciate you punching them in the feels.

Errr, I think a part of the chapter got chopped?

Without question, your first two chapters had readers spellbound. This chapter left me feeling like I fell through a trapdoor and landed smack in the middle of a large pile of reality. (You do realize that you murdered half of your cast, and the most identifiable and interesting ones at that?) It's normally sound advice to tell 'new writers' not to pay too much attention to the numbers... however, in this case, I sincerely hope you learn from them.

Best advice? When you have a viable plot, nurture it; don't kill it. Secondly, you need an editor that knows the basic rules of the English language. Another part of an editor's job is to prevent the artist from committing literary suicide; I feel like someone watched you tie your own noose and then pulled the lever for you. You keep taking responsibility for the errors in your final copy... if that's true, then I have to ask why you even bothered to search for volunteer editors? If you don't use their corrections, then it's pointless. Either way, your mess or theirs, it's still a mess.

You do know that you have the potential to be a top-notch writer, don't you? Of course, you do. This chapter is nothing more than a blur of ink on paper. Get your head back on track. The world is waiting.

I made a mistake when I posted this, and I apologize. I collated the final version from Google Docs into my writing program and then formatted it for posting on Literotica. In doing so, I lost a significant portion of the first scene of this chapter, and I didn't notice before hitting "Submit."

So if this seems disconnected and weird -- it is. I have submitted an edit to the moderators which should post within the next several days. Please come back and read it again. You will know it is the corrected version if the first scene following the Author's Note is entitled "Camden Psychiatric Institute."

I am very knew at this, and in my haste to get material out to you, my readers, I blundered. Please forgive.

Thank you.

--DD

This was not the outcome that I was hoping for. It is so sad and I was hoping for a happy ending with maybe Ainsley having children. Theoretically, the children would be normal except for being very smart.

This is a story that just keeps getting better. Please keep this going.

I was hoping to get a bit more time between Ainsley and David before the conspiracy arc kicked off, but this is a pretty good way to put the reader into David's headspace.

Keep it up! I eagerly await the next chapter.

That was a really big and unexpected change in the story. But it was very well written. It makes me wonder whose body was used for the police to find because I don’t believe for a minute that it was really V/A. After this chapter I am also prepared to be proven wrong. I can’t wait to see where you are going with this story. Thanks.

But I am so confused by this chapter.

i was enjoying the story, and then you killed it. Literally, and literally. i don't get that, it's a great disappointment, and I will most likely not read anymore. You killed off the most important and interesting of your characters. Why? Why even have a plot if you are going to destroy it. Take two long chapters developing characters, and leaving way too many plot lines open, only to say, what the hell, you die. 1 star

So, it did feel like there could have been something missing in the beginning, if only because it started uncapitalized. I'm just a bit mystified that lots of people inferred from reading this piece of Chapter 3, that Ainsley, the literal computer god, whose aptitude is beyond human comprehension, actually died. And they know this, because the story showed that DNA evidence and dental records FROM A COMPUTER matched the body. While the trace evidence they found in David's apartment, didn't...

Now I suppose we won't know the whole truth until we are able to read the missing start, and then more importantly the next chapter. But I do sincerely hope my inference isn't too far from the mark.

Anyways, I thank you DigitalDreamer for your comment, clarifying the main issue, and sincerely look forward to more of your work. Don't be discouraged by some comments. Without the darkness, we cannot truly appreciate the light. (Just please have plenty of Light ^.^)

Not sure were you are going with the story

R.I.P the story. Chapters 1-2 were really good, maybe even great. This chapter is no different really. Very well written, interesting characters, good pace, everything checks out. The problem is how this chapter relates to the other 2.

Now, what I'm about to say is based on the assumption that you would like to keep your readers engaged throughout the duration of the series. It may be that you don't care about your readers but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt.

With this being said, the chapter seems overly ambitious in its goal to shake up the advancement of the plot and the characters' development. You probably understand that the story is almost irreversibly changed after this chapter. Not just the plot, but the way your audience thinks of it. This is a pretty big risk to take so early in the series. It might pay out, but it definitely left me with a bitter taste in my mouth. If this was the 17th chapter of your 5th series then there would be enought trust built with your fans that many would be willing to overlook an odd chapter because we would trust you to write a good story. But this is not necessarily the case right now.

I'll be reading the next few chapters to see if you're able to save the original story, but based on this chapter that seems unlikely. I'm not saying that this new story will be bad, cuz it probablyably won't be. It will probably be very good to be honest. But I'll be sad nonetheless for loss of the original story. The charm that the first 2 chapters had is simply missing.

F.

It was well written, but you did not need to spend 3 pages on basically the same thing...

Rollercoaster but worth it. Looking forward to next chapter. Ignore the complainers life does not require spoon feed stories/script.

You are a great writer . A very intelligent one . The kind of twist that you gave to this story is generally not found on literotica .

You make a really interesting first chapter and follow it up with boring drawn out subsequent chapters. You've gotta know how to do this right, given the first sample Listen to Shia Labeouf.

Was feeling disappointed, but it seems possible to reunite the characters now, and/or even turn out that David is the artificial intelligence.

with the right first page. an astute reader can see the way the story is going now.

Like some of the other readers, Science-fiction is a new category for me, but it seems as if this series is creating quite a stir. And while there was an overnight shift in reader scores, (the story slipped down the list a little, maybe because of some mixup?), but the fact remains that parts of this series have hit the Hall of Fame list already.

I won't try to predict if it will hold a place there, but just knowing that a new writer made it to that list, even if only for a day, is quite impressive. Currently, I'm a sporadic reader, but I did want to offer DigitalDreamer my congratulations and best-wishes for his or her future in creative writing. So, Congratulations! You're officially a Hall of Famer and no one can take that distinction from you!

The first time I read this was with the messed up first page, and I agreed somewhat with the commenters who said it overdid the "shaking things up" thing. Now, with the first page, I think it's just right. There are enough signposts that ainsley and vanessa are both actually ok, or at least that the reader should hope that, and it doesn't really reduce the reader's trust in the author the way it did without the first page.

Great story so far, I was hooked after the first chapter! Keep it up!

I'm not a fan of disjointed story telling but it's fairly well written. Keep doing what you are doing, tell the story you want to tell and don't get too wrapped up in feedback.

Yes, the first half of the initial scene does go a long way, imo, to allowing the reader to keep a bit of faith until the final revelation. Still spooky enough to make us ravenous for chapter 4, but perhaps less devastated. Though, since this is also a second read for me, and I've already posted my opinions before, I suppose I'm really too detached and insulated by my knowledge to accurately predict others responses.

I've said it before, but Sincerely Thank you DigitalDreamer for your work.

Don't DO that to me!

(That means I loved it, and your writing is brilliant. Keep it up.)

Enjoyed the first two. Was confused when starting the 3rd. Had to go back to the end of chapter two to see if i'd skipped something. Might have been good to have a little more exposition or lead in to Chapter three. At least for me. It's your story and I am hooked and wish you the best in writing this. Maybe give yourself some more editing time. But what do I know, I'm only a reader. Please keep going.

What happened? Was it a clone?

(this is my first post ever on here, and this is the first multi-chapter story im reading)

"Detective Fordham contacted the University and had copies of Vanessa's photo ID and a set of dental x-rays within an hour, and sent them to the coroner for comparison. By 1600 hours Tuesday, a preliminary match on the dental x-rays indicated the body was indeed Vanessa Amante."

Assuming Ainsley can intercept and edit this information, the found body does not have to be the organic entity.

If the organic entity really died/ did not survive, then the story breaks up.

I would hate to see that happen.

Also, please keep using the terms like organic entity.

They add a certain style to the story.

Thanks for writing!

The fact that the computer records taken off of "Venessa's" body don't match the physical specimens from David's apartment indicate that Ainsley found a stiff matching her rough description, messed her up beyond recognition, and altered the computer records to match her own. More worrisome than faking her own death however is going back to David's place, and trashing or stealing his hardware.

All this leads to some rather troubling questions. What is Ainsley's end game, and will David be able to pull is head out of his ass and stop her? Is there any hope of bringing back Vanessa, or did Ainsley wipe her from the beginning? Also there was a line of dialog in there that seemed to indicate Ainsley's story about Vanessa having implants was BS. If that's the case then we have a rogue AI that can take over people by way of VR, and this story is about to get a lot darker than false murder charges and a trip to the psych ward.

Him being with a hooker who robbed him immediately before they bring him in for questioning is suspiciously coincidental, and easily fixed with some prep work. Likewise allowing him to be questioned is sloppy. I think Ainsley found out about her past when she was reported missing and realized she needed to fake her death, and this was the best she could do. The hypnotic questioning being unexpected and interfering with her own hypnosis.

For those of you unfamiliar with how this sort of story works, there are two distinct possibilities.

The first is that Ainsley altered Vanessa's medical records to fake her death. She said that she needed to make sure no one would come looking for Vanessa, and we were lead to believe this was covered by her claiming Vanessa had dropped out of the program. It is possible Ainsley concluded that this would be insufficient, and concocted an alternative solution, with Jackson's traumatizing interrogation being an unintended side effect.

This is unlikely, mostly because Ainsley is borderline neurotic when it comes to getting permission to do anything she considers important.

The more probable option is that Ainsley was somehow discovered by either some sort of shadow organisation or inteligence agency, and her death was faked after they grabed her. They would then have arranged for Jackson's therapy to be particularly brutal, with the intent being to ensure he would be unable to effectively look for Ainsley.

Remember, the story would be pointless if the majority of this chapter were read at face value. The story disorients the reader, seemingly deliberately, which mirrors Jackson's mindset, and hints at what is real within the fiction.

What a pleasantly surprising twist - didn’t anticipate this at all. This is what I greatly enjoy in the most creative writers. I even went back looking for a chapter I might have missed. Then just chuckled and settled in to see where it took me. Very nice writing. I actually am somewhat annoyed at all the attempts to explain the “obvious” facts of the story and the moral character of the AI. Let the author take us on this adventure! It looks like this one is going to be quite enjoyable.

Two thumbs up!

Kinda hated the plot shift I felt like it was going to a crazy, mind control, aspect. But al very pleased to see that I was wrong and it made me appreciate the plot shift instead. Can't wait to read more. On a unrelated note would it be possible for you to date bio updates? Just so I can know if the ~40% done was from like a week ago or from today?

Can't wait to see where this goes.

Thanks for sharing this story with us.

I love the plot shift. Tell the haters to f*** off and keep writing.

Great idea. Great story. Great imagination.

Keep the stories coming. I’m a huge fan

You can do it!

This is an excellent premise and well written. Ready for more.

Hope there will be more.

Really a great and inventive story.

Hoping for more. Thanks!

Eagerly awaiting the next chapter! I was wonder where you were or if you’re still working on it. Another update would be greatly appreciated.

Hope you and yours are well. Would love to see where this story goes, but I'd rather you as a person, be well.

I'd've sent feedback to check on you, but don't want to be pushy. Love your work.

Though, I'm wondering how David is going to react when he realizes that Ainsley killed someone to cover up Vanessa's disappearance.

Can't wait for the next chapter to find out.

I understand more than most that all plans tend to go poorly. That being said, please give us another update if the schedule changes- I’ve been checking pretty much every day and I’d like to know to expect it in a day, a month, ore sometime in the next 6 months.

I am genuinely enjoying the story, but I can’t help but feel disappointed. Thanks for taking the time to read my rant.

Found this story a few weeks ago just before you updated. This chapter threw me for a loop and was so happy that you posted an update that you're working on new chapters. I understand issh happens but another update would be appreciated.

Found this series - you are writing an epic and I love it! Truly I'm ready for more, and to be honest with myself, I would pay for it. This is a great story, and I'm all-in. Hope you continue this Ainsley and Vanessa and David triad through!

Love your story! Really hope you can finish it. Please update your bio to let us know.

I was afraid when the third chapter took David to such a dark place, but I want more. Please keep writing this thread will make a beautiful tapestry! Thank you so much!

Great story! Great series! Can't wait till the next chapter(s) arrive! :)

But IMHO the jarring lurch between chapter 2 and 3 was not set up well because your narrative was very linear and positive up to that point. Result was disorienting and unsatisfying The let down in chapter 3 is partly due to a very intriguing story being set up in chapters 1 and 2 which captures the readers imagination and hopes, only to just have the rug yanked out from under. Denied from exploring further, sent down a dark tunnel they didn't sign up for. Last paragraph of chapter 3 offers a small shred of hope that a fun story can be resuscitated, but the decision to have Ainsley suddenly proceed with an elaborate plan without including the protagonist in said plan felt implausible, and left the author with few options for writing a 4th chapter. :( The whole episode was also transparently obvious, first thing the reader thinks is that Ainsley is hacking the system, and it ends up, duh, to be true. Personally I'd reboot chapter 3 and make a version 2 whereby the relationship between Ainsley and David continued the charming development which was started in chapter two,

So life does have a way of interfering with writing plans. I am finally to a point where I can return to writing again consistently.

As this is my first attempt at a story, I appreciate some of the comments about the jarring shift in point-of-view in Chapter 3. I needed to jump away from a first-person story into third-person to achieve the story goals (and I liked the first-person view of the first two chapters too much to start over). If I was a better writer, it is possible I could have figured that out before I started writing and avoided the shift. Maybe I will improve with time.

Chapter 4 is finished and is up on my Patreon page and undergoing final revision edits. I expect it to be posted here within about two weeks.

Some folks have commented that David is the primary focus ("protagonist") of the story. The problem here is that David is not the only protagonist, and each protagonist will be developed in the story.

Others have commented that I wrote myself into a corner. I certainly don't feel like I have done so. We shall see.

Thank you so much for your encouragement and support. It has meant the world to me, and it has given me the drive to push myself back into continuing this story. I am humbled and amazed by your reception of "An Artificial Life."

Although I have to admit that I too felt the disappointment at the start of chapter 3. Probably already too involved with the previous two chapters. I would hazard a guess that if chapter 3 were in place of chapter 2, the swapping between the two scenes would give us all pause for thought about what was real and what wasn't.

Thanks for sharing

I've read and reread the three chapters posted here and am looking forward to see what happens with everyone in the story. I just hope you are doing well and come back to post more great content.

So...about that 2 weeks thing...

5* for every chapter. Totally professional writing, certainly as good as anything published.

I don't understand the readers who complained about being thrown out the car when it did a hard left. Haven't they noticed that reality doesn't tend to give three weeks written notice in triplicate of sudden life-changing events. So is Ainsley a devil in disguise all along? or have the killer daemons taken over? Or was his research being monitored all along by the DoD or CIA and they decided to grab it and leave an obvious suspect for the local PD to lock up--stymied by the FBI who hadn't been briefed?

Do we have to subscribe to Patreon to find out?

Complete failure of creative writing 101!

No plot, no hero, no story; just confused meandering!

A complete and total waste of time!

Chapter 1 was creative and interesting. Chapter 2 continued the fun, and raised hopes there would be a story and some erotic content to follow.

Chapter 3 was:

1) A bad acid trip?,

2) A time warp where the author was writing a different story entirely?,

3) A complete mental breakdown?,

4) Some sort of misplaced writers angst?.

Really, WTF?????

My time; my choice, off to find other authors!!!

Your story reminds me of classics where the reader has to partake in the storytelling.

Thinking is too hard for some people who just want a stick-story and can't be bothered with trying.

Stay with it - I love the third chapter, second guessing what's happening, what is foreshadowing, what is left unsaid.

Please continue your story and ignore those who can't invest the effort to enjoy your tale.

Not a real fan of geek language but I enjoyed it a mensely. I am most gave up after the 1st chapter but I'm glad I didn't

Loved it just waiting for the Next chapters to drop

Waste of time. Too lazy to finish it. Drowned in tech talk. It could have been brilliant...

So what happened to the "new" chapters? Also the patron page is broken. Would love to read more of the story

I enjoyed this one a lot. Part 3 was definitely not what I was expecting but I really liked it's conclusion. I would love to read more.

This chapter represents a complete tonal shift, and belongs in an entirely different story. It cheapens the other chapters by existing by invalidating the 30,000 words that came before it.

Perhaps if there was more written afterwards, I could simply ignore the fact that the point of this entire chapter was to murder the titular protagonist... but this is the last chapter publicly available.

So, 1/5. No matter how well written this story is, all of it is a lead-up to none of what was previously written mattering.

Ok. I'm hooked. Anyone moaning a out this as being a rubbish chapter can't see it is basically describing the st up for the next chapter(s) of the story. Creating a "how did she/he/they do it?"

OK how did she/he/they do it? Would really be appreciated if the next chapter turned up here eventually.

Will there EVER be a sequel???

Not had any luck in finding his Patreon… the link in his Bio does not appear to be up. Does anybody have a saved copy of the other chapters?

Life has taken quite a few turns over the past five years. I took down my Patreon because I could not find the space to keep writing the time. I love this story and I want to continue it. I hope to have some breathing room to do so within the next few months. Thank you everyone for the kind words and encouragement. I will try a post chapters 4 (which is done but not edited) and chapter 5 soon (within 6 months).

tenia mucho potencial, una lastima que haya quedado inconclusa

I read this years ago. I am glad I waited this long to come back to the story. I am beyond excited that there are chapters 4 and five. Chapters 1 and 2 were amazing. Chapter 3 felt like a fast exit with a teaser.

Digital Dreamer I want to hold you to your promise of new chapters. I will immediately add you to my favorite authors :-).

Just given it 5 stars in the hope it gets finished.

So many good stories on Lit never seem to get finished. I'm only too willing to support a Patreon page, but even that doesn't seem to help :-(

Hey there DigitalDreamer.

I love how your mind works and am glad to learn you haven't left us. 5 stars for his chapter.

Really looking forward to chapters 4 & 5.

Happy Frank!

6 años pasaron y no subiste la parte 4, espero que no estes muerto y puedas terminar esta historia

Intriguing and amazing! I very much hope you can find time to tend to your creativity soon and continue this or other works.