All Comments on 'An Office Affair Ch. 01'

Sequel Please

Please continue this thread

will, be waiting for part two keep on trucking -Tenbears43 more please.

I look forward to reading more.

"It was a regular Tuesday for Dale Jackson as he sat in his small but private corner office at his job. It was around noon time and most of the other workers and staff members had left to go to lunch at one of the various establishments in and around the building. This meant the floor that his office was on, was pretty much empty."

You like to use many words when a few would do. Ex:

"It was Tuesday at noon. Dale Jackson sat in his small but private corner office. Most of the other employees had left to go to lunch, leaving the floor pretty much empty."

One more:

"He wasn't feeling particularly hungry but he decided to use the time for a break of his own. Pulling out his phone, he began to scroll through personal emails along with reading any notifications that might have popped up from the various apps on his phone when he hadn't been looking at it. "

"He wasn't particularly hungry so decided to use his lunch break for other things. Pulling out his phone, he scrolled through emails and notifications from various apps."

I could go on, but I think you see what I mean.

All the extra words are redundant and/or unnecessary. Hope this helps.

More please!

Anonymous is so far off in taking you to task with your use of extra words. He is probably also a person who uses only 8 colors for his desk top display. I enjoyed the way you detailed your explinations. You write with 32bit color and give us the subtle shades producing wonderful images.