by SmallTitFan
anna does not talk like an 18 year old girl, it's disturbing. She sounds like a 6 year old with all this "i wanna be grown up" talk.
That was very very well done please you have to give us more of these two. Simply fantastic
WELL THIS NICELY WRITEN AND ENJOYED READING IT VARY MUCH,I DON'T THINK SUSAN WOULD HAVE MADE A VARY GOOD MOTHER, NOW THE WAY THE STORY ENDS IT LEAVES LOTS ROOM TO CONTINUE WITH MORE CHAPTERS....LIKE WHAT WHAT SUSAN SAYS OR ABOUT THERE KIDS ETC
AT LEAST IT DOSEN'T JUST END, GREAT WRITEING ,GOOD JOB THIS STORY
HAS LOT OF LOVE AND SEX AND A LITTLE BIT OF INCEST I GIVE THIS STORY
AT LEAST A 5 PLUS STARS.............................."R".................................
All of her part of the sex dialog is very much in a male voice. Some writers just don't get the hang of finding the real "voice" of each character. Anna's words seem like they're coming from the same puppeteer as her perv daddy figure. They actually are of course. The trick is to suspend that reality for your readers.
Don't just have her saying what he fantasizes her to say, actually imagine HER thoughts and write what SHE would say. A real woman (19 years or whatever) just doesn't spurt out the kind of bad porn dialog you have here from Anna.
A hot situation though, except for all your usual strange rectal obsessions, and good pacing of the relationship actually. Your female characters are just way too "male-minded" to be believed. Ruined it.
Hey this story is just the kind of story I don't mind reading a thousand times.There's not just lust, there's love as well.Love & lust go together very well indeed.
I beg u too PLEASE come up with a 2nd part.It would be just great.
And err make Anna's dialogues a little more feminine and real.The dad's dialogues are pretty good but Anna sounds more like a squeaky puppet!
Amazing story.Pls come up with a 2nd part.
So you just left it at that? Just another author that fails to finish the story. BAH!
ROFLMAO ; Manhole Cover, hehehehehehe
Sensual teasing and tension is believable; we can almost see it building and getting ready to blow. You realize of course that Mom might already believe that these two are involved sexually, she could have a detective watching them. Ouch that could hurt and come back to bite them.
I have to assume that Susan wasn't emotionally attached to Anna; it seemed that she raised a daughter that didn't belong to her because she and the father didn't work & shouldn't have been together in the first place; therefore Anna wasn't a "love child". From what little we're given; maybe Susan just wasn't meant to be a mother. Maybe Anna & Daddy are being punished because Susan thought that she was trapped into motherhood, and she then had to settle for daddy. Maybe now she thinks she'll have better luck finding a new man, starting a family from scratch and hope that it's better the next time around? Wish that you'd have given us a real clue as to what Susan was really up to! Was she having an affair? Maybe an Incestually inspired tryst back home. Maybe an old BF? Maybe a woman? Going to school for a degree makes it sound as though she wants to spread her wings and fly on her own, but you've left everything a blank slate!
As stated by others; Anna didn't talk like an adult, not even an aware teen - I mean c'mon "daddy's thing" (I didn't feel that she had a man's voice as stated by someone else)? Yet she's planning 2 children with him.
I'm left hoping that everything can just work out for all but am not sure that Anna is emotionally stable, or ready for real world adult responsibilities.
THX;
DKP
Note; I'm at a slight disadvantage because I read this after "Nikki" which was a much more recent story.
Anonymous of 05/26/14
I don't give much credence to anyone who expresses themselves in ALL CAPS, as I believe it is a rather juvenile attempt to hide feelings of inadequacy. I also don't give much weight to the opinions of people who comment anonymously. Finally, I don't care much for the opinions of others who appear to be minimally literate. If this is not sufficiently succinct for you, please advise and I would be happy to "summerise" it for you.
ROFLMAO!
Nice reply to an anonymous jerk. I did enjoy the story (again). Keep up the writing!
Enjoy reading this and other stories of yours even though this have been my favorite so far. Please consider a another installment or chapter to this story. Curious on what happens next if he & Susan divorce. Mo hot sex with Anna and babies. Hmm
i really enjoyed this story. well written - good sex, nice tease. but we need chapter 2!!!
A divorce is forthcoming, thus WHY would he risk the chance his wife would tell/suggest to the judge that there had been or was ongoing sexual activity between "father" and "daughter"? Although there is no actual or legal father/daughter relationship, many judges might or would use knowledge of such sexual activity to punish the husband. Is it worth the risk when waiting for a few weeks/months will make the point moot?
My comments are for anonymous. The authors you so clearly love to ridicule, put themselves out there. They don’t have the luxury of submitting their story as “anonymous”. You take the time to read, and tear it apart, but hide behind a facade of anonymity. I intend to submit my own stories, and if it’s possible, I’ll limit feedback to people who don’t mind identifying themselves, as those are the only opinions I’d consider valid. I’d add that you’re contemptible, but as you’re all such literary geniuses, you already know that. You’re the kind of people that give people a bad name. So do everyone a favor, STFU!
Wonderful story, but it could of used more, an Epilogue at the very least. 5 stars
I like the story a lot . It deserves 5 * but the story needs a proper ending. AAAA++++
Since there is no actual biological relationship "I'm not your daughter just because I call you Daddy...". There is no incest. Wrong category? Story had me interested until you inserted the babies issue . . . .