All Comments on 'April and the Old Fool'

Rules, shmules. Get busy with the second chapter.

Must surely be a way to overcome the rules.There is a whole lot more to come from this.Hope you can find a way !!

You need to continue this, there is so much left to this story, please find a way to continue this

One that needs more! So why can't you make another story that stand alone but from moms side?!

Ok loved the story and like many others, I agree do another to finish where you left off and as an ex-photographer myself I enjoyed the tech side of the story as well. Well done sire carry on

Whats with no second chapter. Just leave everybody hanging, bad, bad.

its a 4 would have 5 u have to finish u just cant leave it hanging

+

The rules say the chapters must be submitted as one story and there is nothing stopping you from continuing after the contest.

Not that I care, I didn't think it was that great. 3*

Hi. I enjoyed your story, but there are parts that are incongruous. Fred does not want her to sleep with him in exchange for photos, but winds up taking explicit images of her as she masturbates to a shooting orgasm. She's young and wants a "Daddy", but asks him to "fuck" rather than make love to her. The way all of this is expressed just does not quite seem to fit together, especially given his STRONG initial rebuke of her.

1) Some less than believable behavior and some WTF dream sequence that turns real foolery. Why spend time writing about setting up the photo stuff and modeling and clothes sizes and other real world stuff only to just make shit up and do unbelievable things. You had so many good parts in this that the lazy or wish-fulfillment parts throw me right out of the story.

2) It isn't FINISHED! Fine, you want it turned in, to get votes, but there's nothing in the rules about writing more later, so to say, "This story will not have another chapter because the rules of the contest do not allow it." is a weak-ass cop out and drags down the score.

Rules of the competition - gah. Are you too lazy to conclude this story under perhaps under 'April fool and the old daddy'? I know the time, energy and effort all have to be taken into account, but still you should go for it in my opinion. You are a noteworthy writer,

Many realize that the gift of a girl's virginity carries great significance especially in the spiritual sense. Deny and argue as vehemently as you may, the First Time for any virgin can mould and form a lasting intimate relationship with your current or future life partner and soul mate. Maybe the saying 'the first cut is the deepest' has a ring of truth.

It is a shame that April lost her virginity before her Mommy could join in and fulfill her own fantasy cravings and desires, so perhaps you cocked up on that one - but maybe not. So, give it your best effort to make this not just a story for the juvenile spank genre.

Having gone through the age of our super star, his sexual performance is pure fantasy. Even with drugs it's past reality.

There's a part of me that is suspicious that this girl is his daughter by "mom". Guess I'll never know and that's not a bad thing.

I enjoyed this yarn, much the same way I have all your work. Sure it could stand some editing, but I didn't find it affected the story/stories to any major degree. At least you're writing and putting enjoyable work out there for us. I always wonder at the balls of these super critics, who most likely have never put out in their shitty little lives, yet have the gall to take the high road on someone's hard work. Please don't let it destroy your confidence, as I for one would love to have more of your entertaining work to enjoy. A happy new year to you and yours from the Southwest of Australia!