by Hypoxia
Wow....bloody wow...not necessary to read story a few times ....i was so engrossed i didnt miss a thing.....absolutely the best plot in ANY erotic story i have resd this year....by far
Intricate detail....sublime intermixing of localities....this is a heart warming tale indeed.
Definitely demands a second chapter in the search for Vanessa's daughter....and the proposed martiage.Also id love to see Matt and Vanessa get it on with Isabella as co-participant
Thanks for writing such a "humane" story of such high quality.
Thank you for writing something so carefully thought out, funny, and feeling. I am excited to read the rest of the story. Sitting on the edge of expectation of what is to come. Simply awesome!
Greta writing....great theme!
was actually expecting dora to turn out to be nessies daughter or at least adoptive sister.
I also thought to make Vanessa (Native American) mother to both Rory (white) and Isadora (black) via different fathers. But I couldn't find a way to make that fit in a naturalistic story. Hey, it would sure simplify the family tree! Hmmm, maybe I'll try a fantasy stroker version. Yeah, stay tuned for BLACK AND WHITE AND RED ALL OVER. Meanwhile, anyone who likes this story may also like THAT'S MY GIRL. And you'll probably hate BIG BANANA. Whatever.
Following redlion75's suggestion, I indeed did write BLACK & WHITE & RED ALL OVER where Rory, Dora, and Vanessa are much closer kin than in this version. And I have sequels planned for both storylines. Stay tuned!
Good characters and dialog and action. Looking forward to the sequel.
Some of Dora's dialog, particularly the "I's" was so annoying. I understand that you are trying to convey the difference between Dora and Rory, "I's" is such an unpleasant throwback to an unpleasant time in history. Also, if this story takes place at any point in the last 40 or 50 years, what 20 something includes that in their vocabulary?
Guilty. I created a caricature. I thought about the implications when I wrote Dora. But I've heard people of various ethnicity use that speech pattern, locally (northern California) and recently (last week). We're often sloppy when we speak informally.
I feel that, as a story, it's a good one. I like the character development and how practical and down-to-Earth Rory is. I think you have a pretty good style and a good grasp of blending categories (incest and interracial don't seem to go together at first, but neither do chicken and waffles and people make that work.)
The only area of concern I have is this - I felt shortchanged on the sex. I got a lot of the prelude and the foreplay, but then it comes down to "We fucked - use your imagination." Sex is the main entree, not the garnish or the side dish.