All Comments on '"Ask"'

Not non consent, but beautiful porn.

When I want non-consent, I want something rough. The narrative focused on his efforts to make her comfortable, while I looked for force and an edge to his attitude. Don't get me wrong, your writing is extremely solid. You've got some mad sensual appeal going on, and most of that has to do with your attention to detail.

Pacing, though. Pacing... Describing body placement can so slow the carnal flow if there aren't visceral adjectives engaging the reader within each moment as they happen. For example, 'She put her head back and cried out in pleasure,' can be enhanced by simply adding more visceral words...'Her head thumped the wall. A mewling sound escaped her thinned lips..."

The tag I chose for the story was non-consent/reluctance. I definitely should have added a note which explained it was much much much more on the side of reluctance. This might be my first submission, but I've certainly been a reader here long enough to know what a non-consent story is. I'll just apologize for my rookie mistake and not make it again.

Having written "beautiful porn" is about as much as I could have hoped for. I did try to have the description of body placement add and not detract from the story. I still hope that on balance it does, but I can see places where it might have been done better. Thanks for your criticism

I read your story because I enjoyed your poem, Whimper, so much. You may know it was recommended in the Poetry Forum & Discussion thread. The story is also very well written and erotic. I don't care so much about the category but if you'd like to appease those who really want their Non-con, you can easily write a PM and ask Laurel, the site's sole editor, to change the category for you. You can search for her name or go to the Forum/Bulletin Board side and look for her name to appear in threads at the top of the Authors' Hangout.

Welcome to posting at Lit.

Short, but well written and I would like to see more, but I'd likely classify it in the BDSM category. Though personally I would rather you err on the side of reluctance than try to pass off noncon as BDSM as is often done.

The only mistake you made was placing this story in the reluctance /non con catagory!If this fact is kept aside then I don't think anybody has any criticism for your story at all..It's wonderful...5 stars...wish I could give you another 10.keep writing buddy

LOVE

-Veronica Gautam!

Very well written. Thank you, may i have another?

I LOVED this story! I wanna pick a fight with my husband just so we can have angry sex like this!