All Comments on 'Axiom Ch. 01'

this looks like it will be a fun story, can't wait to see what happens next

I'LL BE LOOKING FOR YOUR NEXT CHAPTERS.

Fascinating to think about where you'll take the story next.

Thank you.

OK, gave up with your 2nd paragraph, we start with a man giving a blond a quarter. You then wrote:

"The blonde woman thanked her, grateful at the simple gesture of kindness, and he watched the brunette laugh off the situation with a friendly grin."

Who is the brunette?

How is grateful expressed by laughing it off?

I thought the guy gave her a quarter, who is the "her"?

From other comments you seem to have a good story, get an editor who can help you make it readable.

Great Start! can't wait for chapter 2. Is she going to give him head in the car? Or is he going back to her apartment? Or she to his? How long before they get in on in the office? Will she celebrate his B'day by inviting her Asian GF to join them at home? You can still get this a lot closer to 5 Star!!

I like it. I especially like that Gwenyth is part Japanese. I have imagined Gwenyth to resemble Reiko Aylesworth.

Evidently the author of the anonymous comment "What" has a problem with reading. Maybe it is a good thing he gave up after the second paragraph. I don't think he has the intellect required to read this story. The brunette gave the quarter to the blond.

The story reads well, and the poster who was so offended that he/she quit reading after the first two grafs (three, actually) has a problem.

I saw your post in the editng forum asking for help; I haven't read the other installments yet, but it appears that all this needs is a few small tweaks to make it perfect.

On another point, I sort of hope you haven't turned this into a pure stroke story as another poster requested. You've already done a good job with character development just in the first two pages.

Oh the gorgeousness of the vernacular and vocab! Exceptional!

Pace and vocabulary are great. Look forward to reading more.

Just discovered this one.

So beautifully constructed, i could cry. The exchange of dialog were just, ugh, perfect.

You had me until she proposed making it "just physical" as if THAT would somehow not be a problem in a supervisor/employee relationship. Up until then I was invested.