All Comments on 'Banished Pt. 03'

Good. Flowing. Not quite D&D but more like Dragon Warrior with an actual story to tell and more than just 1 player involved.

First, thanks for taking the time to write and post this story for us readers to enjoy at no cost! I'm ever thankful for the talent that people are willing to share. I'm thoroughly enjoying this story so far!

My only feedback on this chapter is: If the thing is in their wrist, couldn't they have just cut open Casey's wrist, rather than chop off her hand? Moot point now I suppose, but a better explanation of that part of the story would have been nice. What the thought processes were, how they prevented her from bleeding to death or getting infection (cauterizing the wound in fire comes to mind). Also, if they cut off her hand, then where is her "cube"? She's worth 2,000 credits dead. Shouldn't Nathan have extracted her cube from her wrist when her hand was cut off?

Thanks again! Looking forward to the next chapter!

Send me a feedback message with a reply address. Some of the questions you ask are answered in chapters 4 and 5, and some of the others require spoilers, which not everyone will want to hear.

Anyone else with questions can feel free to do the same.

Very nicely done. I like your character development so far. I am a bit confused about the very odd relationship Nathan has with Julie, especially the crawling on his knees over the glass. I felt it was out of character for him to play the role of a submissive to the point of physically being in danger. Perhaps he enjoyed the pain as a way of trying to feel something? Aside from that point of confusion, the rest flows well. The set up you have created lends itself to an epic tale -- I can see you developing this for dozens of chapters. Again -- nicely done, please keep it up.

Hooked with the series. Just finished all three parts in one go. Loving the world building, character development, and story twists. Can't wait for the next chapters to drop. How frequently do you plan to post?

Part 4 has already been submitted. For a more detailed release schedule, you can check out my patreon page. I post regular updates there (several times per week), which can be followed even without a pledge, detailing what I'm working on and how far along it is, as well as when chapters will come up on Lit.

Enjoying both of your longer series so much! I hope to see a new chapter for both Banished and Trapped soon. Keep up the awesome writing.

Does this null and void her pledge?

@IamJaxseekingeye I don't wanna say anything that spoils the story, but the energy cores and implants aren't the same thing. The core is what powers abilities like the accelerated healing and speed/strength enhancement, while the implant is an interfacing tool that utilizes the core to do more specific things.

At this point in the story we've seen the princess make a pledge while being a native to the planet, and as far as the reader knows at that time, she has no implant. Her words also suggested that only an otherworlder can be pledged to; so it is probable to assume that having a core is the only requirement to pledge, while an implant is needed to be pledged to.

The third installment was full of intrigue, moral dilemmas, and action. Well written with a new plot twist for part four. Great work and thanks.

I like the premise of the story, it's a fun isekai kinda thing. I really only have two problems that kind of kill it for me, the first is the pacing is galacially slow, three chapters in and barely anything has happened, I end up skipping a ton of the exposition because it just seems daunting. The second is your absolute dedication to the white knight main character trope, at first when Nate was revealed to be a psychopath, I was like shit yeah, this is new and exciting, but then you made him act like every other white knight main character out there, and just added a "wonder what other people feel" while he's white knighting.

Like, I get it, it's hard for people to write anti hero's or morally grey people, it's not easy, but it defeats the whole point of labelling him a psychopath. There's no logical reason for like half of what he does, so it has to be emotionally driven, which you've said he doesn't feel , so it's this dichotomy that doesn't make any sense.

Don't get me wrong, other than that it's well written, there hasn't been any world building or plot develooment, or character development, but the premise alone is enough to kind of drag the reader through that, technically it's written well, I haven't noticed many mistakes. Kinda just hoping it picks up soon

My main issue is probably the Hero he's so naive it's impossible to rationalise his physical age as in his 30's with someone who seems to act like he's a teenager?

The hero is an observant character, Im curious to see his growth! He acts rationally and is a natural leader. My bad is the crawling on glass for sex made no sense to his character, that isnt something someone like him would do..

Is there a point to this guy being a psychopath? Because he isn’t a psychopath because he’s making emotional decisions. Also this story is also fucking slow, slow slow slow. I skip half the crap because it’s crap. Also a female crew member who organises the rape of other female crew should have been killed. Think about it, that’s a truely low act for a female so it shows that she can never be trusted and can be counted on to betray you in the worst possible way at the worst possible time. Also all the extra girls should have been left behind. They don’t like trust or care about you. They threw you out once and will again. You need to keep the group balanced in your favour so the others can’t mount a revolt that has you thrown out. The only two Nate can count on are Fran and Cam. So that’s a group of three then Cam’s guy friends can be added to that list and you’ve got 5 total on your team and 2 are provisional members. So inviting 6 enemy to be your team mates is too many too fast. When integration happens since they have more then the team dynamic and methods and everything shifts way more towards them and the two provisional guys could easily change factions or become fence sitters so every decision and discussion is decided by which way those to want it to go, so in effect 2 guys rule the show and make the decisions.

Anyway this story is old as fuck and no ore will be added so what’s the point.

The rape stuff isn't for me but I've been enjoying this story so far!