Beer, Pussy, and Wienerschnitzel

Ten minutes later we were standing at the large window in my suite with glasses of wine in our hands watching Germany glide by. Val put her glass on the table by the window. Then she took mine and set it beside hers. She looked at me. "I think it's about time."

Then she kissed me. Not the European cheek to cheek kiss, but a full blown lip-to-lip, right-smack-dab- on-the-mouth kiss. As I have already mentioned, the only person I had ever kissed on the lips was Mandy. Aunt Sally kissed me but I always hated it and never kissed her back; and I don't remember if my mother ever kissed me on the lips like I have seen some mothers do to their children.

Her lips were on mine for about five seconds before my dick started to harden; and that only took a second-and-a-half.

Again, as a reminder, not only had I never kissed anyone but Mandy, but I had never had sex with anyone but her, either ... but I had the feeling that was about to change and, apparently, my dick was more than ready.

We kissed for a couple of minutes and my dick was so hard that it seemed to stick out in front of me so far that our lower bodies no longer touched except where my dick was poking her. She remedied that in pretty short order by wiggling her body so that my dick finally worked its way sideways and our bodies touched again.

She moved her head back so she could look directly at me. "I want you to know that I'm not in the habit of doing this."

Then I said the absolute dumbest thing I have ever said in my life ... "It's been a long time so be gentle."

Her face had started moving in to kiss me again, but my stupid-assed comment stopped her. She looked at me again. "Did you really just say that?"

Red-faced, I tried to move away from her. "I'm afraid I did. I'm sorry."

She had a big grin on her face and started undressing me.

It was probably the most embarrassing night of my life. I did nothing right. I don't remember the first time Mandy and I had sex being as bad as that evening with Val. I fumbled, groped, hesitated, choked and, the worst part, lost my hardon and never fully got it back. We were both naked and I could look at that beautiful lady and almost immediately spring a woody and then, just as quickly, lose it whenever she touched it. I enjoyed touching and tasting her breasts; and she enjoyed it as well; but, again, my useless flesh betrayed me.

This went on for over an hour before, in frustration, we both just lay naked on my bed looking at the ceiling. Finally, she turned to look at me, gently stroked my face and asked. "Would you like to talk about it?" I had only told her that I was a widower and what my job was. I had not told her anything else.

So I told her about my life ... and Mandy. I lay flat on my back and continued to look at the ceiling as I spoke. She listened. When I was finished, she leaned over me, kissed me tenderly on the cheek, and got up. She put on her skirt and blouse, picked up her panties and bra and stuffed them in her purse, then picked up her shoes and went to the door. She opened it and paused for a couple of seconds. Then spoke.

"I don't know of anyone who could compete with that. I know I can't."

The door closed softly behind her.

I finally fell asleep around three in the morning. At ten I was awake. I showered and went up to the top deck. An awning had been set up. I sat beneath it looking at the small German town we were docked in.

At noon, I watched as Val and the Halfords, apparently returning from an excursion, boarded the ship. They never looked up.

I went to my cabin, where I decided I couldn't spend the rest of the cruise avoiding Val and the Halfords. I had no reason to believe that they would tell anyone about my inability to perform sexually, but I felt that every time somebody looked at me, they would know; and they would laugh.

I decided to cut the cruise short. I told the front desk that I would be leaving the next morning when we docked in Cologne and asked if they could have a taxi when we docked to take me to the airport. I opened my laptop for the first time that week and changed my flight. I was now flying from Cologne to London instead of Amsterdam to London. I also changed my hotel and car and driver reservations.

We docked at seven. Several buses were waiting to take passengers on excursions around the city. At the end of the gangway stood a man holding a sign with my last name on it. One of the ship's crew had carried my bags and I followed him off the ship. I indicated to the taxi driver that I was the O'Reilly he was waiting for. He took one of the bags from the crewman and led us to his taxi. I had tipped the crewman, gotten in the taxi, and was closing the door when I looked back at the ship and saw Val standing on the top deck looking at me. I closed the door and said to the driver, "Flughafen, bitte."

By six that evening, I was in London and still had four days to go before I was scheduled to be in Westbury to pass out the bonus checks. I spent three of the four days touring that big, beautiful city and felt very comfortable and welcomed there.

On my first full day, I rode the Get-On-Get-Off tour bus which hit the major touristy things. On my way back to my hotel, I even got fish and chips from a Chippy, and felt proud of myself. I know, I know, pretty silly to be proud of doing something so basic, but nevertheless I did. And I remembered Val telling me that what we call catsup, and the British call tomato sauce, is not as popular there as it is in America. I smiled when I thought of her.

I was scheduled to be at our Westbury plant at noon so I, again, hired a car and driver. There was no way I was going to rent a car and drive myself. The driver got me there at eleven. He pulled up in front of the administration building and I got out. I went inside and introduced myself to the receptionist.

"We've been expecting you, Mr. O'Reilly. Mr. Murphy will be with you shortly. In the meantime, your guest has been waiting for you in the conference room."

"My Guest?"

"Yes, sir. The conference room is at the end of the hall."

The door had 'Conference Room' printed on it, so I went in.

She stood when the door opened. "Hello, Matt."

"Hello, Val. What are you doing here?"

Before she could answer, I heard. "Mr. O'Reilly, I'm Tim Murphy. Pleasure to meet you."

I turned to see a huge bear of a man. Not an ounce of fat on him. He was just huge. And he had the biggest grin I had ever seen. I liked him instantly.

"Hello, Mr. Murphy. This is "Val Wilkinson."

"Yes. We've already met. Denver told me you would be here, but they never told me why. So, what can we do for you?"

"I'd like to see these five people plus yourself as soon as I can, Mr. Murphy." And I gave him a list of names.

"All at once, or one at a time?"

"At the same time, if I could, please."

"How about in 15 minutes right here?"

"That's fine."

"Grand. I'll get them here. In the meantime, you and Mrs. Wilkinson can wait in my office." With that, he led us there and left us.

I looked at Val. "You started to tell me why you are here."

"I ... uh ... I knew what I wanted to say ... until I saw you."

"How did you know I would be here?"

"You told us what your job was and that you would be in Westbury after the cruise; and, since there's only one company like yours here, I didn't have much difficulty finding it. I wasn't sure if you came here right after you left the ship, so I called and asked if you had been here yet. You hadn't been and were still expected today, so I came hoping to talk to you."

The embarrassment I experienced that night in my cabin came back to me and I walked to the office window. I felt her beside me and we both just stood there. I turned to her.

"Listen, what we did ... or tried to do on the ship was a mistake. I embarrassed both of us and made a fool out of myself. I know that, so you didn't have to come here to remind ..."

She put her finger on my lips.

"Shhh. Let me speak. I've only known two men in my life. By 'known' I mean in the biblical sense. They were both long term relationships. My brother and I found ourselves so engrossed in our shops that neither of us married. I was not looking for a man on the cruise. Cynthia, John, and I just wanted a fortnight of travel, relaxation, and a few laughs. Then that bloody nutcracker hit you and things changed."

Just then Tim Murphy came in. "All set, Mr. O'Reilly." We started to leave.

"Should I wait here?" Asked Val.

"No, come with us."

Tim Murphy joined the others in a little group. "Should we sit?"

"No, no this is just fine." I reached in my inside suit coat pocket and pulled out six envelopes. "Whenever the Denver office has bad news to deliver, I'm the poor sod they send. So, whenever any of our plants hear that I'm on the way, they start finding places to hide." I waved the envelopes in the air. "Termination notices are delivered in envelopes like these." I looked from one face to another and saw gloom, despair, and pain in all of them. And I looked at the name typed on the first envelope. "Timothy Murphy." I handed it to him and waited for him to open it. The other five just looked on. He slowly opened it and took out the check. His face went from dark and sad to bright and lively. "But not this time," I said with a big smile.

"Well, bugger me." He said as he showed the others his check. "What's this all about?"

I waited to answer him until I had given out the other checks.

"International has had what we call a 'Banner Year'. Our production and sales numbers have been off the chart. A large part of that is attributed to this facility and we felt that this was an appropriate way of thanking you. In addition to this bonus, you will receive what I think you call a 'pay rise' starting the first of the month."

It took several minutes for things to settle down. Tim announced that pints would be available for all of us at the local Pub as his treat. I declined and said that I had to return to London because I was flying home the next day. When I said that, I saw Val look at me. Her head seemed to tilt to one side and the smile she had disappeared. I told Tim that my car was waiting and I had to leave. He escorted Val and me to my waiting car. He thanked me and said I could come back anytime...as long as I brought more checks. Then he went back inside.

Val and I just looked at each other. "There is a small park down the road. Do you have time to let me finish my speech?" She asked.

"Of course. Should we take the car?"

"I'll meet you. It's just down there. You can't miss it." And she walked off. My driver held the door open for me and I got in. I was tempted to tell him to head for London ... but I didn't. Ten minutes later, I was sitting on a bench as she walked up and sat.

"Where was I?"

"The nutcracker had just hit me on the head."

"Right. Well, there you were; bloody and defenseless." I started to interrupt and tell her I was neither, but she stopped me. "This is my story and I'll tell it my way. Anyway, it only took me about five minutes to know that you were special and that I wanted to spend time with you."

"I didn't speak, because you wouldn't be quiet."

"That's what made you special. You didn't feel it necessary to talk about yourself and how wonderful you are. You sat there as I prattled on, boring you with the most elementary and juvenile claptrap." I had no idea that anyone in England knew the word claptrap. "And you just smiled. It was that bloody smile that got me. And then we carried on for days and you made no attempt to even kiss me. I've had to fight off blokes and there was this flippin' Yank I wanted to kiss, but he just ignored me. Then he takes the side of some bird who everybody thinks is shagging the ship's whole bloody crew only to find out she isn't. I didn't know what to do with you, so I decided to take matters into my own hands; and we both know the disaster that turned out to be."

"I don't need to be reminded of that night, thank you very much."

"Yes you do, you twit. You told me about your wife and you melted my heart. I felt such an arse that I hated myself for forcing you to do something you didn't want to do."

"Whoa ... wait just a minute. You didn't force me to do anything. I wanted to do it ... I just couldn't and I embarrassed you and I was ashamed."

"Are all Yanks as dumb as you?"

And so it went. Arguing about who felt the worst and was the most apologetic for that night. Finally, I held up my hand. "That's enough. No more. It was a mistake and we can't take it back. It's a moot point anyway because I leave tomorrow and we won't see each other again; so, you made the trip for nothing."

She looked at me like 'are you fucking insane?' and then spoke. "I don't think I made the trip for nothing. When I saw you get in that car the day you left the ship, part of me left with you. I knew you were hurting and, after thinking about it, I knew I wanted to try to help; and I didn't want to lose you. I was hoping that, if we talked and spent some time together, that we could work things out. I don't want to replace your wife, Matt, and I know you don't want to replace her; but I can't help but feel that you have room in your heart for another love. And I would like for that to be me."

We sat in silence for a long time. Then I stood and walked a few steps before turning back to look at her before I spoke. "How will this work? Long distance relationships are tough."

She stood and walked to stand in front of me. She reached in her purse and pulled out an airline ticket folder. "I'm going to Denver tomorrow and I hope it's on the same plane you are on. I had my choice of two American airlines and I chose one. I had a fifty-fifty chance it was the same as yours." I looked and saw the familiar corporate logo and smiled. "There it is again. That flippin' smile. Does that mean it's okay?"

My smile got bigger.

"Cor blimey, what have I gotten myself into?" She said as she threw her arms around my neck and gave me another of her lip-to-lip smack-dab-on-the-mouth kisses right there in the park. And, like the last time, it took a second-and-a-half for woody to develop.

The kiss lasted a long time. When we came up for air, Cynthia and John Halford were standing there.

"It looks like you were right, Val," said John.

I looked at the three of them and spoke. "I may be dumb, but I'm not stupid."

Hoping for the best, Val had convinced her friends to bring her and her suitcase from their home in Birmingham, about two hours away. The idea was that, if they were, in fact, able to find me and convince me that she was serious about making something of our relationship, that she would go with me to London and fly home with me in order to spend some time together.

We transferred her suitcase to my waiting car and said goodbye to the Halford's.

The first thing we did in London was to upgrade her ticket to first class. She had planned to stay for a week and we left that intact ... just in case things didn't work out.

Later that evening, after another of her toe-curling kisses, we learned that getting rid of my woody took more effort, and a lot more pleasure, than her just touching it. For the week she was in Denver, we experimented in finding various and assorted ways to ensure all my woodies were put to good use.

She extended her stay by three weeks before returning to England. Over the next year, we visited back and forth between Denver and Birmingham before she moved to Denver permanently.

Her brother made three trips over himself just to visit Colorado.

She and he have recently opened their first 'Chippy' in Denver. She and I divide our time between England and Denver.

Life is good.