by dresbach
this is really well written. Nice interaction between the participants. there are a number of typos that really interfered with the story, but this is one worth criticizing. Just a little more polishing and this will be superb.
The author has developed the story very well, and has expressed the inner thoughts of the characters, and explained the actions of the sexual encounter very explicitly. I hope to read more of the encounters with the two women and the use of Beetlesmith's secret elixir. All I can say is; If only there was such an amazing substance.Thanks for the good chapter....Rich
A well thought out and realistic scenario. Enjoyed it very much.
Well written, good character development. Nice use of the anger and past history between the women. He needs to get more of that stuff.
I enjoyed this story very much, it was very well thought out and a sexy read. The characters feelings and the physical sensations were shown well. there are only a few cases where there are typos or words placed that don't really fit the flow of things well, though they are small enough and few enough between them that they do not take away from the story.
You need to proofread your stories for things such as this - Gloria soon became accustomed to sliding my cock in and out of my mouth, and.... Otherwise it was a good story. Don't stop writing now!
This is well written and erudite -- a couple of typos maybe -- but creative and fun with some nice twists and imagery. I hope there are sequels because I'm intrigued.
It's "massaged" not "messaged". (I had this picture of a text message..."Hi, clit, how r u?"). In the same paragraph you used "shutter" instead of "shudder", its' with an apostrophe instead of its, and "bath" instead of "bathe".
There were errors like this throughout (including another "message"). You write well, and it's a good story, but you might want to have an editor take a peek before posting.
Thanks for the story, and I'll keep reading.
What a great read that was. Interesting story that drew you in as it developed, believable characters, well paced, good dialogue & a suitably erotic climax. Delighted to discover there are also many more chapters to this yarn...
This is a wonderfully told tale. I look forward to reading the rest of this series, and hope you continue writing more. Excellent work.