All Comments on 'Betrayal'

Very good story, one of the best I have read. Keep on writing.

but she should have gotten less ...he should have sold her to a whore house in south america so she could truly see what a slut was ...isnt tha thowshe was just dying to be treated...keep on writing man ...you write how so many of us would really love to do the cheating sluts we should not have married

If more cheaters received this type of treatment, there would be a LOT less cheating going on

While a bit immaturely done, the premise is damned good. Don't let the naysayer fems and effeminized males say otherwise and don't take their comments seriously. Keep on truckin.

I only have one flaw, I kill people for pay. Its a bit of a biggy as flaws go. At least this hubby was in the marines most of these stories claim special forces. Have all the nutters who lap this up never slept with a married woman at any point? The stats say lots of people do. We may not approve but are they all to be murdered. -- UK CYNIC

Straight down the middle. No grey areas here. She cheated he got revenge. She was distraught he moved on. A little cut and dried. But overall a good story. Please continue writing.

First has was paragraph after paragraph of the same thing repeating

The first thing I did was look for your other stories. Now Ill just have to wait for you to post another. LOL Keep writing. Great job.

Sheriff in town and his name is hawkeye007 and he takes no prisoners...be warned marriedwithballs@yahoo.com

I see you're trying to write hard-boiled. You made a good stab at it. You can improve by looking at the sentences: you'll see that some are soft and some are hard. In other words, the story is not quite hard-boiled enough to be genuine. Keep at it, if you're really interested in pursuing this style. It's a lot of fun but you have to be absolutely on tone with no wavering.

No wimps here -however he couldhave slapped the crap out of her

The crucify the women crowd will love this story, but in truth, it's just dumb. There is no real angst in this story — it's too phony for words, and doesn't cause any real emotional response.

Don't think the wife would have lived out her life if he really was a hitman, but its the thought that counts. Her having affair when she loves her husband and doesn't even like her lover is a little bit of a reach, she can't say no? Anyway why leave her in one piece, take them out together and move on if your doing a fantasy.

This story seems to have been written according to some sort of formula. (Lit.com template?) The same basic ideas, feelings and emotions were stated over and over. Repetition is no substitute for genuine emotion.<p>

When the husband overhears the wife's phone conversation the writer makes sure that he includes all of the appropriate comments, mechanically and not representative of a real phone conversation. At the end the husband walks out on his cheating wife while she begs him not to go. Pretty cut and dried.<p>

As I say, written by formula.

Some idiot wrote earlier that the crucify the woman would be glad. Is that person crazy? This woman hasnt been punished at all. She had already broken her marriage beyond repair by her actions. She totally disrespected and humiliated her husband to an asshole while showing no real love at all for her husband. In fact to her all he seemed to be was a paycheck and a nice guy. One has to wonder how many women really live with us and have no idea who we really are and what we can do in a blink of the eye with no remorse at all. However here she got half of everything she knew about and the home. She got freedom to be a total slut as much as she wanted. Please explain exactly how and when she was punished. Oh yes, I remember her present fuck buddy had committed suicide and she doesnt have anyone to fuck right now. Perrhaps she needs to walk outside for a bit or go to the grocery store or club and a fucker. She thinks her husband may have killed the asshole, but then every man whose wife was a slut to him had opportunity and reason to eliminate him. Seems a shame the first man he cuckolded wasnt man enough to end this guys life before he became a serial professional gigolo. Some men simply dont have the power of their convictions. When you believe in marriage vows, no man or woman cheats. When you dont, both can cheat without remorse. I feel sorry for this guy, his revenge was partial, but then again in a few months after the divorce she may just disappear on day. Things like that happen all of the time and seldom cause more than a line or two in the newspaper.

for the first half I was thinking, why not tell us what happened instead of repeating the same again and again. Then

by what he said about his "occupation", the blind rage he felt about his wife and her lover, I feared it would be an unbelievable and outrageous revenge. The killing of lover boy Roger fit in with his background, but what was the revenge for the wife. Him leaving ? Big deal, she was funking around on him for the raw sex she craved, he was just there for comfort. With the money and the house he left her, he will soon be forgotten. Anyway, when the story was finished, I just had this feeling "is it over already ?

Was that it ? I think it could have been better. Just try more next time. G.Belgium.

I've rated this story pretty low b/c I felt cheated by the author. He has real talent. However, 95% of this story is the man discribing his emotions and morals. His "revenge" is exactly 1 paragraph long. By the time I was 1/2 through the story I was screaming, "WHAT HAPPENNED!". Giving the wife 1/2 of all known community property is not revenge, its the law. So, he doesn't go after the wife, I can live with that. What I find objectionable is the author pontificating about morals in the guise of an (almost) non-existent story.

Strong and interesting writer. Perhaps if every party to infidelity felt some pain approriate to the extent of their cheating it would slow down the rate.<P>

All seriousness aside - are you for hire?

The commentators would prefer on your next that you only break each appendage 4 times.<P>

Where's the old its just a story replies?<P>

I like your take no prisoners approach - and talent but live and let die has margins as well.

The execution of this story is excellent -- intriguing choice of adjective, no? My choice of rating and my comments are almost always directed at a writer's style, not at the story's theme or subject. Hawkeye, your sentences are superb. Only one (or at most two) are flawed in my opinion. They come at the reader like bullets out of a gun: compelling, demanding attention, straight to the target.

Hope to read more of your work.

Great start with the 1st. story. Write more!I will monitor Literotica for new stories.

The prose is rather dry, and mostly explores the husband's feelings. The pacing of the storytelling drags because of the prose.

<P>

The characters are formulaic. The wife wants a beeg dick, the hubby is a secret contract killer. Neither is explored in any great detail. The fact that the hubby is a cold-blooded killer does not increase one's appreciation of him. Neither character is interesting enough to hold one's attention.

<P>

The plot is straight-forward and holds no surprises. It's a plain recounting of the hubby's anger and disgust at his wife's adultery. It plays out as expected.

I thought this was a great story. Personally I would like to see another chapter showing how he got over his wife cheating on him. But I think you did an excellent job and look forward to reading more from you.

Yeah, I know it's a fantasy but really now. And if he was such a non-wimp, badass why didn't he kill the wife off too? Or my personal favorite, the old sell her to some S. American brothel punishment. I'm sure he's made some contacts in his line of work. What was her punishment exactly, other than being left by a soul-less murderer? Was it the all consuming guilt of causing a man's death because of her wayward pussy? Thanks for the entertainment.

If you write anything like this, fix your paragraphs so they don't break. Then when you end a story, end it don't keep going on and on.

allowed. She is similar to a lot of the same type of slut wife/whores that show up in bonnietaylor/www/needyou bullshit stories. All of them deserve to be eliminated from the gene pool before they spread this shit-type of cancer.

He was a little to lenient with the slut, but I love a happy ending.

I agree with Alvaron's commentary. I felt like I was working

my way through quicksand, waiting for something to happen

or at least some sort of surprise... Potentially interesting storyline, though.

Half of the story was a preamble of short sentences which were too confused to make much sense. I could get the general idea, but only towards the middle, the narrator finally relaxed enough to start telling us what happened... My advice: that's where you should always start your stories. <P>

Other than giving his wife what he was legally bound to give in divorce, where were all the pain and mayhem he had promised to put her in? I am not taking a position here, but it was in the story and just faded away... <P>

As far as the 'consequences distribution' goes, it was the usual case we always see of ‘vent with disproportionate rage on the secondary partner to the cheating only’. Mr. husband character,let’s go over the facts: you were married to your wife not to Mr. Rogers... oh well, it’s hard to break literary traditions, so I expect more misplaced chivalry on presumably delicate (yet callously cheating) wives, and death by fire and hell on their partners <P>

One more comment: the type of wife portrayed here, namely: an opportunistic immature and narcissistic, usually absorbs very little from the supposedly guilt inspiring acts and speeches of the kind the husband performed before leaving. This type is too self centered and would soon look for a substitute. For her type it’s all about loss of comfort, security and perhaps shame, but they can’t really feel empathy with other people.

Bad news is she is still alive out there somewhere. Not good.

this how you stop cheating,respect your spouse.i bet she respect her next hubby.for every sissyboy that want to talk and kiss ass of the fucker who fucking his drop dead.

So she is getting divorced. So she is getting more that she really should get from the divorce. So he is leaving. Where is her hurt, where is the revenge, where is her misery. She is free now to be who she is a slut with some money. You have done nothing to her at all. Yes the asshole died well. But exactly what retribution was taken from the wife? She obviously never really loved her husband, women who really love their husbands dont do this. She really had no respect for her marriage. So tell me again exactly what did she lose?

Liked the non-wimp aspect of the story but she still got away with it. However, it is better than reading the "man-hater" bullshit from Angiquesophie.

I have read the aurthor's later story first but, I have very similar comments to this story as I had to the the later story: "The Wrong Man". Instead, it should have been titled: "The Wrong Revenge", as yet again (as in many other "revenge" stories in this section of Literotica), the only one who sees any revenge coming at him, is the accidental horny - and no doubt - foolish partner to the sexual liasons, which the unfaithful wife had been conducting behind her husband's back. <P>

The cruelty, contempt and apparent sense of impunity (justified, as we learn later) which all show her in the worst possible light - are equal only to the sense of amazement at the husband's "theater of the absurd" style of reaction. His only real reaction towards his wife (beyond venting and yelling) is awarding her half of their mutual property and kicking himself out of their house ASAP... Her partner, on the other hand, would soon be discovered along with with his coersed fabricated final notes, and if you believe that the police will swallow this story and won't soon chase after the crazed hex-hubby, you probanly share ex hubby's dellusions that the same woman who treated him so nicely while they were married, will now mourn over the end of this farce...

Ssorry about The Title! It wasn't nearly as good as the title of my post would indicate! It was FAR WORSE than garbage!!

Leave the writer alone. His story is twenty times better than any cuck or wimp story. That you or anybody else could write. Go suck your own dick. Or if you are woman suck your own pussy. Or write a story better than his and let him trash yours! But I guess you would never write a story would you.

I dont know why you got the bad marks. This was well put together. Please keep writing.

love it

but not too much. killing the tennis guy was unnecessary, but he lost, game, set and match. her protestations of love, a cliche, and trust was trashed there.

A wimpy finish for such a badass. It would have been better if she knew he killed her lover, yet stays with. Each year another close friend or family member dies under mysterious conditions. She knew he did it but can't prove. He slowly drives her crazy, until she kills herself. He can't bring himself to kill her so he drives her to do it herself.

this whore open her legs to roger,you kill roger and leave her.what kind of justice was that.writers have too protect the woman.

Not bad, but the big, bad, dangerous hitman couldn't hurt the widdle woving wifey that disrespected him by feeding her lover's cum to him? Yeah...right! But seriously, he just took all his hit money and half of their property and killed her by leaving her? Why not stay with her and lick up after each of her next lovers before killing them too? He was in effect a big, bad, dangerous Wimp after all... There have been several stories with this plot and this was not one of the better ones... Yet, keep trying!

First, your protagonist claims not to care why his wife cheated, and then you spend about 1/3 of the story rehashing how could she do it and why. Then we come to understand what a tough SOB he is, how no one messes with him and lives. So, what does Mr. Tough Guy do, he gets revenge by divorcing his wife and giving her 1/2 of their (known) assets. You really needed to explain this and cut down on all the “how could she” crap at the first of the story. I am not a member of the torch-the-bitch club, nor do I believe that once a cheater, always a cheater. But when this guy shows such restraint, you need to explain it. In my experience, losing a good spouse does not torment a wife such as is here. Soon she will blame him and move on. So, how was he tough? He just cut his loses. Basically, your character acted out of character. Thanks for writing, Ttom.

This one was not really a story... a lot of narrative explaination but not many events

So she got everything that she wanted and all it cost her was a husband that she really didn't care about. If she doesn't know what it cost her then she loses nothing and wins everything, he gives up everything. anon jerry

I think he let her off to easy . I would have made her eat a pile of shit to get even for the cream pie she served him for old Roger.

And great characters. If this was an ordinary loving wives story the wife would fit right in: shes just the right amount of dirty slut and submissive perv. ( I'm a fan of naughty women as you can see.).

I love how the story actually sounded realistic; the feelings seemed genuine.

Go back to school, you're writing is pathetic.

Incomplete charactor with contrary traits not a workable plot

Only the clucks, fags and shoe no iq's will not enjoy this tale.

I really enjoyed this story and hope for more. I had hoped Mike would have stalked Rodger and drawn out his agony through some Marine type torture. Rather than suicide, Mike should have skinned Rodger alive and had his wonderful cock and balls sliced off and delivered to his wife as a gift, so she would know the extent of her husband's kindness. It's the romantic in me, but I like to think, Mike will not get over his ex and he will look her up, only to find she is in peril and he saves her and they live happily ever after as a man and wife hit team. Lol

all the way back to ZERO. TK U MLJ LV NV

I giggled all the way through it.

I would have given five if the violence had been dialed up a notch. Good short story!

He should have poured super glue in her month while she was giving head to Roger. Nice tale of revenge.

Heaps o' humiliation, the bread and butter of cucks, the meat and potatoes. Poorly written/edited but feasted on and focused on the cuckoldry so a Random 5 stars from me. As huecuck has stated, we don't need more than 6th/7th grade writing level as long as we get the drift and the cucking is extreme. Good work!

Let her die of a broken heart. Nothing less than what she deserves. Like what you did to the tennis pro. Classic drama!

He wanted to hurt her. He did but -

why not take her to Mexico and turn her over to the Porn industry with the understanding that she never returns to the US!

She'll regret and hurt every day until they are through with her.

Anyway, good story, perfect and Thanks!

a hitman hears his wife saying she fed him some dude's cum and HE CHECKS INTO A MOTEL!?!?!?!

sir, you are an idiot.

More draconian terms should have been put on her, like she leaves the marriage with what she brought into it (not including house or any portion of joint account, etc)

For a hit man he was awfully nice to her. That's the only flaw of the story.

He gave her better than divorce court would have given her, tell me again where is her pain and punishment. He had already moved on and beyond him so leaving her, even with the dramatics, is no punishment. Revenge is sweet, running away into the dark is stupid.

if husband do this to wife after her cheating i think all cheating wifes will want that they have husband like him .

for revenge this story have 0

+1 for what he did to Roger

-1 for what he did to his wife

Trust lost-honor lost! Honor lost-All lost!

Then the death of her life with the man she almost certainly loved (even if she did not know how to do that right) - she knows she killed Roger and almost died herself - she is not unpunished -

Not a very happy life for her - she did not deserve one - maybe any life at all but he gave her pain -

In my first comment I said he was nice to her. Actually that's not true. If she truly loved him now she loves nobody. She loved the cock of the asshole (the late asshole) she was fucking now she doesn't have that. If only she knew the wealth she threw away by cheating she just might kill herself. Hey, what a great idea for a chapter 2. Do it, I'll read it.

Oh Yeah

leave no witnesses,,,,everyone comes home. TK U MLJ LV NV

Okay I get it, he felt bad because she was cheating on him. The only problem is that how can you be stupid enough to invest your love is a selfish bitch? ALL the people I have met who turned out to be cheaters were either crazy, or selfish to an extreme. As far as I know, I have not had any women "cheat" on me, but I have been screwed over financially by both women and business partners. At the end of the day, I blamed myself for putting myself in a position of trust with someone I knew was weak and could fail. I thought that I could pull the both of us through if I worked hard enough. Wrong. Weak, selfish, irrational people can often be fun to hang around with, but they are deadly when it comes to a relationship with responsibility. High schools and colleges should give courses on this stuff. It is too important to leave to learning from experience.

Mike only gets half credit for offing Roger. The wife got off way too easy. She had him eating Roger's swimmers. Okay, she feels "awful" about getting Roger whacked, but why leave her half the money and the house? I get that he didn't need either, but why make her transition any easier.

I believe that the author should be able to tell the story they way he wants to tell it, the way he feels it, and with the characters he wants to present. I think this is a wordsmithing job well done and a story which attracted and sustained my attention. I really don't understand the criticisms suggesting the author should write the story the way a particular reader might prefer. Well done.

Thanks,

I hope they didn't have much equity in the house.

Lots and lots of sentences beginning with 'I'. Became distracting after the first 20-30 times. Editors tend to spot things like that.

But I bet he drives a mustang.

I don't understand why husbands would hurt or kill the other guy and not do the same to the wife. He should have beat her to death.

BTB

you will see me again. TK U MLJ LV NV

Always re-read the good tales. When a wife says to you when confronted with her infidelity and says, "How did you find out?" you know the marriage is toast. Stupid worthless cheating cunt.

After all, she was the one who was the keeper of the vows, not the tennis whatever he was. He was a thief and a poacher, he did get what he deserved but she was the traitor who opened the gates and let him in. That carries a stiff penalty too. Just leaving her on the floor wasn't enough. He was a hit man and should have at least lit her up a bit.

I like your thinking on these matters though. Cuck or wimp stories leave me less than satisfied.

We want them to be tearful, to be begging for forgiveness. But it doesn't happen that way. They ask, usually calmly if it can be salvaged. When we say no, they play the game to suck the most amount of money from us and go party until they find another sucker.

WTF??? why he didn't kill her too?!?!

Semper FI.

just how fortunate she ended up. TK U MLJ LV NV

A follow-up for him regaining his soul with someone worthy of him and meeting her by chance in the miserable gutter where she lives would be an awesome story.

That was all? You call that punishing her? Fuck, even I can do better than that. I would love to be punished with all that financial reward.

Not nearly enough pain. Carve her beautiful face up. Carve cheating slut deeply into her forehead.. let her live with that. Butterface.

Break his knees and send him down to quicksand? Far too little. Staked over fire ants with eye lids removed a good start. And of course his mandatory giant dick removed to be stuffed down either his throat or hers. This is some culture which encourages the most obscene behavior by the wives but the men are supposed to live by rules of queen marquiseberry . Bullshit. Even in a story the offended husband is a eunuch

Wife needs to suffer maybe humiliate her by pimping her out. Tell her if she wants strange cock you will help her out, maybe even a gang bang. Give her some of her own medicine then cut her lose.

With all his dark world training, why would he give this skank half of his savings? Why no use his contacts in the contract killer world to hide his assets and take as much equity out of the house as possible so she'd lose it right away. In effect, he paid her to have him sucking some other guys cum out of her pussy. No way a marine would do that, especially one who worked as a contract killer.

No actually really stupid.Oh give up you don't gave any skill.

He doesn’t know how to close the deal on his stories. Maybe he’s like that with women. He’ll buy them dinner, whisper pleasantries into their ears, get them back to his place, kiss them...then call a cab because he came in his fucking pants. You can’t end a fucking story to save your life!

She betrayed her husband. So, she doesn't love him. Roger was for sex and cuckolding her husband. She didn't love him either. So, walk away and tell her that her future holds the same consequences as Roger. She will wind up committing suicide to avoid the demise her husband has in mind.

All of you PUSSY'S cry about this story didn't end right, wasn't written right, doesn't end well.

PISS on all of you!!

Write your own stories, "Anonymous" DOUCHE-BAGS!!!!

Bet most of you have to ask your Sister/Wife how to spell words for you!

do like a commenter who is NOT anon.

Why in the world would he reward her for fucking over him, causing the death of thier marriage and of Roger? Half the savings and the house? A thousand dollars per year and cab fare.

Why the anger? Feeling guilty about something? LMAO at ass wipes like you who think only your opinion has any value.

least he isn't anon

Half the savings and the house were nothing to him. She will run through that money and have to sell the house then probably run incase he changes his mind. She will be looking over her shoulder for the rest of her life and never have another good man again. Sounds fair to me.

Finish the story.

Best of BTB! Wife is emotionally devestated, if not ruined. Affair partner is dead. He left her with too much in the divorce. Should have had physical pain for the creampie.

I did it amusing how you try and make fun of people saying they have top ask other people how to spell words for your dont know the right version of the word pussy to use. It should be pussies not pussy's. Lol. Think before you speak

He complains about his wife being a liar, and untrustworthy. He claims the high moral ground, yet he murders people for money! Did he mention THAT to his wife, or did he lie? He talks about being in the marines, but betrays everything they ever taught him and spits on them, by using what they taught him to become a murderer for hire to the highest bidder. He thought it was dishonorable to profit from insider trading, yet would happily put a bullet through your head, and fuck the brain hole, if somebody paid him enough! What a hypocrite!

Yes, his wife was a cheating slut, but in a way he also cheated his wife out of an honest, decent husband. Both these worthless people deserve each other!

But its the wife's fault too, and she should suffer just as much? Oh, no. She will suffer much more. She will spend the rest of her life, waiting to be killed. I hope he communicated to her that she can be (continue to be) the biggest slut in the world, but she may never marry or have a permanent relationship with another man, nor have children. If she does, she will be condemning that man to the same death as Roger. If she gets pregnant she can choose to kill the child, or let it be born and have her ex-husband kill the child for her, her choice.

Let her "live" with that hanging over her head for the rest of her life. I give her at most 5 years before she joins Roger in hell, by her own hand. The ex-husband should send her an identical length of rope every year on their marriage anniversary.

Like I said, a really shitty violent cruel story. He was really dense and stupid not to discern this soulless monster before he married her. It doesn't take that much insight or perception to spot such a flaming selfish whore. So he pays too for his mistakes, for the rest of his life. Its good he doesn't "give a rat's ass why" he married so poorly. He'll never learn, and from this point on he will never have another normal relationship.

What a dark oppressive story. Thanks.