Between the Pages of Adultery Ch. 01

With a soulful sigh, Laura straightened up and turned to the next page. "Chapter twelve; Can you salvage your marriage?" It had been what she was so interested in reading but now her hand trembled. Now she looked at the page with trepidation. What if the answer was no? She couldn't bear the thought of losing Harrison. Surely the author, with all his wisdom, will inform her of a full-proof way to keep that from happening. Laura started to read...

Chapter 12

Can you salvage your marriage?

So far we have examined the many traps and pitfalls that give some a license to commit adultery, at least in their own minds. We have discussed the most common needs, both physical and emotional, that were lacking in their lives and not being met by their spouses or their circumstances. We have inspected and scrutinized the emotional ties they felt with their lover. Now comes the hard part, taking full responsibility and facing the consequences of their actions.

She read on...

Finished! Laura closed the cover on the tear-soaked pages of chapter twelve.

Cathy thought she heard crying from inside Laura's office. She gently knocked. "Laura, are you alright?" There was no answer but now she was sure her boss was crying. The concerned secretary and friend cracked the door open and poked her face inside. Laura was slumped over her desk, her head lay on her folded arms, her body heaved with each sob.

Cathy walked to her side and affectionately laid her hand on her weeping friend's back. "Laura, honey, what's wrong?"

It was a couple minutes before Laura could compose herself enough to talk. "I'll...I'll be alright," she wept. "I have some...some personal problems right now, that's all. I'm sorry, Cathy. Please don't worry, I'll be fine," she assured her friend and co-worker.

For the first time, Cathy caught sight of the title of the book that had Laura so engrossed. Her heart suddenly went out to her boss as she immediately assumed the cheating spouse was Harrison. She had been the sounding board for other girlfriends in her position. She knew they were usually reluctant to talk but she wanted Laura to know she was there if she needed her.

"Honey, anytime you want to talk about it, please don't hesitate. I'm a good listener," she said.

Unaware of Cathy's thoughts, she thanked her and promised to take her into her confidence at a later date.

Cathy set a box of tissues on her desk along with a hot cup of coffee. "I'm going to give you some privacy, Laura, but don't forget I'm right outside your door if you need something."

Laura thanked her but was more thankful for the privacy. She had to think, she had to sort this out. How could she...there was no way, the pain it would cause...

She was confused, frightened...no, terrified was more like it. She needed to talk to someone but not Cathy...Val, her best friend, her one and only confidant through all her trials and tribulations since high school.

Laura pulled the cell phone from her purse and hit speed dial. "Hi Val, it's me."

"Hi girlfriend, what's going on? You sound a little down."

"Val, I need to talk to you. I know it's short notice but could you meet me somewhere?"

"When?"

"Now...where ever you say, I'll come to you."

Valerie could hear the desperation in her voice and was immediately concerned. "Sure, honey. Are you at work?"

"Yeah, but I'll meet you anywhere."

"Okay, well I'm in Arlington Hills right now. Why don't we meet at that little outdoor café on Devon and River, that's about half way between you and me...say, in half and hour?" she said checking her watch.

"Perfect, Val. Thanks so much, I'll see you there." Laura disconnected the call, stuffed the book into her purse, and hurried out of her office. "I'm going to take a long lunch, Cathy. If anyone calls, just take a message and tell them I'll call them back," she said as she hustled through the outer office.

"Wait...Laura, what about Brad? Are you..." Laura was already out the door. Cathy jumped up and tried to catch her but Laura was already in her car. "Shit," she said out loud. "This isn't good."

It was a little after eleven when Laura pulled into Plato's parking lot. She took a deep breath, trying to calm herself before walking to where they had the outdoor area set up in a little garden behind the building. She couldn't ever remember being happier to see her friend's smiling face.

Laura bent over and gave her high school chum a big hug before sitting down on the opposite side of the small, round table. "Thanks for coming, Val."

"Okay, Laura, now what's this all about? You sounded frantic over the phone."

Laura took the book from her purse and laid it on the table. "Val, I...I've done something terrible," she was barely able to it choke out.

Val looked at the book, still not comprehending what her distraught friend was trying to tell her. She gave Laura a puzzled look.

"Val, I cheated...I cheated on Harrison," she blurted out as the tears started to flow again.

Valerie's face showed her definite disapproval, her voice turned harsh. "You...I can't believe it. Laura how could you?" she asked with vehemence.

Laura's body was trembling again. She could feel her friend's disappointment. "I don't know," she said slowly shaking her head. "That book outlines practically every human emotion you could ever experience and then some. That guy knows what people are thinking, how they feel and act. He can give you a million reasons why people do what they do. I read every word and I still can't explain why I did it. Oh, I can tell you why the book says I did it; I just can't believe it myself."

Once the initial shock was over, Valerie saw the pain and suffering Laura was in. "Okay, okay," she said reaching over and patting Laura's hand. "Are you still seeing this guy?"

"No...well, I was supposed to meet him today but I'm not going to. I'm going to tell him I never want to see him again."

"Well that's at least a step in the right direction. Who is he, does Harrison know him?"

"No, no, the guy's a client. Harrison's never met him."

"Thank God. Chances are they'll never run into each other then. If you don't ever see him again, maybe you'll be lucky and Harrison will never find out."

It sounded so logical, but... "Val, I wanted to talk to you because...well, according to that book, the best chance I have of saving my marriage is to confess."

"Confess; to who...Harrison? Are you nuts, it'll kill him. He'd never forgive you, Laura. You can't."

"I know, but according to the book..."

"Oh book, smook; think about what you're saying. God, if Harrison doesn't know, just pray he never finds out, and go on like nothing ever happened, that's all. Shit, Laura, think of what this could do to your family, how it would affect Ashley."

"Val, I am thinking about my family. My God, I'm terrified. I know exactly what it could do, I could lose them, I'm aware of that, but the book says it's keeping secrets that tears families apart. Val, adultery is about deceit and betrayal. It's about breaking trust. How do I ever get him to trust me again if I continue to deceive and betray him? Being open and honest from the start is the first step in regaining his trust."

She pulled a tissue from her purse and wiped her nose. "I know what I have to do, Val, but I've never been so scared in my life. I've got to tell him but how can I hurt the man I love like that. It's going to be devastating for Ashley too. I was so stupid and selfish before when I decided to have a little fun, but now I have to think of my family. They come first," she said wiping her eyes again. "I just wish I had thought of them before I slept with Brad."

"I don't know what to tell you, Laura. It sounds like you've already made up your mind and when you put it that way, it certainly sounds like the right thing to do...it's just...God girl, you're taking such a chance."

Just then the waitress came up to take their orders. As she left, Val remembered another case of infidelity.

"I don't think you ever met my cousin, Marilyn, did you?"

"No, I've heard you talk about her but I've never met her," Laura replied.

"Well her husband cheated on her and she divorced him. He begged her to forgive him but she couldn't do it. A couple years later we were talking and she told me she didn't think it would have hurt so much if she didn't love him like she did."

"How did she find out about the affair?" Laura asked.

"Ah, well yeah, he sure as hell didn't confess. He was screwing one of her best friends. A mutual acquaintance ratted on them and told Marilyn. They were still going at it when she found out. The fact that it was a friend of hers made it even worse. How long have you been seeing this guy?"

"About two months...well, that we've...you know. I've actually known him for several months."

"Two months, is that all? I don't know, Laura, if you've only been doing it with him for two months, and Harrison doesn't even know him, what are the chances that he'll ever find out?"

"I know, I know, but what if he does? What if someone saw us come out of the room together or somebody overhears Brad bragging to a friend; can I take that chance? I don't want to lose my husband, Val. I can't lose him. I think I'd die without Harrison."

"No, you wouldn't die. You might wish you were dead sometimes but you'd survive. Don't forget, you have a daughter, too."

They both fell silent as the waitress brought their food and refilled their coffee cups. Both ladies needed a little break anyway so they started on lunch.

Half way through eating, Laura's cell phone rang. She looked at the display and saw it was Cathy. "It's work, I'd better take it," she said tapping the connect button.

"Hi Cathy, what's up?"

"Laura, Brad Griffin called looking for you. He sounded upset. I tried to remind you before you left but you were too quick for me."

"I'm sorry, Cathy. I'll call..." she was interrupted by her phone's call waiting. "Cathy, he's calling me right now. I'm going to take it so I have to let you go."

Cathy was shocked to hear Brad had her boss' private cell number but before she could ask about it, Laura disconnected. Cathy made a mental note to ask Laura about it when she came back in.

"Hello, Brad," Laura answered while looking at her scowling friend across the table.

"Laura, where are you? Is everything alright? I've been waiting in this stupid motel room for over an hour."

"No, Brad, I'm sorry but everything isn't alright. I can't do it anymore, not now, not ever. It's over, Brad. I never want to see you again."

There was a moment of silence on the other end. When he spoke again the confidence in his voice was gone.

"Laura, what's wrong? Did I do something to offend you?"

"No, Brad, it's nothing like that. This is wrong. Us seeing each other is wrong. I'm a married woman with a teenage daughter. I love my family. It should have never happened in the first place and it'll never happen again."

"Did, ah...did your husband find out? Is he making you do this?"

"No, no he doesn't know anything. This is my decision, no one else's."

"Well can't we at least talk about this? I mean, you and I were just starting to..."

"NO, I mean it, Brad. Please don't try to call me again or see me...nothing, it's over."

Laura's voice was firm, full of resolve. He knew she meant every word. Too bad, he thought, she was fun and they were just getting to know each other. He had been looking forward to many more months of enjoying her body. Oh well, he knew she was married, he knew this would happen sooner or later, he was just hoping for later. I'll give her a little time, he thought. I'll still see her now and then at her office; I can always try to pick it up a little down the road.

"Okay, Laura," he relented. "But if you change your mind, I'll be..."

Laura disconnected the call before he could finish his statement. "That's, that," she said dropping the phone back into her purse.

"What did he say?" ask Val.

"Nothing much, just that he'd be around if I changed my mind."

"That's right, you said he was a client." A thought struck her. "You don't think he'd try and blackmail you, do you? You know, hold his business over your head if you don't continue to sleep with him?"

"I don't think so. He needs us as much as we need his business, besides it wouldn't make any difference, Val."

"No, no of course not. Not if you're going to tell Harrison anyway." She took a small sigh. "I don't envy you, honey. I wouldn't want to be in your shoes for anything." Her heart was going out to her good friend of twenty years. Again, she reached over the table and held her hand. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

Not once during their luncheon, had Laura's eyes stopped watering. She moved her thumb to caress the loving fingers of a true friend.

"There is one thing," she said looking up. "Would you be able to take Ashley tomorrow night for me? I've got a few things to do between now and then. I'm going to tell her tomorrow when she gets home from school. If you could come over about five, that would give me time to prepare to tell Harrison when he gets home at six. I'm not sure how he'll take it, but I don't want him to feel he has to restrain himself because of his daughter. He'll need to be able to express himself freely. I know it'll be hard on Ashley, but I think it's best," she said wiping her eyes again with a tissue.

"Of course, honey, but you're not going to tell Ashley everything, are you?"

"Val, she's part of the family. She's going to be as deeply affected as any of us. She has a right to know the facts."

"I'll be there, Laura. Good luck, I don't think I could do what you're doing," she said.

Laura got up and hugged her. "Thank you," she said with appreciation. "I don't have much choice; I'm fighting for the life of my family. I just pray I'm not too late." She grabbed the check and was gone.

It was after three o'clock by the time she got back to the office. "Cathy, I'm sorry I rushed out on you like that. It was kind of an emergency. Did anyone else call but Brad?"

"No, just him." She couldn't stop wondering, she had to ask. "Laura, why does Brad have your cell number?"

"Cathy, bear with me until tomorrow. Then I'll tell you all about it, okay? Right now I have a ton of things I have to get done. I'll be in my office working. Just let me know when go, will you."

True to her word, two hours later, Cathy knocked on the office door and announced she was leaving for the day. Laura left soon afterward.

That evening Laura watched her family with a new appreciation for what she had, and fear of what she might lose. It would be the last night her family would be this happy for a very long time, if ever again.

She stood in the kitchen doorway and watched with tears as Harrison helped their daughter with her Algebra. With the patience of a saint, he painstakingly explained each mathematical formula. She chuckled at their father-daughter banter. If it came down to it, who would she chose to live with, she wondered; more than likely, her father. Maybe that's what's she deserved, to have her family taken from her, but just the thought was unbearable. If it really happened she didn't think she'd be able to survive...what would be the point?

The whole time, her mind searched in vain for another way. Was Valerie right, what were really the odds her husband would find out what she'd done? Maybe she COULD just go on as if nothing had ever happened; it'd just stay her dirty, little secret. 'Secret,' there was that word again. The word that tears families irreparably apart; the word that destroys the trust we have in our partners.

She finally had to turn and walk away. She had to gather herself just to speak. "Honey, I'm going to relax in a hot tub for a while, okay?"

"Go ahead, honey," responded Harrison.

"Yeah, mom, we'll be another hour here so take your time," Ashley told her.

Once in the sanctuary of her bath, Laura could hold back no longer. She prayed no one would come upstairs and hear her as she broke out and sobbed like a little girl.

That night she felt compelled to make love to Harrison again but she could tell he wasn't in the mood. Instead of pushing it, she cuddled up and spooned him. "I love you, Harrison," she whispered.

"I love you too, babe," he responded. "Good night."

The next morning Laura appeared to be in full work mode as she greeted her secretary.

"Good morning, Laura," Cathy said, laying her coffee down. "No book today?"

Laura thanked her for the coffee then responded to her question. "No, no book today. Cathy, I'm going to need about two uninterrupted hours this morning, okay?"

"Yes ma'am."

It was a little after eleven when Laura asked Cathy to step into her office.

"Hi, Cathy," she said looking up with red eyes. "Please, have a seat."

Cathy was beginning to wonder what was going on. She could tell Laura had been crying again but now she sounded business like; something wasn't right.

Laura continued, "Cathy, yesterday you asked why Brad had my cell number; for the last two months, he and I have been having an affair."

Cathy thought it must have been something like that; the way Laura had been acting, the tears then Brad having her number...still, to hear it was actually true was a shock. "What...Laura, no..."

"I'm afraid it's true. Up until the time I bought that book I was reading, I would have described it as an innocent little tryst, but as I found out, there's nothing innocent about adultery."

"Oh Laura, I don't know what to say."

"There's nothing TO say, Cathy. It's my mess. I created it, now I have to clean it up. Here are two envelopes," she said handing them to her over the desk. "They both have my signatures and confirm the emails I sent off to corporate a few minutes ago. The first one is my resignation..."

"Laura, no," Cathy broke in.

Laura held up her hand to stop her secretary from interrupting, then continued. "The first one is my resignation. The second one is my recommendation for you to take my job."

"Me?" Cathy uttered with surprise. "But I'm just a..."

"Yes, you; you were Mr. Barester's secretary before you were mine. You were the one who helped me take his place. You probably know more about running this place than he and I put together."

"Why, Laura, why do you have to quit?"

"Because as long as I work here I will still have to have contact with Brad, and if I want to stand any chance at all of keeping my family together, I can't allow that.

Now," Laura said with a sigh," I've cleaned up all the loose ends that I know of. You shouldn't have any emergencies popping up, at least not today. Right now it's lunch hour at corporate but I image your phone will start ringing as soon as the big wigs get back from their liquid lunches. Oh, by the way," she said opening the file drawer on the side of her desk and pulling out a sheet of paper, "this is a glowing letter of recommendation I wrote for you as well, just in case you ever need it. Hopefully you won't" she said sticking it back in Cathy's file.

Cathy was truly saddened by her boss' decision to leave. "Laura, I...I don't know what to say. Isn't there any other way? Do you have to quit?"

"Cathy, I let my stupidity, my inflated self-worth, and my ego, lead me into the worst decision of my life. As a result, the people I love the most are going to be terribly hurt. It's too late to prevent that. All I can do now is try to start the healing process as quickly as I can, and it starts today."

Cathy's tears now matched her boss'. They both stood and hugged one another.

"Good luck, Cathy. Make sure you get those letters in today's mail. Corporate will want verification of my emails as soon as possible."

"I will," she wept. "Good luck to you too, Laura, I don't know what made you do what you did but I always liked you. I was so happy when they picked you to take over for Mr. Barester. Please take care of yourself."