Big Head, Little Head

It was Emily; she had slapped Bear's face to get him to stop. She was standing between Bear and me, and told Bear that he was wrong and get a grip on his temper.

"I'm going to kill the little shit," he said as he started to push her out of his way. Bear was past rational thought.

"Bear, your girl is the one that caused all this," Emily said as she stepped in front of him again. "I heard her say she was going to dance with some of the other guys, if Rich didn't dance with her. She was the one rubbing up against him. All he did was try to keep his word to you."

Janet had to get her mouth going and said, "Bear that's not true, you know you're the only one I want to be with. Don't stop, get Rich."

Bear growled, he actually growled, and tried to pushed Emily away. Every time he moved to get around her, Emily would move in front of Bear and start yelling at him again. At any other time, it would have been really funny. This little 5 foot 6 girl holding off this giant of a man. As I said, at any other time it would have been funny; right then all I wanted to do was get out of there without being hurt anymore.

He finally got tired of trying to move pass Emily and backed off a little. Bear looked over Emily's head at me and said, "I'll finish with you later punk."

The excitement was over, so the audience wanting to see blood decided to go back to the lodge hall. They were laughing and talking about how Bear had did a number on me. Emily was kneeling beside me with tears in her eyes.

"Don't cry Emily, I'm okay or will be tomorrow. Right now I'm a little shaky but I'll be okay."

"You are really hurt and I'm going to take you to the hospital." No debate from you. We are going and that's final."

Emily drove me to the emergency room and after the doctors had a look at me, I realized I had been hurt more than I thought. They found I had two bruised ribs, my left eye was almost swollen shut, and my lips looked like ground beef. After they taped, bandaged, and put stuff on my cuts, Emily drove me home. She helped me into my house and to the couch.

I must have passed out and when I woke I felt a weight across my legs. It was Emily; she must have stayed with me and fell asleep. Her face was very pretty as she slept. Funny, I had never noticed how pretty she was. Maybe getting my head bounced around had improved my vision. I tried to sit up and groaned at the pain.

Emily woke up when I moved and smiled at me. "Don't get up; I will get anything you want for you."

I laughed and said, "You can't get this, I need to use the restroom. I walked to the bathroom pretty well, pretty well for a 100 year old man that is.

When I got back I asked her why she had stayed with me all night. She answered she didn't have a ride and didn't want to take my car and leave me without transportation. We continued talking until about 2:00 and I took her home. She was right, I couldn't have driven last night, and I barely made it today. Lucky we had the next week off of school; some kind of teacher meetings and seminars. The time off would let me heal a little.

During that week Emily and I spent 3 or 4 days together. Nothing really romantic; just getting to know each other. I asked her out for that Saturday as our first "real" date. We went to a little coffee house that had some very good rhythm and blues music. A very gently kiss good night was as far as it went.

My week off was over and I had to return to classes. I wondered if there would be any further consequences over the fight with Bear.

The first person I saw as I crossed the parking lot to the school was Janet. She was walking, holding hands, with some jerk from Sigma Chi. Sigma was our rival frat, and there was no love lost between us. When Janet saw me she just smiled at me and cuddled up to the Sigma asshole.

What the hell? Where is Bear? Does he know about this? Dozens of thoughts were running thru my head. Oh well, Janet is not my problem. I continued on to my first class, the rest of the day was pretty normal. Except, I kept seeing Janet with this jerk and it began to get to me. What bothered me wasn't that Janet apparently had thrown Bear over, but she had gotten him to kick my ass before she did. I couldn't just let that go. She had used Bear to get back at me because I wouldn't come running when she crooked her finger. I thought of a couple of old saying and calmed down a little. "What goes around comes around" and "Karma is a bitch, with PMS.

More on Karma and payback later.

The next week, the school officials warned the frats that we were all on thin ice. There had been too many uproars involving the "Greeks" on campus. These fights and disturbances were causing problems with the town and could not continue. We had be warned. So be it. Hypocrites, the school was all for the fund raisers, charity work and good will services the "Greeks" provided, but we had been warned.

Mr. President Chuck called a special meeting of the frat right after the last class. If the school hadn't given us a warning, I don't think he would have called the meeting. He was trying to save face for the frat and make it seem that we were concerned. Bull shit. I thought I knew what the agenda was going to be and came prepared. Attendance was mandatory for all brothers. Chuck called the meeting to order. He recounted what had happened at the dance, in a slightly abbreviated form. The leadership council of the frat had met and decided on the following sanctions.

Bear must write a letter to the frat and the Deltas apologizing for the fight. He would be suspended from fraternity functions for one month and could not wear anything showing the frat logo during that time. He must stand in front of the whole fraternity and apologize to me and the brothers.

Chuck asked Bear, "Do you understand these sanctions and accept them?"

"Yeah, Bear said, "I understand and accept them." He stood up and turned to me and continued, "I'm sorry Rich. I was drunk and lost my head. Please let's put this in the past." He looked sort of pleased with himself.

"Just like that, huh? You try to kill me and then say you're sorry and everything is supposed to be okay. Well FUCK YOU BEAR. Forget about it, no way, no fucking way. If you can't handle you alcohol, and you can't, quit drinking. We all tried to tell you about Janet, but you were thinking with your dick and wouldn't listen. To make it worse, now your little girl friend has dumped you and is running around with that asshole from Sigma Chi. You know you almost killed me and maybe would have if Emily had not stepped in, all for nothing. I know I stepped over the line with Janet and I am sorry I did, but I didn't deserve what happened to me."

"Yeah, your right. I over reacted big time. Please let's just shake hands and let it go. I am sorry"

"In case you didn't hear me the first time, FUCK YOU BEAR; I'm done. I'm done trying to keep you from breaking things, breaking people and going to jail. All with the excuse, I'm drunk. I'm done listening to you cry about Janet or some other girl screwing you over and trying to help you get past it. We aren't friends anymore; I don't want anything to do with you.

"That's enough guys," Chuck jumped in and then continued," In addition, Rich you must write the same type of letters to the frat and the Deltas. You must also stand and apologize to the brothers for your part in this fight."

He turned to me and asked, "Rich, do you understand these sanctions and do you accept them?"

"Yeah, I understand. The council is a bunch of chicken shit weenies. Accept, hell no I don't accept. A overgrown psychopath goes on a drunken rampage, almost kills another brother and all you do is require a couple of letters and an apology. He doesn't even have to mean it. Look at his face; he's glad he got off so easy. I knew you guys were going to roll over to save the fraternity embarrassment so I came prepare."

I walked to the front of the room and looked at all the brothers. "Apologize my ass," I stated. I laid a sheet of paper on the desk. "Here is my official resignation. I looked up the bylaws, you have to take my name off the frat rolls if I formally resign; do it now. Here is my frat pin, my frat medallion, and my member card. I don't want to play anymore. Fuck you all." I left the room and the frat.

There were guys in the frat that sympathized with me about the fight but they hadn't stood up at the meeting to voice their feelings; so fuck them too. I felt that if you didn't support me then you were against me. The next few weeks until graduation were a little lonely for me. I wouldn't hang out with any of the frat brothers at school. I had few male friends outside of the frat. The girls of Delta Zeta, Tri Kappa, and the other sororities were pretty much done with me too.

The only one who stood by me was Emily. Go figure, a girl I hardly knew had not only saved my ass but stood with me against my so called brothers, her friends, and sorority sisters. Her sisters told her to stay away from me and that she was being disloyal to the Deltas. She told them to go fuck themselves, that they were as bad as my frat and quit the sorority.

So there we were the two outcasts, depending on each other for company. This was a perfect scenario for a romance to blossom. Right?

Maybe so but it didn't happen. Emily said we were good friends and she loved me but wasn't in love with me. Emily was a sweetheart, and in her I thought I had found a kindred spirit. I was a disappointed but kept my thoughts to myself.

Around six weeks of this almost solo existence, out of the blue I got a offer for an interview for a sales position. I had applied to several companies hoping for interviews after graduation. That was in a couple of weeks; apparently one of them didn't want to wait. An appointment was scheduled; I dressed to impress and went to the meeting. I really didn't expect to get the job then, but it was a foot in the door for later.

I was shown into an office for the interview and when I saw the man I was to meet, I begin to grin. For the first time in several weeks, I had something to feel good about and smile. The man stood up and shook my hand. It was Jackson Henley, an alumni of my school and more importantly, an alumni of my old fraternity.

Jackson had graduated about 3 years before and had stayed active in the fraternity alumni association. The association came to a lot of the frat's functions. It was supposed to be a way to network with brothers already in the work place. It was really just a way for the alumni to party and get a chance to meet the new crop of coeds. Whatever, I was really glad to see Jackson. He was one of the few brothers that was really a friend.

"Hello Rich, how the hell are you? What's all this about you telling the brothers to go fuck themselves and quitting?"

"Hey Jackson, is that what this is all about? If so, I will save us both time and leave. I won't change my mind or how I feel about those assholes."

"No, this is a real interview for a real position. I was the one that suggested we contact you. We have an opening for a sales person for a new department and I think you are just who we need. Interested?"

"Sure, I want to hear more. What would I be selling"

"We are setting up a computer time share system. It will start with accounting and inventory control. Other software will be available very soon; things like medical billing, research data bases and others as they are developed. Interested?"

You have to realize that at the time of the story (late 1960s early 70s) that no one had personal computers. No desk tops, no lap tops, no wifi, no Internet; none of the modern computers or software had been developed yet. There wasn't even a "world wide web" yet. I know sounds like the dark ages, but that's the way it was then.

Jackson explained that companies would subscribe to the services they needed and be allotted time on a huge main frame for their business. This would be more expedient and cost effective than buying, running and maintaining their own main frame. The expense of buying and staffing a main frame was very large. They would pay handsomely for the use of "our" computer.

"Your job will be to find companies that can make use of our services and convince them that it is their best interest to subscribe with us. We are in on the ground floor and there is no ceiling as to how far this can go. What do you say Rich? You on board with us?"

"One more question. How much do I get?"

Jackson laughed out loud. "I should of told you that first, knowing you. You could always sell almost anything to almost anybody, so it's more about the money than the product."

I nodded in agreement and said, "How much?"

"Okay; to start you will get a monthly draw of $1000, paid bi weekly, against commissions. The commissions, less your draw, will be paid on the 1st of every month. The commission will be 10 per cent of the monthly subscriber fee for each company you bring in. You bring in a company that pays $1000 a month; you get $100 a month for as long as they are with us. There will be a quota of at least one new company a month; this will start after a 2 week training period. A bonus will be paid for over 5 companies a month. You can take the bonus in cash or stock in our company. How about Rich? I need an answer before you leave, there other people that want this job."

"Okay, I'm all yours. When do I start?"

"You just did. Go down to personnel and get all paper work straightened out. See you on Monday at 9:00 for our first training session. Now get out of here and let me get back to work."

I left his office walking about 3 feet in the air. A entry level sales position usually didn't pay any draw and nowhere near the commissions possible here. I was in the big time without having to pay my dues to get there. Production was necessary, but I was being paid very well to produce. The only drawback is not graduating with the rest of my class. I would get my degree, but no ceremony. Who cares? There wasn't anybody in my class that I cared enough about to worry about.

The only person that I did care about was Emily. I called her at her job and told her I had great news and asked if she was free that evening. She told me she got off at 5:00 and to pick her up in front of her office.

I had about 3 hours to kill before meeting Emily, so I went to my local watering hole to have a couple of beers and celebrate a little before meeting Emily. As I walked in, I saw a group of students celebrating also; The end of the school day was probably their reason for celebrating. There were 3 guys and 6 women, all from another college close by. I walked past them to the bar and one of the girls, a redhead, watched me as I took a bar stool. Smiling at by beer, I thought about the meeting that afternoon; I wondered how I had lucked into that job.

"Where's your side kick today?" The redhead asked me.

I looked around to see if she was talking to me. When I realized she was I answered, "Emily's at work today. I'm going to me her at 5:00. Who are you?"

"I'm Elaine. I saw you at the dance and at the fight after wards. I came outside with everybody else and saw this giant beating on another guy. It wasn't until I saw you today that I realized it was you. It was really funny the way your lady jumped in front of the bozo and made him back down."

"It must have been a riot, but I was too distracted by my bleeding to notice. That was the start of our friendship, Emily and I."

I offered to buy her a drink. After all I had been without female companionship ship for several weeks. Not thinking about anything that day, but maybe a future meeting in a more romantic setting. The redhead was really hot. We continued to talk, laugh, and flirt with each other. At some time we decided to sit in a booth. The jukebox was playing and after several drinks we were dancing. I don't remember who asked who to dance. Things were going really well, I mean really well, and I lost track of time.

Remember my theory of the "Big Head, Little Head" scenario?

We were in the back seat of my car, partially undressed and trying to break the shocks on my car when I realized it was going on 8:00. Oh shit, I was 3 hours late to pick up Emily. Another 10 minutes wouldn't change anything, so I finished our business. I got dressed as quick as I could and ran into the bar to call Emily. (Remember the time frame, no cell phones). There was no answer so I ran back to my car and drove like crazy to her house. No lights were on when I got there and no one answered my knock on her door. I knew her parents were out of town and I couldn't leave a message for her. Not knowing what to do and knowing I had screwed up big time, I just sat on the front steps of her house thinking. I must have had a lot to think about as I was still there at 10:00 when Emily got home. She came of the walk and stopped in front of me.

"What are you doing here Rich," Emily asked?

"I am so sorry Emily. You don't deserve to be treated that way. I had such an amazing day, I was celebrating with a couple of drinks and just lost track of time. You are my only friend and I'm very sorry. Please forgive me."

"You forget all about meeting me because you were celebrating? Surprised you could drive over here, if you had that much to drink. I'm still mad at you. You stood me up and you don't do that to a friend."

"I know and again I'm sorry. It wasn't just drinking that caused me to be late. I ran into a redhead, Julie, from Williams College and she bought me a drink. Then I bought her a drink and things sort of snow balled from there. I sort of got distracted and forgot about the time." As soon as I said that, I knew it was a mistake.

A word of advice here for you men out there. Don't ever tell one woman that the reason you were late was another woman. I don't care if you are just "friends"; it will not be taken well.

Emily looked at me like I was some kind of scum. Tears began to well up in her eyes. Then she started to berate me in a loud voice and for a long time. She was pissed. I might have gotten away with being late, but not for being late because of another woman.

"You wouldn't treat one of your frat brothers this way," Emily accused me.

"A brother wouldn't make this big of a deal about it," I answered. Wrong thing to say again, dumb shit.

"Leave, now. Go away and don't come back. Don't call me or come to see me. We are done and I don't want to see or talk to you again." Emily yelled at me. She walked around me and into her house, slamming the door behind her.

She had a right to be mad, but Emily had gone over the top on me. I felt very bad that I had stood her up and sad that our friendship appeared to be over. Standing there, I realized that I had more than friendship in mind when I thought of Emily. Did I have love her as more than a friend? Maybe I did, but right now it looks like I had just fucked that up by allowing myself to follow the "Big Head Little Head" scenario. Shit, now what? I tried knocking on Emily's door, but she ignored me. I went back home and thought I really need to get control of the "Little Head". It had already caused me to lose my frat brothers, get my ass kicked royally, and probably lose my best friend. This had to stop.

I thought about the times and places that I had allowed the "Little Head" to rule and made plans to change my life style. No more bar hopping, watch how much I drank and with whom, and generally keep myself in check. I was starting a new life and job; I needed to change my outlook to be a success. I made plans to curtail my drinking and behave myself.

What is the adage? "Men plan and the gods laugh."

Emily didn't return any of the numerous calls I made, so I wrote a letter to her. In the letter, I again apologized for standing her up. I told her about the job and gave her the phone number. I ask her to call or come by my place so we could talk thru this; I told her that I missed her and wanted my friend back. I told her I didn't understand why my being with a woman made her even madder.