Big Head, Little Head

Was Emily just mad because I was 3 hours late or was she mad because I was with another woman? She had told me she loved me but wasn't in love with me, so why the uproar over a woman. Men are blind and sometimes very dense. I was just a big, dumb, clod and didn't have a clue. At this point it is obvious to the reader that Emily had either changed her mind about being in love with me or had lied to me to start with. Of course, being the stupid idiot that I was, I had no idea and wasn't smart enough to figure it out.

Technically the only thing I did wrong was be late. We weren't involved romantically and the woman should not have any bearing on this. How little we mortal men understand the female of the species. Men are so dumb when it come to understanding the way women think, that it is a miracle the human race hasn't died out.

Three weeks into my training at the job, Emily finally called me at work. She left a message and asked me to stop calling or writing her. Let me alone and quit trying to contact her, she had said. She wanted to forget about me and get on with her life. I read the message and thought; well that sure puts a period on our relationship.

Time past and I had been with the company for about 10 months. There were three salesmen and the other two were getting one to two new accounts a month. Finally, I was the star at something; I was getting two to three new clients every month, a couple of months I had four. In my eleventh month, I signed up 7 new customers, I was King. The cash bonus I received was very nice, but the stock options were much better. I now owned part of the company. A person will almost always work harder for themselves than someone else. I felt I was squatting in tall cotton. (Sorry my country roots showing up there).

Jackson decided that a big party was needed. Both to celebrate my accomplishment and to motivate the rest of the employees. The party was held at a local hotel in the lounge area. The employees were encouraged to bring their partners, spouses, significant others, or dates. In total there was about 20 people at the shindig. As hard as I was working, I hadn't had time to meet a new lady or ladies in my life: so I came to the party solo. I also had been following my plan to curtail my party going and walk the straight and narrow.

We had been in the lounge for about an hour and a half, when someone tapped me on the shoulder and called my name. I turned around and there was Janet, in all her glory. She looked fantastic, even sexier than in school.

"Hello, haven't seen you in forever Rich," she greeted me.

"Hi Janet. How have you been? What are you doing here tonight?"

She gave a sort of smoldering look and answered, "Just here with some friends from school and work. Why don't you join me?"

Notice, join me, and not join us. She was trying to do it to me again; trying to lead me on with an unspoken promise and then laughingly shut me down. I had seen it before with other guys.

"Won't your Sigma Chi guy object to me joining the group?"

"Ron is history. I dropped him a couple of months ago," she informed me. "He couldn't keep up."

"Janet, I don't think it would be a good idea. The last time I was with you I was nearly beaten to death. I have no wish to repeat that experience. You're a dangerous woman."

"Come on Rich that was a long time ago. Can't you forgive a mistake made when I was young and dumb? I've grown up Rich and matured past all that."

"All right, I forgive you, it was a wild time in both our lives and I guess we all did some things we aren't proud."

I didn't really forgive her or feel the way I said; I just didn't want to talk to her any longer. I thought Janet would leave, but no such luck.

"I'm so glad we had a chance to talk," Janet told me. "Could you do me a small favor Rich?"

"What?" I didn't like the sound of this; too much like the "old" Janet.

"The older man sitting at our table is my boss, Bill. He is a Sigma Chi alumni and knows Ron very well. Bill asked me about breaking it off with Ron and I told him I had meet someone else and was getting engaged; it's the same thing I told Ron. If Bill found out I just dumped his frat brother and lied about why, it could affect my job."

"Where do I come in and what is the favor you want?" I was beginning to see where this was going.

"Come over to the table with me and pretended to be my fiancé," Janet said. "I told Bill my boyfriend was at a business dinner tonight. When I saw you, I thought this could all work out great. Please, Rich, come over for just a few minutes. If I don't produce a fiancé soon it could cause me a lot of problems. You can use the business diner as an excuse and wouldn't have to stay too long."

I looked at Janet as she waited for my answer and she seemed to be very nervous. "Sure Janet, I'll come over for a little while. Not too long though."

Janet smiled, hugged me and grabbed my hand to lead me to her table. When we got to the table Bill stood up to greet us.

"Bill, this is my fiancé Rich," Janet introduced us. "Rich this is my boss Bill Roberts."

"Nice to finally meet you Rich," Bill said. "Join us and have a seat."

I sat down and looked at Janet and said, "Whoa Janet. What this fiancé bull? When we met at the sorority mixer and hit it off you were dating some guy; Ron was his name I think. I told you then I didn't want to get together unless you were single. You called me the next week and said you dumped the guy and now we could hook up. I never mentioned marriage or anything more than having a good time.

Janet sat there with her mouth open; she couldn't believe what she was hearing.

I stood up and told Bill I felt that I was there under false pretenses and thought I had better leave. As I turned I bent over and said in Janet's ear, "Karma is a bitch."

The argument and loud voices started behind me. I could hear Janet going but, but, but, as Bill left the room. I went back to my group with a huge smile on my face. Finally, I got my payback. It felt good.

About an hour after Janet and her group left, I was dancing with one of the female associates of my company. I was holding her pretty close and trying not to let the "Little Head" take over my thought process. The alcohol had been flowing freely all evening; after our dance, she was pushing herself against me and for just a second I was tempted. I stepped away from her a little and for the first time the alcohol and the "Big Head Little Head" scenario did not control me. Victory is mine, at least for that night. I gave the girl a little hug and walked to the bar, more to celebrate my victory than to get any more to drink.

I was leaning against the bar nursing a soft drink and noticed three women walk into the lounge and sit at a booth. This lounge was unbelievably lucky for me tonight. One of the women was Emily; the other two were her mother and sister.

Emily, my one time best pal and confidant. I hadn't seen her for a little over a year. She looked really good. My heart started to race a little and my hands started sweating. Hold on, I told myself; the last thing you heard from her was to go away and leave her alone. What makes you think she wants to see you now? Oh well, nothing ventured, nothing ventured.

They were waiting for someone to take their drink order and talking to each other about some play or something. I walked over to their table in a roundabout way so Emily couldn't see me coming. "Can I get you ladies something from the bar?" I asked.

All three looked up at me and I heard Emily say, "Oh shit."

"Emily, such language," her mother scolded.

"Hi EM," I said. What a great opening comment. Silver tongue devil, aren't I?

"Hello Rich, how are you?" she responded.

"Is this the Rich you are always talking about?" asked her sister.

"Why me?" Emily said hanging her head in embarrassment.

"Hello ladies, my name is Rich," I said to introduce myself.

"Hi, I'm Elizabeth, Liz. I'm Emily's mother and this is her sister Elaine."

"Very nice to meet you both. You've been talking about me Emily? Why," I asked her.

"Please, later, when we can have some privacy. I will call you," Emily said trying to get out of an embarrassing situation.

"No way Em, I think I know you. You won't call, nor return any of my calls. What gives?"

Elaine jumped into the conversation and said, "Emily talks about you a lot. She says she missed her chance with you by being too shy. She said she should have......"

"Hush Elaine," her mother said. "That's enough, it's personal and for Emily to decide if she wants to tell Rich. Now keep quite."

Emily's face was very red by now. She gave a look to her sister that should have burned Elaine to a crisp, and then hung her head to avoid my eyes.

"Come on Em, I was your best buddy at one time. If you have something to say to or about me, please tell me."

"I can't, not here in front of everyone. Please, I will call you I promise." She still hadn't raised her head or looked at me.

"Em, I don't want to cause a problem. However, I am going to say my piece and then you can decide if you want to call me. Look at me Em."

Emily did raise her head and looked me in the eye.

"I love you Em. I guess I have since the "fight night". You backed Bear down, and then took care of me. You got me to the hospital, but you didn't stop there; you got me home and stayed to nurse me. The more time I spent with you, the more I wanted to be with you. Why do you think I stopped going to the bars? I knew you didn't like drunks, so I stopped. The drinks I have had tonight are the first ones since the night I was three hours late, except for a couple of beers once in awhile."

Liz was all eyes. Looking from Emily to me and back to Emily. It looked like she was watching a tennis match. Emily was still looking me in the eye, like she couldn't believe what I was saying.

"We spent several weeks as company for each other after that and you became my best friend. I was trying to think of a way to tell that I wanted to be more than your friend. Then you hit me with "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" crap and burst my bubble. I should have told you the way I felt about you right then, but I was afraid I would lose your friendship. If I couldn't have you as my girl, at least I would have you as my friend. Not what I wanted, but better than nothing. I wanted you in my life anyway I could have you. Sorry, I'm rambling. Haven't talked this much, except with clients, since that night I stood you up."

"Rich, I........" Emily began.

"Hush Em, it's still my turn. I'm going to have my say and then I'll leave you alone. Until then, just sit there and listen. I guess you could get up and leave; I won't try to stop you but if you stay you are going to hear it all. Embarrassing or not."

Liz said, "You couldn't drag me out of here with a tow truck. I want to hear this and maybe I'll understand why Emily has been acting like a zombie for the last year."

Elaine jumped in and said, "Me neither, I want to hear all of this."

"Mother, please!" Emily cried.

"Em, sit there and listen or leave, there are no other alternatives," I said.

Emily just looked at me in resignation and sat there.

"Okay, moving on. After you basically saying we were just friends, I made myself think of you as one of the guys. I treated you like I would have one of my male friends. It was the only way I could stand to be around you and not grab you, kiss, and hug you. It was a defense mechanism I know, but it worked. Until the night I stood you up because I was with a woman. If you had been a guy friend, you would have called me an asshole for making you wait, but would have understood. Your reaction that night should have told me something, but I was caught up in my celebrating too much to see it."

Emily's eyes had began to tear up when I first said I loved her, now tears were sliding down her cheeks.

"I only have a couple of more items, Em. After that I'll leave and you guys can go on with your girl's night out.

She nodded her head for me to continue.

"In case I haven't been plain enough, I am telling you that I love you. I think we could have something great together. We should explore our feelings and see if we can have a life together as lovers or just as friends. Either way, I want and need to have you in my life. That's it, I'm done. I will leave you ladies now. Nice to have met you Liz and you too Elaine. Thanks for listening."

I stood up to leave and for the first time since I had started, Emily spoke directly to me.

"Don't I get a chance at a rebuttal," Emily asked?

Nodding my head, I sat back down and gave her all my attention.

"First, I sorry Rich," Emily started. "If I hadn't been so shy and introverted, maybe the last year wouldn't have been wasted. The days and weeks after "fight night", as you call it, I came to love you too. I saw the real you after you got away from those assholes in the fraternity. You were better than that, and I saw that you were. I couldn't tell you, because I thought you would never want to be with someone like me. And I didn't want to lose your friendship either. Those weeks were some of the best I have ever had. I didn't know......"

At this point I stood up, pulled Emily out of her seat and kissed her hard. I just stood there holding her and felt the tears coming. Yeah, I know, big macho guy, crying over a girl.

After a couple of minutes, I turned to Em's mother. "Sorry Liz."

Liz had tears in her eyes too and had a big smile on her face. "Don't worry about it. You kids run along, you need to speed some time together. Finally, maybe my house won't seem like a morgue anymore." She was laughing as she said that.

As Emily and I left, we passed my company's table. I looked at Jackson and said, "Thanks for the party Jackson, see you on Monday."

He nodded at me and remarked, "You are the best salesman I have ever seen. See you on Monday."

That was ten years and two children ago. Things have gone good for us. I stayed with the company, accumulating bonus and stock options. About five years in, I read and researched the coming technology that would allow smaller main frames and the beginning of personal and network computers. The world wide web was coming to the forefront. The writing was on the wall; our company was going to lose it market place. Not right away, but in the next few years. By this time, I owned a lot of stock. I sold it back to the company and made a lot of money. It wasn't enough to live the rest of our lives on, but it was enough that we didn't sweat the small stuff. (Not much of the large stuff either)

I took off for a year; Emily, Liz, our two kids, and I traveled all over the U.S. that year. Liz was our built in babysitter on the nights Em and I wanted a little romantic alone time.

When the year was over, I decided to go back to work. I got a job in sales with a company that was offering a system of networking computers and personal computers. I was very successful with them.

Remember, I am the best salesman around.

Life goes on.