All Comments on 'Bite of the Bimbo'

A very good start to the story here. You have a number of ways you can go with it, but in my opinion one thing you need to establish is that in addition to the effects of the Bimbo Virus you already showed us, others include total immunity to all diseases including al STDs; permanent sterility; and perpetual youthful appearance. That would set up an interesting conflict, and Dr. Murphy could pursue a "fountain of youth" if she could develop a vaccine that negates the Bimbo Effect while allowing the side effects I mentioned.

I see swingers' clubs in Sarah's future, along with a possible move to Hollywood. Producers love women with her looks. Just thinking, you understand.

Very imaginative to riff off and transpose the vampire rules of thumb. As previous comment said, this story has a multitude of paths to choose from.

You said in memory, did he die?

I did remember reading somewhere that Crystalwyn had passed.

Karen Murphy...

Real subtle, man. That can't be a coincidence.

Good start to the story. I'm interested to see where it goes. Just a thought, but what would happen if she bit a guy? What type of reaction would he have?

Good start and could become a good series.

This is cheeky and funny and has some nice bubble-gum porn appeal, but while I'm very tempted to dub it a better-than-average offering, certain inexplicable things about it just bother me. Case in point:

[[Otherwise, you become an air head lisping bimbo until your bimbo body is sexually satisfied, and only then will you return to your normal appearance. Specifically, you must have cock in all three orifices and eat at least one pussy and have your pussy eaten roughly every 72 hours. Oh, and this is important, all the cocks have to come in all three orifices and it can't be the same cock, which means you are going to meet a lot of men. As for the pussy, you can accomplish that all with the same woman. If you are able to keep the virus in check then you will not physically change. If not then every night at dusk you will morph into a bimbo until the morning comes.]]

Good God, why all these contrived rules? What the hell sense does all that make? Particularly when we soon find out even these are not consistent and in any case the story ends before most of this comes into play anyway. We get it: Bimbo Virus, so she has to fuck a lot. That's the idea, right? So why not just say that? Why this elaborate schedule? Why are writers so enamored of meaningless rules that, in this case, never pay off anyway?

People are saying that the story is incomplete (actually they're saying it's a "good start," which is the polite reader version of "incomplete"), but actually, I think it's just fine in terms of length and comprehensiveness. It's just that it's crammed full of stuff we don't really need and that creates the impression that there should be more. For example, why tease this business with the partner if it's not going to come to anything? Why, for that matter, is that character around at all? He doesn't do anything. His potential to create action and conflict with the main character once she's changed is never explored. Drop that character and not only have you saved a lot of wasted words, you also no longer give the impression of a subplot that will never happen, and so the story seems less unfinished.

Other things puzzle me too:

[["You see, I bit you last night out of desperation. I needed to get cock.]]

...quoi? What the hell? She wants to fuck a man, so she...bites a woman on the hand? Am I the only one not connecting the dots on this? And biting someone snaps her out of her fit as well, I notice, which makes even less sense. Apparently this is how the condition spreads, so I guess it's something that people do not infrequently when they get to that point? I couldn't be more confused? I'm willing to cede a lot to a story that, again, hinges on a Bimbo Virus, but there still have to be some internal consistency.

These things bother me because, without them, this would be a superior story: Farcical and a little clever and generally just entertaining. That these things It's a frustrating when something is good, but could be great, but isn't because of mistakes that should easy to catch. So that hurts it in the end, even if I do still like it on the whole.

To TamLin01:

Many of your comments are right on target. I do intend on taking this story out a few chapters to see where it is going. I am a little new at the contest thing and without tipping my hand, you have touched on may points I intend to pursue. But let me answer this one question, [You see, I bit you last night out of desperation. I needed to get cock.] Dr. Karen Murphy was fighting to get free and accidently bite Officer Sarah, because she was out of her mind. However, once she bite the woman, she realized what she had done and knowing that he had just condemned the woman to a life like hers she was remorseful.

Perhaps I didn't make that clear enough. I will try harder.

Thanks for your feedback and stay tuned. I think you will be pleased with the next chapter.

In my opinion this was a very well done porn story (i.e.: hot). I like how this particular bimbo curse not only features repeated transformations, but has some given and take to it: provided the curse's needs are met the extra energy/strength are a sweet deal. I also like how it takes place in San Diego since I just came back from vacationing there.

dam I wish I was sara

Good job, thanks for sharing your work!