Black New World Order-Lee

Jesse starts licking her pussy and she's softly moaning. He knows exactly how to pleasure her, he is drinking from her source. I can feel something happening. It's like another shift. I look up. The entire room is fucking. Everyone. Beautiful Black men and women, in every combination, were licking, sucking, and fucking all around me. My eyes don't know where to land."

Scottie focuses me. 'Lee, which of those white men were the worst?" Which of those white men was the most offensive?' I'm gasping for air. My mind wants to say the perverts and the rapists and the murderers. My mind wants to say, "Them, they were the animals, they were the criminals. I realized that was the lie I was telling myself. This time, the words that came out of my mouth were my truth."

"I said, 'I was the evilest one of all, Scottie. I was the most reprehensible of all of them because I didn't give a fuck if you were hungry, or safe or scared. I didn't care about your well-being.' I'm paraphrasing here because I was so fucking crazed, but I said something to the effect of, 'You proved to me from day one that you were smarter than me, and every day since then, you proved that you were like a cat playing with a mouse and that I was nowhere near you in any measurable way, not intellectually, not emotionally, I wasn't even on the same playing field as you psychologically. Knowing all that, I STILL found multiple ways to feel superior to you. I ignored you, I felt pity for you, I felt superior to you in my core.'"

"'I never once asked how you were doing because I didn't give a fuck. I only cared about what you could do for me to get me off. I didn't give a damn if you were suffering. My savings account, the number in my bank account, that was my superiority. I was comfortable and I was unwilling to do anything that would sacrifice my comfort for you. I let the amount of money I associated with my worth in life be more important than the human being I knew needed help. I had the money to spare and I never once, not for a second considered relieving you of some of your discomfort because I thoroughly believed that helping you, even if it didn't hurt me, made me weak. I was the evil one Scottie because I'm the one that knew you, knew your story, knew your power, and I didn't lose one second of sleep worrying about you. All I cared about was how much I hated you for asking me for money."

"And, Lee, how did it make me feel listening to those white men?"

"I am crying like a baby at this point. 'Oh dear God! You knew who you were, you knew you were a Goddess. You knew white men were genetically inferior and that every fucking thing we had, we had stolen and lied and cheated to get. You could see our arrogance, our racism, our evil and you had to listen and swallow it all down because society had relegated you to less than nothing. You had to deal with all the abuse, the taunts, all the irrational and racist arguments from arrogant whites who just knew they were right.' This overwhelming wave of grief started to consume me. I felt what she had felt, this frustration of knowing that she was the Divine Consciousness and that whiteness had enslaved her. I felt her need to be free from all the lies and the pain, to simply be accepted for who she was without the repugnant arrogance of white people, not just whiteness, but the daily assault to her identity. Imagining what she felt like, I felt pain. I felt this intense pain in my spirit."

"The entire room was fast approaching the breaking point. Jesse pushed her legs back and entered her. She wrapped her legs around him and they became one. I could feel her lose her breath but I felt it in my body."

"Just when I think things can't get any more intense, that things are at the breaking point, she starts telling me that she's used the same techniques to fuck the racism out of me that white slave masters used to break her ancestors. She explains how she has gotten me used to associating pain with feeling inherently inferior. She tells me that she was far more benevolent in that all I got was a slap, I didn't have my love ones murdered in front of me, I didn't have people beating me with a whip, telling me how inferior I was. She's describing how kind and thoughtful she's been to me, letting me eat at the table with her, that she didn't change my name or make me speak a different language."

"I'm broken. In that moment, I can feel the horrors of slavery. I know how evil and sadistic white men are and I can feel how incredibly fucked up slavery was for melanated people. A pain consumed me, it was a pain unlike anything I had ever felt before."

"She the posed the single most important question I had ever been asked, 'What's your truth, Lee?'"

"I told her, 'My truth, Scottie, is that I have wanted to be those white men. I have wanted to do and feel and experience everything they did. I wanted to be a rapist and a pervert and a murderer, every fucking thing turned me on. I wanted to have the psychological skill to coerce women to fall in love with me so I could degrade them. I wanted to be cunning enough, confident enough to know how to entice Black women to trust me so I could abuse them."

"I am worse than them because I professed my devotion to you and I didn't give a fuck about you, I used you for my pleasure and that's all you were to me, a thing to get me off, and when you needed me I never even thought of dipping into my savings because that would have made me cross the imaginary threshold, that magic number that I told myself meant that I would always be safe. You had more value in your pinky than I had in my entire body and I loved money more than you. My truth is, if someone had offered me the opportunity to join them on a weekend of killing and depravity, I would have paid whatever the amount they asked, without hesitation. My truth is that I am evil and racist at my core. My truth is that I'm just like them."

"When that truth came pouring out of me, Scottie signaled for me to get fucked. Bhaiya grabbed my hips and started fucking me harder than I'd ever been fucked before. He wasn't just fucking me physically, he was fucking me energetically. He wasn't fucking his rage into me; he was fucking the racism out of me. He came. I came. I passed out from emotional exhaustion. I didn't even make it back to my room that night. I slept there in the pavilion."

"The next day, the last day of my three-week training, I showed up with more humility than I had ever possessed in my life. I didn't want to be fucked, I didn't care about my needs, I wanted to show that I got it, that I understood how fucked up I was as a white man and how I could finally see Black people as human beings."

"Very first question, I got it. I could see the layers of pain, I could understand the reason for the frustration, I could identify the racism. Scottie told him that he could fuck me. I started crying again, because, well because it felt so good physically, but I was soooo proud of myself. I felt like I was Tim Robbins in the Shawshank Redemption. I hadn't broken out of the prison yet, I wasn't laying on the beach in Zwhatshername-o Mexico sipping on a pina colada, but I was starting to see the light at the end of that damn tunnel."

Marvin laughed out loud. "See? All that? That was your Blackness coming out. That right there was the exact opposite of whiteness."

"I'm so proud of myself at this point. I had this incredible breakthrough. I'm being more sensual and erotic. I'm connecting to people, I have a clear understanding, no, more than that, I see the savagery of whiteness and how truly inferior it was. My whiteness is . . . I don't want to lie, it was still there, but the conversations I was having in my head, they were different, the voice wasn't the same. I wasn't being assaulted with the constant noise of whiteness that was constantly criticizing, belittling, and scrutinizing not just me but everything and everyone for not being good enough, not meeting these invisible standards of whiteness that were all bullshit. I could finally see how whiteness was a disease. I felt on top of the world."

"From that day on, I had more access to sensuality, to authenticity. I had more of a connection with everything, not just sex, but food and music and I could see people as friends. I could sit down at the dinner table and crack jokes and laugh and not feel self-conscious or make people uncomfortable because I said something racist or pointless."

"OK, So, I know I've been talking for quite a while. I need to know, is there anything I can get for you, anything that you need, and are you okay with everything that I've been sharing? Do you have any questions? Do you need me to clarify anything? Do you need some space?"

Marvin moved to sit up which made Lee have to sit up by default. Marvin took his time, he wanted to find the right words and he had never heard anything like Lee's story before so he had never had an opportunity to respond to anything like it before. "I'm sure you get it now, that we, Black people, even in the Old World, we always had the ability to know how you navigated the world but you never got us. You just . . . I still need time to process it all but you are inspirational, you are brave, you are . . . I want to be able to share my truth like you can. I'm gonna have a million questions later on, after I have time to digest everything, but I've never had a deeper conversation in my life."

"I said I wanted to wait to fuck you, that I wanted to get to know you first, but there were about a half a dozen times you said something that showed me that you had really defeated your whiteness and I swear I almost flipped you over, pulled your ass up in the air, and fucked you. I mean, PHUCKED you. When you said, "I knew I would never be able to suck a dick like that . . . and I know how fucking good you sucked my dick, I was blown away. And not by the dick sucking, by your ability to be that raw and share something like that so freely without any fear of how you would be seen, or how I would judge you, that shit blew my mind and I wanted to fuck you so bad."

"And that was one of, I can't even count how many times that you said something and I was in awe of your ability to examine your behaviors and your whiteness and how you so brilliantly communicated your thoughts and observations to me. I wanted to fuck you and tell you my stories of racism and have you answer questions about my experience."

"I . . . I am so glad I said to wait. I would have more than likely never experienced a conversation like the one we have been having tonight if we had just jumped into the sex. I know that if we fuck, when we fuck . . . shit, I don't know what it's going to be like, but I know that we are going . . . I know that I am going to appreciate the experience so much more because I know what you went through to get to where you are now, how hard that shit was for you, and I know that you have healed in a way that no other white man I've ever met has ever done. There isn't a white man on the planet who has done the work to dismantle their whiteness in the ways you have. I know they haven't. You really are The Chosen One. And with that said, I have to pee again. I'll be right back."

Lee stopped him. "You don't have to go anywhere. Not if you don't want to."

Marvin's dick jumped. "Are you saying . . .?"

Lee sat on the edge of the futon. "You can piss right in my mouth and I won't spill a drop." The ease and confidence with which Lee said it, with no inuendo or hesitation, was very sexy.

"Lee, thank you so much for the offer, but let me tell you exactly what's going to happen if I put my hard dick in your mouth right now. First, it has to get soft before I can piss. If I put my dick in your mouth and you start to suck it, you, sir, are gonna get smashed. You are going to get fucked every which way for Sunday because I'm going to want much more than some head."

That was all the invitation Lee needed. He opened his mouth and stuck his tongue out.

Look, I don't want you to get it twisted. I want to fuck you. I promise I do. But I'm also really sure that, and I don't want to speak for you, but something is happening here, at least for me. Maybe it's because I read In Loving Color and I've seen what healthy relationships look like, and I've never even considered being in a relationship with a Black man before, let alone a white man, I've never even wanted to have any sort of conversation with a white man before unless it involved when and where can we hook up so he could suck my dick."

Tell me if I'm off but, I'm feeling like there is some sort of chemistry here, I'm feeling your vibe, I'm really feeling your self-awareness and your ability to speak about racism in a way that goes beyond just, "All Lives Matter," or the ever popular, "I'm not racist, but . . . And if I don't pee right now . . ."

Marvin came back a few minutes later with a look of shock on his face, "Holy shit! You're Jacques, and I'm Isisara. I'm the male version of Isisara!" He was making an animated reference to a story in In Loving Color about a Black woman who wants to hold out for the Black man of her dreams and meets a white man who has no whiteness in him and she has no choice but to fall in Love with him. The parallels were a little eerie.

Lee was in unchartered territory. He'd never had anyone show interest in being in a relationship with him other than his wife. He and his wife were compatible, in the Old World, but In the New World, Lee wanted much more than compatibility, he wanted connection, he needed chemistry and passion, and someone who pushed him to be a better man.

"Good morning! Did you sleep well?" Lee had been awake for only a few minutes.

Marvin stretched and yawned. "Good morning," he said in his sleepy voice. "I guess we fell asleep out here. I don't think I've slept outside since I was a kid. Mmmm, I slept great."

"I ordered someone to come and fix us breakfast this morning. He'll be here soon enough I suppose. I don't have a clock and my phone is downstairs on the coffee table. I was thinking that we might take a shower together and get dressed and after breakfast we could head out to Hampton Park and I can tell you the next tragic leg of my story and after that, since we'll be so close to the Clothes Closet, we can pick up some stuff for you to wear, and, you know, I can too, and then we can play it by ear. There is a full moon celebration tomorrow night and if you'd like to go . . . just let me know.

"I don't really think I'm up to meeting other people yet. I'm intimidated by the entire prospect of meeting an actual Goddess. It's not something that you do every day."

"King, you meet Goddesses every day. You came from a Goddess."

Lee's insights and understandings were not of this World. Well, actually they were of this world, but they made Marvin stop and reflect in ways he'd never done before.

Marvin said, this time with confidence and conviction, "Thirsty? I can quench your desires."

Lee sprang to life. "Come on, let's go!"

Naked, seated, and legs spread, Marvin really did look like a King on his throne. He had willed his dick to stay just soft enough that he could still piss. Lee got on his knees and he couldn't help himself. He started kissing his way down Marvin's stomach, licking his belly button and caressing his thighs.

"Man, if you keep playing around, me and you gonna miss breakfast, the park, everything.

Lee understood the assignment. He carefully placed Marvin's dick in his mouth. He willed himself to stay still, not to move his tongue, not to do anything that would cause his dick to get too hard. When the flow started, it was fast and furious. It tasted remarkably sweet as the detox had cleaned his kidneys, cleaned his liver, his body had regenerated new cells.

Swallowing the last drop, Lee had no reason to hold back and he started bobbing his head up and down, swirling his tongue, licking, sucking, and blowing. All Marvin could do was hold on for dear life. Lee was skilled at giving head and he knew how to control his movements to make it last. He could sense when a man was getting close. He knew how to concentrate on different parts of the shaft and the head.

"Uhmmm, I'm going to need a little privacy so I'm going to need you to stop.

Breathlessly, Lee said, I don't want to stop. I want to keep sucking your dick while you shit. It's going to make you feel so good." Lee already knew that if Honesty was his favorite story in the book, that he had to be scat aroused.

Marvin stood his ground. "I am going to need you to stop. I need you to understand that I'm trying to do this the right way. I'm trying to build this so we have a strong foundation. And with that Lee immediately backed off.

Driven by an intense desire to have sex with his new love interest, Lee also wanted to form a healthy relationship and he had acquired enough emotional intelligence to understand that his needs for immediate sexual gratification were not as important as respecting his partner's wishes. He backed off, gave him some space and waited for the signal that it was okay for him to come back.

A few minutes later, the pair were in the shower lathering each other, caressing each other, and getting hot and heavy again. Lee couldn't keep his hands off Marvin, he wanted to caress every inch of his body. Everything was happening in slow motion but at the speed of light at the same time. Before Lee could formulate a plan of seduction, he was leaning up against the wall, his ass sticking out and Marvin had three fingers fucking him. Luckily the walls between the condos were sound proofed because he was grunting like an animal. Marvin knew all the spots to hit and Lee was in ecstasy.

Marvin's dick was so hard it ached with desire. He wasn't skilled in semen retention. He'd read up about it and he'd refrained from ejaculating when he was masturbating for the last few months but he didn't do it all the time and he had zero practical skills retaining semen with a partner, especially not one who fit him so well.

Their shower didn't last long. They were both a bit breathless and at a loss for words. Lee had casual clothes all prepared for his guest and they made their way downstairs.

Right on time, Chef Cam showed up and started doing his magic in the small kitchen. He worked quietly and efficiently, almost as if he didn't want to intrude or be seen, to respect their time and space. He prepared a French Toast board with brioche bread, vanilla ricotta, and fresh berries and a selection of mind-blowing syrups that each deserved their own award, a vegetable frittata that had flavor packed with flavor, and an eggplant bacon that, again, tasted like real meat. The juice? Fresh Mango/Banana. Marvin asked him if he wanted to stay and eat with them and he graciously accepted and thanked them for the opportunity.

The three of them sat and ate and laughed and talked, small talk but not inconsequential or superficial. Cam talked about how his life had changed, being able to cook beautiful meals for people on his on schedule, but not just that, the opportunities for healing were what he valued the most. He explained that he had lived pretty stress free in terms of having his own private catering business before coming to Wequilibrium but it was his psilocybin experience that opened up his world to healing shit he had he never knew was broken and it was his weekly counseling that was allowing him to heal broken parts of him that he had swept under the rug because he just didn't have the emotional spectrum to realize places in him that were in pain.

Not once during the meal did Marvin feel judged for being gay. Old World Marvin would have panicked at the idea of having any sort of meal in front of a Black man and with someone who could have been suspected as his lover. In that moment Marvin was experiencing a release of fear of being seen as less than a real man for being attracted to men. He knew full well that Cam was aware what Lee did and what he was there for. He didn't care. He didn't feel the need to tell him that they hadn't had sex. He didn't feel the need to lie and say he was only there because they hadn't given him his accommodations yet or any other crazy lie. He felt the need to thank this talented man for his art and share it with him. That's it. He didn't want him to cook all this amazing food and leave, he wanted to break bread and get to know him. It wasn't a lustful situation. He found Cam attractive but he didn't have the same closeted, ugly feeling inside him that made him focus on sex any longer. And he looked at Lee and he felt true emotion, true connection. That is a sensation that would have terrified him in the Old World.