by Otazel
but what a bunch of unattractive bastards! Each one of your characters is worse than the next! They deserve each other.
Thanks, ohio
Something different which is good. I look forward to your next submission. In the mean time I think I'll read some of your older ones. Again thanks for a good read.
I wonder if another chapter or two is is in the offing? Mike catches up to them and makes Eddie watch, or something like that. All these characters are such miserable people, that I would enjoy watching them make each other miserable.
propane torch castration for both would be appropriate if you have the guts.
Well-written, but as ohio has pointed out, there's not a single sympathetic character in the lot. On the other hand, if you could get Guy Ritchie or maybe the Coen Brothers interested, it might make the lead-in to a gritty little revenge film.
Not the best story I've ever read here, but far, far from being the worst. I give it a 4.
Ok, you have to finish this! What will he do once he catch up with them... we won't know until you tell us! LOL. Part 2 please...
It would seem so
A bit sketchy in places but there is material here for at least a three part series. Perhaps they can be caught out and lose the bulk of their money to a mobster and she needs to come back to him, or the mobster turns her into a specialist whore in a B&D brothel turning rape fantasy tricks and he re meets up with her as a client?
Thanks for the feedback, it's always good to know what readers think. To those of you who reckoned there wasn't a single attractive character in the story - dead right! This sad world of ours isn't always full of beautiful people and I thought I'd like to try and portray some of the averagely greedy and immoral bastards who also inhabit it. I'd like to do a follow up story too, if I get the chance, but life's a bit busy right now so it might be a while.
He should have taken the money and hauled ass in the middle of the night. He had no way of knowing that he would not go to prison, too many variables. Self preservation indicates hitting the road hard and fast. Fuck the rest. On the other hand if he did that there would be no story, just a newspaper article. I would think you can still hide in the states, illegal immigrants do it every day. Good story.
It would be great if Mike found out a way for them to betray each other!
Great Story! SleeplessinMD
and always have an escape hole that hides for a long time. TK U MLJ LV NV
The truth prevails. The cheated money found its own way-Mike is loosing a wife and some funds too. No guarantee; Eddie and Sonia could blackmail him in future.
An unbalanced business from now on...
Another type of tale I like is where either Hubby or Wifey is a total dumbass and get exactly what they have coming to them!
Remember the old adage: "Be careful what you wish for. You just might get it."
This one reminds me a little bit of "What Is She Doing Here?" by nastystoryguy or "I Only Strip for My Husband" by Amyyum. Wifey had self-respect and a brain, while Hubby was just a dirtbag with a fetish. Served him right. I LOL'd at the doublecross. :D
5 Solid Stars. Great cautionary tale.
Why did Hubby, while STILL handcuffed, let the perps know he was on to their scam? It may not have changed anything they were going to do anyway, but Hubby told the readers he was better off knowing something Bull & Sweetie DIDN'T, then he turned around and blew his advantage!
What’s to keep him from continuing his scam after he takes care of Eddie and Sonia?