All Comments on 'Bloody Trick Pt. 01'

I liked the beginning and the end. Somewhere in the middle the business details were plentiful but just didn't really mean that much to me. By the end of the story I was getting hooked, and my heart sunk when there were no more pages to read. There can be no forgiveness after she gave special things up first and only to her lover. No way to make up for that. I hope he finds someone else and she has his kids. I hope his new wife is blonde and has a perfect butt and squeals.

For the read.

Good story as far as it goes. But many questions still need to be answered, plus getting money with his cards and bank accounts will not be easy at all. Police or the courts will put blocks on anything that would allow him to get more...

I liked the frame job on the murder and dragging his bitch if a wife and her lover through a world of shit, but then it fell apart.

The DA would charge him with wasting police time. His wife would still get half the value of his business in a divorce and ruin it... so what was the point of it all?

Willa letting Dale have her ass and denying it to her husband showed how little respect she had for Mark. That along with the trash talk and length of the affair means a reconciliation is impossible.

This would have been better with two alternating endings:

1) He takes out big loans against the business, frames them for his murder, then starts a new life with a new identity (maybe Mexico?). Willa rots in jail and he starts a family with a younger woman. Someone wrote a very good variant of this already.

2) He frames them for murder, then harasses Willa with "ghost calls" saying his murder is all her fault. If she hadn't started fucking Dale, her husband would still be alive. Constant psychological pressure pushes her to suicide... then he comes forward and reveals he's still alive. Whore wife is dead, Dale is ruined, he gets the business and a happy ending with a new family.

For me I would have liked to hear her try to explain what went wrong that led to her cheating and how she now realised what a huge mistake she had made. He will be lucky to avoid jail time for messing the police about although I do realise this all happens in a fantasy world.

YAWN, too much about the businesses and there is NO way he wouldn't be charged for wasting police time! 1*

But you need to finish the story yourself.... "allowing others to do it for you is a cop out."

It really does need and ending though, maybe he does go to jail for a while but gets out and starts a new life. Maybe what he said to kellie about having children stirs something in her and they get together. Sure it would be a nasty divorce but with all the negative press I am sure she would just want it over quickly and they would reach some sort of quick financial agreement so she could get out of town to start a fresh new life. As for her boss the lawsuit for ruining his marriage would bankrupt him and cost him his marriage. Maybe he could get a job at a fast food place or a car wash for minimum wage. I am not a writer, only a reader but one things for sure it does need finishing and a writer could do just that I am going to favorite the story and hopefully someone will finish it with some real good twists that I would never think of. I gave it 4 stars only because it was left unfinished.

I'm not sure if I'm going to read this. There's already an excellent faked murder story bu jake60, A Circumstantial Case. I'll probably at least wait until the entire story is posted.

Thanks! This was a fun ride. You got me invested in your characters and I'm even curious about the cum slut's motivation in her debauchery and destruction of her marriage.

Looking forward to the second part and enjoying the adventure!

It was alright. If you continue it, don’t waste so much time on what he could or could be charged with blah, blah. It’s not a how-to manual. (Is it?) Focus on the characters.

I really enjoyed the first half. I think you did the frame job too well, though. It really painted you, as the author, into a corner. You left no room for plausible deniability for the MC when he reappears. The only outcomes left were not all that appealing: fess up and face justice, flee and never reappear. You chose something in the middle, fess up enough to undo all the revenge and then hide out. All of that just seems to weaken the story too much. Why bother doing such an extensive frame up if he only planned to undo it all?

Maybe if you had not made the frame up so clear cut you could have had the same revenge, but left yourself more options. For example, did you need BOTH rat poison and blood? Maybe one was sufficient. Did you need physical evidence in Dale's truck other than some blood? Blood would create enough suspicion to get a conviction ( see Steven Avery ). It could also later be rationalized, ut the presence of the plastic and other item could ONLY be there from 1) a murder or 2) a deliberate frame.

You needed the rat poison because you needed and anticoagulant. You needed the anticoagulant because you needed 2 pints of blood. That's a massive amount and was overkill. If you had reduced the amount, you could have avoided the rat poison complication. The outcome for his wife and Dale would have been close to the same, but maybe would have taken longer to develop.

However, the MC would have been able to have a believable way out. He could say he had found out about the affair and just ran away to deal with it. He could say the blood was a nose bleed, an accident, or an attempt at suicide. He could say he inadvertently transferred blood to Dale's truck looking for his wife or for some proof of her cheating.

Anyway, it is your story and you ended it how you wanted. It just felt like you didn't put as much time, thought and effort in the aftermath as you did the setup. With the ending as it is, Dale has more than enough fuel to sue the MC for everything he has for intentionally framing him for murder and destroying his reputation and business.

My rating was a 4 or 5 until he started making phone calls. From there forward, it fell apart for me.

KB

This story has a very interesting scenario but clearly Mark did a piss-poor job of planning by not looking ahead to what was going to happen and how when he resurrected.

It will be interesting to see how the "son" creates a follow up on what Mark will do to get his life back in what ever form it might be or should be.

Best of luck!

T.T.

I like it despite the obvious flaws others have pointed out. Looking forward to the next phase of his life. Dale can sue him and probably win some money but he can't buy back his family. I hope his kids never speak to him again. Willa's family will not reconcile with her. She will not have her own kids and be very lonely. Two very selfish people who still have been sufficiently punished.

I'm rooting for Dale to sell her to a Canadian whore house while Mark does jail time for pulling a Smollett.

Really enjoyed the tale until partway thru the crime staging ... then this just seemed to dawdle along. I am not going to rate until after the next installment or beyond. Based on the ending of this chapter my hopes of a great tale have seriously dwindled a bit.

Really enjoyed the first two thirds of the story. It kind of slows down over the.last bit. I'm looking forward to the next installment to see where you're going to take this. I would like to hear Willa's side of the story. Good so far, could be very good.

What was accomplished with all of his ridiculous planning and deception? He will still owe his wife whatever he owed her before he went off the reservation. His efforts were a waste of time. So was this story for the simple reason you concocted a complicated deception for no real purpose or gain. In what way did he improve his lot? Why was this written? Much ado about nothing.

It's a half-assed revenge that leaves him worse off than if he had done nothing at all.

Cops/DAs don't enjoy being made to look like fools, so they're going to find everything they can charge him with and do so. His wife's lover is going to blame him for the damage to his business, file a lawsuit, and likely win at least something. He's still going to lose half of his business to his wife.

Looting his company, faking his death and heading off? Just sucking it up and filing for divorce? Either one of those would have left him better off than these games.

This is a terrible waste of time! Bounced around like a ping pong ball! Looks like all the time spent to write this would have produced a MUCH better story! Whoever wrote this travesty should certainly find another line of work!

He basically turned his wife into a martyr bymaking his family look like fools and became a felon

He pissed away everything he owned

His sum total revenge is embarrassing his wife, the cops, and the entire judicial system for in

competence.

Any attempt to recover his business can now be construed as fraudnand send his favorite assistant to prison. Anything she did to help him is criminal.

He's literally made his own dumb ass into a Target for no apparent reason.

What was the point?

And what was he going to gain by his scheme? He could have stayed put and exposed the affair. What was the point of doing this and then coming forward? He had to know the Police would NOT be happy. Why place himself in harms way? Why leave his assistant to run his business? You went thru all those details, some of which would not have worked, for nothing. I think you were trying for clever and got lost along the way. This just wasn't entertaining.

2 stars

I agree with Valint and hardyknights assement. So badly written and put together.

Mark is an emotional midget. OK, he's pretty stupid every other way as well. I have no idea what he thinks he accomplished, other than proving that his soon to be ex wife will be better off without him, and not one dollar poorer.

Too bad, it was a great plot idea. Then you executed it..

To get a good score for the ending. Started out great then wallowed, finsh with a bang.

Look, this would've been legalistically awful at any point, but given that it's coming out while the Jussie Smollett saga is ongoing, everyone knows that Mark is going away for a very, very long time.

All this bizarre revenge plot was missing was the rake the protagonist kept stepping on while it was whacking him in the face.

Convoluted juvenile rubbish. What was the point of the whole thing.

Thanks!

Another disappearing story. Why would any idiot do something this elaborate, even in stories? What could possibly need follow up for a 2nd chapter?

I read to the end just to find out what, but should have saved the effort.

Not one of the better stories.

Committed a racist hate crime on an international stage. That will be a lot more prison time than this.

How come it took the P.I several months to get evidence of cheating when it was blatantly obvious,with no hiding.Also it is a nothing ending.

Honestly, this felt mechanical, and monotonous. It droned on, with no real emotion or passion. Editing? This could have had an entire page shaved off because of unnecessary details.

Jussie is a favored group lefty. Why would he need to pay for any crime?

hubbie is running their very successful good size business and she continues to work as someone's PA? Not likely.

Some types of rat poison contain a substance that prevents one’s liver from making blood clotting factors. After a few days, the rats bleed to death internally. The substance itself, when added to blood, will not prevent clotting. Putting this detail aside, the story suffers from the flaws already pointed out. Maybe Mark can claim temporary insanity from emotional distress over his wife’s affair. Could reduce his likely jail time for fraud and other charges. Three stars is the best I can give this story.

Rote and mechanical. And with so many things wrong it beggars belief. For heavens sake do some research before you write another story.

Setting aside all disbelief and real world consequences, it was a hoot. I do want to know what the bill for a months long PI investigation looks like. lol

Don't try this at home. Neither the police nor the DA are that stupid.

This was good, right up the point that you decided to destroy it. As usual.

This was great until you had him call the cops and call it all off. Seeing as there is a second chapter, this is obviously a raac.

Not only was what he did a felony, for which he would definitely get jail time, but he would also have alienated everyone he fooled. Also, Dale would successfully sue him for falsely framing him for murder, and thereby destroying his business. Dale would own everything of his, including his wife.

Great start, and it was moronic to ruin that.

Loved it when hi wife got upset during the talk, typical cheater, well written but suspended my believability, still I enjoyed this story.

After reading the story, I agree with the comments.

But I still don't understand how can anyone give more than 1 star.

Rubbish story

No way

Pretty much all of what his lawyer said was wrong, the funniest being, as has already pointed out, the warning about being charged with conspiracy when there had been nobody else even remotely aware of his planning to conspire with. It's interesting to think how he plans to access his money while off the grid. I liked the revenge on both the wife and other man but the story has too many logical holes. 2 stars.

In the story that made any sense and was correct was the description and use for Warfarin aka Coumadin. 911 doesn't track any cell phone and since when do you need ID to buy a burner phone in a convenience store, especially when you are carrying ten grand in cash. He didn't expect his picture to be all over the news? He is going to disappear but still try to use his bank and credit cards? Trying to list the rest of the nonsense would be longer than the story itself. The whole plot could have worked out if he had just stayed 'dead'.

Pretty stupid story really. If he wanted to expose the affair why didn't he just buy billboard time and put posters up showing photos of Dale and Willa together in compromising poses. Would have worked better than the silly murder plot setup.

Why go through all of that just to hang yourself? He's probably in more trouble than the two cheaters.

ONLY betas dont get anal from their wives.

I’m with “whateverittakes this one went a little sideways on you.

You’re a good writer keep it up, and thanks for your stories. KS

This has to go down as the most ridiculous revenge plot of all time and the most ill-thought out story on this site -truly aweful

Well the question is if he really wanted revenge why didn't he just walk away and let the eveidence and the authorities handle the eveidnece and prosecute them? That would be true revenge, They wouldn't get the death penalty but would go to jail. There has to be some kind of justice for those who cheat on there spouse. Maybe in part two??

Started well but, for me, just fell apart as a story.

Why would Willa set up a separate bank account when they were struggling for money.? Why do you need an undercover worker to discover out of town lovers meetings.?What sort of business can let an owner take off for weeks,supposedly because his assistant is very good?.

Very original. Thank you.

I have far too many questions. There are just too many things left hanging. Enjoyed the beginning, but the end sucked.

An absurd story

started out good, then got a little crazy setting up the murder, etc.

Reads like a Jack and Jill story.

This story is ridiculous. The MC plan was stupidity incarnate. His use of his own blood to "humiliate " his wife indicates this man lives in a delusional state of mind. He could have used the party to expose them and achieved nearly the same thing. He gains nothing by this stupid stunt vis-a'vis a divorce. In fact, that gives here all the ammunition to ssue for defamation , criminal fraud and a claim of personal endangerment. As for the Law, you can bet he will be prosecuted.

This story is an adolescent fairy tale and an insult to your readers. A total waste of my time that I regret wasting.

Yes, I am upset with your writing. Clearly I'll read no more of it.

You move from one ridiculous subplot to another connected MC thinking and action consistent with a high school kid.

If you are going write get a proof reader review your plots. Anyone, other than someone with thought processes like your would have helped you save this story. It does have great potential but, it fell on its face.

Kind of all over the spectrum as far as the plot and believability. I can see why a guy would want vengeance against a cheating wife and her paramour but faking your own murder is a tad overboard. Unless that person plans on cutting all ties and letting the justice system play out for better or for worse. Hell, I've read in Loving Wives a lot better BTBs than this that are legal. Anyway, I'll read the next chapter just to see how it turns out.

It couldn't be left like this it had to have more The ending is vague, what happened to Dale and Willa needs to be told.Did he avoid being charged by the DA? Also I don't accept he can spend months away from the business.

Ouch! I see some jail time in his future. He on purpose faked a homicide which led to many police and prosecutors to spend numerous wasted hours of man power. Naughty, naughty, he was a bad boy with his actions.

Warfarin does not act as a direct anticoagulant when added to drawn blood. Other preparations are used for this purpose.