All Comments on 'Breadwinner'

Short but full! Thanks DQS for your brilliance! More to come!

and the woman as a worthless self serving cunt

the only chapter two possible is where he murders the slut and her fellow adulterer

I will say this much . The man she's cheating with is a cowardly, dry gulcher & she "deserves" to be with him.

kind of short with loose ends hope there is more

In every DQS story, there is a heartless, self-serving, cast iron bitch of a woman.

Gail is simply Debbie light here. Can any normal male imagine a scenario where, lying in a hospital bed broken and immobilized by his wife's lover, a man would sign a waiver eliminating any chance for payback? Even if it was ultimately futile, the stain of public humiliation, of having a criminal report, of the very damning video being shown to the public would be something to make Cameron know that no matter how much money he had that Robert made him pay. As she stated at the end, Gail had no respect for her husband just as Debbie had none for Bill in WWWM.

DQS's main female characters inflict soul crushing damage, and while they do get some comeuppance, it is never proportionately doled out. This glimpse into Gail abd Robert's life makes Gail out to be worse than Debbie in lots of ways. At least Debbie tried to keep her emotional affair out of Bill's sight. It wasn't really discreet but it wasn't paraded in front of cameras.

This story tears down what little good there was in Gail from 'Ghosts and Shadows' IMHO, and for no other reason that to show just how far gone Gail was before she divorced Robert. I didn't see love here; I saw cruelty and someone so used to caving that he did it one last time.

DQS, you write well and your characters do elicit strong reactions but they are ultimately unsatisfying. If that's your goal, great. If you are trying to write tales that resonate and have emotional lasting power, find a way to tone down the pathological need in your females to scorch the earth with their relationships' demises.

Just my 2 cents.

...and I'd get wet. ..love the taste of him, the feel of him...

What's with this dribble always in all your plots at the turning point. Really getting old. You work on those issues and I'll read others stories.

I agree with previous comment regarding Gail. It is tough to reconcile her behavior here with the other stories where she donated money to save a person's wife and the interactions with Hugh during his crisis.

But given that, first we are on oppositesides of the political spectrum, cause I don't respect a single liberal politician noe in my opinion have ever been great, but that goes back to my military career, my pay and other benefits always went up ahead of inflation under Republicans and under the rate when moderate to liberal Dems were in power, so I lost money under Dems so I simply hate and think little of Democrats in general, which living in an area that relies heavily on a growing DoD budget all libs and lib programs must go. 2ndly Gails new so called fucktoy and his two friends would have to grow eyes in the back of their respective head as soon as I got well, would end up in as much as not worse shape than they left me, watch a man long enough you can catch or lure him into a private and/or secluded spot, my get even nature would have demanded nothing less. As for signing anything, nope would have never happened unless I wanted it done, of course I'm old school here as well, no matter how I might feel deep down toward the bitch, my surface self would have been in I utterly hate the bitch. But since most old wealth is democrats any way and most new self made money is Republician, at least it is that way were I live I still think the ones you try to paint as heros of justice aren't, but I guess the self made guy does fit one of your stero types though as being self made am not so inclined to give to liberal do gooder causes as I don't do black tie affairs, having been blue collar my whole life even to this date after retired from the military I don't own a tie or a suite for that matter. Don't drink and party, so don't get any comments around such. All I like really doing is making money and having loads of sex.

Hard to understand Gails character In Ghosts she seemed to have a heart.In this she is like one commenter said Debbie light.No heart,no soul. Hard to care what happens to her.Robert was the only redeeming character in this Anyways, well written

get very tiring.

Talk about CRAP, this reeks of it. Total SHIT

Regarding one of the earlier comments re republican re democrats and the DoD. In the news in Aus we saw that one of the Rep canditates for Pres wants to shut down all military spending. Or were we misinformed.

Aus reader

No to these weak guys, she and he both anger me, he more than her for his lame assed giving into evil!!!!!!!!!!!!

Saying it is better than anything on this site is, well, low praise indeed (they let illiterate simpletons who couldn't pass a 4th grade spelling test post here) but the realism in your dialogue is remarkable. Move up to scriptwriting since believable dialogue is the currency of that realm. 5*

Sorry, that's the first I time I've ever given you one star, but that was just total crap!

Why would you write such a piece?

Talk about disappointing.

Damn, DQS, I thought you were a much better writer than this.

I agree completely with the anonymous commenter who wrote "Minor Variation on a Theme." For one thing, we're just getting another version of Debbie, only worse. Also, who wants to read a story of a good man getting his soul (and body) completely crushed by a heartless, evil woman? Is that love, having him give in to her corrupt way of doing things? This story somehow even manages to make love look bad, something just to manipulate suckers. This is just as bad as those cuckold stories where the husband gets off on seeing his wife fuck other men and treat him like shit. I honestly have a hard time imagining there are people as cruel as this woman in real life, and she doesn't jibe at all with how she was portrayed in other stories. Your worst story yet.

Total shit

I didn't like the ending. I know it's not up to me to tell an author how to end a story, but I can at least express my opinion. I would rather have seen him stick to his guns and refuse to sign.

Not liking the ending has absolutely nothing to do with my opinion of the quality of the writing. It is good. It brings out character emotions and traits. Nicely written but I didn't like the ending.

I sure hope you never submit any stories to Literotica. Your comment appeared to be one super long run-on sentence that rambled and made no sense. You need an editor!

what the fuck was the point in this? 1*

"Why couldn't you become a man, why couldn't you grow up?" her comment was a Freudian slip that meant to say that he shouldn't have signed the paper. Signing is weak, stupid and ridiculous. Her love for Cameron is nothing more than a way for her to scratch a clitoris itch. Of course, we know that from reading Ghosts. We also know that she ends up unhappy, miserable and alone, getting her itch scratched by whatever random cock demeans itself to enter her selfish, dry cunt. GOOD!

This was a really dumb story with no real point except to once agains show your distain for a man who would actually love a woman more than he loves himself. I will write you an ending.

He recovers after many months and finds Cameron when his friend aren't around.Cameron gets beaten to death and then he claims post traumitic stress and serves a couple years in a psych ward. Your stories suck and I feel sorry for any man in your life.

Many of your readers, including this one, believe you are!

but damn so woman really messed you up.

You paint men as extremes of strong and weak, very little in-between, although all of them think with their dicks. The more loyal a man, the more weak to his dick. You do write well, but it is well written cliche.

As to women, the sexy ones anyway, driven by greed and lust, they are so used to wiggling this and that and the world stops. It is in my opinion, women you have the issue with.

However, with all the characters in your books, so few with a balance of good and bad, always extreme flaws, always the cliche.

Waste of a writer's talents and a reader's time.

Most of DQS1 stories, to a point, he is a man hater but it seems that way because the women are so fucked up it's crazy.

I would like if u posted all ur stories on Lit, have not read one yet that I didn't like & with every story I get insight into previous characters, also wish u would post more of ur stories & more often. Sincerely: A fan of ur stories

I'm sure you have a huge wooden spoon to stir up all this shit. Damn you must love to read the comments.

Don't waste your time.

Like a moth to the flame, I visit J-Ville about once a month just to see the big titted beauties, even as I risk life, limb, and balls. These women are worth the risk. That said, I seem to have a short attention span, as all these intertwined characters confuse the hell out of me. I guess I'm just too lazy to attempt to keep a running score card. To my credit, I do, however, remember every damn Sackett and all the hell they raised!

so he writes the same in his stories.All his male characters are wimps. i am just curious whether its an inherited character??

Terrible writing. Go back to Maitland

I gave it four stars only because I know a bit about Gail's later life in the story referred to in the comment, that being "Ghosts and Shadows". Gail is referred to by several readers as Debbie light and I think she is worse than Debbie by far. She went far beyond Debbie Bascomb in fucking a man in her martial bed and flaunting it in front of society and her husband, while Debbie did not engage in sex with Doug until they had separated.

It is true that the authors female lead characters are of a type, that being good looking, blonde, successful in their own right and generously endowed with breasts. They are also amoral and vindictive after the decision is made to pursue another man outside of their marriage. I note in this short segment that there is reference to Bobby saving her from a gang, which is eerily similar to Debbie being saved from a gang bang. The author seems to have a theme where beautiful women are saved from their own wanton lusts as young women and they fall in love with the man that saves them. Of course the marriage is doomed because the two halves are not suited to each other, either by station, or by temperament.

Gail is a hateful character in this short segment, beautiful, rich, powerful and arrogant, however, we need to keep in mind that Gail will not be able to keep the man she left Bobby behind for. He cheats on her fairly soon and Gail finds out that she got the worst of the bargain. Gail, like Debbie is a beautiful women that deep down is never fully satisfied with the sex they can get at the snap of a finger. They are lonely women at heart and when they see their former husbands with other women and successful they can't handle it, because as the author notes they are still in love with them. They are both fatally flawed female characters who seemingly have it all, but who will always compare whomever they are with to the former husband and the comparison always leaves them wanting what they can no longer have. Their beauty, success, intelligence, etc will not bring back the husband they spurned and that just eats on them over the years, because what they really want is happiness.

There is another aspect to the two stories, this one not yet being written, that does not ring true. We do see a lot of stories here where the divorced husband, or wife loves the departed mate forever. In reality, the vast majority of people just move on in life and find someone else to become the object of their affections. Love and hate are both strong emotions and often linked closely. The opposite of both is indifference and that is where most people go soon enough, because it is too exhausting to maintain strong emotions over time unless you can actually transfer those emotions to a person close to you.

I really don't know why the author writes these female character to a type? Certainly small breasted, brunettes can fuck over a husband just as well and a lot of men are not attracted to the 40DD type of body. Maybe it is the water in the Jacksonville area that makes them grow larger, all I do know is that if I was living there, I would stay far away from this particular species of womanhood, as they are nothing but trouble and heartache. LOL

Cheating stories on the loving wives category are unique on Lit. They show so much of the writer's soul and heartache. I've read all of DQS1's material here and some of it is the best there is. But all of it mirrors what must have been one hell of a marriage for DQS1. Lately, the more I read, the more sorrow I feel for DQS1. I hope his writing comes from the past. If not, and his troubles are current, all I can say is no one deserves it and I hope he heals.

DQS, please keep writing, I enjoy reading your work. Your stories make me sad, but they evoke emotion which has to be good praise for a writer. I hope writing them is cathartic for you. What ever helps.

Your stories never depict love!

There had been more detail (plot development) and a decent ending.

I love most of your reads but this one just sucks. It's like somehow you expect this to explain something, but instead it just pisses me off.

I can't think of anything more than that about how it makes me feels.

Have to hate all three of the protagonist of this brief cameo.... What horrible people.

What excellent writing coupled with a powerful imagination.

You're a very good writer, but do you realize that every one of your main POV male characters are pussy-whipped?

How about a character with a set that stands up to these lying, cheating whore characters that you create?

but what a terrible "story!" Bobby is absolutely pathetic.

Sidney43 said it very well.

Your tone and style are excellent. But this piece does not make me want more. Gail destroyed a man in every way there could be. Emotional, physical, and probably spiritual as well. She did tear out his soul. Knowing the future with Ghosts does not make this better. Her anger in Ghosts is not justified, she was not the wronged party. Does being an elite "Hunt" give her the right to be this way? Perhaps in her mind it does.

I was all for humanizing Gail by the end of Ghosts, and I was one that thought she should have given time with Hugh a chance. But this pushes her into the "evil bitch" realm along with Debbie in my mind. There will never be any redemption for them for me. There is no justification for their actions, just pure spite.

I will read all your work, it is well worth my time. But sometimes characters just need to be let go. This is one of them.

To all comments: This is literature; too sohisticated for your taste! ;-))

One of the little tricks DQS uses to add pathos to his stories is to ALWAYS make his women unbelievable monsters. Gale (semi-human in the earlier story) has just been put into that mold.

BTW, its not so much that his men are 'wimps' as another comment suggests, as that they are always so completely surprised and lost in those early days of the breakup, that they don't know how to respond or what to do.

In this story, god only know, Gale NEVER gives Robert any sort of reason to sign the document -- not even a goodly sized bribe. That video would have been all over the web before she could arrive at the hospital!

the thugs cut his balls off also. What a piece of shit writing this was. The bitch should have been shot and the ballless wonder left for dead.

Thanks for the warning that this is a fragment and not a complete story, for I therefore have no cause to be disappointed by its brevity.

For all that the Gail we saw in "Ghosts and Shadows" seemed so strongly committed to preserving her grandfather's legacy, it appears now that she lacks the old man's ability to gauge character. Like most of the other "problem" wives we see described here in LW, Gail is essentially a narcissist, with the classic narcissistic inability to engage with or understand any issue which does not directly affect her. (I suspect that a similar issue lies behind Debbie's inability to grasp the reasons for her rages.)

All that having been said, if you ever do feel compelled to write all of Gail's story, I'm not sure I'd want to read it. Granted, the story of a larger-than-life character who is destroyed by her own flaws is a classic trope which goes back to the classical Greek tragedies. It's just that straightforward tragedy is not a genre I'm all that fond of, no matter how well it's written.

and drown her in spunk of a 1000 dogs

I enjoyed reading the story. It make a good starting point for what might happen in the future. I don't think going back to a time before he is in the hospital would be all that interesting except perhaps as flashbacks which could be used to show how he develops and matures.

This fragment sucked. I haven't read all of your work although I did read about Bill and Debbie, but to have people like this cunt Gail even exist puts you in a bad light. I see nothing coming of this if you write a full story but one thing I can assure you is that I won't be reading it. You deserve the 1 star. Prick

Just Plain Bob would be proud of this, but then most of his stuff is crap too. This is just a diffrent version of another of your POC's "When we were married" Maybe you'll actually finish this one. Probably not .................

and some time some how some where its going to be payback time 4 all. TK U MLJ LV NV

You write beautifully. I could not identify with any of the characters. If Gail had come and told him she wanted him to sign to save his life, that would be different. I would never sign that paper. I would heal and go hunting. If you know what a spanish tragedy is you would understand the outcome. Hell for $5000 dollars and a trip to Detroit you could have this problem fixed. As I said you write beauitifully your characterizations of your lead/hero males leaves everything to be desired.

First off, you are a great writer and hope you continue to publish. I immensely enjoyed WWWM. This snippet from Ghosts and Shadows doesn't seem to have a point except to make Gail look even worse than in the original story. The signing of the document is a big problem. What is his motivation to sign it? Damned if I know. Anyone in his position with the least bit of a spine would prosecute after being beat that badly would prosecute.

I understand the writing process leads to multiple dead ends as you explore a story but this one should have stayed that way.

DO NOT I UNDERSTAND THE POSTERS. This story is a 5 five point scen. It would be the past of a excellent romantic revenge situation. Gail is the future Bank president and owner of the Hunt Bank in Jacksonwill, who is cheating on her seriously injured and almost paralised hospitalized husband. He will divorce her later. The Cameron affair will be ended after it and Gail will be a lone sad personality WHO WILL MEET WITH THE SUCCESFUL EXHUSBAND ON A COMPANY CARIBBIAN CRUISE. HER EXHUSBAND WILL BE ON THE SHIPBOARD WITH ONE OF HIS BEAUTIFUL, YOUNG SECOND CHANCE (for low IQ creampieeaters and loverboys second chance is new woman, girlfriend, wife). Gail will be mentaly wreck and basket case after the cruise and DQS1's main character will take her for entertaining in order to shake up her from the depression. WHAT WILL BE IN THE FUTURE OF THIS SCEN????? YES A EXCELLENT ROMANTIC REVENGE SITUATION!!!! I do not read the last chapter of the DQS1's last story, because I wanted a second chance for the main character, but I remember the earlier chapters better as my posters buddies...............

@ Dear DQS1 I hope you will write this pair's future and the EXCELLENT ROMANTIC REVENGE SITUATION, when the succesful exhusband and his beautiful second chance will meet on the shipboard in the Caribian Cruise with Gail. I would read that chapter..............

unfinished shit stories. your like a little girl with those stupid sobstuff stories.

Your intro let us assume that something will happen between them after NYE 2009, some kind of follow-up that may or may not be written. However, it is hard to imagine anything realistic happening. I already found the fact that he showed up at the NYE party odd enough, not to say unrealistic, now even more so after reading this addendum. Gail must be the greatest heartless bitch in the history of mankind to go to her husband's hospital bed to tell him how she feels about her lover. Not the same woman as the original story. There are also contradictions in the character of Robert that make no sense. A guy that goes to a party and practice karate on his wife's lover is very unlikely to sign a document like the one presented to him. Wealthy now, in love with someone else (is he really?), he can surely afford some payback, but it didn't happen in the original story. Great writing ... this part of the story however stretches the limits of anyones' imagination.

Hate to think this is the only scene we'll get but perhaps so. Nicely done! It shows off your talent well.

Same shit, different pile. DQS1 is a wasted talent, who can't write anything but wimp cuckold crap!

Gail, for that matter, Debbie Maitland, reminds me of us, the United States. These women chose the lesser men, as we chose the lesser man (Obama). The perverted love affair of fucking and sucking and exchange of bodily fluids takes place and, afterwards everyone....EVERYONE, knows it was a stupid thing to do, including Gail and Debbie Maitland.

Hell of an effort Steele. Great story, great descriptions, super job of exciting the emotions of the reader.

That your stories piss off over half the audience isn't as important as communicating the frustration, transporting the reader into the halo, as it were, and raising the temperature of some of the dead.

5 stars, count 'em. *****

Regards,

-(anonymous for now, because I know this comment will further piss off some).

As for the comment saying he's a cuck wimp, you're a fucking asshole. For starters we have no idea when or if the author will throw out a sequel. He's a prodigious and prolific writer. Entertained me for hours. Have a little respect you motherfucking cunt.

Pleasure to get a vignette into two of the characters. I'm just about wrung out dry, pfaffing in the wind. Sharp lean brilliant writing - dialog, humor. Hate. Love.

He went in there, alone, to fight for his woman. He got one in - then lost. All's fair in love and war so they say. She rode all over him in his fucked up state. But he still retained the mind of a real man. He admitted to himself that he'd been severely whipped, in his marriage and and all else. But you'd be crazy to think that a guy like this won't recover, and i'm waiting on DQS to tell me if it ain't so.

5* all day. Looking forward to the next wrencher.

Well written and engaging, but the character does not seem or feel real to me. This is a person who the story says stood up in front of rich and powerful people to at least fight for his wife and marriage, then you would have us believe he would just let what happened to him go??

Hes in a hospital, with serious and perhaps permanent injury and you would have us believe he would just go, "oh ok then I guess I lost that one no hard feelings good fellow" ???????

It seems a real far stretch to me as how any real person would act no matter what the wife said. Now if he signed with 'get fucked' ok good turn to the story and maybe thats what you had the character do, but if not, sorry I cannot buy into this character.

While this charcter may never be able to get revenge as such, he would in your Maitland world, like the real world for most of us, at least he could get him convicted and likely sued for huge amounts, even barred from acting as director of companies etc with a criminal conviction and so on.

Sorry on this one you have lost me for realism if this is all there is.

DanielQSteele1, I have enjoyed much of your work and credited your writing as delivering a good insight into relationships, I was looking forward to reading the story, but this piece, a "scene" or chapter, whatever, lacks so much creditability on all counts it devalues your past work. I hope you get well soon and return to your quality writing

i really like it as a moment in time story. best of luck!

DQS,

As always, your stories are an emotional train ride; and therefore, to my mind, the best kind of stories--certainly for this genre.

Loved it.

Matt

Not all of them - just most.

Anyway, what is the title of the piece? Why?

Would Ms. Hunt stay with stud boy longer if he was allowed to play martyr in jail, or would the "love affiar" die earlier with the veniality of it brought front and center?

More or less a contemplation on love and responsibility, is my guess... but as you know I am an idiot and my comments have no worth.

Greensomething

(I do think that making him wealthy with video games is a fairly cheap trick - you might as well have had him have a secret or lost wealthy relative... why not redeeming virtue in a not wealthy character?)

It reminds me of the stories of NTRmaster, especially the fact that the poor man is stuck helpless in a hospital bed. The differences are that the pain and angst of the cuckold are not nearly so well explored and expressed, and the cuckoldress is not merely seduced away from him and brought under another man's spell, but chooses to deal with her own unhappiness and insecurities in an extremely evil and vicious way.

DSQ's cuckoldresses were always selfish, self-pitying, big-titted sluts. Now they are turning really nasty.

With only this small incite to the overall picture i have to say this story sucks big time. Signing that paper made him look like the wimp he seems to be, but without more story there's no way to tell if he has any grand plan in the works for retribution or not. So with just this small look at the overall picture 1 star, could be more if you ever write the rest of the story.

I cannot believe DQS wrote this! To be good fiction the action of the characters has to be believable, this was not on any level.

You deserve a "1" on this one

"Loved it.

Matt"

Write a story and give it to your mother. When she read it, finger her asshole.

But an intelligent man as you portrayed him would not have signed. I do not care how perfect she looked: he saw her betrayal. HE SAW IT. And she rubs acid in his wounds. She would not be happy? Boo Hoo., A smart man would have laughed at her and told her to send him a copy. IF you are putting this in a novel: excise it and give him the kind of balls Maitlin shows. This is NOT your bet plotting..

please ... for the love god...

stop writing.

when your husbands increasingly come across like the latest verison of Matt Moreau's turds...

dude... seriously you are over

Now You Have to finish it so the asses that put him in the hospital burn badly,

And the cheating slut too!! Don't leave this one unrighted please!

I am surprised you allowed this to be plotted out and written. It really does not fit the characters as you have written them so far. Gail comes out as someone who does not know any human emotions at all. Besides that she does not even appear to have much business acumen either. Only her knowledge and use of power is exhibited. This women would not have helped any of her friends or employees. As for Robert he could not allow himself to be so manipulated by love or a woman. He could not have ever loved her enough to do that because this would show not enough self love and self respect to be able to love another. The guy that went to fight for his wife would not cave to such treatment and injustice. Your worst effort by far. I hurt after reading this story that you failed your characters so.

I CALLED IT ...

Back in the awful GHOSTS and SHADOWS I foretold of seriously nasty trend of DQS husbands becoming wimpy ass faggot losers like Matt Moreau's men...

and I got BLASTED for it

and sure enough...in DQS very next story what do we see? 73 comments so far and 4 of them are positive.

and the greatest GIFT of all is MM the king of all losers and wimps (I cant believe I treated him so badly when i was fucking half of the Jaguars foot ball team...).... loves this vile contemptable turd of a story

Q E D

it is the only saving grace....only a misinformed moron believes that people eat this shit or that repugnicans raise military benefits. I wouldn't be surprised if they took credit for it after fighting dems over it though. Just like mittens "saved" the car companies. Amazing how those vile lying "conservatives" come up with plans after the results are in. Fucking gutless draft-dodging hypocritical worms.

DQS has forrgotten basic WRITING 101 "

extraodrinary actions / behavior REQUIRE extraordinary

WIFE has been cheating on him for years.. WHILE MARRIED... in his martial bed

in public ,... then in the fight the husband almost gets crippled for LIFE

Yet he cant stop ooggling her tits? her ass? is this guy a man of 16 years old?

then when asked to sign a waiver about the video tape of the fight

..."Now, you unbelievably fucking miserable excuse for a human being, you want me to lie so your boyfriend and his friends will get away with breaking my bones and leaving me nearly paralyzed. Let me put it simply. No way, no how, never!"....

so then when the wife sort of apologizes ...

.."I was sorry when I found out that you'd seen us – in bed. I honest to God didn't know you were coming in then. I know this will hurt, but you have to know... I sucked and fucked him in cars, elevators, bathrooms at nightclubs. I don't think I went a day the last three months without having him two or three times"

REALLY in the hospital bed nearly crippled for life and humiliated?

Right then she HAS to tell him ?

SO......... of course after saying these 5 lines of cruel mean hearltess venom ...

he signs it?.... without ANY explanation.???

Usually, I find something of some worth in your stories. I just wish I hadn't found this excep for the story. This is nothing but just another chapter in a story I thought was completed. In short, why don't you try a diffent catagory..... expand your horizons, but please....... really..... not the same old predictable, tired, plot again. I think your writing has exellent detail and character description. Unfortunately, they have no emotional content even vaguely resembling a sane person. I wish I could enjoy being critical of the work diplayed, but I don't..... you have a lot of talent. I just wish you could break out of this coffin that your writing has buried itself in.

G and S was questionable in its story line, and this one is ludicrous. I won't belabor what has already been said. The title Breadwinner? Yes Gail is a breadwinner, but any sympathy I had in G and S totally and completely went out the window with this farce. She is portrayed as a heartless bitch who used an excuse that Robert talked with a teacher to have an affair and emasculate him. Gee just like Mary did to Hugh... She tells him to grow up. Laughable. Sadly this story isn't worthy of DQS. In fact I am seriously doubting his ability to write a good male character, and female character. These stories are variations of big titted self centered women, and witless pathetic husbands. Cookie Cutter...

M1

By itself, this episode is utter horseshit. If it is part of a larger story then it may yet be redeemable, but the Matt Moreau-esque cowardice of Robert does not give him or this excerpt any credibility.

1 star because DQS1 can do better...

Saved us the time to review such tripe. Seems like "same old skank slut & dickless/brainless male character" garbage.

I like to be alone.......

1. Does a coward have himself hit as Bobby did? Did you have?

2. I agree Gail is a spoiled heartless wealth bitch. In the Ghost she will be a lonely, sad, personality some years later.

3. I do not agree the posters but some human beings can learn and to become a better personality (not everybody....). Many people who get promotion will change their personality with the responsibility , so Gail started her leader position in the family bank she became a better personality (to help her key collegaues).

4. She will deserve suffer when she will meet Bobby on the shipboard...............

This very short story only proves one thing. No one on this site can match DQS for the quality of his writing. The paragraph where he describes the woman we all hate is a lecture on description, couldn't you all see her in your minds after reading it. And we even come to hate the so called hero for his actions at the end. The job of a writer is to write, and through his words move us emotionally. This story did. Just like in real life you may not like the characters or their actions, but I have yet to see one comment where ther skill of the writer was questioned. How many of us have bought a CD where we liked every God damned song? Does Verlander pitch a no hitter every time. I think part of the problem is that the writer is so skilled that we expect every single story to set the world on fire. This was 2 pages. I loved the Maitland tie in. And even though as reported this was a part of a larger story, a mosaic if you will. The ripples ofmthisnstory will echo throughout the whole touching and affecting characters we have yet to meet. Keep reading it'll get better and I'll bet that when you can see the whole tapestry as opposed to one section, you'll like it.

I understand perfectly the need to write out some specific scene, and ONLY that one scene, from a much larger story. Sometimes the characters won't let you sleep until you get some scene involving them set down in words. And sometimes, you can't write the scenes you want to write without already having a pretty clear idea of the events that gave rise to them. Either way, thanks for sharing.

@ StangStar06 I bought such bakelit (I had to rebuy it, because I destroyed with replying) where from the begining to the end there is same quality level music (this time I have in DVD) Mozart "The Magic Flute". You are right no more Opera which is same level from the begining to the end only this...............

This scene combines good writing with unpalatable characters and a dopey plot. Gail says she doesn't respect Bobby and I can certainly agree with her. He's a combination of miserable and stupid and weak. Ohhhhh he knows karate but goes into a dangerous situation surrounded by powerful people who are not his friends so he gets the shit kicked out of him. Most people that are any good at martial arts learn mental discipline as well as physical discipline. Such an attack showed the discipline of a ten year old. Then, in an act that plumbs new depths in being pathetic, he signs the papers that legitimize the mauling he received.

As to the legalities, it doesn't matter if Bobby started the fight. you don't get to batter someone after they have been subdued. It sounds like most of the damage was inflicted after he was knocked out. What brave men. What pillars of the community.

As for Gail, she's a heartless bitch. Her whole presence in the story is meant to torture Bobby. Every move, every word, even the essence of her being. She is merciless.

I could create a wonderfully written story about a man who like to torture animals. Think it would be popular or be considered a "good" story? What would make it even worse is if the poor dumb animal was trying desperately, hopelessly to earn the appreciation of its torturer. Yuck.

I must clarify that Mary in Ghosts and Shadows was not a big titted blonde. Got so carried away with analysis that I just forgot she was sort of normal. Very attractive for her age, nice figure, intelligent, successful and tore her husbands heart out and then stomped on it repeatedly. Other than being not blonde and big titted, she was pretty much like most of the other women that inhabit this part of Florida according to DQS.

You know i have read all of your work . And i have preity much came to the conclusion that you are full of shit ! Yes dear writer, I said full of shit. It's not so much that you, just don't get it. It's that you can't fucken sell it . Your stories all start out the same. The perfect man, a just and up right man, a man with no falts, no flaws . Who is suddenly and with out warning besotted buy a lying, cheating ,dick loving, whore of a fucken wife. She tell's him that she loves him, so veary veary much. But he's become boring, bald and fat. completely unattractive, useles and innept in bed . His rinkled, shriveled tiny little dick, is completly unworthy. Of her perfict blond, taned goddess body. Her huge firm and full juting breast . Breast that jigle, wiggle, Breast that make many grown men cream ... This slut tells the perfect husband, that she has found a lover, a lover with a huge cook. A lover that can fuck all night long, a lover that gives her orgasum, after orgasum after mind blowing ,fucken orgasum. She tells her husband that she does love him, that she loves him ,so very, very much . But she just need's more,more than he can ever give. But she will allways love him. So Mr.man he leaves, retires the field to the beter man. Tucked tail and ran, then he enters a period of self loathing and disgust. A place where he qustions everthing. Everthing he knew, everthing he thought he knew. He cries , whines and shouts at god why me god why me ?Mea copa,mea copa, so he weighs and measures himself, and finds that he is wanting.. And then we suddenly find out that he is actually, a powerfull mother fucker! That he and he alone holds the ballls of of the world in his hands . Ring : Hello . Mr man , Mr man it is i , Titio , sir aha titio how good to hear from you, How are you my dear boy ? Not good Mr man , not good at all. These fucken, banditos have raped and killed all my people in my little village and all are now dead. Mr Man is thear any thing that can be done? Titio no one treats my friends this way no one, have no wories i will handle this! Ring: Hello , This is the White house , How may i direct your call . This is Mr.man put the president on the phone, OOO yes at once Mr man . Mr man, how the hell are ya? Not good, some one hurt a frend of mine and i can't let that stand. O that's to bad, Mr man how can i help. Mr. president i need you to activate the 135 th bomber wing and send them to ************** and bomb the hell out of of those pricks. Mr man i can't do tha- . Mr president i will cut to the chase. I have a meating with Santa claus, next month, to go over the naughty and nice list . Do this for me and i will see to it you, are on the Nice list !!!!!

You encouraged this raving loon all through WWWM which is the most irritating drivel ever. Now he is going to spew out the most sadistic, deranged crazy wife shit ever on a non stop basis. This is nothing but the results of a deep mental illness and you idiots are responsible for encouraging him. You all should chip in and hire either a therapist or pay for some of his watersports and beating sessions by his dominatrix. That urine needs to be dry cleaned out.

Fuck you too Stangstar. Your repetative stories are mildly entertaining but writing derivative, unrealistic, and insanely pathetic noir dialogue that is only matched by really bad movies on cable is pretty damn pathetic. If you ever want to be intelligent and not just one dimensional, read Rhenquist. This is crap from a very disturbed cuck who has more self loathing than any five other people.

Part of me sincerely hopes he signed that "Chuck U. Farley"!!!!

This made me wish I could un-read something.

It was pointless, as it's no more than an appendage to an unremarkable part of a fairly decent tale.

It was distressing, as I could not POSSIBLY see BS (Oh, NOW I get it) signing a document that would prevent Cameron from being called to account.

This is the sort of thing filmmakers edit out of good films, as they simply detract from the rest of the movie. It's exceedingly well-crafted junk.

Sorry, my opinion.

But this offering fails on two counts.

1 I hate incomplete stories

2 it is unrealistic. No sane man would forgive those who tried to kill him, especially if they're screwing his wife. The only man I can think of who had the level of forgiveness needed died on a cross 2000 years ago.

Null point.

your comments ONLY make sense if you you are two are fucking each other...

SS06...or some fucking idiot posing like SS06 ... wrote

No one on this site can match DQS for the quality of his writing. ( which qaulity are you referring to?) ...

..". The job of a writer is to write, and through his words move us emotionally. This story did...".

NO... that is NOT the job of a writer. If the writer has the husband saying

DIE YOU MISEBRAVBLE GOD DAMN FUCKING BITCH ... which DQS had the husband say

you cannot then 5 paragraphs later have him meekly comply with what the evil wife was asking... WITHOUT AN EXPLANATION.

The reader may or may not agree with it... but we dont even have one in this story.

all it is is just another stupid cuck story with more pain than normal...phoooey

I love dqs stories... I will pray that our nearly crippled hero signed the pspaers "FOAD" or somd other clever dittie, no one could be so stupid as to zbandon a lawsuit , video footage, suppression of a crime etc.. After all she just professed her love of the asshole, oos, i mean new boyfriend. We shall see in chapter two.

I dont' know why it would surprise me, but what woman talks like she does when she describes her infatuation/love/sex life with the other man. Its a DQS trademark, but usually it is in the context of an emotional confession and/or angry outburst. Here, it seemed just gratuitous.

The one interesting thing about the scene is that she is a cold, emotionless, hurtful, disrespectful bitch; and shows minimal compassion or concern for her hubby. Until the end. When, in response to her appeall to his love for her, he signs the document. Then, as she leaves, with his parting words, she turns, not knowing why she does, and she is crying. In a way, he did the ultimate head-fuck, which sets her up for misery later in life, after her new marriage crumbles into ashes.

This story/scene does cover why she might realize with bitter regret what she threw away-not a wimp, but a man who loved her enough to help her on her way. Or maybe not. Maybe our hero knew her as well as she knew him. Maybe he could see the writing on the wall-the new relationship would never last, it would go down in a heap of flames, and he wouldn't be there to pick up the pieces later on-torturing her forever (seems like that worked, too).

The story also gets to the core issue, which seems to be disrespect (this chick is like Tiffany on steroids). All the more reason for her to be miffed when he becomes fabulously successful. In a way, this back-story is a lot more like Separate Vacations than G&S: a young couple, together for 10 years, wife is finanacially successful, hubby (who's into karate) doesn't care about money (he's into his own thing-writing or teaching, as the case may be). Wife begins losing respect, and therefore desire for him. Relationship corrodes. Difference is, in SV, our hero is subjected to arrogant disdain (intended as a wake-up call), and so draws a line in the sand and ends it. Here, hubby (maybe?) pursues an emotional affair, which wife learns about, and (somehow) ends up falling for a new, successful, impressive man. In SV, Tiff waited for her divorce, and then shacked up with her Alpha. In both cases, for different reasons, hubby/ex-hubby kicks the other guy's ass. Except here, the other guy's friends put our hero in the hospital. In both stories, the hero eventually realizes greater financial rewards. Difference is, Tiff never got over her man; never even though she did, and eventually won him back-happy ending. Here, the bitch got over him (or thought she did), only to realize what she lost later on. In this tale (though not this story), he moved on in the long run, and she is left in loneliness.

The author did not address the alleged emotional affair of hubby, though she seems preoccupied with it in G&S. Could that have been the core emotional breaker? The thing that led her to distance herself from hubby enough to be led astray? I guess the longer story could tell us that. However, G&S seemed to leave our poor-little-rich-girl in a bad place, and our hero in a very good one-truly moving on. Not sure I need too much more in the way of prequel. I would leave this back-story alone from here on out.

You have received nothing less than a 4 on your other submissions. I will be surprised if you break 2 even with the loyal , forgiving followers you have on this site.

Writers claim they learn from the comments section. I would like to hear what you learned from the comments on this one. This one , in my opinion, makes even your editor look bad!

Gail is worst, and does not care, and the husband IS weak, and should have never signed the damn documents. The story is just a scene, as you warned us in the very beginning, but well written, as always.

and disturbing is that several comments are targeted at the author, not his story. One may like or dislike a story or like or dislike one or more characters in the story, or their behaviour, however, insulting the author does not reflect well on the commenter nor gives credibility to the comments. I commented on what I perceived as inconsistencies in this particular chapter and I admit that I disliked the behaviour of both characters, nevertheless, this takes nothing away from the fact that DQS is an excellent author and that I have and will continue to read his stories. I agree with SS06 that writers, good ones, stir our emotions and challenge our values, but we do not go about assassinating their character as authors and human beings simply becaused we didn't like their stories.

Sounds likethe stupid cunt needs killin'