All Comments on 'Brodricksburg Pt. 01'

It's absolutely wonderful. Very real scenario and lots of action and intrigue. I loved it. I very much recommend it to anyone who likes a good plotline.

I also read this story all the way through on another site.Great story,well written and not one 14" black cock.Storys well written like this are hard to find. Thanks

Exciting beginning of a wonderful story.

Boyd

like what have been stated earlier, the FBI could probably do a better job investigating this kind of corruption (w/ the Patriot Act and all). but i guess that would defeat the purpose of the story.

very well written. pretty good plot, too.

For me too much dialogue. Try to copy the style of Hadrian which makes for a much better erotic read

I read the entire story on another site. Readers who haven't are in for a treat.

Don't you guys get tired of writing stories about guys who have no balls. This guy is a detective and he can't figure if out and follow his wife? This story makes no sense. The guy should hand her the divorce papers and move on with his life. Let her become some one else's problem and move on!

good story and the bad guys plot to get to the cop is working.the wife head is bigger,than her usefulness.if there is a problem with her where abouts she should make it clear where she is going.let her make her bed and not go back to her.kick me out i stay out forever.go for the commissioner old lady.all this go with the killing at the start of the story.

and finish the story before they make snap judgments. The dialogue is perfect and very necessary to the story, the wife isn't what she seems and you are an excellent writer. Kudos...

I, too, read the entire story elsewhere and it is very good. KK has evolved and grown into an excellent writer with real plots and great dialogue. It's a pleasure to be able to agree with Harry. DK is always a pleasure. KK is the man.

All is not as it seems - wait for the rest of it before slamming this as another "wimp" story!!! I also read the full tale on another site... this is an outstanding piece!! Well plotted, well paced, outstanding dialogue -- it's got it all! Well done, KK!!

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(If you're into instant gratification like me and can't wait for the rest of it, try googling "Brodricksburg"...)

... to commentators which expects a wimp husband story. I've read all of the story but it costs me a little investigation to find out the other Board. I am very impressed. Very good crime with a little bit sex. Thats what I like and prefer.

K.K. you receive my message from the other board.

Thank you very much

Nucleus

K.K again shows substantial Talent and Ability in this "detective story." He has introduced some interesting elements into chapter 1, so. now. lets see how he brings these several elements together. Skillfully done! RAG

K K you have me setting on the edge of my seat, I love this story, can't wait for the next chapter.

Tim

Get a spell checker and save waldo's busy time checking a story that needs 4 out of your 5 pages deleted. GET TO THE STORY as you are not that good at holding people's attention except the hostages giving "good feedback" who don't have lives or sex.

an excellent story. </p><p>

the problem is for me the wife's reaction doesn't fit - it is so extreme. and there is no explanation for that extremism. why does she fly off the handle so? does she always fly off the handle? has she had past abuse - or maybe is it a guilt reaction? </p>

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the husband's reaction is given an explanation: strange warning calls, she is not where she is supposed to be, ect. but we are never given any kind of explanation for the wife's reaction.</p><p>

pity.

as all K.K.'s stories are. This one is the best, though. That having been said, I must agree with the previous commenter "wife's reaction doesn't click." I can understand the wife being upset by her husbands's questions but the reasonable way to handle them is to (drum roll and trumpet blast here) TELL THE TRUTH. Instead, what does the wife do? Threatens detective/policeman hubby when she knows very well that is the very thing that someone in his line of work will understand instinctively as a threat and will get him upset up more. Not a very wise thing to do. I'm not sure it was necessary to the story although it added a subplot. Anyway, thanks once again for writing a great story. Phil

Has everybody in the world read this complete story on another site? If so, why don't they keep their mouths shut and let the rest of us enjoy it on this site.

60 year old George

For the two or three who have not read the story “on the other site”, could you do us a favor and avoid any further hints?

I am just taking a breather before delving back to chapter two, and to say thank you for a great thriller so far. Like some other readers I had a bit of a problem with the couple’s dynamics as a reaction to the anonymous caller, but so far I was able to suspend disbelief on that. In the grand scheme of things the better the writer the more cohesive the overall structure of the story. So, no wonder that my default assumption is that the sub plots will be revealed as connected. The question is how?

I find these two peoples reactions to the anonymous caller perplexing at the very least. These two people are written as very astute people yet they let this situation take on a shroud of extreme behavior by them both. It doesn’t ring true as the reaction is so diametrically different in what else they do in their lives.<p> I am looking forward to reading the next chapters.<p>PT

Start off with a murder/suicide mytery; add a mystery about the Works Department and their ordering of parts and throw in the mystery of 'who is the wife fucking around with?'. The Lt has a LOT on his mind now and If he doesn't start finding answers his marriage may well be over and the case against Buske blown..

I guess he may as start with all the electronic surveillance he can position for the wife's activities and settle that one.. It seems that there is always something going on with the wife when she gets angry when you ask her questions.. And I was just thinking he had a great wife, too.. Well, I guess we'll find out.. But he's already gone!.

I am reading this story by K.K. for the 2nd time; I originally read it about 4 months ago. The story is a masterpiece. It has all of the right ingredients and in the correct proportions. K.K. even sets the story in (thus far) late winter-spring in the Philadelphia area; and he provides a brief historical sketch of the city and surrounding area. Perfect! RAG

would just listen to an anonymous caller without using his vast experience as an investigator seems only to drag a good story out.Granted,she's got so many irons in the fire it makes it a byzantine trail to follow but still.Looking forward to finding out real estate part of scam???Pistolpackinpete

. . . if he can't figure out that the anonymous calls are something to do with his investigation of Commissioner Buske. The author is being lazy here. The marriage of Hobbs and his wife is initially shown to be so loving and strong that it is inconceivable that it could fall apart so easily after a few malicious phone calls from an anonymous source. If it was necessary to split them up for a while for plot reasons, then the author should have worked a little harder to come up with a more convincing scenario.

He has been up front with her about his concerns. And she's trying to bluff her way out. His wife has a secret, any guesses?

annon fuctards, atleast read the whole story before commenting.

--k.k. fan.

Possibly Boske's secret lover? Then again maybe she's a cheater.

This is a gem. Five stars. Her decision to separate seems extreme and indicates she must be having an affair. Sounds like she needs space to bring the affair to an end or decide if she wants to leave hubby. Love the storyline.

I haven't yet read the following parts of the tale, but find this one good so far. But, it's also annoying: the guy's a cop, he's getting these phone calls about his wife, he realizes she might be cheating on him ... and he does nothing? Weeks go by, he keeps getting the warning calls, and he never tries to follow her, or bug her car, or make any effort to find out what is going on? In my mind, he's seriously losing credibility.

Is she cheating - I sure hope not

Are they fucking with him to discredit him or distract him??

Let's see -

Carrie said there was a conflict with the meeting room, but the guy who answered the phone said that he was the only one in the building. So where was the conflict?

And I understand how it could be humiliating and so on, but why NOT show him her pussy? If she has nothing to hide, why hide?

As Anonymous 03/11/07 says, why is she so defensive? If she is HALFWAY reasonable she has to see that between the calls, her INCREASED activities and not being where she is supposed to be, that he would be fool NOT to have suspicions, no matter how much he trusts her, and she does neither of them any good buy getting her back up. And how is a separation going to help? He is already suspicious, now they’re not even going to be sleeping under the same roof? Now THAT’S going to reassure him! As TiggerToo says, “TELL THE TRUTH!”

And as others have said, why hasn't he simply followed her?

Why couldn't he just follow her or check up in some other way. He seems clueless and deserves all he gets whether she is cheating on him or is being set up. I wish writers would not make their main characters so thick - it is very annoying. 1*

He also appears to be such a wimp accepting the fact she will not discuss their marriage problems with him, again whether she is cheating or not. If she is not cheating then why does she not sit down with him to try and improve their marriage. Her first reaction is to separate, hardly the response of a caring, loving wife. Ditch her whatever her motivations unless she is on some sort of undercover operation to expose fraud or something and she cannot reveal it.

she's an ass. If you are not where you are supposed to be, over and over again, you'd best set your partner's mind to rest as to where you are. If it had been once, it would be understandable. But to become combative helps no one, reduces communication still further, and increases suspicion.

Kind of like when one partner goes missing. If I'm innocent, you can bet I'd make my whereabouts and goings-on known to the police so as to allay suspicions, become less of a person of interest, and they can spend more time chasing less obvious suspects.

I repeat, she's an ass.

especially if he is supposed to be a detective.

we started with a suspicious suicide: did the crime scene folks find anything? what about the coroner?

the first time he received a mysterious phone call I can see him waiting to see what happened next. but after the 2nd, shouldn't he be checking her cell phone, the call records to the house, her email accounts, and at least do a drive by to her meeting locations?

it should not be difficult for the department to check the financial records of the city clerk, his office and his personal accounts to see if he paid the difference on the expense reports himself or if the auto parts vendor did.

if ross can see his location with a tracking device why doesn't he use a similar device on the car his wife drives?

and, and, and,

Why didn't Lt. Barney/Brian Hobbs file a report against Capt. Ross for Gross Negligence, Contaminating A Crime Scene, and Interfering In A Criminal Investigation? Now that Hobbs knows the name of the Real Estate Broker involved with CSC, why doesn't he mention his name to Mrs. Boland and see if it rings any bells. I am wondering if the 'railroad tie cabin' that Hobbs and Hanratty made as kids plays any significant role in the story? I don't trust Carrie. I think by referring to Brian as 'Barney' instead of his name or 'Fred', she is subconsciously admitting to her husband that she is cheating. Why didn't Hobbs tail or stakeout Carrie when he first became suspicious? Where is the FBI during all of this? Too many lose ends. Your story is unraveling into a hodgepodge of ho-hum.

I like this writer and think he's a good storyteller. But, this first part is slow and a little insulting to the reader. Why IS'NT the hero trying to find out who is messing with his marriage? He's a detective, for heaven's sake! And, why isn't his wife being more cooperative about her movements. It just feels like a cheap set of plot devices to create false drama. Sorry.

He's supposed to be a detective but has no clue about his wife's movements, the caller or even allowing himself to be traced in the car. Shakes head, really spoils the whole story.

Oh yeh his only recourse is to get drunk...

So, so intriguing. I love a well written mystery.

Too bad it is marred by a skilled DETECTIVE tipping his hand about the mysterious calls instead of INVESTIGATING. Thinking about this gaff distracted me from the plots.

Paul in Oklahoma

A shame that he just acted completely spineless and accepted them living apart rather than suggesting counselling as he had thought about.

Living apart doesn't strengthen a marriage, it just get them used to living apart

I'm enjoying this series. As for the problems in the marriage caused by the phone calls, I think it's all set up by the Captain and whoever it is that is colluding with the CSC contract thing. All to keep him too upset to work on the case.

Love the story.

My gut is telling me she is fucking the commissioner. Now time to read more and find out. FIVE*****

To say this guy is supposed to be a detective is a joke. He should have checked out his wife on the QT and then confronted her with the evidence. I think as a writer you are insulting all detectives.

How is he a detective and taking this crap and calls so lightly

But a really stupid far from believable job of investigating his wife. Knocked it from a five to a three.

I'm very interested in the next chapter. 5* so far.

With respect

DG Hear

Have to give it a 3 only because this so called detective has got to be one stupid cop. Put a GPS on her auto. VAR in her car you just might find out something. DUH

Because you had him hit the bottle as soon as trouble surfaced and he is acting like such a dumb-ass.

You portray him as a great detective but I doubt that he could find his ass at night even using both hands

Aren't there like a gazillion things a detective could do to have his wife tracked or followed? Or to get traces on his phone?

I'm really enjoying this story. I have to agree with most of the comments. This guy seems like the most ignorant civilian there ever was. He's a freakin Police Lieutenant. This should have been over before dinner.

This woman is an asshole. No conversation about what's going on, just a separation demand. Jettison her, she ain't worth shit, cheating or not. She could care less about him.

you ruined this story..He is a cop.He had the means to find out if there was anything to the phone calls..very bad move by you the author..you lost credence and me as a reader,I can't suffer fools.

a 5 star story dropped to 3 stars on a blunder too large to overlook...JZK..

I concur with everyone below to the point that regarding a DECTIVES failure to use surveillance, BY himself, to determine where his wife I'd and what's she's doing. Challenging her to show him her pussy to prove her innocence is beyond ludicrous. Any women would be incensed by this. Further he has done nothing but accuse her, unremittingly of cheating without any objective evidence other than a voice who refuses to give him any concrete direction to support her allegation. This is a plot gaff that derails what, upto this point, has been a very engaging story.

My God sir, how could you go off the rails this way???

An Investigator that suddenly can’t even perform investigation 101? It makes look like he couldn’t find a stray dig while standing in the middle of the city pound.

It was a very intriguing story to that point, now one has to wonder if the Detective is just a legend in his own mind.

Also not considering that his lojacked police vehicle might be noticed by someone interested in knowing what he’s doing? Seriously? Most tracking services notify dispatch when a police vehicle sits stationary for extended periods outside “normal” locations, times, etc. It is almost like he wants to be noticed doing something unusual.