All Comments on 'Broken Pieces'

Well written. I thoroughly enjoyed your presentation of both the highs and lows of sex. The build up was perfect and left me wanting lots more. Congrats on such a well composed and written story.

What can I say, I liked the development of the story, the personae etc.

I just love happy endings, and I would have liked it if the love she found would spur Roxie to get out of the awful rut she is in and realize her potential. I think that in real life this might be possible.

Thank you for sharing the story with us

I really love your story and would love an epilogue. Your story is so much more than a sex story. I hope her journey to be a better person continue; I would like to see her do something else instead of working where she is right now. I think that he would make an amazing father! Great story! Please continue.

Forget the mistakes. Your story really moved me, and I've read a lot of stories. Editing would help, but if you can write again this well then do it. I am envious of your story telling ability.

Intelligent and sensitive story. Very well written indeed. The characters really come off the page as compelling and (ironically) complete people. The result is we care about them and their flaws. It is also refreshing that the revelation of their love doesn't solve all of life's problems at once! I become a little tired of reading stories where the characters solve the problems of a forbidden relationship by become conveniently rich, in a very cliched American way, and hiding away in a big respectable house. This can become banal - and has weakened many otherwise excellent stories. Reading this, one felt that these two will address life by working together, rather than retreating from the world behind a wall of money. You could easily have made them inherit a fortune when the parents died, but chose not to: the story is far stronger as a result!

This deserves a sequel. Sure there were a few errors in the story and it would benefit from more editing but it was AWESOME!!! I think that this story should be continued. Have her quit her job and stick it to that asshole like she did to her "date" that fucker deserved to have more than just his nuts smashed in. Have her brother escort her to her job and quit her job. Make her boss grab her or something, then have her brother beat the living shit out of him.

You wrote a great story: Great character development, build up, plot, Roxie's insecurities, desire and hot sex scenes. There were minor mistakes but the overall work merit compliment. Please keep this series going. Thanks for your work.

The descriptions were fantastic but the dialogue seemed stiff and not realistic because people usually use contractions when they speak - "I'm" instead of "I am",

"We'll" instead of "We will", etc.

You handled the subject matter well. Good work.

Dale needs to be murdered. If i was andy, i will do that and escape on the retard rsn.

I actually liked the story more because of Roxie's personal growth than the sexual content. I wouldn't want a sequel, though. You've said everything that needs to be said for these characters. Anything else would be anticlimactic.

I think there were a few loopholes in the story (All of sudden, under developed brother turns out to be a full grown man) and a little too many grammatical mistakes than a writer should allow. Else the story was worth a read. Oh and, in the middle of fucking the place changed from Kitchen to the bathroom.

just okay,found it to long winded early,then just ended it,you didn't tie up loose ends,so you need to write chapter 2 ,What happened in regards to her boss,her work,her brother etc etc

Yes, your spelling and grammar are rough, but readable. This is not so much a sex story, but a very human story. We are all broken pieces, searching for our missing parts. Thank you for finding these words to express the needed healing.

Continue on in your writing, please.

ST

on so many levels it was abuse, wrong, and more than disgusting.

can you imagine this being written from the opposite perspective? If a brother took in his sister and did the same to her?

There is NOTHING erotic or even mildly stimulating about this!

i loved it! i could feel the emotion. that is why i read incest stories the added bond that is so hard to find in a normal relationship,unconditional love. thanks for taking the time to write it!

I loved it. Wasn't sure I would, but it was so much better than I expected! I look forward to reading more of your stories. :-)

Needs an epilogue, and some minor edit.

An awesome submission...thanks!

Thank you, your story struck a cord that would not let go. I look forward to reading more of your work!

Your story was a beautiful one of a very special love.

It was heart warming but sad at the same time. I enjoyed the story very much.

Thank you

WD

I thought this was going to be a story about a girl who gets fucked hard and then her brother watches in the corner. Good story, im glad it didn't happen the way I thought it would. Can't wait to read more from you. :)

An awesome piece! Loved the detail!

I was put off by the boss's behavior in the first sequence. It really bugged me. Sorry.

Your story actually made me think a little bit about my own self-hatred and made me re-evaluate my own desires for sex, as I too sometimes crave the self-validation that Roxie does on an unhealthy level. Never realized that until I read you story. I also connected with Andy very strongly. Everyone else here has said the obvious things about your editing and such. That's fine. Just needs polishing.

My 2 cents: I think that my incredible empathy for Roxie stems from her thought process, which you have written excellently. Most of "Broken Pieces'" narrative is entirely inside Roxie's head. An introvert, like myself, does this a lot, where they reflect on their own thoughts and think about their actions, remulling them and expanding on them. So to tell a story like that, from this introverted style, really speaks to me a lot.

Thank you.

The first scene with the boss was great. Not that I like how he treated her. But I was ok edge and my heart went out to her. That being said I wish you had resolved or for a more suitable end for her and her boss's interaction. I kind of want to see her stand up for herself a bit towards him or her bro back her up in someway. Either way good story.

I couldn't quite get past the first page. I haven't read about the brother yet, but the sister's thought process seemed to fit the description of the brother.

If you would like I can help you with editing.

I have been a fan of your writing for awhile but I wasn't sure when I saw this story how it would go. Very well done, I enjoyed the story from the first word to the last. Keep up the great work!

Your writing is so deep and your charactors are three dimensional. The emotion you have the participants display transend erotica. I read these for the erotic content, obviously, but once into the story, that became secondary. Lily and Lizzy and Lizzy and Lori, Roxie and Andy etc. are people I wish I could meet.

I hope you continue to write. I, for one, will be watching for more.

W R James (1direwolf)

I'd like to re-iterate what 1direwolf said in his comment, mostly because it was said in a way that I can't better. I haven't read a single story of yours that's disappointed me yet and for that, and the wonderful worlds you create with amazing characters populating them I give you my thanks. Oh, and thanks to 1direwolf as well, for writing the comment that I wanted to be able to.

This story is so much more than a fap fest. Wonderful job! I actually found myself caring about the welfare of the characters!

You've outdone yourself with this story. I guess two halves do make a whole.

This was a very beautiful and moving story. I wish we could have found out that Roxie stood up to Dale or some how informed his wife of his infidelity.

Beautiful story. Thank you. Please write more.

Enjoyed from start to finish.

Thank you for your work on this!

did she quit the job with the prick boss?

Liked this story from start to finish and wow she was sure being used badly by her boss boss. Good job

A good read. Not just sex. Thanks!

Wow - that was honestly really touching. "I am outraged! I came here for internet smut, not feelings!" Darn it. I really did like this. I know this will probably never have a followup, but I have to admit I would love to see one.

Now I want to hear more of their story. You do a great job of building characters with depth. Thank you.

This is the second time I’ve read this story .. I loved it .. the characters were really well done and I’m glad it ended happily .. thanks ..

Loved it from the point after the hospital setting and the funeral. It is true sometimes two broken people can make one whole unit. You have hit a home run. Incest in wrong in many eyes, But sometimes it works and has ever since time began. It's just not spoken as it is on this site. Speaking from a point of view that had a very loving relationship with what became a step sister. That was many years ago. We were young and both hurt and with love and knowing every part of each other we overcame so much hurt and pain both of us now in our 60's have had a great life and not together but still very close even knowing that our Mother and Father have both pasted on. Just a few thoughts I needed to let fly.

Reader in Florida

Wow, wonderful story! Very moving!

Having worked with mentally handicapped people, you hit the mail on the head with your character description.

I too would like to see more of their story.

I empathize a lot with this girl. Feelings of no self worth combined with being too popular with guys resulted in many soulless encounters for me to the point where I felt it was all I was good for and I was so unhappy but couldn’t stop. I also never reached a peak during any of those encounters. Until I got with my now boyfriend of 10 years when that all changed, because I love him and he adores me. The sweetest kindest guy and polar opposite of all previous guys. I have never looked at another guy since and would do anything for him. So I absolutely get this story...this girl could be me!

5 stars

Big dramatic story.

It's worth the crater to dopovnit, as Roxy used her new understanding of her life and not values.

I hope she kicked Dale in the balls. The scariest thing for a jerk like that is revealing his secret to his wife. He's a coward and used Roxy to prove herself. Roxy needs to be compensated by Dale and Rich. Change jobs. Go with her brother to another place perhaps where it's warm and the ocean.

This story is right up there at the top of my list of best stories I’ve read on Literotica. Albeit rare, when I find a story of this caliber it takes forever to read because I keep going back a bit to reread the best parts…this one absolutely took me the longest. It was so much more than erotica, it was SO human! I’ve learned (& accepted) long ago that no one is “normal”, we are all fucked up. Some more, some less, but all of us have our secret issues which we mentally refer to (& file away) as our little “pet-peeves”, (yeah, right). This writing spoke to that point clearly & concisely.

This story touched me and was simply outstanding! To that point, I find myself so very impressed with you (even though I know nothing of you) for what you must possess inside to have created it. Bravo!

Very good story. So true in Manny things. We don't always know how others are or why they do certain things. Feel sorry that her parents could show her love but at least her brother was there for her.

Excellent story that cries out for a follow up, Radomir1, said what I was thinking.

This is a touching story!!!! It proves how our society continues to view adult men and women with Intellectual disabilities are viewed to be non-sexual beings but when given a chance, aduls with Intellectual disabilities can be amazing lovers and life partners.. I would love to see a follow up to this story. I would like to see there love for each other flourish and have them move out of that dingy apartment and into a comfortable home. Also, I would like to see Roxie get out of that meaningless job far away from the dirty scoundrel(s) she currently works for and have a job that is meaningful and fulfilling as well as have children. Andy would be an amazing Dad!!!!!

This was a very good and well written story.I enjoyed reading every word. I wish you all the success you get and deserve. Your presentation of each moment kept me intrigued. Good luck with fu

ture stories to come.

Thank you

James K.

Beleivable.

Your insight is a nice compliment to the hot sex! Keep up the good work

This could have been me, the unloved black sheep, playing second fiddle to my elder sister who became a champion dancer who could do no wrong. The son of immigrants, I never went hungry and always had a warm bed but without an extended family and no love at home, I became an introvert with no direction in life. Now the father of three, the grandfather of four and great grandfather of three, I live alone with my nearest family over 1000 kms away. If only I had a caring sister……………

I am 83. I have a lady friend who has always told me "I love you; and there's nothing you can do about it." (which is to say - unconditionally) Now I understand - - and I have always managed to love that way - - - I have just never found "a sister" (someone to share it with).

Being completely honest, this was beautiful. Thank you for writing this.