All Comments on 'Cam's Coterie'

I hope you read this. I really like your stories. You create great characters and worlds but there a few problems. The first is that you rush things. This plays out in how easy it always is for you protagonists to conquer the day and the lack of depth in the sex and in your characterizations. You sometimes try to get round this by repeating yourself but thats not depth. You could take the time the develop the story and characters. Tbh i am okay with the sex not having detail but you are good at it when you do so its strange your don't let yourself go properly. Don't get wrong, I am not advocating for non stop sex or anything like that. The second thing, which i referred to earlier, is that there is no true tension in your stories. I am never afraid for your characters, even for a moment. Case in point, a new half demon a week into his powers with only 2 lovers just managed to destroy a full coven of witches that have survived millenia without barely breaking a sweat. Like, what then can be a threat? And it like this in all your stories. I love your work. Hope this helps. -whitewhalehunter

Actually made me log in to compliment the story line

An interesting take on the fantasy harem with originality reminiscent of Bioware in the good old days.

5*

I think you have the bones of a really great arc laid out here in these first pages. I urge you to flesh them out and develop this world, these characters, in this story. I would also encourage you to think about what whitewhalehunter (anonymous #1) wrote about slowing down your story.

I look forward to reading more of your work, and especially more of this particular adventure.

Thanks for your fine work!

Mel

Really enjoyed this. Thank you.

This story is amazing its definitely in the top 5 I've ever read but why can't they move into the old witches house I mean they are gonna do the same thing and its a nice place where he can protect his family and have space for it to grow

Thanks for the story. It is a great start of would be a great story. Please write more sooner. Like Faith, I have no control over but being compiled to attach with the characters and it's awesome.

This is my ideal harem theme where MC is strong and has morals, (as Magicwrtrnsaid) more assertive, treats the females as equals, and where the females are strong and ambitious. Only thing that's missing for me is when the females are involved with each other too 😏

I hope you post the next part soon

Nicely written.

Not sure about bra sizes being known in this type of civilisation, but minor thought.

First page or so it was the Eternal Coven. Then it changed to Immortal Coven. Also Cassia changed to Cassie. These don't toss me out but they do annoy me.

With heavy editing it would be more concise and an truly great story.

Well, don’t like to criticise, you guys write your stories, I read. I’m writing though because my you kept mentioning needing somewhere to stay and an income. You have just emptied a mansion...you have also emptied a cellar, almost and left a group of thieves leaderless. Keep the thieves if only as spies, but they can also be an income stream. What about their current stores of loot. For someone supposed to be good at thinking on his feet, our hero seems a bit dull?

To other commenters complaining about bra sizes. Where did this story say it was earth? Also do your own research bras are very recent, knickers are only a couple of hundred years old. Can you critics describe a boob better than usung bra cup sizes? Thanks again.

Thank you so much for another amazing story! It'll be interesting to read how Cam will develop and become wiser.

Thanks for the great story and I enjoyed it a lot but there was one thing that bothered me. I really hated that Lysa's first time with Cam was skipped over. I was so looking forward to it then all I get is a small and quick description of it!!! One of the things that I've always hated seeing in harem stories is when that happens. I can understand it when they have already been together for a while but not when its their first time.

5/5 solid harem, with minor complaints.

The bra size thing, yeah... Also, more physical

variety always appreciated. Big and bigger boobs doesn't really qualify. In particular, fox elves should be more on the lithe and athletic side of things imo. I mostly mention my desire for slim ladies in these comments (especially years after the fact) in the hope that other authors consider that busty and curvy are far from a universal preference. Athletic tomboy are just as "built for sin" as any top heavy woman.

Lysa is nice but kind of doesn't count since she's basically a side piece.

My biggest gripe is the hard "no" on any Sapphic action.

Still, definitely jumping into book 2.

OK, someone owes us a sequel. 😃