All Comments on 'Champions Vol. 01'

I love your idea and your execution!

I will be keeping my eyes open and my ear to the ground for the next update.

There are no pages 38-40 in this posting as you mentioned in the prologue. Interested in the next installment in the series.

Thank you.

Did you get the inspiration from magicwrtr's story flame of Cynthia. In which, when the war god gave the battle knowledge to the clergy(as far as I remember) at the expense of his magic from the existing god but still he got his ass kicked by his own general!

You sir, are a truly remarkable writer. I really enjoyed your tale and hope to see more of it in near future.

Thank you for writing.

Best of luck!

Will it be in a single chunk like this one, or in smaller chapters - like this was the first time?

Oh, and awesome job, as always. :-) 5*

Fseries:

I apologize for the confusion. It’s Chapters 38-40, which starts on page 35.

WhitePaint:

Yes, FOC is one of the inspirations for this story, as are ‘Going Feet First’ by DarkPulse, ‘Disposable Hero’ by Bokhun, the incomplete series ‘New Life in a New World’ by Johneb87, and the movies ‘A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court’ (1949) and 'Outlander' (2008). This is a genre that I have always enjoyed, but I find sadly under-represented in literature (at least quality-wise). So I decided to write this series.

GrandPaM:

I will only release the story in novel length sizes, like this (100k-140k words). Part of my writing style involves constant revision, so if I were to release it in smaller segments then I run the risk of either writing myself into a corner, or irritating my readers with the constant changes and updates to previous releases. That was why I struggled for so long with the decision to separate the story I envisioned as Volume 2 into two separate volumes (now Vol 2 and Vol 3). The first 25% of Vol 3 is already written, and the story from there just builds on the foundation I’ve already crafted, so I felt safe in separating and releasing Volume 2 (113k words).

I apologize for the long wait. Part of the issue is that life interfered, but a larger part was that Volume 2 and 3 involved a much more complicated story (actually six separate storylines) which has to line up correctly so that all the parts intersect at the correct moments. I also had to spend a significant amount of time researching ancient Greek and Egyptian martial culture. Volume 2 is being edited now, and will be submitted no later than May 8th (plus 3-4 days from submission to posting) so start looking for it on May 11-12. I have a few major life events coming up this summer, so I doubt I will finish and release Vol 3 until the fall, but I will continue to post monthly updates on my profile.

I want to reiterate my commitment to this series and all of you. Champions will not become another abandoned story on Literotica, I won't allow it. It might be 2026 before the finale (Vol 10) gets posted, but as long as Lit is here then this story will be as well.

Very wonderful! Look forward to the next Volume.

Semper Fidelis

-V

Stories like this one are the reason I come back to this site day after day. Good pacing of the story. Long enough to make it worth the read. Not just a page or two every couple days/weeks/months. Depth to your characters. And as a fellow veteran I want to meet and be friends with "kenny" . I fucking love this guy. Brilliant work my friend keep em coming very much looking forward to the next bit of their adventure.

Fantastic job, one of my favorites I have read here. So many thoughts from the time I began reading it, I don't know if I can put them all down. I'm glad Laurena started to come around before the end of the volume, I would have been a little sad if she had stayed so selfish. Nice twist that David is the Creator's champion. Will Eros have another champion to be a companion? It seems like the Creator is playing favorites in this way, a bit, or maybe he agrees with Eros' way of things. The story got me thinking about the love everyone theme, and I realize I staunchly found myself in the middle; not so magnanimous, or in other words I would be jealous in David's shoes, I would want to protect my own. At the same time, I want to see the good in others, I'm much more of a pacifist; things are hard to reconcile, and I guess that's the point. Sometimes the descriptions get a little technical for me, but I guess I can slow down to understand them on the 2nd reading. Thanks again for this wonderful read, and wishing you all the best as you wrap up the next volume(s). Eagerly awaiting!

I just have one question: is Enyo's champion named Goliath?

Anonymous 1:

Laurena is Eros' Champion. It was stated at the end of Ch 40 (pg 37).

Anonymous 2:

His name is not Goliath, nor will he be named in Volume 2. However, there are hints as to his genetic and cultural heritage in the next volume. I'm interested to see how many people catch it and suggest culturally appropriate names. ;-)

Hard to stop reading even when I had to leave. Am totally into this story and anxiously awaiting the next installment!

Waited a long time for the second chapter but really enjoyed the reright. Looking forward to the next chapter.

Enjoyed it very much. I hope you continue soon.7F89

I have submitted Champions Vol. 02 to the Literotica Gods. It will likely be three-to-four days before it is published. 115k words, so a little bit smaller than Vol. 1.

This story is amazing! Thanks for the effort you've put in!

Cheers

Xen

I don`t know how it is in US army. But as far as I know from our own armed service (an eastern European country that i won`t say which one) soldiers get issued with two loaded clips and a lot more bullets in a box so they can reload the clips themselves. Not as you say in the story with allot of already loaded clips. That is as much to cut down equipment cost as to cut down carry weight.

Muadib89

First, love the name (Frank Herbert is the frickin MAN).

Second, one of the first things I did when I sat down to write this story was assemble as accurate a recollection as I could of what I carried in Afghanistan. Not just the basic loadout, but what was actually in my rucksack and on my person during these missions. There are still a few esoteric items that have yet to make an appearance, but ultimately everything David has actually went with ME on the type of mission described at the beginning of this novel. The total carry weight was over 120lbs.

My only defense (if you can even call it that) is that I fully realized I packed WAY to much. It was heavy as hell, but I was the one carrying it through the mountains of Afghanistan. The guy on our team that carried the WP grenade to destroy it all if everything went to shit didn't go on the mission in question (either in this story or the actual day it was based on), thus the absence of a scene where David used said WP to destroy what he couldn't carry.

Loved it the first time. Ecstatic about the re-hash. 10 chapters?...oh be still my beating heart!

I was looking forward to the publication of this new edition and the next chapter, but I had the fatality of having a heart attack last month, and I stayed in the hospital for a week, without having access to the Internet.

Now that I am a little better, I have reread this chapter and I am going to start reading Vol. 2.

I must say that I am neither a citizen of the United States nor a military officer of my country, but my knowledge of the English language, and weapons, began with my friendships in the US VI fleet, so I know the military terminology, at the level of the navy, air force , and to a lesser extent, the army. This makes it easier for me to understand many phrases in this story, as well as having friends and colleagues who were in Vietnam (when I was a teenager) and Afghanistan more recently, so I know what post-traumatic stress is, Indirect (although I have also gone through 2 personal experiences with the weapons, both traumatic, I have not reached the stress levels of the combatants).

Having explained this, I want to congratulate the author on his work (magnificent from my point of view) and thank him for sharing it.

5 * for you.

I apologize for my English (yet and forever), isn't my native language.

Absolutely great, even if it did take me a couple of days to finish. I can already say your story is rapidly becoming my second favorite behind Tefler and "Three Square Meals". Both of your writing styles are great. I'm getting my sci-fi fix there and my fantasy fix here. Keep it up. Now on to volume 2

Why the hell can't they just show the fuck up and put all the confusion to rest?! Imagine this conversation:

Eros: Hey Dave, you're here because I'm a God and decided to make you come here to save my realm. I can probably get half a dozen of your buds to show up as well if you need them to do the ass kickin' I'd like you to do. Laurena here is gonna show you around and help you out when she can, but she can be a TRULY whiny bitch...cope. Lemme show you I'm a God: here's home, and here's where you are now (picture of earth and wherever the hell he is now on a big projection in the air). I think I can get you all the extra ammo you need to get the job done as well...Ah fuck it I'm a god. All your weapons will be perpetually loaded and function flawlessly. Go kick ass and take names!

Dave: Cool, I'll get you a list of names. Hey, can I call in air support? What about when I get your ass kickin' done, can you send me home with or without Laurena (depending on how whiny she's been and how much we like fucking each other)?

Eros: Done, dude.

Only on p. 10 of the story and "The GODS" were pissing me off!

Do us all a favor and shut the hell up. You are not the one who is writing and posting stories on this website. But if you have to be criticizing people's work. Do it in a more constructive way and not in the way of a jackass.

I stumbled across this story the other day and before I knew it, it was 3am!

I loved the characters and really sympathised with David as he reacted to the cultural misunderstandings with Laurena. I could feel his seething frustration with Astinus as the bastard stuck David with that ill-deserved penance! Making me empathise with the characters that much is a testimony to your writing skill, so excellent work!

Also, Sapphire is a babe! :-)

Really looking forward to getting stuck into Volume 2.

Tremendous writing debut, especially if this is your first work. /tips hat.

Tefler

Airgod:

Thank you for the kind words. While I don’t feel that my work is nearly as good as TSM, any comparison between myself and Tefler both humbles me and fills me with joy. If only I could someday be that good.

Anonymous:

Hopefully you made it past p.10 and all your concerns were addressed, but if not let me know. This story is written in a manner that shares many of the emotions that I felt both on deployment in Afghanistan and after my return, and I am glad to see that it was well written enough to evoke those emotions in others. The frustration you felt over “The Gods” dicking over David is only a small taste of what it is like to be a soldier in a warzone, hamstrung by Rules of Engagement that are written by people who have never experienced enemy fire, make no sense, and WILL end up getting someone on your side killed…maybe a close friend, maybe you. I hope this helps you to understand that this story intentionally provokes your ire…because that is what it feels like to be an American soldier on the battlefield.

Tefler:

[Mumbles to self: Okay be cool bro, just because your favorite author likes your work does not give you permission to geek out. Deep breath…and respond intelligently…]

OH MY GOD TEFLER LIKES MY STORY!

[Mumbles to self again: Shit. That could have gone better. Recover, recover, recover!]

Thank you for your kind words, and I am glad to hear that you enjoyed it. I was completely honest that this was my first work of fiction (although I may have written a short story in elementary school 25+years ago as an assignment, but that was a long time ago and I don't really remember). This story actually started out as therapy, so the emotions are all real. In order to pour my issues onto the page I was forced to first examine them in detail, which may be why this story has affected so many. I am really not sure. My Bachelor’s Degree is in Psychology, and I only ever took technical writing classes, not creative writing, so I have no formal education that helps me with writing. I just love to read, and after nearly 30 years of devouring well written fiction my writing is simply an advanced form of “monkey see, monkey do.”

I spent more than 7 hours [it's probably closer to 17 hours but no one's counting right?] of my life reading vol.01 and the original but it was worth it. This story / series / book will be Legen....wait for it [blame Stinson for this]....dary, Legendary!!

Don't go silent on us as a few authors have done....

Now for vol.02.

I just finished rereading volume 1 still am very impressed love the storyline hope to is as great a volume and you keep up the great work

Paps

Just re-read this story and it's Awesome!

Seriously pls don't stop writing.your story so far is epic as hell.im about to start part 2.and nice plot twist with David's status at the end!I totally didn't see that coming and that's rare.

At my age of 74 and your rate of publication I shall be unable to read all that you have planned to write.

Fantastic writing, brother. Some grammatical errors here and there, but absolutely none that detract from the story.

I wasn't a grunt, but Afghan sucked balls none the less.

Onto Volume 2!

Thanks - I really enjoyed your story. It was a very clever merging of two very different types of tales. I appreciate the effort to create a big story like this.

Monthly updates are a bit late, I know it ends on a cliffhanger at this point but I hope you return to writing in the future.

Truly an epic saga which I hope to see the conclusion of.

I like this and have read it in its entirety. I enjoy the fact that the MC keeps his guns.

2 problems

The baddy is named "shadowmaster whisper" that is pure silliness

The fact that all priests and priestess of Eros are whores and the biggest hoe of the lot is getting added to the harem is a bit off too

Just found this and am most pleased. Definitely long but it certainly kept my attention.

I had trouble putting this one down, I can't wait to start vol 2. Great attention to detail.

I, for one, cannot wait for future chapters of your story. For an inaugural effort, it's better than many, if not most, of the stories on this website regardless of the author's experience. Keep it up!

its true, i just couldn't stop reading, thank you so much for a truly enjoyable experience, i will be following this tale with all my heart........thank you

I wonder if his favorite energy drink is Rip It...

Excellent story, I really enjoyed reading this story and look forward to part 2. 5*

Almost stopped reading when I realized I was going to have to put up with the whore being a major character. Stopped reading when he caved to the priest.

Great fun, rollicking read!... In that inestimable canopy of unbirthed greatness as Teffler's THREE SQUARE MEALS. I absolutely devoured the story the first time I was fortunate to come across it by chance. I tip my literary hat to you, ScreamingEagle!

Gondwanaman

Wow. Incredible fantastic story.

Well done - really looking forward to vol.2.

Thank you!

Awesome I wonder if this is on Amazon. Be great if it was illustrated.

While I may disagree with some of the themes, this story was well written and interesting. 5 stars. Thanks