All Comments on 'Cheating Spouse'

to see your stories again , this one was a bit out there but I liked it . Keep up the good work .

DG, I always enjoy your stories. Although this one may have been a little bit "far out", I still enjoyed the hell out of it. It was definitely a Five Star read. Thanks for all you do.

You can write better than this. The plot wasn't a problem for me, I'm used to wild fantasy. The problem was the style. Too choppy, too simplistic, it read like it was written by a teenager (only with better grammar). I kept reading because the characters and plot were interesting, but it was hard going through most of it.

This was okay, but the superpower part didn't work for me. I think there was the implication that Sam in fact was the one who killed the lovers (and fulfilling his other wishes), and if so, that certainly would be much more interesting. But if so, it was far too subtle.

There´s NO superpowers.He telled Sam his wish to have the 3 guys killed...

Great plot!

cheers,

Old BBD

Loved the hell out of it, very evocative. Did he really have super powers? He believes he did, but I believe you left some room for doubt. Perhaps a combat trained Samantha or Tony or his father, or some of Tony's fathers associates all could have lent a silent helping hand in the demise of Marks tormentors. Creating a reality gap (did he or didn't he have super powers) just makes the story that much more titillating and enjoyable. It also shows how a real man takes care of business, just because he isn't strong, and doesn't know how to throw a punch or a kick, doesn't mean he's a coward that doesn't know how to fight, it just means he had to create the rules of engagement and choose his own time and place. Or maybe what comes around goes around, Karma? He was a good guy and either his friends or mysterious forces (divine intervention perhaps?) took care of business for him.

i loved this story. keep up the awesome work

Just one damn good story. "Thank You" for a damn good read.

enjoyable read, well done

You know we were all waiting for Sam to wink at Tony at the end. The devious conspiracy to help him out ! Ya you Rocked this one totally! I might be wrong but isn't this a new tangent from your usual plot lines? GIVE US ANOTHER ONE all the best from Montreal

The second story I've read today, and like Magmaman's, it's original, well-written, and left me with a smile on my face. Sure, it could have been drawn out a touch more--I think you could've really played on the suspense of whether it was super powers, Tony's dad, or Sam--but it was superb either way.

Keep up the always outstanding job!

I have the impression that the last stories written by DG were done with a different writing style but the stories were all fun. I am waiting to have someone complain that it is an unfinished story! I like being tantalized....

i liked the plot and flow of the story, just would have liked to know what actually made it happen. the "power" to will another person to do something could have been used a lot better, to show marc really had that power or not, as it is now it's all just left in the middle, I feel a bit like I'm missing a part of the story.

Hard to believe people like this story. I found it as just another fairy tale as you rambled on with complete foolishness.

are juvenile at best. That people enjoy this type of writing amazes me.

I liked the fantasy of superpowers playing into the story. It allowed for different scenarios contributing to the various boyfriends' demises.

Was it superpowers?

Was it Sam?

Was it Tony (NYC mob boy paying a debt)?

Or was it coincidence? Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

Good story from an accomplished author. Thanks!

DGH,

Who knows what evil lurks in the souls of mankind ......... or good.

Juvenile, so what. Great story!

We all know now where shit comes from, assholes, anonymous assholes.

thanks for sharing on Lit.

x

I was pleased to see another story from you in the same style I'm accustomed to. You typically write short paragraphs making your stories very readable and making sure that they are relatively fast paced.

This story however, came across very choppy in the telling. The flow was lacking too.

I also had problems with a number of plot elements. The first problem I encountered was the conversation between Mark and his 7 year old daughter. That discussion was completely unbelievable!

No seven year old child would engage in the following conversation:

<i>"You found out she's cheated on you didn't you Daddy? I've known for a while and

tried to keep it from you but I knew someday you'd find out. Can I live with you

Daddy? " said Trina.

"What? You knew your mom was having an affair and didn't tell me? I don't

understand," I said to her.

"Dad, I love you and didn't want to see you get hurt. I figured as long as you

didn't find out it wouldn't hurt you." Even though she was just a kid and seven

years old, she was smart.

"Are you saying you didn't tell me that you knew your mom was cheating on me

because you didn't want me to get hurt? How long have you known about it?" I

asked.

"I've known ever since I saw her with Uncle Joe, a few months ago. I was hoping

it was a one- time thing with him but I later saw her with Warren, what's his

name, the guy at the grocery store. Also she was a little too close to her friends

when we went to parties. I'm sorry Daddy but I knew you would find out some

day. I just wish it was later than sooner." </i>

The story went quickly downhill from there. I had overlooked the entire appearance of Tony de Marco since you were obviously trying to play into an old bias by implying some nefarious connection.

As for the deaths of his wife's lovers that was such overkill that it made little difference knowing who was responsible (if anyone). That plot device would have worked better if the men had not died.

Cheating, while despicable, rarely merits death. How Mark, a man who admits to having participated in gangbangs, saw some moral high-ground in their deaths amazes me.

Overall this was not one of your better stories...but it is good to see you writing again.

It is good to see you posting again but this story wasn't up to you quality. I agree about the daughter's dialog being weird. She sounded more like a 17 year old. I can live with choppy and the fantasy aspect but the spelling and word use were a little rough. None the less it was an ok fun read.

While the story is in good family with some of your other works, there's some "fleshing out" needed. It'll probably make the story a bit longer but a rewrite is definitely in order. You've got a strong story here.

that it is a good thing to have friends like the DeMarcos, father and son, but you said enough to convince me that they were responsible for Susan's three deceased lovers. DGH, when you write a wimp, you really stick with him. If this story is as autobiographical as you made it sound, I sure hope being married to Sam has built you some backbone.

Enjoyed the read; but not your best, as others have said.

ok so here's what i think really happened. you dropped your laptop and all of these unfinished bits of stories that authors have scattered around on their hard drives fell out. not wanting to waste anything you decided to reduce-reuse-recycle them into a cliche catch-all story. this has everything; geeks, gangbangs, mafia, lawyers (why do lawyers and mafia always seem to go so well together),super powers, ptsd, halloween, and a nice and tidy happily ever after ending - sweet. good story, well written however i think a better title would have been 'frankentale.' just a thought.

ab normal jw1

It is nice to have friends, but the coincidence of all three lovers, being killed did stretch the limit a bit. But it was nice to see the good guy win in the end. Thanks from a wimp.

I just wanted to mention that you seem to have transposed the maturity level of the man and his daughter. If the 7 year old daughter had been writing the story, and believing in "superpowers" to protect her father, it would make much more sense.

Also, just so you know, women aren't allowed in combat units in the US Military, so your reference to Sam having spent her initial time in the military in "combat" lacks any basis in reality.

Superpowers were a figment of his imagination made up in order to comfort himself or to make himself feel like he had more control over the situation than he actually did . Not entirely uncommon , he just took it a step further than most would in actually believing it . I dont think Sam actually killed anybody , I think that was done by Tony's fathers associates . DG made the description of Tony and his father deliberately scream Mafioso . Do I think Sam and Tony were in on it together to help him ? yes I do . Saving a mobsters son's life is no small thing to them . and in paying that debt , they were safe as no matter what happened Mark would honestly have no clue about it when questioned . Very clean . I think Sam was just a go between .

You are one of my favorite authors, but I couldn't even finish this. The 7 year old spoke like a 14 year old. No 7 year old would ever say ' I was hoping it was a one time thing'. That was ludicrous. Then you said that Susan never liked Sam. When Sam enters the story, it is the first time he has seen her in 10 years. He met Susan during his senior year and got married within months, and has been married 7 years. The longest he could have known Susan is 8 years. So when exactly did Susan form her opinion of Sam? Maybe I missed an explanation, but I didn't finish the story.

After I stopped grinning I had one thought. Most of the authors here do not have the imagination or the smarts to come up with something like this. Each twist was a story on it's own. I even thought the ex could have done it for a few seconds.People who try to pick it apart miss the fun that the story brings.This one anyway.In the end a few dead fuckers and allot of questions.I liked it. it was cool!

I had the same problem as gravyrug, the phrasing was driving me crazy. The sentences are short, factual sounding declarations and the style runs through the whole story. It sounds like a young person wrote it.

<br><br>I liked the overall story plot but Mark is pathetically wimpy and even worse whiney about his wimpyness. I wanted him to end himself. I understand that you wanted to show a character that was too giving of himself but Mark is just indigestible. He was like stepping in dog crap and the smell lingered as we went through the rest of the story. I don't like people being taken advantage of and usually want to see the scales of justice balanced but I was thinking that Mark deserved to be taken advantage of.

<br><br>The deaths of the 3 jerks is left all muddled. Mark is day dreaming about having a superpower to influence reality. That's probably a common dream among weak willed people. Did he really have such a power? Who knows? The whole idea seems out of place in the story. It's a interesting concept but it just seems dropped in and poorly developed. Did Sam kill the guys? Did Tony kill the guys? Was it all just coincidence? I don't think enough was done to resolve this. Even without coming out to specify what happened each alternative could have been discredited somehow to leave a likely cause. This wasn't done so any thing could have happened. This is dissatisfying.

<br><br>Finally Susan is a pretty nasty villain and after reigning death down on three guys nothing really happens to Susan and she meekly (out of character) moves out of town and becomes an agreeable and moderately nice mother. WTF?

<br><br>I wanted to like the story and I can get behind the idea of a good guy being cruelly used by a bitch. I'm OK with the idea of superpowers. I like revenge for the wrongs done. I like the good guys to win. The pieces are largely there for me to enjoy this story but it didn't hang together for me.

jasonnh and gravyrug are right, but I don't see that much of a difference from many of DGH's previous stories, He's always written in this choppy style, and it does take something away from the enjoyment of the tales to a small extent. However, they all are, as this one is, rather entertaining.

This was a well thought out storyline with innuendoes a plenty. I’m unsure why you choose to have your main character display such a simplistic nature? I know it lends to having him believe in supernatural powers, but I believe we have all at sometime or other, wished for something simular at sometime in our lives. Intellect doesn't stop one wondering about what might be.

****I think you could still have had your bloke more intellectual, without the childish speech pattern he displayed. To me that, and his daughter thinking like a twenty year old, were the only drawbacks for a wonderful tale of all’s well that ends well.

****And while Tony was more than likely the culprit in the demise of the arsehole’s three, Sam doesn’t look too clean herself, nice misdirection to leave one thinking.

****Good work DG keep them coming

****Amanda

your last few stories haven't been up to your usual standard. I know everyone has an occasional bad one and I will be glad to see your return to excellence.

DG, I have been a fan of yours for a long time. You are one of my favorite writers. I'm sorry, but you stumped your toe on this one. The over all story was all right, but come on DG, you know a 7 year old little girl would never have the conversation that Trina had with her dad about Susan cheating. The dialog sounded like two very adult people talking. I know, after a while it gets hard to keep coming up with new ideas for a story, but for my money stories that are almost repeats about coming home early and catching the wife are alright, as that's the way it happens a lot of times in real life. Keep writing. You are normally an interesting author. Just keep in mind that you need to keep things as near to true life as you can.

A little off of the wall, but it made for good reading. a well thought out premise and concept, well written and edited.

Thanks for the good story.

Thank you to everyone for taking of their time to read and comment on my story. To begin I want those who haven't read many of my stories know that I am a total amature. I write strictly for fun.

I pretty much write what comes into my old head. Sometimes it's good, other times not so good. This one was a fun write for the Halloween contest. Every now and then I leave a story open ended and let the readers decide who did what.

I have to say that I love reading the comments. I also learn from them. Sorry about the choppy sentences and the smart seven year old.

I do want you to know that I always give you my best. Sometimes it might not be to your liking, sorry about that. I expect to continue writing till it gets to be a chore. I have another Halloween story ready to go. Hope to submit it by Sunday. I hope you take the time to read and comment. Looks like another Loving wife story.

Thanks again for taking the time to read and comment on my stories, it really is much appreciated.

With respect

DG Hear

DG is it possible to get Tony's phone number. I'd like to talk to him about my ex wife.

Mendon

Only the 3 who men who screwed Susan and taunted Mark got whacked. I like the way the lightning and fall caused the super powers and the other bump on the head took it away. Heck, it was a Halloween story and the witch, Susan, got run out of town. Good story.

There is an old saying, "Those Who Can, Do… Those Who Can’t, Criticize." You clearly have done and continue to so. As for your critics ...........................?

BUT, seeing you wrote it, I had to read the story anyway. I am glad I did. Great story. Thank You for taking your time to writing it for all of us.

How do I respond to so many who seem to think that this is a poorly-written story, when in fact it is probably more a case of its having been poorly-read? At the risk of putting words in DGHear's pen, here are some things that might be considered when reading or re-reading it:

This is, I believe, one of the more brilliant stories on this site. What DGH has done here is to write a story using many standard LW elements, but in a completely original way. This is frequently called innovation.

He has assembled his cast of characters and plot elements in a way that raises a number of red flags throughout the story, but in way that completely mystifies incautious readers, while completely satisfying those who bring a bit more imagination and attention to their reading of it. Here are the arguments that might support this contention:

1. This is in no way a sci-fi or fantasy tale. Of course the protagonist has no special powers. DGH is having fun with us by using the well-used acquisition of Special Powers Through Magical Concussion trope, followed by Loss of Them the Same Way trope. He might just as well have used a radioactive spider, but that isn’t as much fun, and besides, there is no stipulated method for reversing SpiderMan anyway. To test this assertion, note that, aside from the miraculous vanquishing of his enemies, Sam’s kisses are his only evidence that he actually has the supposed powers, and Sam didn’t really need the encouragement.

2. What DGH really wants us to consider are two possibilities: one, that Tony or his Connected Family (read, Da Mob) are acting in his stead, bumping off the guys he so wishes to have bumped off, or, two, that the tough, violence-prone Sam is taking care of business for him. This might, at first seem to be an irresolvable conundrum, until one notices that DGH has cleverly and mercifully given us several ironclad clues that clarify his intentions.

First of all, note that Sam only becomes violent in cases of extreme and IMMEDIATE threat: i.e., when Our Hero is in immediate danger of being wiped out by bullies, and again, when she is in immediate danger of being raped. Sam is not a long-range plotter or strategist, she is a tactician, and tactians do not follow people for months with the intention of offing them to appease their intended significant others. Besides, we have the clear evicdence of Sam’s concern that Our Hero’s ill wishes for his enemies might somehow be endangering if not his immortal soul, then at least his peace of mind and mental health. No, Sam is not the killer.

3. So then, who IS the supreme tactician who avenged the protagonist’s honor? Clearly, given the mode of their deaths was so poetic, it had to be someone with a very black comedy sense of murder—one almost, if you will forgive the ethnic reference, Sicilian in nature. If, for example, Warren had been polo player, he might have first found his horse’s head in his bed before he himself was dispatched.

4. Clearly, if seems to me, either Tony, or, more likely, someone in his family—inspired by the family’s apparent debt to the protagonist’s life-saving act of mercy—simply followed Susan as she made her rounds among her Asshole Lovers, and quietly and efficiently sent them on to whatever their eternal was to be.

The one legitimate complaint I saw was that seven year-old Trina seemed wise beyond her years. Well, perhaps, but perhaps that was a necessary plot device; she needed to smart enough to know what was going on, and young enough so that we, the readers, could be frightened by her vulnerability. This is common writer’s struggle with fictive trade-offs, and I’m not going to be one of those who dares to evaluate how well DGH carried it off. I can only say that I love and admire this story, and that I welcome DGH’s return.

I don't normally read stories in this genre, but the synopsis got my attention. This was a very well written story. I love it when the nice guy DOESN'T finish last. I am so glad I read this story, and am so glad you wrote it.

Thank you.

oh my god this story is wretchedly bad. Bad as in listening to Sarah Plain trying to discuss Iran.

Of course the faggot loser wimp husband had NO super powers.... why is everyone focused on THAT??! , WHO GIVES A FUCK?....

the husband is Just Hateful. He makes my skin crawl. I want to fuck his wife just becuase he IS such a Moron....

BIG CLUE -- when the 7 year old in sthe story is esentially saying

" dad a brain you dumb fuck and grow a pair of balls ..." that is usually a GOOD sign the story has failed.

really DG this was just contemptable drivel ....yeeeeeeeechhhh

I didn't read Harry's comment until after I read the story. I'm glad. The simple truth is Harry is, once again, wrong.

Good story, well written and the good guy won, "with a little help from his friends." Thank you.

I got a kick out of the plot. I liked the happy ending. I mostly liked the characters. Everything was a-ok.

Good luck in the contest.

He may have come on strongly with his comments, but I agree that the male was created as a cowardly, self-pitying dope. Notice that everything done in his favor was done by someone else. The super powers gambit was pretty lame. Also wish that Lit. authors would get a handle on the use of I and me, in their stories.

The whole super powers thing was a little lame but he did suffer two concussions. Kind of strange that those deaths occurred after he discussed them with a Marine that was held in a mental institution for two months for seriously injuring another Marine. I hope he doesn't piss her off. Of course, if they do have any children an one is a boy, he'll be known as "Son of Sam". Mental illness can run in the family. Thanks DG

Sam- like in son of Sam

Sam has been in an asylum

He tells Sam what he "wills" to happen--and it does

There are no such thing as super powers

She has pictures in her possession and knowledge of the murders.

She threatens the ex-wife.

He has an airtight alibi for the murders.

Conclusion--Sam killed those men.

I have to be honest. I've read a lot of your stories and this one wasn't up to your normally strong writing.

The story was rather erratic. I appreciated the overall plot and theme. But the super power device seemed forced. What was the point of having Tony a part of the story? Trina's super maturity at 7 years of age didn't jibe with reality. And it would have been nice to see more character development of Sam.

Don't know about the others, but I DID like not knowing. Was it Sam? Was it Tony, his father and cohorts? Did they collaborate. Was it bad Karma? The whole super-powers thing was clearly his own concussion based confusion. A nice little literary ride. And with nearly 50 comments, it certainly stirred up the readers. Thanks. And good luck in the contest!

Mark told Sam about his wishes on how he would like Susan's lovers to die and then the way things happened in the office between the women. Makes a person really wonder about how and who killed them. Great story!!! Look forward to reading more stories by you.

He was weak and couldn't fight but he wasn't a wimp. I wish he did divorce earlier but it's a good ending. I'm not sure: how is Tony relevant to the story??

The mystery is if he really had super-powers, or if he developed schizophrenia or something like in the movie Fight Club.. or if Sam or even Susan were behind the murders. I doubt it would be Susan, but I'm not sure, because a Black Widow may want some cover. Some of you guys point the finger at Sam ... while she could have done it, she is not necessarily mental just because she was in psychiatric ward!

Nice story, thanks for the good read :)

Some of you guys point the finger at Tony/the Mob. I mistakenly was unsure about Susan, and I realised my mistake just as I posted my last comment. The fact of the matter is that it must be either Mark or Sam because of the way in each people met their downfall...

I like how Mark accepted his life as a wuss and maintained his cool. He did not rise or lower himself to something his is not. I did feel he was accident prone and that stretched reality.

I have known seven year old girls that are just as precocious as Trina and grew up in such home environments as described. They can be worldly before their time.

I think the whole Tony and the 'call me anytime...' plot point was designed as a Red Herring or false lead, since he never opoenly asked for a favor.

I believe if anyone is responsible for the deaths of Susan's lovers, it is Sam, since she had street smarts, tomboy proclivities, and was a combat marine with bar room brawling experience. She would have the strenght and ability to perform wetwork. Afterall, she is the man in Mark and hers relationship.

I could not stop reading this story. This is another one of your fantastic stories.

certainly know how to put together an intreaging story, you are indeed a fine writer. R.T.

I have liked some of your stories. You are on the 'read' pile in general, even if I haven't favorited you due to some personal preference issues and some writing issues.

But this one...you brought in Sam and Tony and just left the resolution hanging as to which one might have murdered the assholes.

At attempt at cleverness which didn't work for me.

Didja hear all your ass-kissers lying about what a great story it was? I didn't think so. All I could think was your characters are all so close to being mental midgets, they should be neutered instead of married. Old Harry in VA is pretty much a dumb-ass on his own. However, this time I sort of (sorta) agree with him, sorta.

I think I read this one before. But it was a good read anyway. I like these no talent/no writing ability assholes who don't like any of the stories but write opinions like a New York Times Critic. The only ones I pay attention to are the other AUTHORS. They have a right to make judgements. These are the BEST FREE STORIES around. Thank you Authors for giving your time and talent for FREE!!!!

Kinda Silly but all in all .. it was a Good Story.

Super power or coincidence. Since lightning cannot give any powers, I tend to believe it was coincidence.

I have my doubts that Susan wouldn't get custody and child support but it was a nice story.

I was kinda hoping that Tony will come out as the one behind everything, but he didn't. Now I'm wondering what he's doing there in the story...

for this story, and itjust gets better each time. I really liked the way you left the ending on this story, I'm wondering if Sam or Tony had anything to do with the (axidents) of Susan's lovers????? A very good read,,, again.

Or maybe someone could call for you -

Tony stayed a true friend to the end - and Sam was his super hero - and kept her secret identity as the "Masked Phone Caller" LOL at least that is my opinion!

Nicely done -

and even live them fanatically, TK U MLJ LV NV

Great tale. Seems Mark had a guardian angel and after the humiliation was over he lived happily ever after. It's always nice when the unwilling cuck wins in the end.

Nice to read a story that is well written and has a plot that is more than two dimensional. The unknown assailant / benefactor was a nice touch. It help maintain interest without overwhelming the theme.

I also thought that parts of this story were juvenile but still, a pretty good story.

I love to read this author’s work. Having said that, it is most disconcerting when he inappropriately uses the word “did” and it happens very often and in every story he writes. For example he will say: I did call her on the telephone when there is no mention of him not calling her. Or, I did say she was beautiful when her beauty (or lack thereof) has not been mentioned.

Also, it’s “lightening” not “lighting.”

Bill

I think it was no fuckin superpower. Sam somehow knew tony whowas a mob boss and together they eliminated those assholes!

All the commentators, who had taken the time to analyze this story, quite obviously missed the all important clue of whom the actual killer was.

Elementary, the true killer was Trina, the seven year old evil genius ninja daughter!

was it sam or tony ? I hope it was tony`s doing. good story. sam did know

how he wanted them to die.

Excellent, well thought out plot and a cuck wimp getting even. Since she's "mentally unstable", I believe it was Samantha knocking off Assholes left and right. More power to her!

This story has a not wimp husband version on SOL (storiesonline.net). I recommend those readers, who are signed to SOL: Flavian "Biggest and Best". Nobody will read on Lit, because of the Lit rules.

There was a disconnect. We met Tony before there was a Susan, but we never met Samantha till later in the story yet she figured in his precollege pre-Susan years. Both had an interest in the guardianship of our hero. I would have liked to have met Samantha before our guy went to college. Who killed the boyfriends? Sam most likely. Tony was a 'throw off'. Our hero was one lucky guy. This, of course, a full-fledged five. I had fun reading it.

Remember at the end Susan was the last person saw those assholes alive. Also you guys forgot why Trina is smart is because she takes after her father he's a nerd. And Sam is not a mental case those guys who try to rape her lied about what happen in bar.

No matter what a dictionary might say the difference between wuss and wimp is as follows...

A wuss is someone unwilling to do something:

"Jump from this roof..."

" Walk through this fire..."

" East this plant..."

It doesn't matter what it is, if you're put in a position to do it and refuse, you're a wuss...

That's why everyone living is a wuss... "Shoot yourself in the head...", " Drive off this cliff...", " Fight this polar bear barehanded..."

A wimp is someone who CAN'T do something...

" Lift this car..."

" Win a fight against this polar bear..."

All you can do is decide at what point you're a wuss - or dead.

Oh, sorry, I was in the middle of writing a review of this 'story' and fell asleep.

Honest to God, this was almost as exciting as peeling boiled eggs. Flat, emotionless, completely lacking in character development. This happened and then that happened and then zzzz...

And what the FUCK is up with the 'did' construction? "I *did do* this or that" as opposed to "I *did* this or that" -- makes no sense whatsoever.

Well, at least I can put you on my do-not-read list.

They bear responsibility for putting up dodgy light fixtures that fall on peoples heads. Or did you mean that he was struck by lightNing, not lighting. You also forgot the thuder along with the lighting. What have you got against the letter N anyway? Are you an alphabet racist? Remember, all letters are created equal.

Fun story though. We all need a Sam watching our backs.

I think this is one of your best stories. I greatly enjoyed both it and the "heroes" (sp) series. Thank you

Was it his super power? was it his new wife? was it his friend? Good reading

Super power, or an old friend it didn't matter because the revenge was complete. Great tale.

Part was simply BULL SHIT.

It's pretty obvious the "super power" was all in his head.

Nowhere is it indicated that there were real super powers!

each to a different degree. TK U MLJ LV NV

Was it the new girlfriend who killed them or was it a little favor from his mob friend? Hmmm.

No only was this a good story but, I sort of liked the Alfred Hitchcock ending. Good job.

The other comment I read was right. Nice Hitchcock ending

You've got to be kidding!! Super mind powers?? "Willing" the death of people?? How old are you, 12? 13? This fairy tale has no business being here. Absolute drivel!!

I especially liked the doubt and not knowing aspect. A highlight was Trina. She was the sage in the mix.

all the women, including his daughter has more balls than he does.

an interesting tale. Thanks for the offering.

I enjoyed this one. Especially the ending. Mark definitely had friends in high places. I do wish he had more backbone but hey, the guy has compassion too. Glad to see her lovers get axed. They were scum. 5 stars.

whether it was his school buddy or Sam but someone is taking care of his business

Lame. He is a wimp. And the bitch from hell doesn't get punished.

Well, everyone knows he didn't have super powers. He is...always has been...and always will be a wimp. Trina is a more likely suspect than Mark. Maybe the deeds were split between Tony and Sam. Nothing happening to Susan should have cost you one star. I will remember that on a future story and deduct one star from it.

but I would like to know if it was Tony or Sam. I'm just funny that way. As the reader, I like all the info.

Sam or Tony,Tony or Sam.Does it really matter?!

Just think that the twat ex,Susan,should have suffered a whole lot more! What a turd!

Reminded me a little of Goodfellas,what with one guy being found stiff in a freezer,and two others buying the farm.

Despite his alleged super powers,betcha Mark never crosses Sam after all that has happened!

Had to give it a solid 4 for a very fun read.

I like the mystery of who actually did it.

"That was probably when I found out I was a wuss." - It's not being a wuss if you can't take on a "few" (that usually means 3 or 4) guys 2 years older than you!

How does Susan screwing around during your separation make YOU look bad? You're separated, presumably on the road to divorce, so you both are free agents, but if anyone looks bad it's Susan! And what can Susan be checking up on? Again, they're BOTH free agents, if he's entertaining a lady friend he's within his rights.

Regarding Susan's "psych" episode, weren't there other people in the bar, like the bartender, waitresses and customers to back up her story?

The best thing for you to do is to develop super power and stop writing these pathetic excuses of story after story.. What a wuss

A story of a self deluding wimp. It was at times annoying to read.