All Comments on 'Chris Ch. 01'

Can't wait for the next chapt.

Get someone to proof read the next installment.

I want more of this story. I don't care if the grammar is imperfect; the message is absolutely clear. Chris grew up in a house full of beautiful sisters and felt that he had to contain his feelings for them and for a close friend like Heidi. Donna is opening up the floodgates of his feelings.

Nookiehunter

If you are OK, if you're not this is a word for word with all the mistakes of the original. The word for that is plagiarism. Hopefully you just got locked out of your old name and had to start over. If so, you need to tell us. Would have rated it higher except for the difficulty reading a non-edited story.

wow i loved how you mapped out the characters and gave them background. Its always SOOOO much better when you care about the ppl in the story and the dirty talk.....ohhh i LUV IT!!! good stuff! thanks for posting your story!

like the other guys said just need someone to edit it for you. eitherwise i love the story and can't wait for the rest.

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Awful. More garbage written by teenagers. Incomplete sentences, changes in tense and gender, bad spelling... there's plenty more, but that's a start.

This sort of thing is really starting to drag the quality down. If you're, (not "your"), going to submit, let one of the Literotica editors tidy your work up for you.

...because a writer by the name of d_sequeira Wrote this EXACT SAME STORY.

"because a writer by the name of d_sequeira Wrote this EXACT SAME STORY."

same person even check out the email in sepheroth7's bio. he probably just reposted since he said he was having problem w/ the other acct, or something like that.

loved the story, need to watch your spelling, and keep them coming

You are in serious need of an editor. The switch in tense is irritating. The wrong word usage is inexcusable and the punctuation needs improvement. The story line is OK, you just need an editor. There are several good ones available.

this is about the FOURTH time i've seen this EXACT story posted on here, every time stolen by a different person

story theft IS a crime

I don't know if it was original or not, but it surely needs editing. I liked the story and hope to see more of it, but please enlist someone's help if you plan to continue making submissions.

Plaese write more that was just amazing

Beautiful

You need to decide what person you are writing in, and stick with it. One moment Chris is "he", next he is "I".

You need to decide what tense you are writing in, and stick with it. You are jumping back and forth between past and present for no reason.

An editor could sort all this out for you, of course, but far better to do it from the start. You will keep the story much clearer that way.

A great start to a nice story ! The last page was getting HOT with Donna showing Chris what to do and getting him to relax.

You now have great potential for Chris to be taught how to have sex with girls and he could do all his sisters and Heidi.............

Can't wait for the next chapters to do just that......... thank you !!