All Comments on 'Chris Ch. 01'

This is a pretty good start. The story line is solid with lots of possibilities. BUT, you definitely need an editor. Spelling and Grammar mistakes take away from an otherwise good story. Get the next chapter out quickly. Never make the audience wait too long as they will write you off! I will be watching for next chapter.

You REALLY need an editor. Not just with spelling or incorrectly used words but also basic structure. You have good ideas, learn to present them better.

I liked the story but I have to agree with the previous posters get someone to proofread your work.

more and soon

Good build-up, nice description. Yeah, a couple of grammatically incorrect passages, but that's a tweak rather than an overhaul. More, please!

Plot at this stage seems very similar to vertigo J's "Party of Five" which is probably as good a model as you could follow I suppose. Careful edit would improve a lot.

Please, please get an editor! The typos and the switching from 'he' (Chris) to 'me' and even 'I' in the same paragraph is very distracting. But the possibilities are very enticing. Chapter 2 after an editor, ok? Good luck

I do like the idea, the story line, the characters, and the possibilities of this story! It could easily go for 4 or 5 or more chapters!!

But the main thing you need to do is proofread!!! Or use one of the volunteer editors. You have a good story, just take your time and present it properly.

I love the idea you have here and the characters in the story but I have a fetish I haven't got to see here.. perhaps some titfucking of some sort? Skirts and large cleavage, nice! I noticed it said Ch. 01, hope there's more coming soon. :)

it's not the plot but the characters which have been taken from "Party of Five" - even the reference to acne!!

Hey! It's d_sequeira author of Chris Ch. 1. I am happy that you all read my story and are sending me bad feedback as well as the good. Authors don't improve on good feedback, alone. I'm in the process of getting a editor and apologize for so many errors in my writing. I am glad that you all bare with me and enjoyed my story anyway. I have had some difficulty with my screen name on literotica.com so if you want to read the rest the story of Chris and his sisters it will be under a brand new screen name Sepheroth7. Big FF7 fan as you can tell. Well I hope to be hearing more of your feedback on my future stories. Thank you again for all your help on making my stories better.

Keep the story going.

Cool.......

I hope you write more. It's a very good story.

Please put more on ch. 02 thanks cfh

the story was good but the grammer needs work you start with calling chris i then alternate between i,he,and chris keep it straight either first second or third person not all three

nice start at least his sister is there to teach him incest always been hot to read unlike those disgasting lesbians stories too bad you never did a second chapter

Donna dropped him off with a wave goodbye before taking off again. This made Chris feel uneasy and had his mind flowing with emotions. Maybe Donna had been mad at him for turning her down last night. Shaking the thought fro his mind, he concentrated on practice.

read it good, you will find 1 mistake in it!

Chris walked up to Donna who was doing some finishing touches on the lasagna. "umm Donna, I only see five plates here. Aren't there six of us."

Donna turned around and looked at me irritated. She looked extremely angry.

Yep! That's where you know the story sucks!!!

There were a couple of moments of intrigue and suspense in the story, but they were quickly squelched!

The sex, when they finally got around to it, was fine. But I can't get over the fact that so many writers feel that they have to create guys with huge cocks -- 8 to 9 inches is "average"? -- and women with giant tits. Also, some serious editing for spelling and punctuation would have helped.

It, wher is the rest of the story??? Good so far but the spelling and grammar needs a good editor. You said he tuck his tongue into her mouth. Did you mean, he stuck his tongue, he tucked his tongue (awkward) or he fucked his tongue into her mouth. One small can totally change things. Tuck is wrong, while tucked is weak, stuck is stringer and fucked (my favorite) his tongue into her mouth. It denotes more strength and more passion. Please keep wringing and get an editor as there are many more errors in your story. MtM