All Comments on 'Christmas Day Fire'

Great twist and plot. Great story.

Simply outstanding Christmas love story

5 stars and it is now added to my favorites list.

Great story!

5

This is probably the best thing you’ve ever written. Thank you.

Really Great story, it's nice to read a uplifting story when they come around. Would love a second part to it though

What a wonderful Christmas story. Thank you. You've made a sad Christmas this year for me into a happier one. K

Well that was an emotional roller coaster, joy, great sadness and future joy. One could hope for the love David and Mary had in this story. Well done.

I wish they would stop cutting onions in here! Beautiful just beautiful

Excellent!! I wish there was more, but there really doesn't need to be any more.

I liked it, but you need to work on your scene transitions. Especially the transition from the second to third paragraph. When you said "he could barley keep his eyes open" it implies that he is staying awake which makes the next paragraph a jarring change. Had you went with something like "he couldn't keep his eyes open" instead, it would lead into a dream sequence much more neatly. (Also, I think you meant barely rather than the grain crop barley.)

Was Mary the serving girl at the Christmas party? I presume she was, but I hate having to presume key aspects of a story. You never actually confirmed who she was. You mentioned her eyes at the table, which would have been a way to confirm Mary's identity without having to actually say it, but you never mentioned Mary's eyes. For example, on the day he proposed instead of saying "He could see tears in her eyes as she bit her lower lip." you could have said "He could see tears in her green eyes as she bit her lower lip." Subtle little confirmations like that would have strengthened the story even if you didn't want to add a more concrete confirmation. Really, the only thing indicating it was her was that she was the only non-older woman you mentioned at the party. Considering that getting the panties in his Secret Santa gift would appear to be the genesis of Mary giving him hers while the female server's close interaction with him was prior to that, the woman sitting next to him and explaining what it means would seem a more likely candidate, if not for the allusions to her age. In fact, when you wrote "The woman next to him, whose name he couldn't remember," the implication is that she could be Mary. Also, based on Mary's comments on their first date, it would imply that she gave him her panties prior to his "extra-curricular" activities, which would rule out her slipping them in his pocket in the restroom after fucking the head of HR. So, while it seems "obvious" who Mary was, the story itself doesn't support it well.

wow a real tear jerker very good

I'm sorry, but this one felt a little rushed and for the first two and a half pages I kept thinking I was missing something or that some paragraphs had been cut accidentally.

I had to read over the first 2 pages twice to really catch my bearings.

Things started coming together at the end of page 3, but all in all it just came across to me as a little disjointed.

I would have gladly read it at twice the length with a little bit more time given to establishing the characters and the whole background of the story.

As is we weren't even allowed to really enjoy how the first romance with Mary got established before we were rushed off to the tragedy itself and hints to the second.

The basics are there, but imho you left a whole lot of meat on the bone with this one.

I don't like rating stories at less than 5 stars, so I'll refrain from rating this one.

Something to show the shifts in time would have helped - a divider, a series of dots, etc. Once I realized what was happening, I could figure out the time shifts. Really great story, otherwise!

Damn but that is one fine piece of writing

Excellent. A worthy Christmas fairy story full of love, loss, trepidation and hope among others. Wasn't sure where the fire was going to be as you masked it well.

A little too sad and morbid for me. It didn't feel like much of a happy ending, or even an ending at all.

Holy shit - this was the best Romance story I've read on this site, bar none! Clever introduction with beautiful reminiscing of a fairy tale marriage. The age difference with Emily was a bit distracting, but otherwise, perfect. 5*

The story line was fine for a fantasy romance, but the lack of a signal for a scene change was unsettling. There were lots of minor errors scattered through the story (e.g., chocking), but it wasn’t too distracting. That said, the overall effect of the story would have been stronger with more careful editing.

AWWW! Really liked this one!!!

While much too short, Christmas Day Fire is an outstanding story, with wonderful characters and a glorious romantic atmosphere throughout. This story shows the range of the author's talent, and the reader can only be grateful for this latest story. Five Stars.

Good story! I love stories like this one. Good job and thank you! 5 BIG ASS FLAMING NOVA STARS!

I thought the first couple of pages were a bit longwinded but the last two were really good.

somebody has read too many old Beeline novels, to come up with a phrase like 'cum lanced into her pussy.' Comically bad.

I loved it, it even made me tear up! Yes, there are a few errors but they weren't so bad that they distracted me from the story. I would have given it 10 stars if it were an option!

But way too sticky for me

David sat on the sofa, looking past the twinkling Christmas tree, and out the front window of the house he and his wife shared for nearly thirty years

It was their 25th anniversary

Chocking. Its choking.

Felt rushed and the scene change to the past was just confusing.

Good but could be much better

OMG, that was fantastic in the true sense and current sense.

Shame it started out with her being a total skank, right out the gate. Pretty much ruined any 'romantic' component of this. Not much victory in landing the town bicycle, especially at Christmas time.

As others on here stated, jumped around a bit but overall a awesome story.

Fantastic love story. And with a twist. A real heart felt story

5stars

Absolutely brilliant, dont listen to the finiky critics. Your writing is good and enthralling from start to finish, loved it, abeautiful story of love with the paranormal thrown in and it worked. Keep on writing just like this. Definitely a 5 star plus story.

Wonderful Story, well told. Loved it. Thanks.

Really good story except for the first few paragraphs. The transition was very confusing, almost as if sentences or even paragraphs were missing. I read that a couple of times before deciding I’d keep going. I’m glad I did, though the transition back to the present was only a little better than the first one. I enjoyed the overall story despite those issues and recommend readers have patience and understand that it will come together in the end. 4.5*

Excellent. DD

Other than the unclear transition between flashback and present, fantastic work! Although you didnt need to make me cry like that!

fantastic story I loved it.

That’s an amazing story. I wonder if you were inspired to write it? I hope so. - Cheers

It jumped a bit still an awesome story. Will there be a sequel?

Thank you for this story. I have also enjoyed your other works; but, this is by far my choice. Thank you for working the spiritual aspect into the story line, too. Brought the tears... that good! tsgtcapt@cox.net

Thank you for a heart warming, loving story! Thank you for bringing into it the spiritual aspects. Keep up the great work.

Different. Transitions were not readily apparent, but enjoyable.

EXCELLANT story. Don’t change anything, except put a full line of dashes on a line by itself between time changes. Will help the reader recognize the change.

Stupid old man....Mary should have dangled her lacy panty in front of the old cunt so he could function sharper in the next door fire!!

Story in the beginning just jumped right into the past without an indication!!

Dammit, you got me with that one. I’m just an old softie.

I 've read this story before but just read it again, and for the 2nd time, I read it with tears in my eyes.

It wasn't perfect, but damn, it was great!

stories like this are why i read the romance tales

Well written, great storyline, fun, high drama, even my wife enjoyed this one with me. Thank you.

Baptism of Fire. (Mary at Christmas? Both victims unharmed by the raging fire seems so pentecostal.) A match made in heaven. (How prescient)

Dammit man...now I've got something in my eye...

5 stars. Great job.