All Comments on 'Church Back Room Bang'

You have a lot of sentences that are very long. I suggest shortening them. A few examples:

"Cassie giggled when she saw his frown as she leaned close to him, giving him a soft kiss on the cheek before whispering into his ear." I would put a period after "frown" and start the new sentence with "She".

"Her skirt hiked itself up as she lowered herself, her round ass now being exposed due to it and also from her choice of wearing a black and white thong." Could be, "Her skirt hiked up as she lowered herself, exposing her round ass in a black and white thong."

"His hand then moved to take hold of his cock which had grown hard from the situation and pulled it out, freeing it of the confines of his underwear." OR: "He dug his now hard cock out, freeing it from the confines of his underwear."

Shorter sentences in sex scenes ramp up the excitement, IMO.

You write well otherwise, but making this a little tighter would help, as would including more of the senses of taste, touch, smell and sight.

""H-harder..." She moaned out. "M-make me sore..." - Now that's hot!

Very good. "Boyfriend and girlfriend have sex" stories are often dull, but I enjoyed this one. The descriptions are good, for example of the various little noises they make, and of the actual sexual contact. I didn't really like the stammering. Be careful of overusing words. Her 'tunnel' comes up too many times.

If you could lose the passive voice, lose the s-stuttering on all dialogue, cut out the extended/run-on sentences and cut your description to make the paragraphs concise, hard hitting and on-topic.

Sunday morning at church, Jack and Cassie sat in the back row of the empty sanctuary.

Other than this line (edited - your opening paragraph gave no important informatiion).

This story brings back memories of meeting a young girl one Sunday during the service in a basement class room. As she sat on my lap with my hand under skirt, her mom walked into the room. Asking what we were doing, all we could answer was "just talking".