All Comments on 'Click Ch. 02'

his actions are beyond degrading..... these are his mom and his sister, yet he treats them like dog shit. This should probably be put more in the non-consent section rather than incest.

you had something going with part one, then shit all over it with part two.

You're trying to squeeze way too much into 5 pages, and unless I'm missing anything, you aren't addressing things that happened in the last chapter that could be important to advancing the plot. Why did he suddenly get a fever? What was the meaning of the dream? Is Brandy an elf? Also, how the hell did he not know Uncle Carl was actually a woman? It sounds like you did that just so he could end up fucking her. Is he just going to fuck everybody? That's going to get stale real quick. Instead of nonstop sex scenes, try advancing the plot and developing the characters. You can still salvage the story, but you should consider rewriting Ch. 2.

Did the same writer post both chapters?

I concur. The sex is getting a little overdone. Nothing but sex is boring. The plot line took a big hit this round. I liked the inclusion of the uncle, and the "sickness" was done cunningly.

I would like to see more advancement of the plot however. You don't have to be all story, but some story is not a bad thing :)

I like the writing! I think you do a great job! Please keep up the good work.

She goes by Carlotta Now? You made her a woman in the cave. How could she have ever been Carl? When could she have ever been Carl? This detail will take some serious footwork to dance around. Is this story in your Iron Bitch universe?

Dickheads treatment of his mom and sister is just disgusting.

Wow... I guess I will have to attempt a rewrite or put a whole lot more work in part 3 if anyone even wants a part 3, try and reform the protagonist and work on the timing... a lot. Again I am so sorry for the disappointing chapter.

In First chapter you were showing you love your mom and sis so much...and now you think they are sluts and making your friends fuck them....Now this Is What we call a "SHITTY" story.....

hoping for a rewrite, he was pissed at fiona for using the phone on mom then turns her into a slut for his friends? so much for the love and confusion over that little thing.

Huge fan of your previous work LB, you have an amazing imagination but I was in shock when I saw Click was by the same author who wrote the fantastic Iron Rain and its spin off's.

The main character in Click is just such a piece of pondscum I find it impossible to route for him. The whole sharing mom and sis with friends (why) along with his utter disrespect for them makes him into the villain you usually write so well get his comeuppance when the hero of the tale puts him down like a rapid dog. The whole uncle to aunt shift felt just to out there as well.

I am a huge fan of your stories but this story goes a bit over and confusing so try to remove the confusion ,either by rewriting the chapter 2 or by adding some sensible chapter 3 and one more thing you said "uncle

carl" and then introduced him as her(carlotta) so do try to clear that.

One last thing,When are you going to write the next part of iron bitch??????

I can't remember such a huge drop in quality from chapter one to chapter two. One was about a guy that gets a camera that hypnotizes people so he decides to use it to have sex with girls that have spurned him and accidentally has sex with his mom and sister. All good.

Then in this chapter he decides to share his mother as a sex toy with his friends, walk his sister to the park as a dog ... and his uncle is actually a woman who was raped by some alien tentacle monster? I actually couldn't read that section, I was scrolling fast through it.

This started great. This chapter was shit. Please rewrite this section or do a course correction with the next chapter.

Great story line. I hope you plan more.

I will apologize for the length of my rant before I even begin. I normally don't rant here, but then again this isn't a rant to the author. Lost Boy, if you want, you can go to the bottom for the comments for you.

First, for those of you not liking the dark side of Steve's character coming out, if you have read Iron Rain or Evil Bitch you should expect our intrepid protagonist to go through what I term a dark period as both Nick and John did. John even had to be sent back to live through pretty much all of history to overcome his. The fact that Steve entered his so quickly is not that unexpected given his life experiences. And for those asking about if this story is part of the universe of those stories, who cares! Honestly his fevered dream could be interrupted as simply his subconscious trying to warn him about not letting the fire of his passion consume him, or may foreshadow a war taking place inside of him for control. I would wonder more about a connection because of the woman's name on the wall in the alien's cave 'Indigo', the genius that was put in stasis sleep, then awakened in a chapter of Evil Bitch.

Secondly, the confusion over he whole Uncle Carl/Aunt Carlotta. Carlotta never said she was actually ever a man. And with the effects of the blue pill, she may well have been able to make everyone believe she had always been a man even being able to transform her appearance if need be. Cause if you remember she told Steve, "It's Carlotta actually," she corrected. "I go by Carl to throw off the spooks.". She never claims to have ever been born a man. Also the explanation of what happened to cause 'Uncle Carl' to become a recluse given by his mother seems that she thinks she wasn't there when Carlotta clearly states she was.

Next, the whole turning Mom and Sis into sluts. Let us look at Mom. It is obvious that was he takes the girls picture in chapter 1 that it lowers their inhibitions and frees them of normal fears and concerns, and they freely tell the truth. The freeing from their inhibitions is told by Fiona when Steve confirmed to her that he had used the phone on her and asked if she was pissed, she responded "Pissed, no, all you did was loosen up my inhibitions a little, okay a lot.". I believe she was not telling a lie because all the girls he put under the influence of his gift speak frankly about their sexual experience and give plausible explanations for how they have treated him. The 'Queen bitch' of the school Brandy actually tells him the exact moment she noticed and started having feelings for him "Seventh grade," she said. "I saw you reading on the playground. There was a look on your face and something inside me just wanted to be with you. But I was afraid that the popular girls would make fun of me. I was trapped by my own popularity.". Also I think the phone did not create desire on the part of the women for Steve per-say until it got 'upgraded' during his visit. Cause the only one not expressing desire for him prior to having their picture taken was the happily married woman from the movie theatre. So, when his Mom tells of her experiences with his father and how letting certain people at his work have fun with her helped him move up the corporate ladder, and when asked about not wearing underwear she responds, "Nope," she said as my cock popped out of her throat. "Just in case someone fondles me on the elevator or feels frisky in the office. I want to be ready and able to go at it in a moment's notice.". So by giving her to his three best friends he is actually giving her what she craves, needs, and desires.

As for his sister. There is the rub, he is treating her badly and hurting her for she is not really a slut at heart and only wants to be with him. She has saved her virginity I believe trying to find a guy that compares to her brother in her eyes and has failed to. She states; that she has wanted to rape him for awhile now, that she has been going through his room to learn everything about him she could, that she has wanted him to be her first, and several other comments that speak to her being 'in love' with Steve and not how a sister should be. She also uses the phrase, “Besides you are our protector aren't you? You are supposed to take care of us, no matter what.". She even knows that while fucking Brandy in her car that the gym teacher is looking for them and stands watch to ensure he does not get into trouble. I know what some are saying right now and yes she does then go and give said teacher a blow job, but that again is only to keep said teacher from catching them when they go shower. Further more the morning after the orgy with his three friends he finds her asleep in her bed in a fatal position sucking her thumb, as if her subconscious needs protection from the pain. Again I know there are those that would say that she then responds favourably after she wakes up, but she is consciously resigned to being punished for using the phone on their mom by being walked in the park and letting anyone use her for ten nights, and she would do anything to regain Steve's favour. But her subconscious would express her true feelings.

**LB** As far as I am concerned your doing fine, 5 stars again! I do hope that once Steve emerges from this dark period that he finds a way to make it up to Fiona and keep her happy with him(maybe her pain could even be the catalyst that saves him). And, yes, I definitely want more chapters of this and Iron Bitch! Thank you for sharing your stories here with us.

After he completes his harem in a future chapter, might have him invite all of the women who are now his sex slaves over to his house or his "uncle's" house for an orgy.

loved the way every thing unfolded with the aunt he thought was his uncle but people need to keep in mind he never met him / her at least thats how i pictured it loved the hole part with the smart aunt and porn star loved the date and how nobal he was to the wife in the theater ........

but hated what he did to his family they love him and he loves them but yet he used them as trashy whores and yet all the people he started out to punish hasnt been treated near as bad so am a little confused just seems that he falls in love with all the people hes trying to hurt and hurting all the people he loves but ..... its ur story and over all i loved it even if i dont like the out come or cretin aspects....................................... Plzzzz write another chapter

Loved the mom/sis hypnotism part. WTF was all that shit about an alien uncle/aunt?? Skimmed through that as fast as possible.

'Cause you need one in the worst way

Mis-use of language (transfix and anoint sprint to mind this time around)

Sentence structure is atrocious

You have Steve watching Steve do something at one point

and on

and on

and on

Please do us ALL a favor and GET A FUCKING EDITOR!!

That the kinda nice guy who was trapped by circumstances into fucking his sister and mother wouldn't last

He's now the same self centered bastard who is the center of your both of your long running series And like always, every female he meets is a slut at heart, only freed - this time - by the "camera"

I'm assuming the flash has something to do with whatever happens within the subjects, so have you ever heard of the inverse square rule? That woman at the theater shouldn't have been affected as strongly as Asuka and her mother

And WTF was that with Uncle Carl/Aunt Carlotta, anyway? It didn't develop what little plot you have in any way. Merely let you describe him/her getting fucked by an Old Ones type monster. and a lesbian scene with a porn star And what's with the statement or "I go by Carl to throw off the spooks" If her family knows where s/he is, do you really think that the Feds wouldn't be able to find her also?? Or that Steve and Fiona have never heard of their Mother's sister, but have always known about her brother?

Finally, as someone else has already said "Please find and use a editor". Not just a good proof-reader (tho even Word's spell and grammar checkers would be a good start) An EDITOR. The flow of your story is completely halted whenever one comes across glaring syntax or grammar errors, or things like Steve watching himself do something at the orgy

Tap dance all you want that dog still don't hunt !!

" It is obvious that was he takes the girls picture in chapter 1 that it lowers their inhibitions and frees them of normal fears and concerns, and they freely tell the truth. "

No, it makes them submissive TO HIM Was Mom or Sis bending over for every stiff dick they met before he ordered them to pleasure his friends?

Even if you WERE correct, how does giving them to his friends treat them any other way than as sluts, not as cherished family members?

This is just my opinion but it kinda ruined it for me when he let his friends fuck his mom and sister. Other than that it's good though and I like what you did with "Uncle Carl".

Ok, let me get this, Carl isn't his uncle, ok. His mom and sis are insatiable, ok. He himself may not be who we think he is, ok. This has turned out to be great ride and I am enjoying every minute! Keep 'em cumming!

I really don't understand people like you. Why'd anyone ever want to see their women get fucked by someone else? What kinda mental damage do you possess, what part of your brain are you missing that would make you even think about something like that? Are you sure you wrote this chapter yourself? Because the number of inconsistancies between this and the first chapter boggles me.

It was doing OK at first, but this chapter lost me.

Watch strangers fuck? Sure.

Watch a friend fuck a strange girl? OK.

Watch my friends gang-bang my mother/sister/girlfriend? Not unless they tied me up first, and they'd better kill me before they let me go...

You are beyond being a sad little punk. Who would write that way about your women...

this chapter sucked, how can you write that way about woman with no self respect and just seeing them as meat bags just to fuck. strangers fucking that's ok.

dates fucking ok kind of expected in these sorts of stories.

family fucking ok again expected in these stories especially in the incest/taboo section.

but a gangbang with the mother or sister dude that is all kinds of messed up. Another thing the spelling mistakes throughout this chapter were bad. Lets not forget how you wrote this and have no respect for woman. The entire chapter was unbalanced it was too full of sex not enough plot besides the 'bitch list'.

lost all eroticism now

All bad!

I don't think these people understand that most of these stories take place in a universe you are creating. There is more to come. This is part of a much bigger game at play, it may seem wierd or too short or not in depth enough, but this is just character development, you will all see eventually. read the rest of the stories. they all connect. The chess pieces are being put in place, and I for one can't wait to see the final confrontation.

I really liked the Carlotta thing. Was a cool twist.

But then it just became more mindless willing rape. No intrigue, no real emotion. Just depravity without creativity.

You're quite good at starting stories. but you seem to drop the ball halfway through.

Yes, this is my opinion. No you didn't ask me for it. Still, I have given it. =p

I love the Carl/Carlotta twist, and the porn star girlfriend. I like the 3 way with the school bitch and her mother and cousin.

You lost me with his mom and sister gangbang. Makes Steve seem like a heartless ass. I'd totally be onboard if he enslaved the bitch squad and turned them into cum dumpsters for the school nerds. After all, he's supposed to be on a revenge quest, yet he falls in love with the bitches, and treats his mother and sister like cum dumps for his friends. Seems backward to me.

Dude please get a patrion! You write such amazing stories that you can easily make money from. Just please its not that hard. Otherwise well done 5 Stars from me.

I thought Patreon was just youtubers. I had no idea writers could benefit from it. I am open to anyone contacting me about it. I am aware of Patreon but not how to set something like that up. Thanks!!

The way he treats his family is wierd. I'm personally not into gangbangs but I understand some people are. However, why does it have to be his Family? There are like a dozen girls to choose from to do that scene....i dunno felt shitty to me

Sorry for replying so late, kinda hate that lit doesn't inform you if someone has responded to a comment. Alright, so if you have the time for it, look up Tefler or Annabelle Hawthorne's Patreon they both write erotic stories and publish them on literotica. Tefler has even got to sell ebooks from his stories and actually writes full time. These are just examples that writers can indeed make money from their stories.

It isn't that hard to set up a Patreon, like really if you need any help with it just write me and I will be gladly help. I mean if you are going to be taking your time making amazing stories that thousands of people enjoy, why not earn some money with it? Much Love again <3

It was already Friday at the end of Ch1 this one starts back a day on Thursday. (and date with Asuna was made for Saturday night.).. lots of other issues to. Likes first ch better. Also not much effect from Blue pill Uncle Carl gave him.

This is about your comments left by "ereaderl"

First off this is an amateur site

Second you dont pay for it

Third my guess is you dont submit stories on here

Fourth stop being so damn critical and just enjoy your. FREE story.

Now for me ...love this story plot, great imagination, great writer .. thanks 5*

A very yummy story just gets better! Thank you!

Steve is not a nice guy at all he has pimped out his family and will do it again. The power has gone to his head. He is now the asshole!!!

I hope Uncle Carl deals with him accordingly in due course.

I don't get it, why some people to show that they own women, pimp them out, its sick.

another gay story. PASS!!!

WTF.. No No fucking No. You ruined this story for me by going over the top with his virgin little mates fucking his sister. I can understand his mother because that’s what she said she’d do to keep Steve fucking her but not his sister. Steve has definitely gone crazy with his power and deserves to have the camera turned on him. What an arsehole he’s turned into he wouldn’t know what love is. I won’t even bother reading any further.. Sorry ⭐️⭐️

Another cuckold story..

Absolutely ruined the story giving mom and sister to hi a friend's. Should have given some school chick's. Definitely needs a rewrite.

Your story was great. Loved it! I love the seediness of the depravity. Mother fucking…sister fucking…ass hammering! Damn! Where can I get me a phone like that. Ha ha ha 5 stars all the way!!!

Don't know why many authors write this kind of stuff. At least #tag cocuklod

⭐️

Is there a reason you can use "gonna" in dialogue but cant use "I'm" "you're" "we'll" "they'll" "they're" etc?

People sound robotic when they don't speak with contractions. Sit in Starbucks for a few hours and listen to ppl talk.

My other pet peeve when you have 2 ppl in the room and they say each other's name. Every. Single. Sentence.

"Steve will you fuck me?"

"Yes Anna I will."

"You are the best Steve."

"Anna I will do my best."

"Steve fuck me harder"

"Anna you are so tight"

"Steve where do you want to cum?"

"Anna can I cum in your pussy?"

"Yes Steve. Anywhere you want Steve."

With his power, I would definitely have a harem. The girls would ONLY have my interests to contend with!!! No Sharing!!!

Steve should keep Mom and Sis for him. Why convert them into whores? Yuck. Anyway, this story is awesome.

Well written. Same as with Evil Bitch it could use a build up for the beginning of chapter 1. It is an enjoyable read up until Steve reveals his cuck colours and whores out his family. Not my cup of tea. I'll try another story.

.

- Tomboll

ruined with the sharing

Sharing sucks. Ruined the story.

I have no doubt that Steve is going to suffer some kind of repercussions from his behavior; and he does deserve to be reminded that he has RESPONSIBILITIES to take care of, having been given this "power" which he is supposed to guard and use for good.

Fiona...took part willingly; Steve should have protected her better, as her brother and the Man of the House/Home!! So, both really share what happened, and readers cannot put it only on Steve..y opinion.

Mom...SHE brought up the gang-bang happening; Steve wanted her to experience something she had OBVIOUSLY been thinking about, even if subconsciously. Should it happen again?? Probably not...but it appears it will.

The friends...are expected to be silent about this, and hopefully the effects of the camera's spell will ensure compliance...if not, trouble is brewing there. Plus, by my way of thinking, these three also bear a lot of future responsibility in protecting Mom and Fiona. They enjoyed themselves, now have to act like the adults Steve thinks they are...or suffer consequences themselves!!

Harem...YES!!!!! Well on the way for Steve to have his way with all his 'revenge' targets; yet, the whole thing needs to be moderated, as I have said, with Steve exercising at least some sense of caring about each of them. He has shown this tendency some, and I think Carl/Carlotta should remind him in some form or fashion!!

Comment about this being "gay" because of the anal ▶️ play...if you are not into anal, then DO NOT read the story; tags let us know what is going on in the chapter, if you see something not to your taste, MOVE ON!! But, a rude comment does nothing positive for anyone. (Just so you know, I am NOT into male homosexuality; I have started stories that get to that 👉 point...I either skip it/skip the whole story if it is on-going. I DO NOT leave a negative comment...at least, I do not remember doing so. Try to follow my own advice...???!!!)

Five**5**Star story, and series...the Carl/Carlotta background was intriguing, as was the inclusion of her partner!!

🌌🌌🌌🌌🌌⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡🌋🌋🌋🌋🌋🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥💞💞💞💞💞💯

Sharing is not for me. It ruined the story him having no compassion for his mom and sister. If you needed him to share, share the women who wronged him. Instead he’s saving them and sharing the ones who loved him. The things you want him to do to his mom and sister destroyed what you started out as a good story. I couldn’t finish it