Community Property

"Well not exactly sir," he said. "We actually put two and two together and it helped us."

"I don't give a fuck about your math skills," I said. "I just need to find Julie."

"Well we know where she is already, sir," he said. "That's why we're here."

"Where is she?" I asked. "Is she okay?"

"Well maybe you'd better see for yourself," he said.

There were at least four cops surrounding the car. Julie was still passed out the way I'd left her. She was snoring louder than a chain saw and some of the cops were laughing about the volume of the snores.

As I walked up the laughter stopped. "Did you guys bring her home?" I asked. "Why the hell did you park her on my fucking lawn?"

The cops looked at each other. Their expressions seemed to ask who was going to tell the crazy man what his wife did.

"Sir, we didn't park her here. It appears that your wife missed the driveway and ended up on the lawn herself. She also appears to be drunk," he said. I hung my head down as if I was wracked with a deep sense of shame.

"She's been drinking a lot lately," I said sadly. In my mind I could hear the cheers for me as I received my imaginary Oscar for best actor. "Well, get her out of there and bring her into the house," I said.

"Sir, there's a problem with that," said the same officer. "From the looks of things your wife has been drunk for a while and she was driving. She also has an open bottle of intoxicants in the vehicle. Several witnesses also saw your wife hit a pedestrian and then leave the scene of the accident. The man is in the hospital now being checked out. One of the witnesses said she laughed after hitting the man. She also rolled down her window and yelled, "Chuck you Farley," then drove off. We're going to have to take her into custody. You'll probably want to get a lawyer.

"I'm going to get two lawyers," I screamed. "I'll get one lawyer to get her out of jail and the other one to sue the police department. By the time this is all over I'm going to own the police department. Yeah, I'll be the chief of police and then I'll fire all of your asses, just watch."

"Sir, please calm down," he said. "Why would you sue the PD? We've been nothing but professional since we came on the scene."

"Yes you have," I said. "But if you'd gone out and found her when I first reported her missing, none of this would have happened. I'm going to tell the guy she hit the same thing. Maybe the two of us can get together and sue you."

"Where are you taking her?" I asked angrily.

"Third precinct," he said smiling. I'm guessing he thought that I was drunk too. "They have medical facilities for toxicology screenings and a large drunk tank."

I watched as they started getting Julie out of the car. "Leave me alone, Liam," she mumbled loudly still slurring her words. "We'll fuck later. We'll fuck a lot."

"Poor guy," I heard one of the officers say.

Several hours later I got a call. "Liam, it's me," said Julie. She sounded like hell. "I'm in trouble, Honey. You have to come down here and get me out."

"Where are you?" I asked.

"I'm in jail," she said. "They think I...They say that I did an awful thing, Liam."

"I'll be right down there," I said. I called her parents and told them exactly what she'd told me. I didn't give them details, I just told them to meet me there. I took a package out of the trunk of my car and placed it on our doorstep so it would be there when we got back.

I got there at about the same time Julie's parents did. We all went inside together. I found out that Julie's bail would cost us ten percent of two hundred thousand dollars. The judge who'd arraigned her early this morning wasn't bullshitting. Julie's trial was set for two weeks from that morning and if we didn't bail her out, she'd have to stay in jail the whole time.

Her mom and dad looked at me. I just shrugged my shoulders. "She's been drinking a lot lately," I said. "I don't know why. We haven't been fighting or anything. Maybe she's bored."

"Do you have the money?" her dad asked. I nodded.

"It'll wipe out about half of what we have in savings, but we'll be okay," I said. "I have to get her some help to kick this drinking though."

"I can't believe she hit a guy and then drove off," he said.

"It's not her it's the liquor," said her mom.

"Get over it Martha," said my father in law. "It wasn't a bottle of liquor driving the car. It was Julie. She was always kind of wild before she got together with Liam. Maybe it's starting again."

"Julie was wild?" I said as if I was hearing it for the first time.

"We'll see you later Liam," said my father in law, grabbing his wife by the arm and leading her out of the police station. "We'll be by to see you guys later. If you need anything, let us know."

That told me everything I needed to know. Her parents even knew that Julie was a whore. They didn't want to talk about it. They'd been sure that she was done with that.

I took Julie home pretending that I was so angry that I didn't want to speak to her. She kept trying to start conversations all the way home. "Liam, I'm so sorry," she said. "I don't remember any of it."

"I think they call them blackouts," I said. "You get so drunk that your mind just doesn't process anything for a while."

She just looked at me. "I'll make this up to you," she said.

"Julie, we're going to have to be careful. We just spent half of our savings getting you out of jail. A big chunk of the rest is probably going to go for your lawyer. I'm going to have to work really hard so I can get a bigger bonus just so we'll have some money in the bank."

She just looked down and didn't say anything.

"They've impounded your car, and they took your license, so you're going to be staying around the house for a while," I said. "Look Honey, I really need to go to work today. I can't afford to take off very many days and I'm going to need to miss a few days for your trial as it is. Will you be okay?"

"Of course, I will," she said. "I just need a shower and to sleep in my own bed."

As we pulled up in front of the house we got out and Julie picked up the box. It was addressed to her. I pretended not to notice. I gave her a quick peck on the cheek. She tried to twist around so the kiss caught her on the lips but I twisted too and made sure of where the kiss landed.

"That's not a good kiss," she said.

"Honey, your breath smells awful," I said. I left the house and drove away to work. On my way to work I got off the freeway and took a detour to another gas station that wasn't on my route to work. I bought another burner phone and fifty minutes worth of time. I paid cash so there wouldn't be a record of me owning the phone.

I stopped off at an electronics store near the gas station and bought a different voice changer. I didn't really like this one because all of the voices sounded like cartoon characters, but I'd only use it a few times anyway.

I drove to work and parked my Mustang in the lot. I activated my new burner phone and plugged the voice manipulator into its headphone jack. I started laughing because except for the fact that I could still pronounce words without them sounding like they all started with the letter R, I sounded like Scooby Doo.

I called Julie at home and told her that I was the one who sent her the package. She got quiet at first and then asked me who I was. The way she went silent let me know that she'd seen the video.

"Look bitch," I snapped. "You must think that I'm as stupid as your husband is. Why the hell would I tell you who I am? All I want to know is do you want to stay married?"

"Yes," she said. "I really, really do. I love my husband that's why those bastards have been able to get me to keep fucking them."

"Well if you don't want me to send him a copy of that disk I sent you. I want you to take forty thousand dollars out of your bank account and put it in a duffel bag..."

"We don't have that much," she said. "We had to put up half of the money in our account to get me out of jail."

"How much can you come up with?" I asked harshly.

"Maybe twenty or fifteen," she said. It was all I could do to keep from laughing into the phone. Then my blood went even colder when she spoke again.

"I don't know where you got that video," she said. "I've seen that file format before. It's the same hi def format that the iPhones use. So, either you somehow took that video yourself or you know someone who did. You may have gotten it from one of the men in the room. At any rate how about if we make a deal. I don't want to empty the account because my husband would find out and I'd have no way to explain it to him. If some of the money is gone, I might be able to explain it away. But if it's all gone he'll need to know why. So maybe you could settle for ten thousand dollars and I'll give you some of what those guys got."

I was shocked and even angrier than I'd been before. It took me a few seconds to make sure that my voice didn't show the rage I felt. "Nah, you're kind of a skank," I said. "I'm not into fucking some old chick who's stuck more dicks in herself than I have teeth. I could probably get my whole arm up there and not touch anything except cooties."

"Fuck you," she spat.

"I already told you no. Stop it, desperation is not a good thing. Anyway put the money in a coffee can. Put the coffee can inside of a duffel bag and bring it to the park near your house. Fill the rest of the bag with old clothes or something. Leave the bag on the bench near the play scape at 4 o' clock. Then walk away. If everything goes well, you'll never hear from me again. But if the money isn't there, I'll leave another disk on your doorstep, only I'll make sure I hand it to your husband personally."

I hung up and went to my meeting with the realtor I'd hired. She was a really nice older woman. She had driven past the house but hadn't yet gotten a chance to see the inside of it. She had several questions about why I wanted to sell the house, so I leveled with her. I told her that my wife was cheating on me with friends from the neighborhood and since most of the people in the neighborhood knew about it, I couldn't live there any longer. Actually, no one knew except for the cheaters themselves and me, but I figured she'd be more sympathetic if she thought I was being embarrassed on a daily basis.

I showed her my appraisal from the year before and she was sure that she could get me even more money. I told her to start looking and that I'd take anything within twenty percent of the appraised value but time was the critical thing. Even if she had to resort to a short sale I wanted to be out of there ASAP.

At three fifteen, I got an alert on my cell phone that a large withdrawal had been made from my bank account. I smiled.

I called a number on my burner phone and an angry sounding man answered the phone. I'd called the homeless shelter several times and it sounded like all of those guys were always pissed off. I asked for Melvin. Melvin came on the line sounding like he was in a lot of pain.

"Melvin, save the performance," I said. "It's me. I need one of your guys to pick something up for me."

At three fifty, I met Steve across the park from where Julie was supposed to be. I gave him half of a fifty dollar bill and showed him the other half. I also reminded him of the money he'd get as soon as the whole thing was settled. He walked across the park very slowly and got there at the same time Julie did. She put the duffel bag down on the bench and slowly walked away from it. Steve picked it up and watched Julie walk away, then brought the duffel bag to me.

"I started to just take the bag and run away," he said. "But Melvin said you're a good guy and Melvin hates everyone."

Don't worry buddy," I said. "You did the right thing twice." I gave him the other half of the fifty.

"How'd I do the right thing twice?" he asked.

"First, if you'd run off, I'd have shot you," I said. I was, of course, lying through my teeth. I didn't have a gun on me. "And secondly..." I said pulling a bunch of Julie's old clothes and underwear out of the duffel bag. "The things in the bag are only valuable to me in my divorce case."

He looked at what I was pulling out of the bag and smiled. He was sure that he'd made the best deal. "Are you sure you don't want to trade?" I asked. He pocketed both halves of his fifty so quickly that his hands were a blur.

I drove home and got there at about the normal time. Julie couldn't even meet my gaze. "I'm really sorry about what I did last night," she said. "I honestly don't remember getting into the car."

"Julie, you've been forgetting a lot of things lately," I said. "Maybe you should get checked out."

"Maybe I'm pregnant," she said. I looked alarmed at her.

"Who've you been fucking?" I asked.

"Only you silly," she smiled. "Speaking of which, it's been a while since we did anything and I think our dry spell should end tonight don't you." She came over and tried to kiss me.

"Julie, your breath still smells like liquor," I said.

"I've only had a couple of weak drinks," she said. "I'm cutting way back. And I won't be driving."

"Well, I guess that's okay," I said. "But you need to watch it. We're in enough trouble as it is."

A few minutes later, Julie's parents arrived. We spent a pleasant evening with them. Her dad pulled me over to the side and whispered to me that Julie had been drinking. I pretended to be horrified. "She told me that she was going to quit," I said in mock shock. "Let's not make a scene and embarrass her. She's been through so much already. I'll talk to her after you guys leave. Let's not ruin the evening."

I was sure he was going to nominate me for the son in law of the year award. As soon as their car pulled away from the curb, I handed Julie a drink. This one had more of the sleeping pills in it. As I watched her eyelids becoming heavy, I started rubbing her breasts and kissing her. Her libido and her excitement over the possibility of us having sex kept her awake far longer than I'd have expected. I almost had to fuck her for real. As soon as she dropped off, I carried her up the stairs and placed her on our bed. I went through her dresser drawers and found her favorite toy. It was an eight inch black rubber dildo. I lubed it and carefully inserted it into her still aroused and sopping wet vagina and then left the room.

The stairway to our bedroom was a metal frame with lacquered wood slats that went all the way to the second floor. Even if one of the slats was missing you couldn't fall through because the safety slats are arranged on the bottom of the frame as well. I removed the slats from the first and third stairs at the top. I placed a couple of empty liquor bottles in the kitchen and living room then went upstairs avoiding the missing slats. I went into our bedroom and jacked off over Julie making sure I hosed her down well. She never woke up. I knew that when she woke up she'd be sure we'd had sex.

The next morning I woke up and got ready for work. I dripped a little bit more liquor onto Julie's lips and shook her just a bit. I pulled the dildo out and put it back in her drawer. She was groggy but starting to come around. I skipped down the stairs lightly avoiding the first and third steps and left the house slamming the door loudly. I'd conveniently left my brief case on the coffee table.

Hearing the door slam, as I hoped, got Julie up. She came out of our room and ended up falling down the stairs. It was a long way down and the bitch deserved every knock she got.

Maybe Julie's actions had turned me into some kind of a sadist, but the thought of her falling down those steps ass over tea kettle made me laugh. I wanted her, Jeff, Greg and Bert to all feel the same pain I'd felt when I learned that the people I trusted most had betrayed me. They'd treated me like a sucker for more years than I wanted to think about. My entire life from the moment I'd dated the bitch had been a lie. She didn't even love me. She'd married me under false pretenses and basically I was just her fucking meal ticket. Well, Julie babe, when you eat a meal, sooner or later you have to pay for the ticket.

I waited for about five minutes and then went into the house. I went over to the coffee table looking for my briefcase. I saw Julie lying at the bottom of the stairs moaning and reacted immediately.

"Honey, what are you doing on the floor?" I asked. I looked over her and called 911.

"I fell Liam," she said. "I don't know how. I go up and down those steps every day."

Julie had a big bruise on her head and had pain in both her right ankle and right shoulder. Her wrists were both sprained and starting to swell from trying to catch herself.

"Liam, take me upstairs so I can put something on," she said.

"No Honey," I said. "We probably shouldn't move you. I'll get a blanket to cover you up with and bring some clothes to the hospital."

Again I skipped lightly up the stairs. From the position Julie was in she couldn't see the stairs near the top. I placed the missing slats back into position and brought her clothes and the blanket down. I covered her with the blanket and looked at the stairs pretending to test them for wear or defect. While I was looking at the first and third stairs, I slipped the screws back into them. I'd take the time to tighten them after this was all over.

A few moments later, the ambulance arrived. Julie's right shoulder was dislocated and her right ankle was broken. Both wrists were severely sprained. The bump on her head didn't seem to be serious.

The EMS techs took me to the side and told me they thought that she was drunk.

"It's a good thing I had to come back to get my briefcase," I said.

"Dude calm down, none of her injuries are life threatening, but you need to get her drinking under control," said the lead tech.

They ended up taking her to the same hospital that she was at the previous day. The nurses immediately smelled her and ran a toxicology screen again. "Why are you doing that?" I asked.

"Yesterday's screening came up with something interesting," said one of the nurses. "Your wife had a narcotic level sleeping agent in her but we don't have a record of any doctor in town prescribing for her. In fact, the police are going to ask her about it. This is beginning to look like a case of prescription drug addiction as well as the alcoholism."

As I went into the room, I noticed that her parents were there. Her dad was pissed and trying to hold it in. He called me over to the side again. "Look Liam, this shit is getting worse," he said. "Every fucking day, I have to leave work to deal with this. I'm not like you. I'm not a management type. I work with my hands and I punch a fucking clock. So if I'm here, I'm not getting paid. We're going to have to put her some place. Did you hear what she's claiming now?"

I shook my head. He looked at me. "She claims the stairs disappeared and then rematerialized. "

My eyes opened wide. "Son, that's why they do sobriety tests. Have you ever noticed how many people can't walk a straight line when they're baked? They claim the line moved and all kinds of other outlandish stuff."

"It's going to be okay," I said. "We'll get through this together."

"She's lucky to have you," he said. I just smiled.

I went over and stood by her bed. "I'm so sorry, Honey," she said. "I don't know why this is happening to me. My luck has been so good since I met you and now it's all gone to shit."

We sat around with her for a while and then the police came in. We all had to leave the room while they grilled her about where she got the drugs

I looked at my watch a couple of times and my father in law got the hint. "If you need to go to work or somewhere, her mom and I will be here for a while," he said. "I'll give you a call if anything happens. They've already taken care of her injuries, so if necessary, when the police get done with her we can take her home."