All Comments on 'Crossing the Line - ONE SHOT'

...you were more careful in scripting this so they didn't caught by mom and step-dad. Would you consider making this longer instead of just a "one shot"?

Don't stop here. Are they staying together? Do they get caught? Are they making a baby? How do the parents react?

More Please

5 Stars

Keep on sticking it up her and shooting your cum deep up inside her unprotected pussy

Enjoyed it much, it calls for more chapters. Thanks

This was wonderful and romantic. So well written and very sweet. Excellent work!

The phrase goes "struck a chord" like on a piano or guitar.

Not "struck a cord". Its the same as saying "it resonated with me".

Makes more sense, no?

I hurried this one and missed some stuff. Sorry guys. I will consider making this a series after i finish Lust Varied and Hidden Love. I have more to come. Hang tight and thanks for reading.

BEAUTIFUL and LOVING STORY

Hope you add more chapters.

This is a good story, and your development of it was not unreasonable. But the lack of editing seriously detracts from it. Either you are not a native English speaker or you failed at grammar. Using adverbs instead of adjectives is very bad grammar.

To avoid these problems follow these steps:

1) Write your stories in word processing software that not only corrects spelling but grammar as well. MS Word is excellent for this purpose.

2) Put your completed story aside for a week. While you are waiting, find two or more people to act as beta readers. Some of them may be able to help with your grammar issues.

3) When the week is up, reread what you have written and see if you can see errors. If so, correct them. Then send your story to your beta readers. Ask them to suggest, but not make, corrections. That way you can see what they say needs fixing. Then YOU make the corrections.

4) Put the corrected story away for another week, while you find an editor to help you polish up your story. Again, have the editor suggest any corrections, but YOU make the changes.

5) Only after you have corrected what your editor tells you needs fixing should you post your story to Literotica.com or any other erotic story website.

I gave this story a five, based on the content and not on the basis of form, grammer and composition. It begs for one or more follow-up stories speaking to how they interacted further.

The author did not really deal with her fertility with reapect to birth control or the date within her menstrual cycle. That should not have been neglected.

Non-the-less, the story had this writer aroused which is the point of this story and all of the other stories on this site.

I liked it, mostly. Well I liked the girl and her attitude and motivation, and her love.

Seems to me that Paul was trying to set them up from the get-go! ;)

Things I didn't like:

1. Rob in general... But;

2. Rob constantly reflecting with questions and him constantly questioning in general! Really? Why? Is that so? You think? Fucking annoying, what, is he a psychologist?? Yeesh!

3. Rob, and prolly 3/4 of all other guy characters in stories in this section, doing and saying exactly OPPOSITE of how a real guy would! Come ON!! It's soooo annoying!

4. Not jumping her ten minutes after they had sex the first time! Heh.

I know there were some comments, and one in particular about Rob not being realistic and “reacting” the way “all guys would act.” Yes most guys wld jump to it and just fuck her without a second thought Bc they wldnt truly love and care enough about how it wld affect them and their relationship as siblings. But it’s not true that all guys would. Some guys do have moral integrity, as it seems Rob does. If a child is brought up in a loving family and taught to be considerate and caring, he wldnt be able to just run and fuck his sister. He wld have an internal fight going on trying to keep them feelings at bay, until he cldnt take it anymore and the desire was too great. Just as it seems that’s exactly how it was for Rob. We didn’t see so much of the internal conflict but it’s so obvious. He wld have to have some time to convince himself it’s okay and to be able to justify it to himself as not being wrong to HIM. He lusts after his sister but he knows it is wrong & forbidden. It seems to me he is trying to deter her with his responses instead of jus saying what he desires, which wld only escalate their relationship ship (which he was not ok with yet, afraid to take that risk or tht step) but at the same time he can’t help wanting her. So, as to the comment about his responses being annoying and not how a guy wld respond is simply not true. He is trying to stay in control of himself and kind of stahling the inevitable. There are guys that would be exactly like him. This story shld have been easily understood to that point. I can honestly say, if me and my brother were to be in the same situation as them and have those same feelings toward eachother, he wld not entertain the idea of us together, he wld be like rob but he most likely wld never have gave in. So you can’t say all guys are the same and wld just duck their sister without struggling to get to that point. I think the story was great and definitely realistic, these are my fav kinds of stories. Then when he can’t take it anymore and wants her so badly, he loses control and says “beg me.” I say great story, great characters and keep writing. Def will read more of your writing. Thanks!

continue

I liked it but you could have continued the story!

Liked it a lot

This a great start to a half sibling love story that could become a great love story that could have a happily ever after. So INKYSQUID718 why not finish it and give it the ending we all know it deserves. Well done 5 stars

This is the second story of yours in which I’ve come across grammar that is like fingernails on a chalkboard in an otherwise enjoyable narrative. To what do I refer?

Lie, lied, lay, laid, etc.

If she “lied in bed,” she was telling falsehoods while in bed.

It’s confusing. I have to revisit it all the time. If you’re a writer, you should probably put together a notebook full of grammatical references which you can consult while you’re writing. Meanwhile, here is but one of innumerable references from a web search:

https://jakubmarian.com/lie-in-bed-or-lay-in-bed-in-english/

Once I got past the grammar, I enjoyed the story.

The grammar police in here amazes me. These are stories written by average people for everyones enjoyment and so many of you assholes just tear them down because they misspelled a few words. Who gives a fuck?? The average person reading the stories in here couldn't give shit. If it is perfect grammar you want then go to a different site.

Very Kawaii!

11/10 California Rolls!!!!!

This was wonderful. Thanks for writing it.