All Comments on 'Cruising with Lesbian Sister and Mad Mom Pt. 05'

Please tell that other story next. This one was great except for Frank dying from his own stupidity.

sorry to see it endcqulc7

Very well done, hope to see more, thanks

Enjoyed this story but the farther along it went the worse your grammatical errors became. Bred/bread/breed/bread/breeding/breading; at times you used them all, at least once in the same paragraph! Bread is what we eat; bred, breed, breeding refer to sexual mating and reproduction. There are many instances where you use the same sounding but incorrect word in your work. That's something that any half-witted editor should catch.

There are also times when it seems that you've gotten characters names confused, making it difficult to figure out what's going on. Again, something a decent editor should catch.

There also are some continuity disconnects between parts of the story that are unexplained. From Part 2 to 3, 3 to 4, and 4 to 5 years pass with only a sentence to explain what has happened.

Lastly, you switch points of view constantly, again making it difficult to tell who is doing what to who. Frequently I had to back up several paragraphs to figure out who was talking.

However, as always your storylines, I think, are good and entertaining. But they could all be made much better by some diligent editing and filling in of some of the blanks.

Thanks for your efforts! They are not wasted.

I do love your work and as I said this is the second time I read this one, I really liked it but the humiliation and dominating stuff just is my thing. It didn't stop me from like it just parts didn't thrill me.

Good series.

But again, a lot of "buts."

The names of the characters are mixed up. The captain, then Jim, then Ron.

Repetition of sentences and expressions, duplication.

The incomprehensible duplicity of the main character. One day he is a knight in shining armor, a lady's man, a sweetheart and a soul of company, the next he is a perverted dominant, ready to give his sister to the first man he meets.

One day he loves and is jealous of his sister and his wife, and the next he is ready to bring other men and make them suck his dick and fuck him in all his holes.

Is the diagnosis schizophrenia?

Tired of the routine?

But in general probably one of the author's most solid stories.

Or several authors?

Wow last 2 chapters you really just said fuck it and killed it. But you are the author.

What the hell was that? There was absolutely no need for Lisa to find another man, John just needed to treat her as his wife

There was some unpleasantness, and all of that varied the quality of the story, but it was acceptable... The last paragraph really screwed it up. No need for Lisa to find another man. From 4 stars to 1 by that last paragraph

Too long with too many repetitive scenarios.

John's too thick to learn.

Too may typos; too many garbled sentences / paragraphs: -

e.g. one para. didn't make sense where you used "John" and "Sara", where it would have made more sense using "Frank" and "Dana".

Not all typos were misspellings, but were the wrong word used; like even when you used "one" where "once" was what (seemed) to be intended / needed.

Get a good Proof Reader!

And leave a good few weeks between each of your own proof-readings. You'll see more errors that way.

And don't hit the final period (dot) and then post the story.

Just put it aside for a month or two to enable it to go "stale" in your mind, then re-proof-read it a number of times before posting.

I managed to read to the end of part 3, after that I just skimmed through it. Mr “Ice Guy,” turned into an absolute asshole, who got off on humiliating women.

On top of that, there were way too many errors, for example “She was her son. How could she do that?” How indeed.

You also need to learn the difference between there, their and they’re, as well as were and we’re.

Sorry, but I really disliked this story.