All Comments on 'Daddy's Little Princess'

Three quarters of this story is "waffle", and the rest is filler. Your hook fails to land the reader firmly into the story, and you fail to pace it adequately. Too long and boring.

don't listen to that dick-head---blows smoke out his ass like a high paid literary critic when really he's just some greasy pock marked asshole humpback slouch who couldn't fap quick enough for your work---this shit was really good & I personally cannot wait for more

Dickwad Anonymous is a troll. "3/4 of this is that, and 1/4 of that is this." Heavens, troll, in spite of all that you managed to make it through 4/4 of the story? Fuck off.

Meanwhile, Malomar: while there's a bit of abruptness in some parts of the story, you weave a very nice tale. Improbable, what's going on, but screw it - we all know what's coming and you've got us ready to tune in and be there when it happens.

Sorry, that last was from Chunks. Didn't realize I wasn't signed in. In any case: second chapter, please.

So according to a couple of the guys you have to praise the author, kiss his ass, tell him the story was perfect (even if you don't agree) and give 5 stars or you're just not up to their level of intelligence. Hey news flash mr. judgemental asshole a lot of the authors like people to be honest while commenting on their story. How the hell is the author supposed to get better if people don't honestly critique his work? Sounds to me like you are the greasy pock marked asshole humpback slouch!!!

I don't agree with how harsh the 3/4 guy was, but he had a very valid point. This story could have stood a few big cuts (how many times do you really need to tell us that Lisa has big tits? Seriously, every time her breasts came into view you had to give us a shoehorned metaphor about their size?) and those cuts would have made the plot a little easier to manage.

The flow was all wrong. The sex happened/escalated too quickly, the plot was sporadically rendered in fits and starts and the female characters, Teri especially, didn't feel real to me. She flip-flopped too often between total sex kitten who doesn't care about anything but getting hers and a jealous girlfriend paradigm that would indicate she's looking for something long term and stable.

I love that you tried, and this wasn't necessarily bad, but it could have been so much better. If I had to guess what went wrong, I'd say you didn't plan this out clearly enough. I could easily believe that you had a general idea in your mind and then just wrote whatever popped into your head that made a general move towards your vague conclusion. Outline your idea more clearly next time and then give yourself loose guidelines of how many words/paragraphs/pages you will write before reaching an established plot check point.

Very good story. Plausible.

Making an anonymous post (partially) slamming someone for posting anonymously makes you hypocritical asshole.

The fact that some here are being cheerleaders says a lot about those very people. It must be blissful being morons. Everyone else is the problem except them.

Some people on this site can't stand to read criticism of any sort. The inability to deal with criticism is a sure sign of immaturity.

Keenly anticipating part two.

Tom D

guys, if you can't tell the difference between those two things, then you don't have the perception needed to critique a story at all. i mean, come on. did you pay for this story? no. did anyone force you to read this story? no. malomar wrote this story because s/he enjoys writing (just a shot in the dark, but i'm betting that's right). s/he submitted the story to share it for free with a bunch of strangers. why in the world do you have to be so mean in response? i don't mean you can't point out ways malomar could improve future stories. i mean you should do it as a kindness, not as a way to make yourselves look oh-so-knowledgable and analytical. every story on literotica is a gift horse, so show some gratitude instead of just dismissing all the hard work somebody's put into a long story like the one you just read.

watch this:

i really enjoyed the concept and a lot of the execution of this story, and i hope there's going to be more. if forced to pick a bone or two ("a boner too"...get it?) i'd say watch out about your motivations. i was kinda thrown when joey wakes up after a night of passion with teri where he tosses out his nagging guilt and opens up to a life of bliss with his daughter, only to be ogling and groping lisa a scene or two later. on the one hand, he had to fight and fight against the boundaries of what's normal and acceptable in order to be with teri, but he has no qualms at all about ignoring what's normal and acceptable with regard to screwing around on somebody he's just started a relationship with. it's sort of like he as a character knows where you the writer want him to go (threesome-wise), and jumps there without passing through the thought processes that help me the reader understand his transitions. i think it's a buyable situation ... the dude has had an open relationship with his wife for decades, so openness is kinda a habit for him. but he ought to worry and wonder a little more whether teri expects the same kind of open relationship. in other words, communicate his instinctual response to us first, have him worry about how those responses might affect teri, then have him struggle at least as much on her behalf as he struggled with his fatherly responsibilities on his own behalf earlier. plus, honestly, after what he had with teri the night before and what he's expecting to do with her soon, i kinda think lisa's chopped liver. sure, she's hot and all, but i would hope teri could at least temporarily put her out of his mind. you did a great job making me believe teri was all joey could possibly want, and then the next morning he spends more time thinking about lisa than teri. i love the idea of the three of them getting together, but it's got to be trickier for them to work their way up to, or it undercuts what you accomplished in getting joey and teri together.

anyway, i can't wait to see what you've got cooking up in that cabin!

"We were slamming together like the pistons on a Mercedes as it glided along the Autobahn at 150 mph."

I am still laughing. 7 pages of redundant garbage. How is this a "hot" story, I don't get ratings anymore because that story was kind of awful.

Holy fuck that was amazing!! Came twice reading it & my cunt is still wanting more!

Great story, can't wait for chapter 2.

I certainly felt it was a very erotic story. Well written - able to introduce a believable story with people you care about. I do, however, agree that I, too, came to believe that he was overcome by desire and love for Teri - and Lisa just made him look kind of like a lecherous, rather greedy man. I do like him better in love with Teri; at least for now.

That was a great story and had all the parts that you would want. Well written and held my attention. Good description on everything

great story and i'm dying for more...

More please!

Soon and aplenty! ;-)

great story... well written... looking forward to the next chapter!

After reading teacher teacher, which i enjoyed immensely, this was a great read which stuck to the malomar spirit. I hope to continue reading your tales for years to come.

The entire time I was captivated with bold word choice, intense, gut-wrenching action, and fabulous sentence fluency. I wish I could write this well! Can't wait for Chapter 2!

I agree with Claire. You can criticize but in a polite way. What the hell, people...

Anyway I'm lookiing forward for the next chapter.

I really liked it very sexy and slow build up.

I loved the stories it was a little longer then expected but I enjoyed reading it that's for a great adventure :)

It was a good story and all, but I can't help but feel it was far too drawn out. I feel it would have been better if they affirmed their sexual commitment within the first 3-4 chapters and have left room to explore further with Lisa. Again it was a great story, just maybe a little slow paced for those who like a constant flow of stimulation.

Should've been just father and daughter.

PERFECT ROUND ORBS. Which girl has that? Can there not be some human weakness, doubts and misgivings, which are so common for adolescents? Or perhaps just a break sometimes, I mean, between the copulation sessions? It's all such a candy bar-like cherry painted lust festival that it does get a little boring after a while and one does wonder where the characters find all that energy to keep going like they do. Throw some real life into it maybe, sometime

I couldn’t agree more with Claire. These anonymous readers pull a Jekyll/Hyde after reading the story for free. Show some balls. Malomar didn’t hide behind a mask when s/he submitted the story. Your critique loses any and all credibility when you hide yourself. Pathetic and weak. Then you want to defend yourself with some fancy words you probably had to look up in the first place. You’re a parasite at best, and a worthless POS regardless.

Where I also agree with Claire is Joey perving on Lisa in the home gym. But I’d expand on that a bit. Joey had an epiphany just the evening before with regard to open relationships. He understood that a third party can ruin a 20 year marriage, as has just been proven. Throughout the story, he praises how much better his daughter is, than his wife ever was. But he’s going to threaten the relationship less than 12 hours later with the exact same scenario that ruined his marriage. Quite frankly, I stopped reading the story at that point. Any credibility he had died a sudden death at that moment. So to me, it’s just lust for him, and he’ll go on to fuck up another relationship with a young woman who should represent everything he holds dear. I loved the story until that moment.

There were some great side stories presented along the way, and I liked how Drake was dealt with. That’s good story telling. But fluidity needed a little more attention. I’ll still be looking for more of your writing Malomar. Even though I couldn’t finish this one.

WARNING TO NEW READERS!

The author never completed the series and hasn’t written anything for eight years. He left a lot of plot lined up in the air and then simply stopped.

While the existing stories are good (if overloaded with too much thought narration), if you like a sense of completeness in a story - YOU WILL BE DISAPPOINTED.